| yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee |
[17 Apr 2008|02:31pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
] |
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music |
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love song |
] |
i got asked out on a date,BY SOMEONE NEW :]
movies ,saturday night.
its so ...normal.
maybe thats what i need?
oi.
idk.ima go tho,who knows...maybe i definitely need to get over ....him.
what the hell am i going to wear ?
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[21 Mar 2008|04:40pm] |
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mood |
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optimistic |
] |
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music |
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SUBLIME. |
] |
&&&&&i cant help it.
he's just oh so...MMMPH :D
heppy heppy stephanie.
&yes, i realize im putting myself in a trap.
but its okay, im a girl...we do this kinda shit.
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[16 Jan 2008|05:51pm] |
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im angry today.
id like to murder.
id like to scream.
im just fucking angry today.
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[15 Jan 2008|06:07pm] |
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mood |
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determined |
] |
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music |
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modern romance |
] |
Im a dreamer.
its what i do;i dream.
i flinch at the word 'reality'.
even as a little kid,instead of facing the troubles before myself&my family...i dreamt.
it took me away and i felt fine--even if for only a moment.
it never occured to me that i was running from reality.
i relied on it as a habitual drug.
but i never really saw how it affected my life.
until now.
ive spent the past 20 years dreaming& its gotten me no where.
i never became something special like my teachers said i would.
i come up short on most occasions.
but i always try.
"try"
you say that there is no trying.
no success in trying.
you either do it or you dont.
im starting to think your right.
the past few days has been spent disgustingly.
running away from my thoughts and every now&again theres a moment ungaurded.
thats the moment every thought ive blocked comes flooding in.
its so conflicting.
im hot,im cold.
im ok,im troubled.
its really quite annoying.
ive never been so willing to get away from myself.
ive never wanted change so badly.
Even with all that has been lost,there is still so much to be gained.
&if nothing else,that makes the sun a little brighter each day.
its time for me to grow up a little bit more.
theres always room for improvment.
little by little im facing things,realitys a bitch....
but so am i.
im a strong person with a head full ideas&a heart full of passion.
theres no reason for me to be down on the ground with no hopes to get up again.
i remember all those years i had a smile plastered on my face and everything was puppy dogs&rainbows.
in theory, that sounds nice.
living a life full of ignorant bliss.
i tell ya,dreaming is a drug,not only figuratively,but literally as well.
[[DMT,joshua,that reference is for you ;] ]]
i dont remember alot of things that my sisters&brother do.
i dont remember most of my childhood.
i was hooked[[if you will]] on those dreams.
& you know what ? im done chasing them.
everyone has a that definitive point in their life,when you just say to yrself 'what the fuck am i doing ?'
so stephanie,what the fuck are you doing ?
[excuse my language.]
im done playing with all the ideas of success&happiness.
im gunna fucking grab them& show em who's boss.
if i keep holding onto dreams,im never gunna 'be'.
i dont know where ill be tomorrow,i dont know what ill be doing in a month.
[i understand now.]
right now i dont know exactly whats best for me,but i see an open door.
so excuse me while i open it.
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[15 Jan 2008|10:13am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
everyday is supposed to get better.
than tell me why, i wake up and the first thing i think of is how,we arent together anymore.
aahhh fucckkkk this bullshit.
my goal for today::no tears.
but,ill fail.
my eyes are stinging right now as we speak.
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[02 Jan 2008|12:22am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
tonight,i watched you grow older.
&time stopped.
that bitch named reality,came knockin real hard.
its okay though,she doesnt know how well i can play pretend :)
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[20 Jun 2007|09:29am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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gangstarr-take it personal. |
] |
blah blah blah
work sucks.
blah blah blah.
myspace is better than lj.
sometimes.
blah blah.
almost done with school [[fuckin finally]]
blahhhhhhh.
im going on a diet...BLAHHHHHH.
if you dont repost this in 36456 seconds, your life will suck more than mine.
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[05 May 2007|02:57am] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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erykah badu |
] |
uhm i fucked up my journal.
i got some plus accoutn now i gotta advertise some shit.
ew.
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| check it. |
[29 Apr 2007|05:17pm] |
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mood |
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 judged. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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frou frou-the dumbing down of love. |
] |
its disgusting how someone can hear something from someone who is unreliablle&irrelevant and completely base their lives on it.
i fucking hate the sheep herders.
all those blind mother fuckers who try to rape the minds of the young.
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[10 Jan 2007|10:59pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the rockin' 69s--big lurch. |
] |
god im so fucking tired .
i work in exactly ONE HOUR.
:[[.
meanwhile,I GOTS MAH PERMIT.
super cool dudes.
so eryk's been in boston since friday, HES COMING HOME TOMORROW.
fuckin, he tried getting in a big ass fight with me a few nights ago, i think he was drunk...whatevverrrrr.
but im over that now, HE JUST NEEDS TO GET BACK IN CALIFORNIA.
OTHER NEWS.
i miss&love my brother more than anyone or anything.
nothing new.
gotta get ready to leave.
peace babies.
[[ps]]
check this shit out:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=2969909
my big brothers band, hes the drummer,hes bad ass i know.
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[17 Dec 2006|12:36am] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
] |
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music |
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whispertown 2000. |
] |
YOUR GOING TO FUCK ME ONE DAY.
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[06 Dec 2006|10:10pm] |
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previews for black christmas look pretty sick.
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[17 Nov 2006|11:49pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
] |
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music |
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nothing. |
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1. Hot chocolate or apple cider?
apple cider,please.
2. Turkey or Ham?
turkey,boo on ham.
3. Do you get a fake or real christmas tree?
whats christmas without a REAL one ?
4. Decorations on the outside of your house?
yessss.
5. Snowball fights or sledding?
i live in san diego...no snow :[[
6. Do you like hanging around the fireplace because it's warm?
yea,when we lived in our NICE and BIG house with our NICE and BIG fireplace.
7. Do you enjoy going Christmas shopping?
mostly.
8. Favorite Christmas song?
ohhhh christmas tree,ohhh christmas treee.
9. How do you feel about Christmas movies?
CHARLIE BROWN &&&&& RUDOLPH THE REDNOSE REINDEER ARE A M U S T.
10. What do you want the most this Christmas?
to be kissed under the misletoe.
11. Ever been kissed under mistletoe?
No,thats why i want it.
12. Did you believe in Santa Claus when you were younger?
my father is santa claus...seriously go to the mall.
13. Carolers, do you or do you not listen to them?
I've never had carolers come to my door. :[[
14. Go to someone elses house or they come to you?
our family keeps to themselves during the holidays...depressing,really.
15. Do you read the Christmas Story the night before christmas?
Not anymore.
16. What do you do after presents and dinner?
watching rudolph on the couch with my mother and nephew.
17. What is your favorite holiday smell?
rainy season&christmas trees.
18. Ice skating or walking around the mall?
neither, i perfer to be in during the holidays, with what little family that i have.
19. Favorite Christmas memory?
when i was little and everyone still lived at home, and i still had my brother. oh! and that one time, we left santa spaghetti and coke,instead of cookies and milk, and when me and shanon woke up the next morning, santa spilled the coke and wrote us a note
we were so stoked.
20. Favorite part about winter?
the idea.
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| bleeding to death. |
[14 Nov 2006|01:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sore |
] |
ya so. i feel like utter hell today.
birthcontrol really messed me up,ive been bleeding for a month now. i stopped taking it LAST wednesday cos i was still bleeding,and feeling ver very sick.
gahh i hate this.
i called to make an appointment today,freaking the closest one they have open is november 28th at 3:50pm.
well,if i bleed to death by then,i give my family permission to sue they asses.
my mom says im hemoraging.[[i really dont know how to spell that word.]]
she shouldnt have said that,because i can be quite medically paranoid.
i just wat to feel better :[
on a better note- today is beautiful, all grey and misty and niice.
this is my kind of weather.
san diego doesnt get enough of it.
well this is all i have the energy for,today.
have a good one,friends<3
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| pointless entry. |
[13 Nov 2006|06:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pukeynastygrosso. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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nephews cartoons. |
] |
i dont like rum any longer.
ew just typing the word makes my stomache turn.
so last night, eryk and i went up to his mamas house in temecula to 'get our drink on'.
oh boy, NEVER AGAIN.
woke up puking,left temecula puking,still feel like puking.
i only had like 4 glasses of that god awful liquor,and like 5 or 6 beers.
whats happening to me? i can no longer drink with the boys.
well,thats just as well,im almost over my party phase.....til i turn the big 2 1..only a couple more yrs.
blehblehbleh i feel disgusting.
sleep sounds so appealing,though i fear eryks going to get me to go out with him tonight.
i need to learn how to say NO.
haha,he has me wrapped around his finger.
pathetic,really.
welp,im off.
see ya.
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[09 Nov 2006|06:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
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reba on tv. |
] |
stunning,isnt she ?
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| feels like the end. |
[06 Nov 2006|10:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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aqualung-falling out of love. |
] |
okay so im seriously stressin HARD.
havent stressed this bad,since seattle.
wednesday could be either the best or worst day ever.
and ultimately its all on me.
i have the math exit exam,im so scared ..if i dont pass this exam, im giving up on the diploma and going for my G.E.D.
also, i have an interview for hollywood video at 2:30. i cant help but not be confident about it.
i need this job, i need to leave my mothers home,and be on my own two feet.
GAHHHHHHHHHH .
my mind is going a mile a minute ALWAYS,and its draining me, im constantly tired from it.
i thought i'd never have to go back to this uncomfortability.
but,here i am.
i want to runaway, but im not sure what from.
my minds a huge ink blot,and no image can be found.
its too smeared and hectic. i dont even know why.
what if i never get back to being the good ol' overly happy person i used to be ?
was i ever THAT happy ? or was i just lying to myself.
no,i dont think so.
a smile used to warm my heart.
and now...bleh it takes alot for me to even crack one.
ew im done.
im annoying myself.
night.
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| baby,its 11:11 |
[30 Oct 2006|11:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the doors. |
] |
dudes.
so much has changed in the past...almost year. hah.
i was reading over all of my old entries.
god i was irritating.
'omg, i love adam.'
'omg,life makes me angry'
'omg,all i do is get wasted.'
none of that bullshit applies to my life anymore.
im back in california, im not satisfied...but dealing, and i think quite well.
no sad poetry,no mass amounts of smoking, and more importantly no new scars.
back in school,gunna get educated,ho.
after that, im thinking jersey ?maybe.
i just want to go where i know im loved.
oh...guess what?
i love my father....crazy,right ? who saw that coming ? certainly,no i.
we're in the process of building an extraordinary relationship and im so proud that hes MY father,my papbear:]]
dudes, i have so much to update about...but i need to get my ass in bed for school tomato.
but you do need to know,my bestie veronica carina lopez, had her babygirl,on the 26th.
her names MILA SOFIA LAGOSPI.
shes beautiful.
monster and mac are going to make amazing parents <3.
k goodnight fools.
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[22 Jan 2006|10:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
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music |
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american dad. |
] |
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS WILL BE IN THE SUPERBOWL THIS YEAR!
hecks yeah!
denise and i totally had our war paint on and everything...so much fun.
hows everyone?
kaybai!
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redlipstick_'s journal