It keeps me from trying, it keeps me quiet Something I just found out.'s Journal
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Something I just found out.

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[Wed23rdFeb & 9.29p]
new journal dudes!!

This one is bogged down with stuff. So, I've decided that this new chapter of my life needs a new journal. I'm not gonna delete this one...but I'm not going to update it anymore. My new one is roller__queen
3 keep me from calling you .:. All the wrong I'll do

[Wed23rdFeb & 6.50p]
[ mood | scared ]

I am going to do a freewrite. I will start with the next word I hear out of George Kastansa's mouth.

Please. Please take it its yours it was always yours you want it you know you want it ill give it. Ill give it withouth hesitation please just dont leave me alone i don't want to be left alone i miss the sun that shined on us i wish it would shine again break me break me in half like i know you want to you want to take it you want it i see it in your eyes your baby blue eyes that call to me you beg me you beg me to take it. ill take it from you you want me to. do you? would you just tell me that you want me to take it becuase i want it too we both need it we want it so lets take it me and you we'll take it together and forever we will wonder what it would have neem like to leafe it to leave it as it was.

I scare myself. I'm not exactly sure what the crap I meant by that. O well. That's whats floating about inside my mind apparently.

1 keep me from calling you .:. All the wrong I'll do

[Wed23rdFeb & 1.43p]
[ mood | chipper ]

He's playing video games with my father. That makes me feel strange, on account of...well, I like him. Whatever. It's not weird. It makes sense. I've given up self pity. The more I look in the mirror the more I realize what my role is supposed to be. I'm supposed to be thoughtful, funny, strong. That sirs and ladies, is what I'll be. Not all the time, sometimes I'll be down, and I'll need someone else to be strong. Sometimes I'll be inconsiderate, and I'll need someone to repair the damage. But what good comes of me moping about thinking about how sad it is that I can't get him?

10 keep me from calling you .:. All the wrong I'll do

[Tue22ndFeb & 8.46p]
[ mood | amused ]

Um so...I had a decent day. This girl I babysit for tried to look down my shirt. That was weird...Al and Dave are gonna be here in like...a half hour. So I'm here...writing in this journal. Becuase I haven't in a while. Not much has happened though...I died my hair. But nobody can tell...except me. It looks darker...in my opinion. But that's not the point, because it IS shinier and slighty thicker, which is good...becuase I'm don't like stringy hair. Jim Adkins just made a slightly sexual groan in this song...and I liked it. That is probably wrong. Wow...I'm a little but of a perv. O well. Haha. Well like a week ago I had an argument with P. Steel and Alex...about religion, christianity, and why I'm not a brainwashed hick. It was nice. I enjoyed it a little. School is going well, and I survived Valentines Day beautifully. I am happy about that. Easter season coming up...meaning my mother is going to be gone more, and I get to put off practicing for the choir to the last minute...again. O well. I like the songs this year...I think. Actually I don't think I've heard most of them. But I generally like Easter music. Makes me all happy. Yeah. I got owned by my dad at Age of Empires. But I was close to winning...so dreadfully close. I talked to Jibbah...about Dana and how he's more emo than any other kid I've ever met. Which is weird, on account of Jibbah being a gangsta. Haha. I love my friends. Wierd, unorthodox, confusing, and crazy as they are. Yeah. I've decided that I'm going to get wicked hardcore about my yoga...I WILL have a goddess body by swimsuit season. Song has now changed...live version of Sweetness, and Jim Adkins voice is making my insides kinda mushy. Sexy. They are coming to Rhode Island...like 3 hours away...and I won't being seeing them ... again. Heartbreaking. Like...the fact that a really great...person...is going to be here...but they don't see...me...?

Maybe I will post some of my crap from creative writing. Maybe someone will enjoy...who knows, maybe I'll turn out to be a poetic genius.


O gosh...I love this. Whenever he sings it live, he substitutes the "If you're listening" after the bridge with "When you kiss me" and it makes me happy..."The sweetness will not be concerned with me..."

4 keep me from calling you .:. All the wrong I'll do

[Sun13thFeb & 5.13p]
[ mood | curious ]

Patience folks.


Yeah. I need a great big whopping dose of patience. Haha. Tommorow is Valentines Day. I'm trying to figure out how I should celebrate...

A. Get wicked dressed up and hot, that way I feel like if I WANTED a significant other...I could get one.
B. Play sappy music, write poems, then crumple the paper the poems are written on and practice my basketball skills.
C. Watch sappy movies and eat lots of food, most likely chocolate.
D. Totally ignore the date and go on like normal...with a smile on my face and a song on my lips!
E. Play air guitar to anti-love/break-up rock tunes...in my underwear.
F. Do the above...fully clothed (and with a little more eyeliner than neccessary.)


Yeah. I'm a loser. I'm gonna go eat. WEEE!

6 keep me from calling you .:. All the wrong I'll do

[Tue8thFeb & 3.34p]
[ mood | amused ]

I wen't throught my old journal...and found this. Thought it was interesting. I always like looking back at stuff I wrote in the past...I like to see if I ever took my own advice. Anyway, here it is, thought I'd share.


AlmostCollapse )


The new semester is kicking my butt. English isn't bad, I always like English. Same with creative writing. French however...I'm getting all this...french thrown at me. I don't think I'm going to do very well, not to mention, I'm a simple person. Not stupid, just simple. But even so, THERE IS NO WAY IN HECK MY MOUTH IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE A PROPER "E" SOUND! I can't even pronounce the days of the week, or the numbers...or anything. Which is depressing becuase I had to sit next to this guy today who took a little bit of french in 7 & 8 grade. So yeah...he knows what he's doing. And I definatly don't. And so I feel stupid. Public speaking isn't even public speaking anymore, it's "TV production". Which is probably the stupidest, but easiest, waste of my life EVER. But o well, I'll have fun with it. Geometry is ok...but Ms. Ermi stares at me a lot. It's sorta creeping me out. But anyway...thats life right now.


THe world is censored beyond anything I have ever realized. Found that out in TV production today.

.:. All the wrong I'll do

[Sat5thFeb & 5.19p]
[ mood | cynical ]

ARG. It's mood swing central over here guys. My day was boring...aside from an awesome random moment in which I broke out into my black church choir redition of amazing grace. It was relieving to say the least...sadly nobody was around to hear it. Haha. Read somebodies away message...made me think (as they usually tend to do for some reason)about stuff...involving...people...not in the mood to clarify further...maybe I'll update later.

1 keep me from calling you .:. All the wrong I'll do

[Sat29thJan & 4.12p]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I am in an excellent mood. It's like...I've got this thing and for once I'm not afraid of losing it. The thought of losing...doesn't phase me. The fear is there, I hope I don't, but if I do, I know I'll be ok.


It's a good feeling.

1 keep me from calling you .:. All the wrong I'll do

[Wed26thJan & 3.40p]
[ mood | chipper ]

Feeling in the mood for a nice long update on my life.

School got cancelled all this week (wicked awesome). So I've been here at the house gooin around for a bit. Dave came over with Al Saturday night, and got snowed in here until tuesday. So the poor dude had to go like...4 days without a shower, or a change of clothes, or a toothbrush. Him and Al shoveled the driveway, meaning I didn't have to (muahahhah). He left, and I read Great Expectations for the greater part of the day. By the way, it is an awesome book...so far. Talked to Shannon for the first time in...a bazillion years. Which was nice, and made me happy, because we are next door neighbors, and next door neighbors should talk to one another. It is a good day. I snowy day, but a good one.

5 keep me from calling you .:. All the wrong I'll do

[Wed26thJan & 12.07a]
[ mood | sympathetic ]

I'm done.


I realized about .6 seconds ago what life is and what it isn't. Life isn't my insecurity. Life isn't me not being happy with myself. Life isn't me making me better. Life is you, whoever the crap you are, reading this journal. Life is me...figuring out why I've been dropped smack in the middle of your life, and how the heck I'm supposed to make this journey more bearably for you, whoever you are. Life is me, using the talents I've been given to make your life a better thing, to brighten your day, to get a smile on your face, whoever you are.

4 keep me from calling you .:. All the wrong I'll do

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