its been a while...

wow so i can honestly admit it has been a really long time since ive written anything in here...well right now im just sitting at my boyfriends house waiting for him to get home from work. yep thats what i seem to do now a days...his name is billy and he is wonderful...we've been together for almost 3 months now and he completes me in some many ways unimaginable and i love him seriously... i wouldnt want it any other way....well i just not too long ago got back from a movie wit my best friend amanda we saw the grudge two i guess u can say it was pretty much freaky...hmmm...you wonder how i have been doing? well can i say alot has changed thru out the months maybe even the year i wouldnt actually b able to recall the last time i wrote a good journal entry in this thing. i dont live with my mom anymore...i actually stay with my friend trisha sometimes and billy a whole lot...i know most people think its probably gettin old seein your boyfriend all the time and its actually not bad at all i love the time i spend with him....school is just fine my grades are actually really good. if nobody knows i go to kathleen sr. highschool...and yeah i do hate it there but hey there isnt much i can do now is there hmm? well life has had alot of ups and downs thru out the time i turn 18 all the way before i turned 18..i guess im just learning to accept change in such a huge dramatic way...given the circumstances ive been thru i know alot of people would of thought i would of about wanted to kill myself or something...but honestly ive gone thru the motions of crying thru out the day...ive gone thru the motions of wanting to die...but why would you wanna die or hurt yourself when there so much life to live for....coming from me...that almost sounds impossible to believe such words could be spoken from me...i think im just really truly finally seeing that life is amazing with or without the obstacles you must face...ive had my share of tears for way too long ive cried too many times in one day...but im learning to let go...im learning to keep my head up even when i wanna lay my head down for a final rest i cant...theres just too much to experience....i love my life...i love the fact God has given me the chance to see and live another day...to experience another kiss from my boyfriend or laugh another laugh with a friend tell a joke to a stranger i dunno just to cheer them up..and most importantly have the chance to be able to breathe and call my mom just to let her know i love her and im thinking of her and the kids....no matter what ive been thru or the tears ive cried...God will always give me a reason to smile even when the sky is gray...he'll always give me a chance to fall asleep and wake up to a brighter day.....what im learning the most is to never give up...even when youve been pushed in the dirt and you think your weak..cuz even when your weak your strong...i hope everyone...always believe in themselves and know....its never over....never ever over.