I was a hand grenade

sacrilege_ @ 2008-05-28T13:49:00

2008-05-28T17:52:47Z

Graduation was last Friday...

it's over!

I was accepted to GA Highlands (lame school) and Kennesaw State University...but since I'm broke, can't get financial aid because of my mother not having all of her tax information, and didn't receive HOPE...I have to attend GA Highlands for one semester and then I will receive HOPE...which means I can then go to Savannah College of Art and Design, but I may have to wait and go for one semester at KSU so that I can save some money to actually live in Savannah since I wont be living on campus or anything.

sooo much shit...it's worth it though.

Going to GA Highlands will give me time to save money as well.

Graduation

2008-05-21T15:44:53Z

I graduate Friday!!!

I've struggled and suffered through my entire high school career...one fucking disaster after the other.

Now it is finally over!

I am really excited about summer...today is my first official day of summer vacation...and I'm sitting inside:(
Richard is at work and I really want to hang out with him...can't wait until he gets home...

we are going swimming!

Algebra III

2008-05-19T18:56:40Z

Aglebra 3 fucking sucks.

I'm working on the review and the final is tomorrow. This shit is so hard!
I really need some help, I've been to a million websites to try to find some help and they all suck.

any suggestions?

or is anyone good at alg??

sacrilege_ @ 2008-05-16T15:01:00

2008-05-16T19:07:01Z

Lets get fucked up and die...

2008-05-09T17:48:49Z

Richard and I began dating Feb. 16 2008 in Colorado...how fucking cute
I visited my prego friend in CO in Feb...it was awesome! I love snow
I moved out
I work at Circuit City
I have long hair...and I got a hair-cut for the first time in almost 2 years...
I got my nose pierced
I have the cutest puppy ever
New computer...it's the shit.
I graduate May 23rd at 8pm
I have been accepted to KSU
I got paid big for something
Went to PCB, FL for spring break
Found a new amazing club...called Afterlife...it's awesome

I suppose those are the highlights mostly...
I'm alive and kicking...and working and cleaning and studying...it's been a busy year....
and I can't wait for college...KSU should be very interesting.

We're also going to be getting a new apartment in a few months...a much nicer 2 bedroom...how exciting!
I am going to use the second room for my 'studio'...I can't wait. I will be taking a lot more photographs of people...rather than landscape and animals...yay!

So, for those of you who made it through the post...how are you?

My 18th birthday

2007-10-08T19:52:38Z

is tomorrow.

18 years is a long time to wait...and it's finally here.

This year means more to me than anyone realizes.

This is my freedom!

So, we had two parties this weekend and this weekend I am getting a hotel in Atlanta
and partying my ass off all weekend.

Lucky for me, our fall break begins on Wednesday, so my birthday week is going to fucking rock.

tomorrow I am getting my next tattoo as well as getting my current tattoos filled in...woo!

sacrilege_ @ 2007-07-23T17:17:00

2007-07-20T21:20:44Z

Let's get fucked up and die
For the last time with feeling,
We'll try not to smile
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the night,
That’s no shock and surprise
I believe that I can overcome this and beat everything in the end
But I choose to abuse for the time being
Maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die

some pictures

2007-07-02T04:39:15Z

Richard's 23rd birthday...which I planned entirely...yes, thank you. I'm awesome.

it really did hurt...

Tryin to get away but trouble follows me...

2007-07-02T02:33:34Z

Finally...time for an update...

1. Jonathan and I are still broken up.
2. Richard and I are still not together.
3. I still don't want a relationship.
4. I really miss Jonathan
5. I really like Richard
6. I still love Jonathan.
7. Today is Jonathan's birthday.
8. Richard's birthday was June 21st he is now 23...old man.
9. Ashley's birthday was June 4th...she is now 21
10. I'm getting a nice tan
11. My step dad is actually talking to Richard nicely now
12. Richard, Joe, and Brett do not live at the guest house anymore
13. I made a lot of new, good friends.
14. Krystal, Brett's girlfriend, is the shit.

So that's the short of it...

It's been a really rough 2 months. I've never been more confused in my life.
When I left Jonathan, I was just so confused and wrapped up in all the bad shit...

I was sure that it was time.

Then I leave him, he's completely okay with it and isn't phased...

2-3 weeks later-he's hysterical. Ever since then he's been ready to be with me, tells me how sorry he is for everything and that he loves me with all his heart. He says he wants us to be happy together and that he wants a family with me one day and that I am his partner and all this stuff....and I just don't know what to do. There are so many angles to this situation...so many ways I am looking at this.

I love Jonathan, but he can be so unbearably mean sometimes...I believe there is permanent damage to our relationship from that.
I don't feel the same anymore...he's hurt me so many times that I just expect it.
I'm not excited about seeing him anymore.

I fought for this relationship to work for 3 years, literally.
...he's fought for all of 2 months.

I think about my future if I stayed with Jonathan....and I just don't know...
we'd have cute kids I'm sure, and he'd be an amazing father...I love his family...
he is a hard worker and could take care of me...but I just don't see me putting up with the fighting....

I also know that I would be okay without him....
I've been lonely for so long...

he's never there.

he's put me down so much....

I really just don't know.

life....

2007-06-21T04:12:07Z

Idk, my bff jill?

2007-05-15T03:00:19Z

I don't feel like writing a depthy post...
haven't felt like writing much the last week really.

Jonathan and I broke up last Tuesday.
He agreed with everything I said, didn't even try to keep me...
I've hung out with Carolyn, Joe and Richard a lot...and go figure...Jonathan
slowly came around to wanting me to be with him. He is trying to make things different, sort of.
He tries to spend time with me, he talks to me a lot...I just don't know what to do.
I love him. I just feel like we are ruining our chances of having a future.
I hope that things work out for us. I hope that he and I both do the growing up that we need to do so that we can be together...and if not, then so be it....I just don't want us to force ourselves apart and then it be too late I guess.

Richard, Carolyn and I stayed at my sisters house and partied all night Friday.
We had a lot of fun except for Joe being a complete ass, which is why he didn't come haha.

Saturday we stayed there again, but Joe stayed also. He got all pissy because his rolls didn't work for him and he spent $150+ on them. Understandable, though. We all had a blast. It was a long, crazy night.

Richard definitely likes me a lot. I told him how I feel about the whole situation and that I don't want a relationship, I didn't leave Jonathan for him, I still love Jonathan and that Jonathan will always be a part of my life because the Miranda's are my family and I love them.

Jonathan came to our mother's day get together. My nieces love him. My whole family loves him. It's just not the same without him around.

Ugh.

Oh, when my sister picked my nieces up sunday morning (they stayed with their dad) she brought them in and Richard was on one couch, I was on one and then Carolyn and Joe were in one of their beds. One of my nieces looks over at Richard and goes, "Is that Jon?!" I cracked up and Richard started laughing also. Then the older niece saw Joe and Richard and was just absolutely stunned. It was hilarious. After they all left, the oldest niece was asking why they had on girl pants. Hahaha. I said I have no idea but I guess they're just being silly.

Fun weekend.

Lots more to say...but blahhaha

www.myspace.com/mental_disease

that's my myspace, there are new pictures on there of all of us.

Float on...

2007-05-06T23:22:51Z

I backed my car into a cop car the other day
Well he just drove off sometimes life's ok

Read this...please. You'll love it.

2007-05-04T02:22:57Z

Say it, Don't Spray it
High school was the first time I realized that blow jobs would be a painful pleasure. I was dating a girl from another school in my area. Besides being one of the hottest girls I've ever known, she was also one of the very first girls to give me head. We were both new at it, and she liked me to courtesy tap. This was because I had convinced her that--I'm not making this up--it wasn't "real" oral sex as long as I didn't come in her mouth. Aren't 17 year old girls funny?
-Tucker Max

That's just a sample of some of the shit I've been reading on his website.
Ashley M. showed him to me, and I fell in love, of course.

The best story ever:
http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/date/tucker_tries_buttsex_hilarity_does_not_ensue.phtml#278

Sorry fuckers, the link wouldn't work at first.
Copy and paste bitches.

It's worth it!

Pictures

2007-05-03T04:35:14Z

I was going to post a survey...but everytime I looked at one, it sucked.
Sooo...instead of me choosing one, you choose one for me to fill out and leave a comment with it. I'll fill it out and post it. Doesn't that sound like fun?

I took a picture of these cute little hearts they gave me at AE.
I bought three pairs of really cute panties there. I love em!

So, here are the hearts:

They actually smell good too.

I also bought some new fragrance oils at The Body Shop.
Satsuma, Kiwi Melon, Tobacco Flower, Oceanus, and Exotica are the fragrances I got.
I also bought Satsuma body wash--it smells sooo good. It makes you want to eat it/drink it.

I am so lame that I actually took a picture of that too...

fu-gee-la

2007-05-03T02:14:58Z

I went with Jonathan to look at houses today for their little house flipping business...
they sucked. They were in the ghetto ass part of Rome. We had fun though, and we ate at Pizza Hut. Yuck. I hate pizzaaaa

After that, we came home and hung out for a while with Joe and Donna.

Doesn't sound like much...because it wasn't.
I'm so tired though.

It wasn't the most interesting night, but I still had fun.
Everything has gotten better over the last couple days and he's been nice, and is happy.
I love it.

sadly, that's all I have to say...

lame-o

Life sucks right now

2007-05-02T02:58:29Z

I'm so fucking mad right now.

I want to talk about it...but I've needed to talk for so long...and I never have the chance/no one gives a fuck.
No pity party...I'm just fucking angry and pretty upset.
I've had a terrible day.

Well...here's some shitty pictures from this weekend.
I only have a few, but there are many more and better ones at that...

Yup...that's me...all crazy lookin and stuff.
These pictures were taken with Jon's new camera...ooo la la

ok, this picture somehow screwed up between sizing and such...oh well.
I look fat haha. That's the birthday girl beside me...aaaand she used to be my babysitter hahaaaa

The tiki party on Friday was ok...it was crazy.
I had fun for the first two hours...but my sister seems to always bring drama.
She got shit-faced and then made out with some guy and got sick and ugh...yeah...
I had to spend the whole night taking care of her. I wouldn't mind if she hadn't been such a bitch lately.
I try to talk to her and she never fucking listens to me and is never there for me when I need her, but I'm always there for her. I am so tired of being fucking good to the bitches I know and doing everything I fucking can to get nothing in return. Fuck that.
Every time I hang out with her she fucking goes crazy and doesn't take care of herself...isn't she supposed to be the grown woman?
I'm supposed to be having fun...not taking care of her constantly and having to stay up all night when I have to work the next day.
She did it on purpose because she was pissed at the boy she's been seeing. Fuck. I'm so tired of childish shit right now.
Every now and then it's fun...but fuuuck....I don't even want to talk about it anymore but I am so angry.....

Saturday was a looong day of work and then I went out to dinner with Jon, Brett and Whit. Then we partied at Brad's. It was fun....

I am so scattered. I'm always this way though (recently)
I wish I could compose a fucking normal journal.
I just can't get all my thoughts together...

Life sucks right now

2007-05-02T02:46:00Z

I'm so fucking mad right now.

I want to talk about it...but I've needed to talk for so long...and I never have the chance/no one gives a fuck.
No pity party...I'm just fucking angry and pretty upset.
I've had a terrible day.

Well...here's some shitty pictures from this weekend.
I only have a few, but there are many more and better ones at that...

The tiki party on Friday was ok...it was crazy.
I had fun for the first two hours...but my sister seems to always bring drama.
She got shit-faced and then made out with some guy and got sick and ugh...yeah...
I had to spend the whole night taking care of her. I wouldn't mind if she hadn't been such a bitch lately.
I try to talk to her and she never fucking listens to me and is never there for me when I need her, but I'm always there for her. I am so tired of being fucking good to the bitches I know and doing everything I fucking can to get nothing in return. Fuck that.
Every time I hang out with her she fucking goes crazy and doesn't take care of herself...isn't she supposed to be the grown woman?
I'm supposed to be having fun...not taking care of her constantly and having to stay up all night when I have to work the next day.
She did it on purpose because she was pissed at the boy she's been seeing. Fuck. I'm so tired of childish shit right now.
Every now and then it's fun...but fuuuck....I don't even want to talk about it anymore but I am so angry.....

Saturday was a looong day of work and then I went out to dinner with Jon, Brett and Whit. Then we partied at Brad's. It was fun....

I am so scattered. I'm always this way though (recently)
I wish I could compose a fucking normal journal.
I just can't get all my thoughts together...

sacrilege_ @ 2007-04-23T20:58:00

2007-04-24T01:12:20Z

I had something to say, but I started watching Malcom in the Middle and forgot...

Mom went to the doctor today--she doesn't have cancer.

When she told me, she ended with "soo, you don't get to claim the insurance."
Hahaha. Too bad.

Fuuuck...I'm so bored.
I can't wait to be out of school...ah. I'll be so happy.

sacrilege_ @ 2007-04-22T20:42:00

2007-04-23T00:55:32Z

Alexis & I at Tabbi's wedding
I look soo wierd!

I finally got some pictures from Michael, but only three. I don't like the one of Jonathan and I sooo...
this is my bitch.

I went to see Joel yesterday, but before I could even leave my house, Josh called me and told me he just saw him at Wendy's with his grandma and grandpa...which meant that he obviously wasn't home, so Ashley and I will have to go some time when I get out of school this week.

Ugh, I have to stay after tomorrow for some help in Algebra 2 and then Tuesday I have to stay after to make up the test I missed on Thursday. I hate that class.

ooo.... I brought my puppy up to the house today because I felt bad leaving her in the pin down at the barn. I gave her a bath and made her some scrambled eggs. Now she's passed out beside me and she is dreaming and kicking her legs haha. Eww...and farting. Nasty.

Answer your phone!

2007-04-19T04:25:00Z

Jon wont answer his phone and I'm really worried about him.

It's scaring me. I hope he's ok.

The last time I heard from him was at 9:30pm...
nothing since. He was at the mechanic...mechanics aren't open at 12:30am...
so where is he? I'm sooo worried about him. I just want to know that he's ok.

I want to go looking for him.

sacrilege_ @ 2007-04-18T21:41:00

2007-04-19T02:01:39Z

On May 25th, I will be finished with 11th grade and I will finally be a senior. I don't care for being a senior, I just want to graduate.
We got our ASVAB scores back today, I did fantastic on the verbal skills parts, but math sucked. Everything else was around-about average or so. My over-all score was 60? I don't really understand how that works, but in comparison, it was really good.

Oh my god...I want the graduation test scores now. I really want to know how well I did.

In like three weeks we have that stupid ceremony where the seniors hand the juniors a candle...and then we're 'seniors'.
I think it's dumb, but honestly, I really just want to graduate so bad. You'll hear that a million times between now and then.

Ahhh and I can't wait until May 26th...the TOOL concert. I am so fucking excited.

There's so much going on right now, and for the next couple of weeks.
I really need models for my portfolio. I have a lot of work to do.
Jonathan agreed to model for me which is fucking great. He's got such a great body.
It will be fun:)

Oh damn...what else?

I didn't get ANY pictures while in Panama. I didn't even bring my camera.
Shay would have been so perfect for some pictures.
He's all banged up and bruised and broken. It sounds kind of bad but he was so sad looking...it
just would have been a really cool picture of him in his wheel chair.
He had emergency surgery on his arm because the bone was coming out of it.
They went right through his Alpinestar tattoo o there's a really cool scar and staples.
Ugh, I can't believe I left my camera.

I'm supposed to go see Joel tomorrow. Ashley M. and Jake are going too. I hope we do.

It's been toooo long

2007-04-17T22:06:14Z

I haven't been online since last Thursday and a lot of shit has happened.
Nothing important really soo...deal with it

Friday
Jon, AO, and I went to eat at Applebee's when I got out of work.
Ashley's mom wanted her home since we were leaving for Florida Saturday, so
Jonathan and I went to my sister's house to party with her and whoever was there..
It was a crazy night, and no one really knew eachother..then there was almost a fight between two guys.
I got into three fights with grown ass men. I almost took Jon's gun and went to the taxi place because the guy
that answered the phone was so fucking rude to me I wanted to kill him. You seriously have no idea. The whole night was terrible...well, the first 2-3 hours were great, but yeah...anyway...so
Saturday
I got up early, had a hang-over, went to work until about 11:30am and left with AO for Panama City, FL...
there's not much to say about the ride down aside from---It was long!
We got to the rehab hospital thing about two hours before visiting hours were over so we didn't see him for long...
and they made out like the whole time anyway haha...I watched tv and slept in his wheel-chair hahaha
after we left, we checked into our hotel and then went to eat at Red Lobster. Damnit it was fucking good!
We were both soo tired that we just went back and fell asleep. Which sucked, because I would have gladly driven to the beach, but she was being a pussy and wanted to sleep.
Sunday
We went and picked Shay up because they said he could leave for a few hours. We took him to where the accident took place (I don't know why) and then we went to Dirty Dick's Crab Shack to eat and got him in his wheelchair and everything...then we sit down and he said something about not liking seafood so we got him back in the wheel-chair and back into the car and went to some cafe thing on the beach. It was ok. I had chicken fingers. Ew. So, Shay was tired by then and in a lot of pain so we drove arounda little and then took him home. It sucked. Atleast he got out though, I felt so bad for him. He has no family or friends there and is all alone...lucky for him, AO and I saved the day...she also hurt him by driving like a maniac haha. He can walk and shit, but his leg is still really fucked up and sore and his arm is fucked up so

I'll finish later

I'm getting apartment!

2007-04-13T04:48:57Z

went to the doctor to get x-rays done today...

my shoulder just keeps getting worse.
I couldn't even move it today.

I went to Jonathan's and slept with him until 11am and then headed to the doctor.
Dr. Ward gave me some shit for inflamation and told me to try that for two weeks and then we'll see what's up.
I've already been in physical therapy for this shit...it's getting old.
I am a junior, and this shit has been going on since I was in 5th grade...that's too long.

Working every day in the sale barn for the goat auction isn't helping.
We typed in over 1,000 different vendors today...ugh. Atleast we got it out of the way though, I won't have to be there for
as long as I have been all week tomorrow (Friday)

Oh, and AO isn't flying down to get Shay this weekend from the Rehab center because they said he can't leave until he can do all the shit they're trying to make him do on his own...soo...she's driving down to visit him instead. She asked me to go with her and I said okay, then I remembered I have to be at the sale on Saturday because my mom isn't going to have time to make sure Maggie and Megan are doing everything right or answer their questions, and I'm the only other person that knows how and what to do aside from that asshole computer programmer that sits down there and argues with my mom and aggrivates Maggie and Megan. He's so fucking annoying! Oh well...it's cool. I just don't want to leave at 2pm on Saturday (after the sale) and then get there all late and AO not get to spend much time with Shay. She wants to leave tomorrow, but I don't think mom would let me do that. I'm going to see if I can come to the sale for just the first two hours and get out of there by atleast 11am...who knows though. I'm going to try.

I miss Jon:( He wasn't even awake when I went over there this morning, and he had no idea that I even slept with him, in his bed, for three hours!! He was passed the fuck out haha. He even hugged me and everything. I told him about it over the phone and he was like what the fuck? I knew there was something wrong when I woke up and the door wasn't locked! Loser.

The most exciting news of all:
I am getting an apartment in October. It's finalized.
Spoke with my mom about it and everything, and she said that she would pay for the apartment as long as I stay in highschool and graduate, and go to college of course. I went to her today about it because I want to move out and get used to living in my own place, going to school, holding a job, and managing my free time as well as my money. I think this would be the best time to do it so that it's not a complete shock when I move 6 hours away to go to college and I don't have my mom, sisters, or my friends there for me. I know I can handle it, no problem. I just want to get used to it/experience living completely alone with no one helping me out at all so that when I do leave, I can handle it and will be used to it. I want a smooth transition into college. Not a rocky one.
So, like I said, it is settled. I will be living on my own, finally! I can't wait.
I've thought about the roommate thing...but I don't know.    Jonathan and Shay should be living together by then, and I don't want to live with Jonathan anyway because that's just too much. I'm sure he will stay with me all the time, and I will stay with him all the time, but I still want us to have SOME privacy/alone time. It will be so awesome!

I feel like I will be much happier. Less family stress, I won't be behind in school like I was for so long because of surgery, I'll be almost finish with highschool-which I fucking hate, btw, and uh...you know...all those other fucking sweet things about not living with your fucking psycho mom. She's alright sometimes, and a lot of the times she's not...I choose my battes though.    I'm so excited. I want to start looking at apartments now haha...but that's still about 6 months away sooo nah.. I might actually do it in August so that I am already moved in and ready before school starts. That way I wont be trying to do it during school and shit. I will be better prepared...and I will be out of my house even sooner ahha. I'm so happy about that.

Fill this out for me, please?

2007-04-13T04:26:14Z

1. What is your full name?
2. When is your Birthday?
3. What is your e-mail address?
4. Do you smoke?
5. How many sexual partners have you had?
6. If you can't answer, is it really that many?
7. Can you cook?
8. What was your dream growing up?
9. What talent do you wish you had?
10. Favorite place?
11. Favorite vegetable?
12. What was the last book you read?
13. What zodiac sign are u ?
14. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
15. Worst Habit?
16. Do we know each other outside of LiveJournal?
17. What is your favorite sport?
18. Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
19. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
20. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
21. Tell me one weird fact about you:
22. Do have any pets?
23. Do u know how to do the macerana?
24. What time is it where u are now?
25. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
26. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be???
27. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
28. What color eyes do you have?
29. Ever been arrested?
30. What is your favorite drink?
31. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
32. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
33. What 's your favorite place to hang at?
34. Do you believe in ghosts?
35. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
36. Do you swear a lot?
37. Biggest pet peeve?
38. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
39. Do you believe in God?
40. What is your favorite thing about me?
41.What is your zip code?
42. What city do you live in?
43. What is your favorite TV show?
Repost it so I can fill it out for you

Can't you see that I'm down and I'm drowning

2007-04-12T03:57:50Z

I miss Joel so much...it kills me to know that he's within reach...but I can't be there...

"So you found out today your life's not the same
Not quite as perfect as it was yesterday but
When you were just getting in the groove
Now you're faced with something new
And I know it hurts and I know you feel torn
But you never gave up this easily before
~~So why do you choose today to give it all away~~

Well it's not so bad y'all
Together we all fall
Just as long we get up we'll stand tall
We shouldn't waste another day"
-Crossfade

Joel used to blast this cd...
He always played the same cd for weeks at a time...and then he'd toss it in the cd case like he had never seen it before and start all over with a new one...
I miss that

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold

Thinking 'bout the things that we forgot to say