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Sunday, July 5th, 2009
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6:48 pm - hmmm
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So i love love love love love my job.
I hate hate hate my living situation.
You can't have it all i guess. But I'm stuck in a lease and can't afford to live anywhere else anyway. and thre is one more love than hate, so I guess that works out.
Still, my weekends suck because i'm stuck in the house, not at work, with nothing to do, no friends, and I'm slowly going crazy
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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2:52 am - Oh jeeze.
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So, I just got an email from one of the gay couple roommates that I live with - the one that is actually the lease holder.
He is telling his boyfriend to move out. I figured it would happen. I didn't think it would happen in the first effing month I lived here.
It sucks too, because the boyfriend was the roommate I really really liked.
The question now is this: whats going to happen? There are only three bedrooms. They were sharing one. No one is going to move into an occupied room. Luckily I signed a lease, i guess, because they can't raise my rent.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 28th, 2009
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7:38 pm - I'm going to tell you a secret.
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Two actually.
1) It is honestly an act of God that I am not pregnant. I mean, seriously. I think in the past month I maybe took 10 of the pills on time. The rest were a day (or two) late. Did I do anything about that? no. Today when I was cleaning, I found a whole week of pills that I didn't take. WTF? where did those come from? I have no idea. And then there was the moment at Buffett when I offhandedly said something to Allyson about being late and freaking out and she goes, oh which one is it? and I had to honestly say, I have no clue. I mean, i could have guessed, but there is always - how did Nies put it in highschool: "they send scouts". So anyway, powers that be, thank you.
2) I'm here in Philly. My job is awesome. I have this feeling of... well I'm excited. I feel like I might be on the verge of good things. Today I met a photographer who is VERY well known in the area - we're going to shoot a Zivity set soon and I'm now on the list to call when he needs girls for local products (think: corsets). And I'm starting to feel like I might fit in.
But I realized something terrifying. With ALL the boys I had these amazing feelings. So overwhelmingly pure and true and disgustingly romantic. I fancied myself in love with all of them, each time thinking "oh THIS must be love" because it was even more intense than the boy before. Then they would move away. Or I would go away. Or we would no longer be. And as soon as they weren't around anymore, I was over them. Almost instantly. It happened every time. It's in the process of happening right now with the last one. My attachment is only as strong as the lack of distance.
Except for the one. And it was only 6 months. Then he was gone. And then there was a 1.5 year.... thing. And now I live here.
what the fuck. why didn't I forget about him like the others?
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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7:07 pm - omgz philly
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| Monday, June 15th, 2009
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9:59 am - On watching the Pens game in Philly
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The Pens won the cup, and while I'm thrilled by this, it was a little odd, walking the streets of Philadelphia alone without Dok and Emily and all the other super important people in my life by my side. Still, this is good:
And hell: I hear that the Buccos are only 4 games out of first place. THE EFFING PITTSBURGH PIRATES ARE ONE GAME AWAY FROM .500. WHAT THE HELL?
If, by some act of god, we end up on that run, i think i'll HAVE to go back to Pittsburgh.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, June 5th, 2009
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5:17 pm - a million little pieces
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I'm starting to fracture.
I so don't want to do this. So i'm just refusing to pack.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 30th, 2009
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3:08 am - to reiterate on birthdays and boys
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I will say that it is now tomorrow. Meaning, not my birthday. And Philly didn't even acknowledge it.
I mean Jesus. at least last year he called to tell me about the roses in his back yard and wish me a happy birthday.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, May 29th, 2009
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12:01 am - On birthdays and being 24 and boys
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So. It's 12:02 am on May 29th, 2009.
I'm awake because I'm sewing. And I've already received a happy birthday phone call. An actual call, not a text, from a bar in Princeton, because that is where he is this weekend, being an alum and doing drunken alum things. And still, a PHONE call. At 12:01.
I really, really like this boy.
And doesn't that just figure? I mean, let's be honest. I've spent what? almost 2 years looking towards Philadelphia and the boy there. And now that I'm leaving Pittsburgh in 12 days, I've found one here.
HERE. IN PITTSBURGH.
I won't lie to you. There is a significant portion of me wondering if the reason I have such strong feelings for him is precisely BECAUSE I am leaving. He know it. I know it. So there is no... pressure. On that same vein, I'm much less excited to move to Philly than I was even a month ago. Read: I don't really care about the boy there anymore... probably because I'm moving there.
Still. What is up with me and having amazing relationships with boys who live in different cities? I mean, even Greg and I were fine until he actually moved to Pgh with me. Then it all went to shit.
But all I know is that here is a boy who i've only known for like 3 months and he called me, from his college reunion, secret society, ivy league tradition to tell me happy birthday. And that really makes me smile.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, May 24th, 2009
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12:37 pm - !!!!
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| Friday, April 17th, 2009
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12:02 am - blah
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I'm feeling rather despondent at the moment. I'm not sure how much of it comes from circumstances of reality and how many come from the fact that I just took a bubble bath and read the last few chapters of Oryx and Crake but in either case I feel rather.... off.
Normally it wouldn't be that big of a deal: whine, whine, get over it. But lately its been this lingering.... and the little voice keeps saying "but when you move to Philly it will all get better"
It won't. It will be the same story with a (semi) new cast. Like Saved By the Bell: The College Years... and we all know how awful that was.
I just don't feel like i fit in anywhere at the moment.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 12th, 2009
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5:21 pm - i'm my own disco!
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so i'm dancing tonight in my new cab costume. excited. hopefully i'll have some pics and/or video to post.
i'm not going to wear my full costume on the bus, obviously, but I have the shiny arm bands on now and its like i'm bringing the disco with me everywhere i go!
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, April 11th, 2009
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1:47 pm - free flight?
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does anyone have a free flight they want to give me? I'm trying desperatly to get to Vegas before i start this new job. I'm only 4 credits away from getting a free flight on Southwest, and I'll probably fly like 4 times AFTER i start my job, but that does me no good.
But with Southwest, you can transfer your free flight to a friend, and if someone wants to do that for me, I will give you MY free flight at the end of June!
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
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12:47 am - fyi
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thirty-somethings (or almosts) kiss different than twenty somethings. At least, this is some data trend that i'm beginning to notice.
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 30th, 2009
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6:59 pm - you know, it isn't that complicated
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I don't see what is so hard about this. If you like me you need to show me aloof interest every so often... just enough to keep my hopes up. you MUST make me cry every other month or so. and you certainly need to sleep with other girls. I'll get pissed and jealous even though I know I shouldn't, but that jealousy makes me try harder.
I mean, you can't ACT like you like me, because then I won't like you. And you certainly can't do things like call me wonderful and adorable after one date.
seriously. Where is the challenge in that? What's in it for me. I mean, people, really.
not. that. hard.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 29th, 2009
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1:55 am - wow
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| Monday, March 23rd, 2009
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11:15 pm - seriously... taxes
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I am about ready to trade sexual favors for someone to explain self employment taxes to me.
I have to report $1200 of self-employed income. Of that, I spent 729 dollars just getting my costumes ready for the 13 days (had to have a different costume each day). But I have turbo tax, and when I tell them I earned 1200 they tax me on it and never ask me for any self-employed business expenses, just ones that I have from my w-2 granting jobs.
Dammit, i don't want to be taxed for that $729! but where do I enter it?! Is that a NOL? I don't know what a NOL is, but its the only thing I can think it might be.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, March 6th, 2009
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11:45 pm - iPod
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| Monday, March 2nd, 2009
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5:48 pm - quick!
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Someone do me a favor? Google my name and tell me what comes up that is me. This only works if we are not already facebook friends, because obviously then the privacy settings won't apply.
I ask because the women who is interviewing me just asked "so you have pictures posted on flickr?" which i do... which means they were google stalking.
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(11 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 28th, 2009
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1:39 am - down on myself
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So, i made the mistake of asking one of my photographers exactly what he photoshops before I get my images back.
I figured it was my stomach. Thats just... how that goes. But when he told me my thighs I was sad. I don't know why. I never really thought about my legs. Now, though, when I look at them, they are fat.
How do you lose leg fat? god.
Also, I had sort of a blah photoshoot and I feel pretty bad about that too. It was for my own clothes, which really sucks, and I feel like I let the photographer and the make up artist and the hair stylist down because, well, I suck.
I'm drunk and sad and going to bed.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, February 26th, 2009
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11:42 pm - danger: bad decisions.
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Oh GOD.
So many things are possibilities at the moment and I want them to all be possible. But they cannot.
I'm going to Philly to interview. If it goes well, how in god's name am I going to still do all the Pittsburgh shit that I need to do this summer? Like the fairs? And dancing? and and and....
and I'm scared to leave my roommates and my friends and Sophie and my cute little house and my salary (even if I hate it sometimes) and lets be honest.... philly makes me cry more often than not.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA.
So is green beer.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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