renascent

i don't know what to do anymore

2008-07-25T08:42:00Z

Some people naturally make you smile when you see them. Some people make you cry even when you don't see them.

I'm not giving up, but I really don't know what to do anymore.

And like all the freshmen who said sorry to me today, all I can do is say I'm sorry.

Jesus loves the little children

2008-07-20T15:11:56Z

I think you earn an extra 50 points of intelligence-slash-brilliance when your last name is Wise:

The kids memorised the little thing they were supposed to, and happily rattled on like it was their favourite nursery rhyme. The smile on their faces when they caught something with the candy grabbing machine is priceless. Stickers are the most important things to children.

rearranged_ @ 2008-07-17T12:10:00

2008-07-17T04:11:04Z

You'll think I'm dead, but I sail away.

these happy phases don't last very long, do they?

2008-07-12T15:31:25Z

Angsty and I don't really care that I've been posting entries like I'm pulling out a machine gun. But this comment I just read bagged it for the night:

I think there's a little too much focus on careerism when it come to choosing undergraduate degrees. The purpose of education (especially in the humanities and liberal arts) is not to create mindless automatons whose only education is a set of skills suited to a particular job. Education is about giving people the tools to become life-long learners in the pursuit of what it means to be human (ie humanities) and an education that frees the mind and the person, in that education keeps your mind from being trapped by demagogues (ie liberal as in liberating Education).

Ask me what I'm going to do after I graduate one more time and I'm going to punch you in the nose.

That said, I'm extremely pleased with myself for putting a shocked look on the smug uncle's face today because there's so much about the English language he never knew he didn't know. So there. HAH!

Still extremely pissed with the man of the sea. I was thinking up an entire monologue while sitting in the car with him today. I was preparing myself for anything he would say, except he never said a word.

If he did, I might have punched him in the nose though.

I desperately need to stop getting so angry. This has been a bad, bad week.

There. I said it.

Sabbath, and then a brand new week. A good one, please.

为何你还来拨动我心跳

2008-07-12T10:27:43Z

mir ist egal

2008-07-10T09:59:05Z

maybe all you need is the zsa zsa zsu.

and everyone we know

2008-07-09T18:25:01Z

How hard do we try to make people like us?

Do you really care, or are you just trying to get something else out of it.

Maybe we all have a "hope chest". Or a nickel to pass time.

How about a painting in a tree?

rearranged_ @ 2008-07-07T21:41:00

2008-07-07T13:41:51Z

Sometimes, we say things we don't really mean.

swim

2008-07-06T04:59:38Z

People change, stories change, the type of music we like change. Lifestyles change, the clothes we wear change. Favourites change, hairstyles change. Languages change, our minds change. Decisions change, conversations change, our weight change. Faces change, smiles change, emotions change. Expectations change, goals change, destinations change, results change. Habits change, perceptions change, opinions change. Everything changes.

Everything, but God.

does my head look big in this?

2008-06-26T05:40:18Z

In a world where we are constantly trying to live up to people's standards, this quote made me laugh:

"You know what? Who cares what normal is, Simone. Let's protest. From now on we're the anti-normal, anti-average, anti-standard. You can eat when you want to, I'll wear what I want, and we'll die with a packet of chips in our hand and a tablecloth on our head."
(Randa Abdel-Fattah, Does My Head Look Big In This?)

There are standards to everything, benchmarks not to tell us how good we are, but how far we are lagging behind. Are we doing whatever we're doing simply to meet this world's expectation of us? I was once asked if I would abort my baby if I knew he/she was abnormal. I said no. Society decides what is normal, and under those criteria that child is considered abnormal. Why? Simply because he/she cannot perform the same way that society dictates? But to that child, he/she is more normal than anything else. Does he/she not deserve a chance to live, simply because society has already rejected him/her before he/she was even born?

In this country, our 'normal' path has already been decided for us. 6 years of primary school, 4 years of secondary school, 2 or 3 years in a polytechnic or a junior college, followed by university education. Anyone who falls short of this is frowned upon. Employers ask why you spent 3 years in a junior college, or 5 in the university. And we all know a handful of people who went with the flow without really knowing what they want, simply because it was normal to do so.

Maybe I'm not normal. Maybe I don't want to be normal. I just want to be myself. Wear whatever I want, not what fashionistas tell me I should be wearing. Read what I want, say what I want, listen to what I want.

But that wouldn't be normal, would it?

It'd be nice if I could go through one day without having to worry about people scorning about what I plan to do in the future, because it's just normal to find a 9-5 job once I graduate. I'll bet the only people who tell me, "that's so cool!" are also thinking, "she needs to wake up."

We killed all the mutant (read: not normal) dorsophilas afer we examined them in the lab yesterday.

or just naive, maybe?

2008-06-25T09:04:00Z

For a dreamy time she imagined that he - and, when he didn't call, that someone else - would transform her life.

"She's lovely," Caroline said. Her hands were trembling. Because she was moved by his love and his sorrow, and because no one had ever loved her with this same passion. Because she was almost thirty years old, and yet if she died the next day there would be no one to mourn her like Rupert Dean still mourned his wife after more than twenty years. Surely she, Caroline Lorraine Gill, must be as unique and deserving of love as the woman in the old man's photo, and yet she had not found any way to reveal this, not through art or love or even through the fine high calling of her work.

evil is the eye that judges

2008-06-24T14:31:37Z

we turn pretty jewellery into worn-out, worthless copper.
maybe we should start off with stones and turn them into diamonds.

rearranged_ @ 2008-06-22T23:17:00

2008-06-22T15:18:32Z

aɪ æm səʊ bɔ:rd aɪ kʌnt bəli:v aɪ hæv tu: gəʊ tu: sku:l tʌmɔ:rəʊ

running thoughts to end the week

2008-06-20T10:16:49Z

"No one feared me - except me."

I hadn't worked in two weeks. I think I was so close to getting fired. So I worked for two hours and finished the three wretched papers. I hope the professors are happy. Five more to close the deal.

Dame tiempo para darte, todo lo que tengo.

I hate photos of people smiling. Especially when you know what lies beneath that smile. In the many years I've known you, I've always seen your smug look, or that cheeky smile, always making sure that you show no teeth. I've only ever seen you sad once, and that was the time I was sadder than you. And then there were three.

I'm dying to go on a holiday, dress up all pretty and skip around town.

I need, need, need to go back to Germany. Good call for a trip?

Car's available. License not.

How can anyone be satisfied with one language?

The X Files keeps coming up. Seen it in at least two journals, saw the poster at the movies, and now in a book. What are the odds? It was relaxing to go online and discuss the show anonymously. To spend hours dissecting its logical threads. To admire the courageous, analytical Scully. And with Scully, to follow "Spooky" Mulder along his errtic, pain-filled path towards some elusive Truth that - you knew in your heart - would never restore his innocence even if he did find it. I almost forgot. Jeb was a huge X Files fan too. This is really a sign that I should watch the movie when it's out next month. And that I need to find someone who would watch it with me.

Singfest, Jason Mraz. Jeez. Where am I going to find $300.

I'm on a splurgefest.

I need to find books that I'm actually willing to give away.

note to single m

2008-06-18T06:55:00Z

It's you, you're the jerk.

Women are not getting the respect we deserve. My maid/domestic helper went home only to be hit by her husband for trying to plan for her son's future. She was not allowed to return, because her husband wanted her by his side before he leaves for his job in another country. I always wondered why she was so submissive while she was working for us. She wouldn't even roll her eyes. Now I know. You don't roll your eyes when you're with an abusive man. You don't fight back. You just take it all in. Even if it meant forfeiting all the money you pumped in for your son's education. Just to be home with a man who "wants you by his side".

A typical weeknight talkshow topic: Women are lousy drivers. It's funny because not putting on the signal before making a turn and slamming the emergency brakes: these don't sound like something women do. In fact, I've seen more men doing that than I've even seen women driving.

Watch the same talkshow the next day and you get four bimbotic female (almost a tautology already!) guests. I don't know. Are we not getting the respect we deserve, or are we no longer deserving of that respect? Do we put ourselves on the platter as individuals who are weak and vulnerable, and can easily be manipulated? Do we put on a mask every morning before stepping out of the house, so that the men who see us will be pleased with what they see? Do we strut into clubs in the skimpiest outfits we can find in our wardrobe, do the most suggestive things, then blame men for objectifying women?

I've never watched SATC until the movie (yes, gasp.) and it was good while it lasted. I went home, watched the entire first season of the series and am halfway through the second. I gawk during almost every episode, and amuse myself by counting how many men have appeared in the series. It's funny, but then I remember what Jeb's friend said over two weeks ago when he caught his first episode of SATC, "If a show presents women as shallow and materialistic, why do women look up to these characters? And if the writing is neither funny nor logical, why do they keep watching?"

I have no idea. Maybe I'm becoming one of us - one of us who scream for sexual equality but actually go on to create a larger imbalance.

Edit: I take it back. I'm definitely with the group who still wants that little bit of dignity.

ZOMG FTW (insert Netspeak here)

2008-06-14T02:20:12Z

Am I the only one who's excited that the second X-Files movie will be out next month? I can't wait for another Agent Mulder and Scully partnership. But too bad they won't be continuing the alien conspiracy thread in the movie. No one else made me believe that there were aliens. I like that they included the theme song in the trailer too, unlike other movies that aim to recreate our memories and childhoods but get rid of the must-have theme song (read: TMNT, Transformers).

the big black cloud over you and me

2008-06-13T08:18:06Z

I don't think I can keep running when your lips don't say what your heart speaks.

maybe not

2008-06-12T17:14:32Z

For years I've pronounced it as Fur Elise, until I heard it on tv tonight and it all clicked. Beethoven, German. That's it. It's Für Elise, not FUR Elise.

Every day I feel dumber and dumber. Someday when I have kids, I'm going to be the mum without the answers. Boo.

rearranged_ @ 2008-06-12T14:35:00

2008-06-12T06:42:16Z

Wouldn't life be great if you could just fast foward to your favourite part?

Mine would be the part where I've found the perfect job, settled down and have two kids who are always happy. Screaming and shouting is fine, because I don't want to have quiet kids. That's just freaky. And I'd keep track of the critical period hypothesis and make notes of their nonsense utterances to the first sentence they make, the time they start applying inflections and becoming aware of irregularities. I'd plot their learning curve and be amused.

Seriously, too much time at hand and Karen Cheng makes me think about parenting a lot. That's kind of freaky too. At least I'll have 15 kids to look after on Sunday. :)

And what would your favourite part in life look like?

rearranged_ @ 2008-06-11T16:06:00

2008-06-11T08:08:12Z

I have a secret window, and I watch you through it. You don't know it, but it's my little way of saying "I miss you."

dear pedrosa,

2008-06-08T16:52:39Z

you're a great rider. you were supposed to have a good ride on catalunya, and you did. but you were not supposed to win, pedrosa. not win. you were just supposed to make the podium, not win.

rossi looked sad. :(

well to be a good sport, pedrosa did a great job and so did rossi and stoner. so hurrah because the podium is not full of strangers.

and i missed the race because of the wedding. maybe that's why he lost! hurhur.

over 15 tables of sharks' fins were served tonight. oh the horror. the only happy thing? i found two other boycotters at the same table. go sharks!

sappy moments

2008-06-08T06:04:42Z

revelation

2008-06-05T06:40:11Z

People are only really happy when they accept themselves.

yamahahaha

2008-06-04T14:04:04Z

This is one of the happiest photos I've seen of him.
Taking a lead since the 5th lap, and leading all the way to victory. Two more days to Catalunya. For the second time in my life (first was World Cup) I wish we still have the sports channel.
Hopefully Hayden goes for the engine change and we'll see better results from him and Pedrosa.
It'll still be hard to beat the 12 and 82 point lead. So we're safe.

question

2008-06-01T15:07:17Z

What if you're nothing but a pretty face?