I was cured, all right!

rachl_ @ 2011-02-22T21:20:00

2011-02-23T02:20:29Z

I can't stop watching Derren Brown videos on YouTube. Hello, new role model.

rachl_ @ 2010-10-17T18:33:00

2010-10-17T22:33:42Z

whoa whoa WHOA.

i am in love with pittsburgh. there's always something to be doing or watching or being a part of. and grad school chews me up and spits me out every single day, but i love it too.

the biggest change: people carry umbrellas here, and they're not embarrassed about it.

rachl_ @ 2010-08-21T06:38:00

2010-08-21T13:38:47Z

I moved to Pittsburgh! I am stealing the Internet in 8 second bursts! I am the only white person in my entire neighborhood!

Somebody told me that if you think as your life as great, it will be great, so that's what I'm doing. But the loneliness is palpable, to quote a TV show I don't want to admit that I watch.

city of subdued excitement

2010-08-10T02:43:44Z

I'm moving out of Bellingham in 2 days! Going to miss this city like crazy, though. I've never loved a place so much before. I have all my favorite spots around town, like little hiding places only I know about.

I'm listing all of my things on Craigslist under the "Free" section, because I want to get rid of this stuff FAST, and also because I like thinking about all my possessions spread out over this city. My cute Ikea lamp is now in a college guy's apartment on Myrtle, and the TV stand that we used for Jesse's TV and Caitlin's dead bee is now in the living room of a middle-aged man downtown. I gave my emergency ladder to a sweet girl who is moving into a sketchy apartment of her own off the Lettered Streets.

It's not so bad starting over.

rachl_ @ 2010-06-12T23:10:00

2010-06-13T06:10:23Z

what a great day. i love my family.

rachl_ @ 2010-01-14T23:09:00

2010-01-15T07:09:03Z

god, i hate january. least favorite month of the year, every year, without fail.

rachl_ @ 2009-11-29T21:27:00

2009-11-30T05:27:43Z

i think I've narrowed down my grad school choices. i should have done this weeks ago. if everything works out--then: bye, washington. you've been lovely.

rachl_ @ 2009-11-09T21:46:00

2009-11-10T06:09:58Z

i feel like a robot lately. and i've been playing tetris a lot. it's calming in a way.

rachl_ @ 2009-10-20T00:32:00

2009-10-20T07:41:43Z

went to the best concert i've been to in a long time tonight. ben folds.

everything is busy but it's nice. i am making plans!

rachl_ @ 2009-09-22T15:47:00

2009-09-22T23:13:31Z

when we were kids, my sister and i would always talk about all the stuff we would do if we were the last people on earth. you know, things like eating candy bars in the checkout line of the grocery store, and walking through the front door of the beautiful gated house two blocks over, fierce and unafraid. but then i started having nightmares about being the last person left. i think it was the loneliness, more than anything.

there are these big bugs that keep showing up in my bedroom, one at a time, hovering around my lamps and careening into the wall. i open up the window to shoo each one out, but they seem confused by the cool air and turn around immediately. they die in the corners of my room. there is a carpet of exoskeletons by my bed and i always think of my last-person-on-earth nightmares when i sweep them into the trash.

rachl_ @ 2009-09-03T20:33:00

2009-09-04T03:36:01Z

I am all moved in to my new apartment, which I love love love. I like the way my key sounds when I unlock the front door. I think that's all that's important, really.

rachl_ @ 2009-08-29T18:32:00

2009-08-30T01:34:57Z

i've been having deja vu all day.

yeah.

2009-08-12T05:29:58Z

i went to new york and got into late night with jimmy fallon. there were other things, too but i wasn't on tv for them.

rachl_ @ 2009-07-30T23:25:00

2009-07-31T06:28:05Z

pandora is only playing beirut and devotchka... grrrr.

i love wikipedia.

2009-06-28T23:58:12Z

I just spent two hours researching Munchausen syndrome, Munchausen by proxy, and Munchausen by Internet. I have an essay due tomorrow that has absolutely nothing to do with Munchausen syndrome.

rachl_ @ 2009-05-30T10:30:00

2009-05-30T17:31:24Z

everything seems a little better in the morning. i am covered in mosquito bites, though.

sorry for all the red herrings

2009-05-30T05:50:49Z

i had a nice day, up until half an hour ago.

cutter got the sims 3 a week early! i skipped three classes today to hang around at his apartment and play it. and then i came back to campus, declared my audiology minor, picked up scholarship forms, and spent the afternoon/evening hanging out with sarah and eventually everyone else in the park down the street. i'm in this weird place right now and i think sarah can really identify with it. i like how independent she is; it's what i'm going for, too. people are great...but my life is mine to live.

i don't remember if i wrote this here or not, but i almost took myself to portland about two months ago. just me. i looked up train times and i wrote down the address and number of a hostel and places i wanted to go. i was so close to leaving without telling anybody but then life happened, of course, and i didn't go. i will, someday.

i'm so bad at establishing any sort of direction for these entries, but it's livejournal. nobody cares. i wanted to say that i was cutting onions the other day and i started crying--from the onions--and i remembered how good it feels to just cry and so i thought about all the things that had broken my heart and i cried some more, and then i thought about all the things that make me whole again and i was still crying in the kitchen, even after the onion had been dumped unceremoniously in the trash.

most of all, i'm so tired of the familiar. i'm tired of waking up in this house, i'm tired of sitting next to the same girl every morning in my 8 AM language disorders class, i'm tired of looking in the mirror and i'm tired of everyone pretending to know all the answers. i think you make your own adventures in life, so the rest is up to me.

An intersection

2009-05-26T02:37:56Z

I spent the weekend with the boy I'm dating. I had a really nice time...

In the last 24 hours, I've eaten four popsicles and nothing else. And I accidentally flashed all of James Street on my way home. And my hair is totally "Jewing out" today to use somebody else's words. But in spite of everything, or maybe because of everything, I love this time of year when everybody is excited about all of the things that haven't happened yet and the air is almost weighted down with possibilites and everybody is going somewhere important.

rachl_ @ 2009-05-18T16:57:00

2009-05-19T00:00:13Z

i failed a test today. and i got a free vanilla latte, so i guess it evens out.

rachl_ @ 2009-04-29T22:05:00

2009-04-30T05:11:49Z

I am seeing THE SHINS on campus this Saturday. I'm looking forward to it.

Today, everybody had something to say about my tights. Tim, my professor, this girl in my study group, the bus driver, old ladies, Sarah, guys, everybody. And then--fittingly--I accidentally ripped them.

epilogue

2009-04-24T00:13:37Z

nobody updates anymore. it's ok. i've moved on too. i started a blog somewhere else where i can be a little more "me," i guess.

anyway, i thought i'd post just for the hell of it. it's spring finally and everything that made me nauseous over winter quarter is gone now. i feel much better.

i'm dating this guy who i like. a lot. he likes neutral milk hotel and fantasy novels, whiskey and cooking. he likes what i wear and how i talk and the things i choose to do. he likes me for me and oh my god i like that a lot.

rachl_ @ 2009-03-27T17:36:00

2009-03-27T22:41:29Z

i am in minnesota with caitlin. yesterday we road-tripped to iowa and stayed at her aunt's amazing old house.

the midwest is a very different place than the west coast, lots of haircuts that were popular ten years ago and puffy sweaters, corn fields and old houses, hyvee and kum & go. i saw the mississippi river today, too and we checked out the university of iowa in iowa city.

NO i will naver STOP

2009-03-09T05:01:44Z

I got a virus on my computer right around the same time that I made out with some guy at a bar. Both were mistakes. And both wouldn’t stop harassing me. The virus slowly spread from my operating system to my hard drive and there were warning messages popping up constantly and the guy started calling me eight times a day and leaving me pleading voice mails and grammatically-riddled text messages. After a week, it got to the point where I couldn’t turn on my computer anymore and I wouldn’t answer my phone anymore.

And then. Then, I called Dell and they sent me a new hard drive. And the next time that guy called, I took a deep breath and answered the phone and told him to stop calling, to leave me alone. I told him that I wasn’t interested and never would be.

I could use my computer again. And I stopped feeling sick when my phone rang. And I guess that’s where the analogy ends because the guy started calling me again yesterday and my computer is still clean and virus-free and I can’t figure out how to block his number and I want him to just leave me alone, forever.

I had a dream last night and I’m not going to write it out but it was about how powerless and helpless I feel sometimes. And it was about how I give in because that’s easier than standing my ground. Sometimes it feels like I’m floundering in a sea of my own bad decisions.

sunday.

2009-03-09T04:27:02Z

this is what i did today.

rachl_ @ 2009-02-17T01:10:00

2009-02-17T09:16:02Z

my roommate (the computer science major) just gave my computer a virus. i am very sad right now.