The only reason I'm up this early is because of my cursed body clock. Why does it never work except on the weekends?!?!?!?
Anyway tonight we're shopping for christmas lights and various lawn decor, it was my idea. I hate it that everyone else in this barren snowless town always goes all out for lights on their house - perhaps thinking that if they make their house bright enough, the snow people will decide theyve put a lot of effort into it and give us a white christmas after all? - and our house looks so naked all the time, when everyone else is wishfully thinking and their house is more vastly decorated than our christmas tree and then there's the zeilmans...Bland, boring, no fun, no christmas spirit, yada yada yada..
So this year I finally asked is we could PLEASE put lights up this year, I was even desperate enough to help! on the roof!
we're even lining the sidewalk with giant plastic candy canes...
I'm actually sorta looking forward to christmas this year - It always was my favorite holiday - Even More than my own Birthday!
Actually, I was sorta thinking these days, throwing a birthday party is almost depressing, like "One year closer to your death!!!"
But Anyway, my last Christmas was a tad,...experimental..lol
I tried a WHOLE load of eggnog, turns out its the nastiest thing in the universe, ditto for gingerbread men.
This year, I'm sticking to Candy Canes, Caramels, Apple and Pumpkin pies and of COURSE chocolate chip cookies..^_^
Anyway I was talkin to aleesha real late last night, and she told me about something her brother said, it really cheered me up!
I can't say exactly because I was on a different computer and I couldn't save it, but it was really sweet. Somethin like That nobody can expect me to have high self esteem with all the crapload of bad bfs Ive had and im better than all this and something else..
alls I know is, it really made me smile.
Alec sometimes has a way of doing that. Well, most guys only say a couple words at a time and he speaks in real sentences and even thats impressive but sometimes he has a way of knowing me better than *I* do sometimes! lol
And actually, I have no idea how, but something he said sorta mended me and got me over josh. Its like a heart bandaid or something!
I Don't know how he did it, but I feel a lot better!
I fear for aleesha's sake, though. I think I mighta gotten her in trouble with alec..lol
We were just talking and then Alec said he needed to "talk to her" like she was being punished, it was sorta funny, he was even moderating the minutes she had to say goodbye to me, but I haven't gotten in touch with her since and I'm sure as heck not calling on Thanksgiving so I kinda fear what Alec has done to her..
So anyway, Aleesha got a new CD Burner and she being the ultimate Sweetie she is is going to make me two CDS! I get to choose the playlist and everything! ((see below entry))
I had to pay her back somehow though, I'd feel like the hugest mooch if I didnt, so I'm making these little coupons, lol, one or two for an extensive hair spa treatment, a couple for a Pedicure..
^_^ I'm gifted with those sort of things, she especially loves my hair treatments lol..always picks her spirits up, I dont know howso that's how I'm repaying her, I'll have to think of many a coupon though, because honestly im going to be requesting lots....lol
If thats okay and everything, I don't wanna seem demanding.
But my Craving for Punk/Metal/Emo with be satisfied for at least a month when leesha finishes those killer CDS
For the first time in a while I downloaded a couple MP3's, I keep listening to that Coldplay song "yellow" - I used to be obsessed with this song when i was a little teenybopper
Yeah it brings up a lot of memories actually, like I keep remembering going to this little carpeted corner in mrs mitchell's class with leesha all the time.
There was something about that place, some kind of air, I liked doing any project in that one place. And a lot of times Zack Murphy, a good friend of mine back then, would come sit with us and talk about, well, kinda deep stuff for 10 and 11 year olds..In that corner we wrote our first pieces of poetry, they were class assignments of course, but, i just realized that it was then that we were introduced to poetry, we've been writing ever since, I remember my bird haiku
I envy them so
Flying so Free in The breeze
...at least I think that's how it goes
And I keep remembering that slambook, we were so immature, and me, being too sweet, started crying in the middle of the classroom, and the sensitive guys, zack m and jonny....they started comforting me
I just now realized that they now still are pretty much the only sweet guys even now.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, When zack murphy and I were best friends, i was 11, scrawny, bony, and sweet, in 6th grade, when everything went so emotional i wanted to cry everyday, i was still the same girl, but, I had this Prep Exterior, wearing Tommy Hilfiger everyday, always wearing my hair up somehow, but then he left. and since then both me and leesha have changed so much, I just have to wonder what he'd say if he saw us now? Aleesha, Punk Dressed and listening to any rap song available, an artist, and Me, mildly punkly dressed metal head listening to emo and Blocking herself out from the world with a cynical outlook on anything romantic and sweet..
I just have to wonder what he'd say, I mean we're so different its scary.
And maybe I'm just rambling, I mean when you get up too early because of a STUPID BODY CLOCK and you cant get back to sleep you're bound to drone a little
This song does bring back hashed memories
I was just wondering if back then I knew I was going to be a sarcastic metalhead that hates love and is just a little broken inside
I mean sometimes I look at myself and wonder who IS this girl?? This isnt really ME, is it?? When did all this happen>!>
And I wonder who i am.
But then again, this may be rambling on again.
I guess I'll let you get back to your lives, updates later, I'm in a contemplative mood...