| you peer inside yourself, you take the things you like |
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[08 Apr 2008|01:52am] |
i never do this thing.
but basically, i'm terrified of the future.
not just mine, but the future in general, mainly the economy. if we're in this kind of shape now, how's it gonna be when i need to find a REAL job, start my REAL life, and grow up? it scares the SHIT out of me, and i really think america has dug themselves into an economical hole that's going to be fucking hard to get out of. the second depression.
like i said, i'm terrified.
edit: i think this is mostly coming from my dad not having a job, and the fact that i'm living on my own this summer.. like really living on my own, as in working and paying rent and being not a teenager. growing up scares me, i'm such a little baby
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[01 Oct 2007|08:13pm] |
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school is hard. i wish i had more money/a job that i would enjoy. but yay there's concerts coming up i'm happy about that :) also, it's been two months, which is weird, but he really likes me so that's good :)
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[05 Sep 2007|02:31am] |
i just want to document that i got arrested on bullshit terms and now my fun is gone. and school/home-life wise i'm almost pretty much entirely screwed.
a word of caution: don't get arrested! holding cells are awful!
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[19 Aug 2007|01:03pm] |
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i get to go back to school tomorrow yay!
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[27 Jul 2007|05:45pm] |
man i hate sinus infections.
but i like him a lot :)
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[23 Jul 2007|08:02am] |
man i have bad timing.
in other news, HARRY POTTER EEEEEEE
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[16 Jun 2007|12:49pm] |
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FUCKER
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| you get mad, you get strong |
[10 Jun 2007|08:24pm] |
yeah right. i get mad, and i get weak. i have a secret, and it's not because i'm ashamed of him. it's me i'm ashamed of. my new philosophy is just to live life and be carefree.. but in this case that means lying to him, my family, my friends, and myself.
is it worth it? and if it's not, why can't i stop?
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| who says you can't go home |
[05 Jun 2007|09:14am] |
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idk, but I think it's a little accurate. maybe it's just because my best friend is gone for almost another week, but home sucks. it's lonely, it's boring, it's more effort than school.. i just feel like i expected everyone else and everything else about this place to be EXACTLY the same and now that it's not i just don't feel like i fit here anymore.
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| because i don't believe in you anymore |
[21 May 2007|09:54pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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earlier, i couldn't wait to get home and get away from the drama of living in such a confined space with so many girls.
then this weekend happened.
i basically had people attacking me from all sides, either calling me a slut and a fuckup (my parents), i'm not good enough (my parents and someone else who i'm sure you know who it is), or making me feel absolutely disgusted by myself (him again), used and betrayed (and again).
i know i'm not exactly daughter of a lifetime, but i could be so much worse. and it's so hard when all they do is yell at me, or insult me, or kick me out. i know i mess up sometimes, but i am YOUNG. it's ALLOWED. i can have sex and smoke cigarettes if i want to! they've got me on the weed and the alcohol, bc yeah it's illegal, but if i want to fuck and smoke cigs i can fucking well do it.
also re: the betrayed/disgusted part.. hopefully you'll ( and i'll ) never hear from that disgusting asshole EVER again. i'm not even that hurt.. just really upset. definitely pissed. i think the worst people in the world you can ever meet are the people who make you hate yourself the way he does to me.
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| and the truth is, i miss you |
[05 May 2007|01:15am] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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as the semester's winding down, and the weather is getting nicer, I'm getting more and more anxious. Even though my summers are usually far from relaxing, they end up feeling so much better anyways. Two jobs is nothing when I really love them. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to find a part-time job that requires work and devotion and a false positive attitude. Whatever.
College has made me so fucking lazy. I miss the days when I was overwhelmed from school, extracurriculars.. the days when my legs were rock solid from soccer and walking on the beach didn't wear me out.. when partying was actually to let loose instead of to blow off my problems.
I just want to go home. I want to go back to my real friends, my friends who really know me, who don't judge me, who get mad at me and then love me the next day, friends who spot me a couple bucks even if I don't get it back to them for a while, because I'd do the same thing for them... Ugh. Summer, pleaseeee please hurry hurry hurry
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| massacre |
[16 Apr 2007|06:03pm] |
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mood |
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Maybe in the old days, there were a lot of horrible wars, and maybe they weren't just.. but nothing compares to what people do to each other these days. everything from Columbine, to Ben Vassiliev, to 9/11, to what happened today at Virginia Tech.. people are getting worse and worse, and it disgusts me that people can do this. I didn't know anyone injured or hurt, but I do know people at the school, and the whole idea in general is so scary. It's the worst shooting in the history of America, and it won't be the last. I really do fear for the future, not just for our country, but for the human race as a whole. And I know, if something like that happened here at Salisbury.. a gunman could take out half the school's student population before anyone could even attempt to help. It's terrifying. I'm not a religious person, but my thoughts and my heart go out to everyone involved.
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| you don't look a day over fast cars and freedom |
[12 Apr 2007|12:00pm] |
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guhhh I need it to be summer so bad. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends here at school, but I can't take it for very much longer. There's always someone in my face, in my business, etc.. And I don't even like staying in my room because my roommate is ALWAYS here and when she isn't it's gross and messy because of her. The apartment really will be better, because I'll have my own room again, I'll be able to have time to myself, and oh yeah.. a clean shower!!! I feel like this summer is going to zoom by, which makes me upset, because summer is MY time. I'm usually away from my family, it's my birthday, I get to work, I get to see all the kids.. summer, to me, is basically just my freedom. And right now I need it, sooo, so bad. I've just been lonely and miserable lately and have no way of showing it to my friends here without being accused of being bitchy or cranky. I think it's just stress. five more weeks...
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| oh here it goes again |
[09 Apr 2007|01:22am] |
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mood |
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I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT, OR WHAT TO DO, AND I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN STUCK IN THIS SAME LOOP FOR THREE FUCKING YEARS AND I AM SO GOD DAMN SICK OF IT I CAN'T EVEN REALLY ENJOY IT THAT MUCH. i want to cry :'( just because i am soo frustrated akjahjkfhjwkerhwefjwefwrjtk
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| and this is my gameface |
[27 Mar 2007|09:39pm] |
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i almost made an entry saying i hate her i hate her i hate her. but then i thought about it, and i don't hate her. i just get sooososososo frustrated with the way she treats people, especially members of her family. she is rude, she is snappy, she is selfish, and she thinks she is right about everything. obviously, she does a lot a lot for me, and obviously, i am grateful. i just wish that she'd stop fighting with me over EVERYTHING. i'd rather have nothing and be peaceful with her than have everything she's given me and feel like this. actually, i'd rather have everything and be peaceful, but i'm willing to compromise. i work, and i work hard. i can get what i want eventually.
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[18 Mar 2007|11:34am] |
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IT'S TYPICAL. MY BOWL, MY ALCOHOL, MY LIFE ARE ALL GONE. I HATE HER SO MUCH!!
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| sippin on gin and juice |
[18 Mar 2007|10:38am] |
man, yesterday was fun. i went to hanks around 2, hung out with some of the juniors, got drunk by 4, went to sarah parks house for a little bit and chilled (ate way too much as we all decided it was st pattys day and therefore we would eat and drink all day), got timmy to pick me up, went to chik-fil-a and ate some freakin more, went to andy's to smoke, i fell asleep for like an hour on the bed which was absolutely GREAT, then went with bridget to some party in towson, smoked again, went to mcdonalds, came home, watched bridget jones's diary, and just fell asleep.
life was good
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| high school's over, and you still won't quit |
[17 Mar 2007|12:08am] |
home, sweet home.
watching the last kiss. a little boring.
i desperately want a cig, but daddy's still awake.
i drove for a near 6 hours today, and then the instant i hit home, i crashed.
roger may be broken, and it will cost a shitload to have him fixed, which means i probably won't have a car for the rest of second semester.
hanks party is tomorrow, and then the concert, and i won't be driving, so i can assure you, i will be shitfaced.
love, kelly.
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| she's so lucky, she's a star |
[12 Mar 2007|08:35pm] |
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you know, i really do feel bad for britney spears. it's not even that she has gone and lost her mind, but she really did have nowhere to go. how must it feel to peak, career wise, at 18? i can't even imagine being done with my life and having nothing to do, especially if i was in this spotlight and still had people harrassing me. even if she didn't go all shave your head crazy, there's no way she could ever have a normal career. i feel bad for her. ps- i have almost 100% in math!!! it's very exciting, i hope dr bergner doesn't take maternity leave next semester so i can have her for 230. :)
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| if you left it up to me |
[11 Mar 2007|10:44am] |
as much as i love this warm weather, i hate the wishy-washyness of it. one day it hits 60-something, the next, it's about 40 and windy and raining again. wednesday's supposed to get to freakin 70 degrees, which, fuck yes, but then thursdays supposed to drop down to 50 and get progressively colder.
JUST PICK A DAMN TEMPERATURE TO STAY AT PLEASE!!!!
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