| NEW LJ |
[10 Apr 2005|08:04pm] |
New livejournal account. Please add me.
I've added a few of you guys already.
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| fighting starlight |
[08 Apr 2005|02:44pm] |
I went over to Kat's house last Monday. No, I actually rang the doorbell of her neighbor. An old lady came out. I asked if it was the Baraquiel residence. She could barely hear me so she dismissed me with a wave of a hand and closed the gate. Haha. I'm not really a hit with old ladies. Oh well. Good thing Kat came out of their gate. Haha. We watched Wimbledon. Before going to Urdaneta park, we bought soccer balls. We got there pretty early so we had time to play soccer. Alvin was there as well. The three of us were joking about our sexuality and Alvin's phone calls from his "clients". Hurrah for sex-driven humor. Frisbee was fun, too bad it was my last and too bad I'll never get Alvin back for his kasalanan. FOUL! Oh well. Haha. Someone make his other knee swell up, please.
Last Tuesday, Caria, Dom, Nina and I went to Katipunan to enrol for our review classes. We met up in McDonalds. I refused to eat so they did. Then we proceeded to Starbucks. I still refused to eat even though I'm a sucker for their Caramel Belgian Waffle. I didn't eat! Nina's dad came and all of us went to Expert Guides to enrol. I wrote down I wanted to be a lawyer and a nuclear physicist. The latter was utter bullshit but I didn't have any other ambition. Meh.
After taking care of the payment and application forms, we went to Moro. We prayed in the chapel then Nina's dad left. Caria and Nina watched the basketball practice. Dom and I had a different agenda. We separated from Nina and Caria to go to Blue Cow Cafe (is that what its called?). We shared one meal of tapsilog. Nothing beats Assumption Tapa on Tuesdays but it was yummy anyway. We waited for Uno who came from his classes then we found out he was already in Katipunan to visit his friend who got kicked out. Am I not supposed to say that? Meh. He wanted to play billiards so the four of us went to Libis to eat lunch.
We ate in aVeneto. Hah. Italian food! We ate pesto spaghetti with chicken and calzone. I called Jared up so Nina would win the bet whether Jared would come over for Caria or not. He couldn't make it but he sent Caria an apology with the oh-so-used three-word sentence. (: Yus! John Arigo was there, alone. Quite tempting to ask him if he wanted some company. Haha. Just kidding. My lunch was keeping me pre-occupied anyway.
We picked up Uno after lunch. Dom and Nina wanted a King Cone. Yes, even after such a heavy meal, they still wanted one. So we drove through McDo. Caria then all brought us home.
Maika came over that afternoon. Using my PC, she deleted all the songs on her iPod. She imported some Benton Falls songs and uploaded them then left before dinner. Hija de puga. Ang labo. At least, I got to borrow a book from her. Heh.
Yesterday (Thursday), Maika IMed me if I wanted to go to Big R. I said yes then asked for permission. For some reason the female parental unit said yes. So Maika, Iann, Nica and I watched Spongebob Squarepants. I have to agree with Jia that the humor was baduy. What can I say, Jia and I have the same level of intellect. Haha. How I wish! My three companions would kill me for saying this because I was laughing along with the six-year-old kids we were with. Haha. Oh well, it only cost me eighty bucks anyway.
I've been going out a lot lately. El cheapo fun. Hurrah hurrah. I don't think my expenditures for this week have exceeded five hundred bucks but that doesn't mean I have money at all. Hohum.
THIS made me happy. (: That is one of the reasons why I continue blogging. Even though I usually get in trouble for what I say. I never really took blogging and my entries all too seriously but getting recognized for it just made my day. (: Thanks!
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| the art of survival part I |
[04 Apr 2005|02:54pm] |
Reading White Oleander by Janet Fitch has influenced my thinking with its poetic but sometimes cheesy words. Miggy was telling me that summer really is the time you get to think about everything. You scrutinize every detail and take it to much larger proportions. I remember three or four summers ago that I suffered through such a depressing period. I locked myself up with my boombox, charcoal pencils and sketchpad. I started drawing everything I saw, felt and desired. It was painful not having anyone to talk to for weeks. I cried for no reason but we don't need reason for tears. Last summer was milder but still I had my share of frowns. I drained my emotions on paper. Dreaming of wood and zombies. Writing so-called poetry then tearing them off and burning them. I drew on covers and kept them hidden. Now, I have reasons for a melancholic state. Its getting worse as the days go by. Taking its toll, painstakingly. It reminds me of Macbeth's soliloquy upon learning of his wife's death. Then Janet Fitch's words delivered by the character Ingrid echoed through my head: Just make sure nothing is wasted. Take notes. Remember it all, every insult, every tear. Tattoo it on the inside of your mind. In life, knowledge of poisons is essential. I've told you, no one becomes an artist unless they have to.
I never considered myself an artist but her words were precisely what I needed. Why not manipulate loneliness into positive, creative and productive energy? I've been in this state since mid-February. I shall borrow another analogy from the book. Pain was a country they had heard of but one whose stamp has not yet been made on their passports. This is the reason I have been distant with a lot of people lately except for a few. Kat calls them her good company. I guess I have my own too. Its odd that not my whole barkada part of it and some of them are the least expected ones. How can I find something in common with a person who doesn't even know what pain is? I guess my good company would include those whose passports have been stamped. All my dreams are crumbling in front of me. Though the hopes build up because there were reasons for it to get high. Then you start running for it. Only to find out that the mountain you've climbed was actually an overhang and you've fallen off of the edge. This is much painful than having an impossible dream. An impossible goal doesn't even have an anthill to climb so there's nothing fall off from. Having an impossible goal as opposed to having a goal which is within reach but failing to achieve it is like falling off from a one foot stool to free falling from a plane naked. It hurts more and you realize your dignity is gone. You lay there naked, broken and bleeding. In such state, "dead" is an understatement. Such a cheesy analogy but I think I am within reason. Its the worst feeling in the world to be let down... hard. Especially if its an in-your-face kind of way. I dare not expose any other detail but yes, it does hurt. This is especially emphasized when you see all the people around you indulging in their self-absorbed happiness. Its human nature. If you're sad, you want sympathy. You want people to share in your misery. You start hating all those jubilant people around you. How dare they be happy? Leaving me here, alone, sulking. Maybe its not human nature, maybe its just a glitch in my system but that's just my two cents. If you're down, you could be selfish as well. Its normal. Being in such state, I deserve to be selfish. I deserve to be self-absorbed because it is only myself which I have. Selfishness is inevitable. I am getting sick of being happy for other people. I deserve to be happy too but why can't I seem to reach such a point? I always have to live off secondary happiness which is being happy for the people around me. Nina kept telling me that this is just a phase and some day, I will be happy. I'm getting hopeless. I know I'm impatient but sometimes I feel that I don't deserve the pains which I endure. I know its partially my fault but I'd like to handle the ones which I brought about to myself. Not the ones which fate seemed to have blessed me with and are out of my control. I know I am free therefore I shall receive the penalty for my actions but what is up with the extra load? That was something I could never quite comprehend. I am talking about the pain which other people's actions have caused me. I don't deserve it. I didn't do anything wrong. It was out of my control. Why the hell, then, am I the one who's suffering? Maika's words in one of our conversations were indeed painful. She revealed something which I didn't expect or maybe chose not to consider. Sometimes some things should be left unsaid and filed under History. Yet it is innate in me to know everything. When Maika told me something which happened in the past, I craved for more information. I wanted to know everything. Yet I know with the little knowledge I have, I'm already in agony. How much more if I knew all the details? Maybe I'm suffering right now because I want myself to suffer. I bring about the suffering as opposed to feeling apathy (paradox!) and indifference, I'd rather feel pain. I thought about those who hurt themselves deliberately. They watch blood flow from them. They then realize they bleed therefore they are alive. I thought to myself whether I would reach such point, but I don't think so. I guess its the vanity in me. I hate scars. How profound. I never got the point of suicide attempts. If you want to die, kill yourself already. Imbed a bullet in your brain. Stab your chest. Harakiri, at least you had your honor. I don't want to die. I'd rather solve things, these things I'm going through, rather than bail out and say "its been real." I'd rather be sorry than dead. Is this about a boy? I wouldn't be honest in saying no. I wouldn't be honest in saying this is entirely about a male specie either. If I reveal further details, then my friends would already recognize. The situation was just vague. Everything just stopped. No goodbyes, no explanation, no nothing. He was like inertia. He was the outside force which stopped me from spinning. Here I am, suffering from the aftershock of the sudden stillness. Still dizzy, still wondering. I guess it was better this way. Everyone was against him. I could understand why. I never tell when something good happened. I only spoke when he did something wrong. Though, I saw his good side. The good side which he doesn't let much people to see. Heck, even his closest guy friends don't even know it. He opened up to me in our many hours of conversation, which was surprising. I saw the almost non-existent good side. Now, that's what I miss right now. I can't do anything. I won't do anything. I just need to get up from where I fell (refer to paragraph 4) and start limping on my own path. I've known it was a dead end. I was just in denial. Now, I need to get up, leave and save the dignity I have left. As I said, I would be lying if I say that this is entirely about a boy. He's just a mere fraction of it. Someone who wrote a beatifully honest entry which I hold dear to my heart has inspired me yet made me realize a lot of things. I was a coward which I completely regret. She was the one who was brave. She deserves all the credit. I had my faults. She forgave me for them. I don't want to sound preachy but everyone could learn a thing or two from this. Even myself. Decisions in life can never be undone. You could make up for it but it won't erase anything in the past. Everything is etched on stone with fire. Yes, people can forget but its still there. There is time for regret but it doesn't end there. Getting up and moving on and being able to smile at the ones who hurt you, the ones who drained you of tears, the ones who made you lock yourself up in your room, I could go on and on... that's life. That's what's real. What's beautiful about misery is when kept for too long, it turns into anger. As aforementioned, let nothing go to waste. I love the feeling of anger. The sudden surge of energy, the warming of the nape, the flushing of my cheeks and the feeling of invincibility. If I'm angry, then I'm productive. I suddenly want to set everything straight. My senses are at top shape, my reflexes are quick, my competitiveness is unbeaten. I could even kill and get away with it. Its beautiful. I won't be beautiful tomorrow. Its too quick, its too fast, its bound to die down after a while. Its better that way. Anger is a drug, I'm not just going to leave it in the dumpster. So picking up from the quotation I shared above, this is me making sure nothing went to waste. This is me taking notes. Taking note of every tear, every insult, every poison I encounter. This is me trying to survive and somehow doing one hell of a job in doing so. There are more to come hence this is the art of survival part I. P.S. - Thanks to Kat, Maika, Nina and Miggy for inspiring sections of this entry. Thank you to my own set of good company. Thanks to Kat for providing me the courage to post this with her beautifully honest March 23, 2005 entry. (: P.P.S. - This was written in a span of a week. Some emotions described may not be applicable anymore except at the time written. Feel free to personally question me about it. (: P.P.P.S. - Screw censorship. Abstrusity is the in thing. |
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| never fade |
[29 Mar 2005|09:14am] |
I woke up yesterday with no plans ahead of me. Then my phone rings. "Cams, sunduin kita, punta tayo kina Bea." It was Maika. So I called up my mum to ask for permission then asked my dad for permission as well as some money. Haha. Maika then picks me up and we headed for school. We met up with Bea, Pam, Caria and Chelly who were all in school for either the committee head interview or fulfilling requirements. After school, we headed to Big R. We did nothing because of the lack of planning and money. So we just hanged out in Tokyo Tokyo. Its been so long since I last went to Big R!
Pam, Bea, Maika and I went to Brookside. While on the tricycle headed for Nature's Camp, we passed by a store and someone familiar was seated on the stairs. It was Steve. We signaled him to go to Nature's Camp. When we got there, Bea refused to stay. So Pam and Bea went to Pam's house and Maika and I stayed behind. We met up in Nature's Camp and I was persuading Bea to come along over the phone.
Maika, Steve and I sat down on the bench. Heaven! After being exposed to the scorching heat of summer sun, I finally set my eyes on two electric fans. We just hanged out for a while. Half the time, we were talking to Bea and asking her to come over. She finally agreed and we picked her up, leaving Steve behind listening to Maika's ipod.
So there were four. Steve drank beer (within moderation), smoked and listened to The Blood Brothers in my ipod. Maika and I drank gulaman. We waited for Iann. My head was aching and so were my feet. It was warm. I was sweaty. The bathroom was dirty. I was getting bored so I trapped a fly in my glass. Hohum. Iann arrived. Traffic daw eh. Bea left because of a family dinner. Iann, Maika and I left to eat. We ate kanto food in the oval. It wasn't good but it did serve the purpose of filling up my stomach. Maika and Iann dropped me off at Pam's place.
Pam and I watched Big Daddy and Spiderman 2. Gushed over James Franco and Tobey Maguire once again. Maika arrived. Then mum picked me up. I took a bath when I got home. When I woke up today, I forgot I took a bath because I still felt dirty from all the walking and use of public transportation so I took a bath again. Meh.
It was a pointless day, yesterday, but at least someone was happy. I wouldn't trade it for a day of coherence in school. It truly is summer. (:
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| radio friendly |
[24 Mar 2005|01:26pm] |
Tuesday was the last day for me as a high school junior. It might not seem much of an accomplishment but it is. You have no idea. Oddly enough, after the last test, no one cheered after the bell had rung. We had our Geom test and everyone was dreading the bell. Instead of cheers everyone either uttered expletives, clicked their pen and hit the table with it or breathed out a hopeless sigh. Its a multiple choice test but the answers were not in the choices. Oh well. There was a Lent presentation in the theatre afterwards. Benta yung babae na may mahabang baba.
After school, Caria, Pam, Dom, Anne, Bea, Nina and I went to Caria's house to freshen up. Then we went to Greenhills to celebrate Pam's birthday!
PICTURES
- When we got there, we had to look for Jared first. Yus! We roamed around the mall first then opted for the tiangge since we didn't have much money.
- Jared and Caria went off on their own.
- We roamed around the tiangge buying different clothes, mostly tops.
- Hanged out at a coffee shop because we were tired. My Caramel Frappuccino was for Omar. Anne's was for _ _ _ _ _ _ _. Bea's was for _ _ _ _ _. Haha.
- Cam-whoring galore and iPod tripping!
- We waited for Caria from her movie date.
- We just headed to Superbowl since she was taking long.
- Ordered the so-called birthday noodles, tofu with mushroom, sweet and sour chicken(?), chicken feet, suckling pig and of course, CRISPY LEMON CHICKEN!
- Caria arrived. Jared refused to stay. Bad luck since his cousin, Paulo, was with him.
- While waiting for our order, Nina, Dom and I left to buy Decadent cake from Goodies & Sweets.
- It costs 600 bucks and it comes with the caramel dressing!
- When we arrived, our food was being served. Hurrah!
- Pig out! Not caring at all that its holy week. Heh. Pacing, mehn, pacing.
- We plus the waiters sang Happy Birthday to Pam! Its a Superbowl birthday!
- Benta! Sabay commercial daw... "Its a Superbowl birthday. We make your birthdays Super!" (thumbs up) Haha.
- She got free ice cream.
- We headed back to Goodies & Sweets to eat the cake. We spread caramel on our plates first then we put the slice on it.
- All of us were on the verge of vomiting.
- Afterwards, we headed straight to the Podium and hanged for a while. Free parking since Nina owns the parking lot. Whee.
- Pam and Caria went off for a birthday drink. I actually declined. (:
- We went home afterwards c/o Kuya Loloy, Caria's driver.
There's a piece of Strawberry Shortcake from Goodies & Sweets in the fridge. Its taking me a lot of self-control not to touch it. I already did. Dammit! Oh em gee! Lords of Dogtown starring John Robinson! He was my crushboy from the movie, Elephant! P.S. - Gusto ko manood ng movie ni Hero at Sandara! Sino gusto sumama? |
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| our need to bleed |
[21 Mar 2005|05:33pm] |
"Uy gawan mo naman ng letter si Thea. Alis na kasi siya this Saturday. Quiet ka lang ah. Bigay mo kay Carol tomorrow. Thanks."
Translation: "Hey please write a letter for Thea. She'll be leaving already this Saturday (for the US). Don't tell anyone. Give it to Carol tomorrow. Thanks." So here I am writing another farewell letter for another friend leaving the country for good. I'm trying hard not to cry because I know that in the near future, another person who is much closer to me will be leaving. When Ken left, it was already awful. I only knew him for a span of weeks. Now that Thea's leaving, its worse since she's my classmate and we've been seatmates for quite some time. If this is how I feel when people who aren't really all too close to me leave, how much more when Trizza does as well? I'm sorry for being dramatic but Trizza, Aika and Bau had their share of drama as well so I guess I'm entitled to one too. No point in dwelling on it right now since I need to study but you haven't seen the last of this. I just needed to let that out. |
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| the yearning, its getting stronger |
[20 Mar 2005|11:22am] |
Last Sunday, we had our Medical-Dental Mission. I was a volunteer. I took the temperature and weight of the kids. I handled the armpits and the feet. Hurrah. It was fun though. There were a lot of kids! It was fun playing with them while I took their temperature. Oh well. Pictures are here.
The week went by. I was in a daze. I snapped back to reality on Thursday though. It was hard not to if you dive into the freezing cold pool and do the tumble turn for the nth time. Frustrating but fun. I had water in my brain the whole day which was bad because we had our LTs in Algebra, Geometry and Chemistry. Dispersal is a word which doesn't exist in the vocabulary of our teachers. Friday, we had our finals in CLE and Health. Saturday, we had History and Algebra finals. Yes, a Saturday. Monday, we'll have English and Chemistry. Tuesday will be for Filipino and Geometry.
It'll be summer already after that. I don't want the schoolyear to end. ): It seems so far right now. Two more days of studying. Two more days of soupy tests.
P.S. - I have a reason for the title and the current music. I slept through that song (set it on repeat) last night for the same reason. (:
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| symbiont |
[09 Mar 2005|06:21pm] |
This will be one obscure entry but since its hell week... weeks rather, I need all the innanities to oppose or maybe just equalize thinking logically the whole day.
We were in Health class and we were discussing stress and depression. How appropriate. Ms. Evie posted a visual of the symptoms. I got four out of six. I considered that maybe I'm just suffering from the blues. Then I read my hand outs and it said that depression usually lasts from weeks to months. Wow. I've been in this state for a whole month now. I don't want to consider myself suffering from clinical depression. That's just... depressing. But here I am being told by scientific facts that I am. Loss of weight, low self-esteem, oversleeping, hoplessness and restlessness. I haven't gone as far as the hallucination part but I guess that would be fun.
This schoolyear, the CSS opened a bakeshop. They sell cheap but delicious bread. I always buy the "Bread of Life" and some orange/apple/dalandan juice (whichever option is available). We call the bread as such because its a huge loaf of bread with minimal cheese inside. It looks like the bread eaten by Sarah and Becky in the cartoon Princess Sarah hence the name. They sell some pretty good pastries as well. Did I mention cheap? The combination I always buy which consists of the bread and juice only costs eighteen bucks all in all. Whee! Though, what I really miss is our Tapa Tuesday. Caria and I memorized the schedule of the Tapa selling. It moved from Tapa Tuesday to Tapa Wednesday to Tapa Thursday. Now there's Pork Tapa day which is a wee bit more expensive than the usual.
Something I wanted to share in English class but was unable to because I went to the bathroom. Death is inevitable. If its time to die, you die. Its not a pessimistic point of view rather a realistic one which faces a connoted negative subject (death). If you commit suicide, you decide to take your own life which is wrong according to Christian beliefs. It is not God's plan that a person does such an act but its that person's choice to defy God's will. That seems preachy but oh well. Being in an accident is a different matter. If you're in a car crash, you're wounded but alive, you struggle to survive because that's part of human nature. If you die in the attempt, then its your time. Oh wait... I forgot my point. I had it during English class. Neekol and Lianne got it. Meh. Maybe I should add "Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions." in my depression symptoms.
I glued Steph's 1x1 picture on my ID. I got a 98% in Geometry! Saan ka pa?! Pardon my vanity. My ego seems deflated lately. Haha. Oh, its fun to argue with your English teacher. Only two weeks left of school. I DON'T WANT THE SCHOOLYEAR TO END! Dammit.
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| sing with me, child |
[05 Mar 2005|09:54pm] |
First point:
COULD EVERYONE PLEASE STOP LYING TO ME?!
Dammit. Everyone's fucking insensitive. Pardon the language but I'm not oversensitive not to be able to handle the truth but its a whole lot fucking worse finding out about your dishonesty.
Second point:
God has this way of blessing you. You feel happy and almost invincible. He also has this way of taking back everything in a snap. These are the times when my mind seems feeble to comprehend his plans which are by the way beyond scrutiny.
Third point:
Nothing is constant anymore. The people I thought and claimed they were there for me, were not after all. I feel abandoned. I mean, who among my friends actually know my emotional turmoil and the twists and turns I've been through? Two? Three?
Fourth point:
It was all downhill from that day.
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| a walk on the red carpet |
[27 Feb 2005|02:46pm] |
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Friday was the Juniors' Night. I agree with Megeh in saying proms are overrated. Yes, it was fun but its not as nerve-wracking and different from any other formal event. Its not even worth the eight months of worry every junior has to go through. Haha. If I knew this, I would have studied my Geometry longer than trying to come up with a prom dress. (:
My date was Kriz Ocampo. He was kind enough to agree to take me to the prom with less than a week to go. Yus! Niña persisted to pick us up so I agreed. Kriz dropped by my house, took pictures then Nina with her date Paul picked us up. I made a stupid move of opening the car door when the gentleman should be doing such action. Haha.
We got there around 7pm. The place was decorated in an old Hollywood theme. The name of the event was A Walk On The Red Carpet. Nothing much to tell. Yes, I went through what everyone goes through during proms. (: The Bloomfields played. Schwee. Nothing overly embarrassing happened to any of us. It was fun. (: Our post prom was at Camille's house. I think Camille was the happiest out of all the BFFs (cringe at the name). Prom princess! Haha. Her place was the perfect hangout. We bought drinks. That was when the fun began. Oh well.
I'm too lazy to edit out the pictures right now. So I'll just post them all in my photobucket account. I shall be editing these and compiling them in a collage when I get the time. (:
Kriz, Nina, Paul, Caria, Jared, Anne, Ken, Nique, Tino, Aika, Kris, Trizza, Jake, Chelly, Jio, Camille, Christian, Eizel, Alvin, Gads, Miguel, Bea and Carlo: Thanks for making it a fun night for me along with everyone else. (:
P.S. - If you're too lazy to view the pictures now, I shall be posting these in a much concise, edited and presented in a much more creative way soon. (: I promise. I just have schoolwork to worry about right now. Oh, and I'm much more excited to post the Rivermaya pics. Haha.
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| without you in my plans for forever |
[19 Feb 2005|11:20am] |
The past week was a blur of ups and downs. I thought something was constant. Now, I know I was mistaken. Oh yes, I'm not going to the prom with any of my prospect prom dates but I shall be set up by my mum with a family friend whom I haven't even met. ): Whoopdedoo.
Yesterday, the committee heads had a meeting so we had to stay after school. Maika went home for a while then came back. It ended at around 5:30. I changed. Iann and Ched picked us up at school. Bea was supposed to come but she wasn't allowed. We were also supposed to go to the UP fair but because our parents are so much fun, we were not allowed. The four of us just went to Big R and watched Constantine. I shall restrain myself from commenting about the movie so as not to spoil anything for those who are interested to watch it. I had fun.
Lets just get the prom over with. Konting tiis na lang naman e. Its not my biggest problem anyway. ):
P.S. - Maika and Bea, salamat.
P.P.S. - I'll miss Beloved.
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| pray for better days |
[13 Feb 2005|06:07pm] |
Last Friday, I went to Eastwood with Caria and Niña. Caria had a date. We met up with Gaddi, Miguel, Bea, Carlo, Jordan, Maika, Iann, Nique, Santino and Jared. Here's the date match-up for that day. Caria - Jared; Gaddi - Miguel; Bea - Carlo; Maika - Iann; Nique - Santino; Trizza - Jake
- Everyone's growing up! I, on the otherhand, did not have a date. So Nina was my date.
- We ate at Fazoli's. Then we proceeded to Tokyo Tokyo since some of us wanted some Japanese food.
- Afterwards we went back to Fazoli's because some wanted Italian food.
- Nina and I went around the tiangge. I bought new slippers.
- I was forced to since my feet were sore for using my brand new not-yet-broken-in shoes. Nina bought a pouch.
- Kate, Denise and a particularly pretty Chinese girl were there too.
- We went back to Fazoli's since they were done eating.
- Maika, Iann, Gaddi, Miguel, Bea, Carlo, Jordan, Nina and I went to the arcade.
- Nina and I splurged on a particular game involving cars and high speed.
- I lost! Bano!
- We played Air Hockey with Kate, Denise and the Chinese girl. (: Kate and I lost. Haha.
- Jordan and Miguel played the game with the motion sensors! Benta yung matrix.
- Nina dragged me away to talk about something. Bea did too.
- We saw Eizel, Aika, Trizza and Jake. Haha! Churchboy! Group pic!
- Nina and I had to go home. She brought me home. Thanks, Nia!
- I'm still waiting for nothing.
( until that day )
Thanks, Pam and Bea. Thanks to Michelle, Maika, Katia, Robert, Kax, Nina and Kat as well. You guys really cheered me up. (: Katia, I still owe you a y!m conversation.
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| in between days |
[04 Feb 2005|08:54pm] |
Yesterday, things sort of lightened up. My grade in Algebra seems to have been pulled up. I gave up my pride and submitted the English paper which Sir Eric claims I did not submit but I know for a fact that I did. Dad and I are back to high-fiving and arm-punching terms. Swimming class was the highlight of the day. Nothing beats swimming from 7:00am-ish to 9:00am in 23 degrees celsius temperature. I lost my earrings but miraculously, before CLE class, I got it back! There are still selfless people out there.
Today tops off all the bad days of the week. I thought the series was broken yesterday. It didn't turn out to be bad except that the moment the bell rang signifying the end of Chemistry class, I found out I was debating! I have no idea what the motion was about. Worst of all, I did not matterload. I just went to AFS with a pen. I got teamed up with Noelle. We were closing government. The motion was, the moratorium on logging should be lifted. I completely fucked up. I don't want to get into the details but I did. We ranked first though. Mainly because of Noelle. How degrading on my part but oh well, I shall be a freeloader this time. (: I still cringe remembering everything I had said and my manner of delivery.
Moral of the story? Bulletin boards serve a purpose even if you lose trust due to its outdated impression. Haha. I owe someone a phone call. So long.
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| what's another word for desperate |
[02 Feb 2005|09:35pm] |
( specifics )
I am having the worst week ever. Sure, there is one single highlight which I should be giddy about but I can't fully appreciate it right now. I just want this week to end. ):
Things:
[-] My English grade.
[-] Actually, all of my grades except for Geometry.
[-] Fall out with my dad.
[-] The many times I've embarassed myself in the past two days.
[-] Two long days before the end of the week.
[-] Algebra test results tomorrow.
[-] I'M SICK OF CRYING! I don't usually do it. Dammit.
I hate the feeling of anger. Its inevitable. Its taking a lot of self-control not to lock myself up, sojourn to my bed and have good, long surcease. See, he even taught me that word. I would like to apologize if reading this entry will piss you off or if I have somehow transferred my bad energy to you. I hope this will just be temporary.
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| around the dream |
[30 Jan 2005|02:38pm] |
Yesterday, I went to the Ateneo fair. It was boring but fun somehow. Oh well. Lets start from the beginning shall we. I came over to Nique's house. Caria was already there. Nique couldn't decide on what to wear so I just sat there watching Dismissed while munching on a Baby Ruth bar. Niña came to pick us up. We went over to Denise's house to pick her up as well.
- We arrived in Ateneo and the bandfest was on. Bumping Into Trees was playing.
- We ate pizza from Sbarro. Yus! Miguel-support all the way!
- Kilchi played afterwards. I only caught their first song. We left for some reason.
- We went to the bathroom. The stench was horrible. Denise's friend, Eds (sp?), was there. He was so grossed out with the boys bathroom.
- "Dun ka na lang sa girls bathroom" "How I wish!" Haha.
- I bought ballet flats from the tiangge. Haha.
- We roamed around and well... roamed around until we got bored.
- Saw Bea, Trizza, Pam, Eizel, Chelly, Gaddi and Miguel and hanged out with them for some time.
- I saw the horrible scene of the ultimate infatuation for more than four years with girls who are all too familiar. I was nearly in tears.
- Nique and I mustered the courage to just sit down on the floor of the corridor between 4L and 4M since we were tired.
- Aika, Manny and Jake welcomed us into the obscurely decorated classroom.
- Played around with the seemingly home-made guitar, K-hon and banjo(?).
- I didn't know Manny was from Underscore. Hee. We were openly talking about Kiks.
- "Jake! Diba taga-Antipolo ka?" "Hindi kaya! Marikina 'ko." "E bakit may nagsabi sakin taga-Antipolo ka tapos kumakanta ka daw sa simbahan sa Town and Country" "Ano?!?"
- Manny and Aika ate the spaghetti which was used to decorate someone's hair. Haha.
- Played shoot the soggy popcorn in Aika's mouth. If a popcorn didn't go in, Aika would pick it up from the floor and eat it.
- Saw Miguel's woman alter ego, Miguellina. So pretty! Natatalo na kamandag ni Gads!
- One on one talk with Aika. Aww! First time. Haha.
- Eventually gave in and watched the variety show.
- Saw Bea with prom date, Salem. Yus!
- Maika came! She was with Typecast. Something was up for Bea during Typecast's set.
- My night was cut short when we had to leave.
- Bea. Second song. "This song is for Bea. Hi Bea." Woooo! Dedicate dedicate. d:
- I wasn't able to meet up with the supposed prom date. ):
I have to agree with Trizza in saying: first years are such groupies! Magpakipot naman kayo.Here are two pictures of me with Aika and Pam. I promised not to divulge the Miguellina picture. ):
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| taking for granted |
[28 Jan 2005|09:13pm] |
If you were wondering where I have been in the past week, which I doubt, I was in the quarterly hell week. Actually I had three weeks of endless project deadlines, presentations, tests and more tests. The oral defense seemed to have gone well. Our IP got chosen. (: Hurrah. Giselle, Jo-Ann, Tal-tal, Kat and Donna were quite competition though.
Yesterday, I went over to Kate's house thinking it would just be Caria, Kate and I. Then Denise, Cai and Niña came along. I thought we would be working all afternoon on the script. I guess all of us were tired and we all just hanged out at Kate's. The thing about Kate's house is that its huge! They have lots of food and DVDs. Denise brought her Seventeen Prom Issue. For the first time, I became a typical girl who watches movies with friends, eating junk food, talking about random stuff and viewing magazines. Oh, I have succumbed to the stereotype!
I got my dress made today. I got the design from Denise's magazine. Its vague and I'm very doubtful about it. Oh well. Lots of other things to worry about besides a single night in February. (This is my lame attempt to conceal excitement anxiety for such event.)
- Refurbish the IP and submit a better version.
- Make progress report for a non-progressing committee.
- Begin reading Macbeth.
- Finish Dekada '70.
Oh, I saw Leloy and Glenn on ANC's Private Conversations With Boy Abunda. (: There's a replay later.
P.S. - Sorry I haven't been around reading and commenting on your entries. (:
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| sugar pill |
[22 Jan 2005|07:01pm] |
Last night, Maika, Iann and I went to the Garden of Enia gig. It was sponsored by Gardenia bread. Go figure. Oh well. I was the third wheel! Haha. Despite such out of place conditions, I had fun.
We met up at Shakeys Katipunan. Caria, Niña, Dom and Denise were there as well. They were to leave for the soireé in Ayala Heights. As we walking, I saw someone who I was trying to avoid and forget. Turns out Iann was pissed of with this guy. They call him "Seven Strings". Yabang daw kasi. We walked from the Blue Eagle Gym all the way to the high school area. Good thing the venue was air-conditioned.
We got in Hayes Hall and this certain band was playing. The voice was rather annoying and guess what they sang. Anino Mo by Slapshock. I'm mean, I'm sorry. We went out first to look for a bathroom. Lets digress this in a band per band manner since this is the first time I'm seeing some of these bands play.
( !!! )
We went home after Plane Divides The Sky's set. The blackboard said that Hanson and Spiral Staircase were to play. Haha. Don't blame me for the wrong spelling of Spiral Starecase. That was how it was spelt on the boards. I was pretty sure Maika and Iann finally got their time alone after I left. Haha.
That's it for my pseudo-gig review with innane ramblings regarding clothes.
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| let the walls have their say |
[19 Jan 2005|10:41pm] |
I have a hell day ahead of me tomorrow. I have no idea why I am typing this even though I have so much to do. I have that Math CEM test, Algebra test and Geometry long quiz (replacement for UT2). Then I shall be reporting on a chapter of Jane Eyre for English and to top it all off, my group will have their defense.
Sorry if my posts have had lots of gaps lately and comments have been rare. I've been tired lately and its that time of the year again where we have two consecutive hell weeks. How fun! I won't condescend you and will assume that you got took that last statement as a sarcastic one. I really have so much to face right now.
Lord, its Camille again. I did all that I could and I am confident in saying that the other people involved did as well. Please help us accept defeat graciously, if/when ever it comes before us. I pray for guidance, enlightenment and strength for tomorrow. We're lifting everything up to you. We entrust everything to you.
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| synthetic ecstasy |
[16 Jan 2005|04:54pm] |
Yesterday, I went to Big R with Maika and Bea. Something the three of us haven't done in ages. Whee! We ate pizza and watched Ocean's 12. We saw Dom with her family.
During that time, my mum went to the party of the daughter of her best friend. She was chatting up some of her friends in the party. This woman beside her started freaking out, yelling, "Dugo! Ang dami! Ate, may dugo!" (Blood! Lots of it!). The woman who was yelling was pointing to someone. My mum turned and she saw one of the guests in the party was throwing up blood and lots of it. Turns out, the guest had Aneurism and this was her second attack. The kids were ushered outside and the guest was rushed to the hospital.
Poor mum, she was freaked out the whole night yesterday.
Trizza lent me both her CDs of The Vines! Haha. She made me do this...
( survey )
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