The Rabbit Hole

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 19:40:23 GMT

I'm back to the level of busy that I don't believe anyone understands unless they, also, are at that level of busy, and thus we hardly ever see eachother.

The newest teacher in the Social Work department, a Dr. Balliro, accused me of being an overachiever, stating "Well, there's one in every class." It's only been a day, but that word has been hounding me a little... overachiever. Suggesting that I attempt more than I can successfully take on. Verb. "1. to perform, especially academically, above the potential indicated by tests of one's mental ability or aptitude. 2. to perform better or achieve more than expected, especially by others." (Dictonary.com) Is that really me? Am I really a person others expect to do poorly, or to be unable to accomplish the goals I've set for myself? I know this word can easily be said with positive connontations, but it assumes that I shouldn't be able to do what I set out to accomplish.

That's just not the case. I do a lot, and I have distinct goals, but I manage to accomplish them. I think, if anything, the only person who ever lets on that they are surprised is myself. I'm blessed to have a ton of incredible people in my life who really and truly believe in the power of self-motivation, who believe that "you can do anything you want to do." While I feel like I'm holding onto it by the skin of my teeth, I never really think I can't do it. That would be a mind killer.

I finally got a copy of McDaniel's The Endarkenment, and I'm loving it, of course. Some reviewer on the back says that reading his poetry in particular will "open a skylight in your brain", and I think that's one of the best expressions I've yet heard. That man's words are a catlyst in my mind, every single time. I start thinking differently, more creatively, and I feel more attentive to both my internal and external world.
There was a lady at the bus stop this morning who told me "I like your whole... how do I say that?... I like your whole face style and style." She told me that big girls sometimes forget that they can look pretty. I disagreed, told her my general theory on trying harder because we feel we have to, and her eyes glazed over. Maybe I had that look on my face too; we're poor mirrors, but excellent projectors. Each of us was expressing an truth we've internalized, and they didn't mesh, and there isn't really a social etiquitte rule for that. She rode the bus to Arcata, and was bouncing and twitching the whole way. Face rubbing, moving her arms and hands in tiny jerking motions. A projector again, my assumption is that she was on something, but I don't know what. You can do that with way too much caffiene, but she wasn't moving in the fluid way humans move. Even the akward, the physically disabled, the folks with Parkinsons and who weigh 500 pounds and who have broken bones move in a way we're supposed to. We look organic. This doesn't; it never looks organic to me. It never feels organic.

Halloween is going to fall on a school day for me, on the day that I have Swing Dance. I'm thinking I really ought to dress up, and will probably re-use the German Beer girl costume for that. I'm not going to tell any more people than I already have what the Andy&Laurel party costume will be, but it's gonna be something special. For IMPS, which is fairy tale themed, Ryan and I are going to dress as Shrek and Fiona. Because that is just sickeningly cute. For the MAC Halloween party, I'm doing a Cheshire cat again. Two new costumes; fun times. I hope you know what you're going to be.

Swing Dance is fun, and Power Step is kicking my ass. I wasn't able to attend the latter last week, and part of that was because of my head. I've been having, over the last 2 weeks, some sort of progressive dizzyness. It's been happening with concerning frequency, this dizzyness when I stand up or sit down, or roll over in my bed. It was bad enough last week that I was dizzy even when just sitting still. I think it's getting better now, but I'm a bit afraid of falling over in class.

I think I might actually be allergic to exersize. No, I'm joking. Still, I always start develping flu-like symptoms when I start a regiem. It's a wee bit distressing, and it makes going consistently an internally difficult thing. I get enjoyment out of dancing, but still not out of exersice. The up side? While working out, I'm not massively concerned with all the things I have to do, all the things I have to keep together. I'm too busy trying not to trip over my feet and where to put them, where to put my arms, how to move and do it correctly. I really don't like looking at myself in the mirror when I'm doing the class.

There's so much more to write about, but I'm out of time.

Back to the crazy time of year

Fri, 26 Aug 2011 14:30:59 GMT

This week has been a wee bit shy of crazy, but I guess that's the way I like it.

First, work! Today is the last day of the last week of me working for Jaz over the summer, and I'm not even working a full shift. It's always a little intense over the summer, but this season seems particularly confusing. The office lady, who we were all rather fond of, left to live in Sacramento, so there was an up high scramble that moved it's way down to the lower reaches of floor staff. Everyone seemed a little more discombobulated than typical.

Another lovely lady left. She's a friend of mine, and she was just very burnt out on the field in general and this place of employment in particular. I'm glad that she resigned, because it is best for her and because she hasn't been as present as the clientele really need her to be. However, rather than giving her two weeks, she just up and and quit. While I haven't yet been able to speak to her (and I think she may be avoiding me) I think I understand her reasons. Still, it was massively irresponsible of her, and I'm more than a little disappointed in her decision. Following your heart is good, and more people should do it. It's very fulfilling. When following your heart, though, pay attention to your feet, lest you step on someone else.

The NSQ campers are having a staff barbeque at Yvonne's on Sunday, and I'm looking forward to re-connecting with the ladies back here in the real world.

Second, school! The 442 breadth course got changed at the last minute for essentially unknown reasons. The program hired a new staff member, a Dr. Michael Ballerio (spelling?), and what was "Adventure" is now "Social Work, Social Justice and The Prison Industrial Complex." Let me tell you, I am jazzed. This class is going to be awesome, group work and all.

Natural disasters will require me to keep up, but I should manage a 4.0 out of it. One page of handwritten notes are allowed on exams, so I'm fine. If I can have a few notes, I'll ace it. (I know I can I know I can I know I can...)

The exercise classes are going to kick my butt. I'm going from a fundamentally sedentary existence to pretty intense workouts three days a week. Let me tell you, my legs are sore! The swing dance class is going to be fun, and dance has always felt like fun rather than a chore, but I know I'll have to push myself to keep attending the power step. The teacher seems to understand the variety of issues I'm dealing with in her class (weight - as in moving around more, joint issues) and doesn't mind if I drop out of the routine and just march in place if that's all I can do. If she doesn't care, and it doesn't affect my credit, then I'm just going to keep doing what I can. Hoo-ah!

I haven't yet started my internship, and I'm feeling a little big lost due to my supervisor's casual attitude. While I am expecting to begin next week, I haven't been able to get a clear answer. Following the internship orientation today, I'm going to try and get something (anything) hammered out so I can start planning ahead.

Of that planning ahead, Social Work Student Association! Officers are having our first meeting today, and I've got one heck of an agenda in my head. I really want to make the club a little more fun and a little more active so that we get greater participation numbers. Movie nights are a shoe in, and I've gotten several of the teachers on board with giving extra credit for participation in the movie nights, as so many of them will be in line with current classes. I decided (because I can do that!) that Champion is going to be our first movie. Link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0449472/
Danny Trejo is an excellent storyteller, so the story that I've already heard versions of is very fresh and engaging. I think it has the potential to lead to great discussion. Also, I might be able to talk Dr. Ballerjio into giving us extra credit for it. Woo hoo.

CASA court case is coming up, and I'm not quite ready. I need to get my court report written, and this weekend is already pretty stuffed. Ryan and I are hosting all the Rocky cast parties now (which I prefer to attending another Rocky ever again), so that's happening Friday. Saturday is IMPS, and we're working teardown. Sunday is the NSQ barbeque, and Monday is back to school. Somehow, I've gotta get all my homework done and a rough draft of the court report written. I can do this, yes I can. I just have to do this (and may not clean anything at all).

Also? I want to got to Portland still. Heee.

It never rains but it pours, and this is why I'm probably never having kids. Waaaaaaay too busy.

Oh, and I am making headway on being a snake mommy! A young man from Chico is selling a Ball Python and all it's accesories for around $200 (I'll haggle him down if I want it) and I'm going to meet it Monday around noon. I may have a snake soon! He will totally be renamed, yes he will. While it depends on the critter, does anyon have good snake name suggestions? I mean, he's a snake. He's not gonna care.

As the last thing for this update, those of you on the East coast are in my thoughts today. I was freaked out by the earthquake because most of those states have no idea what to do in an earthquake. I'm less concerned about Irene because I know that you know what to do and how to stay safe. Still, I hope there is no damage or danger to you or anyone you know. Love.

A mash of updates

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 14:23:38 GMT

Livejournal was down for a bit during the last time I wanted to update; I'm still glad this site exists!

I'm moving slowly over to Google +, only truly slowed by the people who haven't made the change. If you're interested, I've got a bunch of invites. Send me your email address. That said, this is probably the last livejournal post that will also link to facebook. G+'s circles make it much easier to control the flow of my personal information.

Onto writing, and where to start? I don't journal nearly as much as I used to, or nearly as much as I have reason to. When I try to step back and look at my life, there is so much that I never expected, and so many projects it's nearly overwhelming! I fill my time, however, because I am happier when I am "doing". As lazy as I can be, the doing makes life worth living.

Jaz Kidz keeps on changing on all levels. New clients and new staff, but so many of the same old problems. Cleaning, consistency, storage, financial issues (political), etc. As much as I love working there, and love the kids, I am looking forward to a future where I have a bit more say over my environment, and learning new things in new settings. There are drudgery sort of walls with this kind of work, and I feel like I'm running into them.

With the news things comes my internship. As I was pleased to learn last semester, I got my first choice of internship at RCAA's Multiple Assistance Center (MAC). The power structure, there and at Family Services in general, has changed a little since summer break began; Brendan, who I interviewed with, no longer works there. While a lot of data I have is gossip-based, let's just say that I'm a little more nervous than I was previously. However, the MAC is going to be amazing for me. To really compact as much learning as I can into this year of school - so that I can get into the Advanced Standing Master's Program at HSU - I need to have access to a variety of services in the continuum of care, and experience aiding clients in numerous situations with numerous risk issues. The MAC is an excellent place to do this, and it's just down the street from a bus stop.

School starts on the 22nd of August; that would be 11 days and counting. 11! That's not even two full weeks! The stress bunny has started. I need to spend some distinct amount of time getting everything ready to go this week. I don't have my school books yet (and won't until I get money) but I can hunt down and set up essentially everything else I'll need.

In addition to school, my CASA case is nearing it's court date, so I have to spend some time working on the report for the judge, as well as hunting down and talking to anyone involved with the childrens' lives that I haven't yet conversed with.

In my head, this all comes on the tail of a whale of a good feeling of a job well done. North Star Quest Camp for Girls was a total blast! I had fun and I get to add to my resume, as well as having a wonderful nonprofit I can fundraise for throughout the year; I expected this. It's what I didn't expect that still has me reeling in joy: amazement. I did not expect to be amazed by 37 pre-teen girls; I did not expect to be in awe of their capacity for love, compassion, understanding, and power. I did not expect the get my cynical shell so well cracked, or to break down and cry, or to have a dastardly inner clown. Sometimes, the unexpected is exactly what we need. I'm so grateful that I've gotten to participate in this, and you can bet I'll be working my butt off to make sure next year happens as well!

Let's see, what else? So many projects! The incredible SuperKate (who is getting married Saturday) helped me to set up my sewing machine. While I'm still a novice, I can sew! I intend on making a t-shirt quilt for both practice and camping warmth.

I have the intention of becoming a snake mommy in the near future. I am trying to hunt down used (and therefore cheaper) setup goods, such as a tank and heating lights, to get a habitat available. After talking to the gentlemen at Fin & Feather, one of the smaller pythons or a milksnake will probably be the best choice for me. I need relatively small (around 3 feet) and not incredibly thick snakes so that I can be in control if ever a questionable situation arises. While the boas of my friends are beautiful, that's far too much snake for me to handle.

There's more (there is always more) and hopefully I can work journaling into a morning routine.

The obit

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 18:33:36 GMT

Nettie was born in Lookout, CA to Charles and Zettie Potter-Gooch on Feburary 9th, 1913. She had 6 siblings: Mazella Oilar Coe, Ora Gooch, Rush Gooch, Hazel Wertz, Carrie Cessna and (1/2 brother) Tim Ostrom. She attended Little Hot Springs School and was a 1932 graduate of Big Valley High School. She married John Lewis Hendrix on May 18, 1935 in Alturas, CA and had 3 children: Bonny Sattler, Donald Hendrix and Carrie Ashe. At the time of her death, she was 98 yrs old.

Nettie was both creative and capable in her many endeavors. She grew large flower and vegetable gardens with vigor over the years, and raised many farm animals on her ranch. She enjoyed leatherwork, sewing, quilting, and creating dried flower arrangements for personal gifts and club fundraisers. She also enjoyed participating in the Intermountain Fair, entering many of beautiful things throughout her life.

She was an active member of the Garden Club and the Day Community Center for several years and worked as a cook at Mayers Memorial Hospital until she retired.

She is survived by her son Donald Hendrix, daughter Carrie Ashe, 9 Grandchildren: Kristi Keadle, Karrie "Pete" Mike, Jay Keadle, Lisa Stanley, Cindy Jones, John Ashe, Tom Ashe, Reid Hendrix and Brett Hendrix; 15 Great-Grandchildren: Diamond Moebus, Rachel Moebus, Griff Mike, Brittany Jones, Donald and Sara Stanley, Heather, Haley and Tanner Ashe, Corbin and Chloe Ashe, Jackie and Jared Keadle, Shasta Hendrix; and 1 great Great-Great-Grandaughter, Kaeyden Keadle.

(edited to improve some language, grammar, and punctuation).

July 10th, 2011, 9:15 PM, Mayers Memorial Hospital, McArthur, CA.

Thu, 14 Jul 2011 08:23:48 GMT

My Great-Grandmother Nettie Hendrix - Gramma - died Sunday night at 9:15. She was 98, seven months shy of her 99th birthday, give or take a day. She had slipped into a coma, her body shutting down. She literally died of old age, as had a long line of Gooch people.

My responses don't make sense to me, and underline (to me) that I don't deal well with grief. It's never something I've figured out. I've been one part dysphoric and one part dissociative, essentially either depressed and irritable, or feeling like a non-human. I have recently been feeling like a bowl of canned chicken noodle soup. Before that, I was feeling like a balloon.

Her house smelled like dirt, sunlight, fabric, and ash.

There were always growing things. I never knew anyone who could get anything to grow as well as she could.

She made the most incredible food. Everything in her house was always clean. She collected owls, and all the blankets and pillows were made by her. She tried to teach me to sew - pillows of all sorts. She had the small sets of Crayola markers for us to draw with. She grew sprouts and put them in her fridge.

We hold onto lessons. Gramma taught me leatherworking, paper crafts, dry flower arraignments, and what a home cooked Thanksgiving dinner should taste like. She was incredibly crafty. She held up under grief.

I keep doing what I'm supposed to. Fundraising for North Star Quest Camp, organizing the Social Work Library online... what I said I'd do. I think she would tell me that life keeps happening even if someone dies, and that you have to keep going.

Gramma once told me, "Diamond, I'm not going to tell you to stop smoking and drinking. My husband is dead, my kids are dead, and my friends are dead, and I'm getting very bored with living." She just kept living, but she had been ready to pass on for years.

I won't be able to go to her memorial. There are at least 37 young girls who don't know me, but are depending on me to follow through with my obligations. I think this is the best thing. I'm more emotional than I ever knew her to be, but I think she would like the idea that I'm doing what I said I would do. At least, this is what I will tell myself.

I don't know that she was ever proud of me. She didn't like that I was fat, or liberal, but she loved that I was her grand-daughter. This is a ... I forget the word. A moment by which we define our lives, the before and after. This is a marker. Until Sunday, there was a world with Gramma in it. Now I live in a world where she is not. This world is lonelier, a place that is more empty.

And comfort, what there is, comes from the strangest places. Someone who is still only an acquaintance, but who I would like to be a friend, gave me the first encompassing hug. And then didn't treat me like I can't talk anymore. Ryan, bless him, has no idea what to do, because I guess I don't react like other people he knows. I'm not lucid enough to be sure of what I need.

I don't have any more blood grandparents. If I ever have children, they will never have maternal great grandparents. I don't know where to put grief. There are so many facets to it, it just doesn't fit in me. It keeps bouncing around inside, poking different parts and making them hurt. I keep turning off, watching the tube and drinking, keeping busy, but it keeps bouncing back around.

Ask.

So you think you can tell....

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 08:19:08 GMT

Last night, I went to sleep angry. I was angry at stupid internet conversations, and angry at people I haven't seen in weeks, months, and years. The anger kept me from being able to sleep, so I decided near (eventually) falling asleep that I would see the beauty in the next day. I was able to get little sleep, around 5 hours.

While today has had it's share of small frustrations to which I have paid too much attention (e.g. the jerk who parks like one) it has been a uniquely beautiful day.

Today, I was blessed with a range of small, perfect moments, all connected by a general thread of optimism, excitement, and pleasure. There were conversations about pie, cheese, chocolate, peppers, and nothing at all in the grocery store today. There were kind smiles from checkers and workers. There were moments of driving where the other driver was the first to be polite, and there were incredibly purple flowers. There was the motion of short, sharp poetry within the movements of delightful children.

I read a variety of writings by Carl Sagan, and cried. (ETA: HERE, this! Doesn't this make you sad? http://alexpetrov.com/memes/astro/ ). Then, I listened to some, and cried again. I explored my feelings surrounding the death of this universe. I really am afraid, and sad because of it, that I live in a universe-dimension wherein the human race - out of laziness and purely financial concerns - will never populate the planets hiding in the shadows of the stars. I hope still for R. Danieel Olivaw, but I do actively mourn the passing of space travel in my lifetime.

So long as I am a conscious, thinking being, part of me will feel as empty as those spaces between the stars which we will never explore. If a "we" ever does, it will be a people with whom I am unfamiliar. It will be a people with which I do not feel an inherent kinship, and thus, in the arrogance of humanity, it will not be "my people".

The food was well made for a first time, and I received probably more compliments than I deserved. It was tasty, and I experienced a profound joy in feeding people I care for. I also fed them alcohol, laughed at my mistakes, and found this comfortable companionship which I am so lucky to experience.

And now, at this moment, I am listening to those musical compilations which make me feel sad. I am sad in a kind manner to the youth I once was. I am sad for the future. I am sad for the person who once felt this way, and feel an almost desperate empathy for those who still do.

There is still a loneliness in the early AM hours which never has quite left my life. I am glad for this because, as I have grown into a world surrounded by joy and beauty, these early moments still allow me to feel a deep, morose core which will remain part of my being for so long a you and I share breath.

Hey. Love.

Sun, 10 Apr 2011 03:55:25 GMT

I've taken naps two days in a row now. It's more than a little unusual for me to do this, but the results are magical sanity. Without any effort, I feel like I've had quiet time with my own mind.

With dogged determination, I am slowly and successfully making it through this semester. May 10th is the last day I have anything due, and I will be free and clear. In the shorter term, I have two presentations to give/have completed this week.

Crushes are delicious. I'm learning how utterly enjoyable, how heady a wine, unrequited crushes can be. It's a little like having a song playing in your head, nonstop. It's a little like being drunk, and utterly happy with the entire universe. Sometimes, we can learn about ourselves simply by being ourselves, by feeling all that we have inside and quietly, lovingly accepting it. It's no more action than opening our arms to ourselves.

Tattoos haven't happened yet. What with Skinsignea moving, and my absurd schedule, it just hasn't happened yet. While I'm just ancy to get it done, I also know that it'll happen sooner or later.

Spring schedule:
SW 442 - Advanced Social Work Methods with Christian Itin. Monday, 3:00-5:50 (3u)
PE 196 - Swing Dance with J. O'Connor. Monday 6:00PM - 7:50PM (1u)
GEOL 308 - Natural Disasters with L. Dengler. Tues & Thurs, 12:30PM - 1:50PM (3u)
PE 255 - Water Polo with Kevin Fraser. Tues & Thurs 3:00PM - 3:50PM (1u)
SW 456 - Field Experience Seminar with Debbie Gonzalez. Tues, 5:30PM - 7:20PM (2u)
SW 455 - Social Work Field Experience - i.e. The Internship. (5u)

Weeeeeee! Still full time, and I'll be getting exercise in. Isn't that just beautiful?

In other news, I'm so lucky to be so well loved by so many incredible, beautiful people.

Bad poetry

Thu, 07 Apr 2011 01:20:15 GMT

Is this
how you
communicate?

Is this how I can access your skin
so pale and soft and dare I say
creamy?

Is 140 characters or less the only way I can write
lust poems
to your mind?

I feel lost
in this century.

Writer's Block: Homeword bound

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 05:01:35 GMT

How would you describe your perfect home in ten words or less?

View 1629 Answers

Rural, green, over 40 acres, multi-level, wood, open, clean, purple.

Of Breakfast and Teeth

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 13:35:56 GMT

(Overly dramatic version)

I woke up this past Sunday to a loud, unusual sort of banging coming from inside my house. Groggy with sleep and still tethered to dreams, I rolled over to ask Ryan what was going on. He was not in bed. With only minor concern, I stumbled out of his sheets and into my bedroom, to see if Ryan was there. He was not, and the banging had stopped. I thus surmised that Ryan, ever busy and building, must be the source of the unusual noise.

As I needed to leave the house for a North Star Quest Camp meeting in a couple hours, the next area to which I stumbled was the bathroom. Post-hygiene routine, this scrubbed and much more alert girl got dressed in preparation for the day. Down the stairs I went, only faintly noticing the smell of something fried. At the base of the stairs, Ryan - having heard me arrive - said "There's coffee by the monitor sweetie, and I'm making breakfast."

Ryan was in the kitchen, his back towards me. I walked over to him with the intent of giving him a big good morning hug and kiss. He turned around before I got there, and his jaw dropped.

"You're dressed!" He said, sounding distressed.
"Yeah, I have the Camp thing in a couple hours in Old Town," I responded.
Looking now dejected, and loosely gripping a spatula in his had, he replied in a pleading tone: "But... I'm making chicken fried pork steak with eggs. You'll still have time to eat it, won't you?"

(Of course I did, and it was amazing).
------------------------------

In other news, I finally had a "teeth falling out" dream. I can join the ranks of everyone, for the scientists say that everyone has had one of these dreams. A couple strange things for you, though:
First, my teeth looked suspiciously like peanut brittle.
Second, the dream teeth chunks were attached to the tooth base by thin wires running through them. To remove the portion that was falling out, I had to pull out the wires as well. It was a very uncomfortable dream.

And... today is a short school day, so I'm making a turkey. End of line.

Food is Basic to Student Diet

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 02:16:42 GMT

1. How many clowns would it take to freak you out?
I'm not sure. A huge crowd of clowns might, but I might also be laughing my ass off. I like clowns - I think it comes from knowing a few. They're all very sweet, somewhat socially ineffective, cool people.

2. What is your favorite card game?
I like solitaire, and I like dealing blackjack. I don't know many card games.

3. Are the undies you're wearing right now age appropriate?
Is "none" age appropriate?

4. Five things you can touch right now without getting up.
My wine spritzer, social work class notes, tweezers, the bowl of hair goodies, and one of my hats.

5. You have to be somewhere on the fourth floor of a building. Do you take the lift/elevator?
Yes. Just... yes.

6. How do you feel about your reflection?
I put up with me many days. I've tried to start the habit of looking at myself in the mirror and saying "I love you". It's making a difference.

7. What are you thinking about right now?
The movie _Very Young Girls_. It is a documentary about sex trafficking of young girls in Socal(?), and focusing on a program that helps... GEMS. It's... it's rough. I suggest watching it.

8. Write the first word that comes to mind.
Cervix. (Wha????)

9. Dog person or cat person?
Cats, but I like dogs (gogs) too.

10.If you came across $2,000 (or other currency) would you keep it or turn it in?
Oh man... I'd keep it. I'd probably just hold onto it for a while, figure out if there was someone I could return it to, and then use it to pay rent and bills.

11.What was the last thing that you bought?
One of the glass bottled yerba mate flavored teas.

12.If you could afford to go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Scotland.

13.Where do you see yourself in five years?
With my Master's, planning program running and writing grants.

14.Last book you've read?
_Altars in the Street_.

15.What are you doing this weekend?
Chandra's bridal shower, maybe the Second Wind tobacco cessation program training, homework, and drinking.

16.If you could play any musical instrument, which one would you play?
The Cello. If I every pick up an instrument, that's what it'll be. They're beautiful, sexy, deep, incredible sounds from incredible instruments.

17.How are you?
Frustrated, stressed, trying to get over it.

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 20:18:03 GMT

I am currently sitting in Weaverville waiting for the 2:40 bus. What a great little trip to Mom's!

It was essentially quite, low stress, and relaxing. Griff had a cold, so he stayed home from school Tues-Thurs, but still felt well enough to hang out with me. While I'm massively sick of Lady Gaga and Katy Perry (thanks Rachel!), it was a lot of fun to see him dance to them. I got a great video of it.

His spoken language comprehension has improved quite a bit, although he still gets frustrated and just won't answer sometimes. He was also great at doing chores with me.

Everything was quiet, except us. I also got plenty of homework done, including reading Altars in the Street. Helped Mom study for some exams too; nursing is no joke.

I also officially came out to mom about bisexuality and polyamory. Thank goodness, it was smooth and fine. While I think she was a little confused, she didn't respond with anger or hurt. She'd never heard of polyamory, so that probably helped. I'm so pleased; it couldn't have gone better.

At least one part of the visit was bittersweet though. Seems that Jay and Margret (Mom's brother and his wife) had the bank forclose on the mill land. I am filled with hurt and rage over this. One of our family properties, the one that actually holds the historic mill that has always been a familial landmark, is now owned by the bank. Just the thought makes me want to cry, and I don't know who to talk to about it. Maybe I should be understanding, but I don't know that I have that in me.

Monday = tattoos! I am going to be getting Shasta Lilies on my neck to cover up that weird S thing. Here are some pictures of said lilies:

Shasta Lilies are native to where I grew up; there, we call them Mountain Lilies. They are my mother's absolute favorite flower. It grows all over my family's land, blooming around the same time as the redbells. Let me tell you, it is a kind of magical to walk through the human-noise-silent pine covered woods and follow the trails of lilies and redbells. To me, they represent the three generations of strong and beautiful women I am blessed to be bred from and to have known in my life. They represent something calm, hopeful... some feeling that exists between the zen of acceptance and the magic of the inland woods. The flowers are also highly resistant to transplant, but are hardy where they intend to grow. It's an allegory for the Gooch family.

From the wiki: "Lilium washingtonianum grows up to 2 m tall, and bears large fragrant white or pinkish flowers that are often decorated with purplish spots. The tepals are 6 to 9 cm long and not strongly reflexed. It is typically found in chaparral, open woods, recently burned areas, or revegetating clearcuts."

Born in the USA

Sun, 13 Mar 2011 21:57:41 GMT

Excited!

On Monday I'm taking a bus over to Redding to visit my family. Mom is going to pick me up from the RABA station around 2:30, and we're going to hang out. I hope we get to catch a meal or something. Then we're meeting Ivan in Burney, and he's going to take me the rest of the way to the property. Mom has to stay in Redding for school for the rest of the week; she says she has some projects and tests she has to work on/study for. I won't see a lot of her.

Griff is going to be in school also, but I'll get to see him in the late afternoon/evenings. During the day, I'm going to try to get massively ahead in my schoolwork for this semester. It will be quiet and beautiful; two things that lend themselves to productivity. I can help Griffer with his homework in the evening (and see where he's at/what sort of work they're giving him). I really want to dye his hair again, but I forgot to plan it with Ivan. His hair will need to be much longer than I expect it is.

On Thursday we're going back to Burney, and Mom's going to meet us there. Mom and I are going to stay in a hotel together on Thursday night, since I'll need to catch an early bus on Friday from Redding. We'll see where she's at, but I'm strongly considering coming out to my mom at this time. We'll have the privacy to talk about it, and I think I stand a better chance if it can be a "just us" sort of talk. While she might, at this point, be alright with bisexuality, polyamory is a whole 'nother can of worms.

Ryan is going to be having a difficult time this week. His ex is getting married. They were together for 15 years, so I expect some variety of unhappy shit is bound to come out. Jeremy said he'd come by; so did Yvonne. I'm worried that won't be enough. *sigh*

The Friday night I return, Christy is having a St. Pattie's party at Murder house. FUN. And whiskey and FUN. I look forward to it! Can't drink too much though, because I've got a CASA meeting that Saturday.

Busy girl doesn't stop, but so much joy is coming my way! On the Monday after I get back, I have an appointment with Dre to get my next tattoo. Hooray! The damn ugly thing on my neck is going to be covered up with a Shasta Lily. I'll write an entry dedicated to it, for it is a personally special flower.

"...and to the ship that has lead the way time and time again, we say farewell Discovery."

Wed, 09 Mar 2011 17:35:24 GMT

Discovery just ended it's 27 year run, touching down at Kennedy at 11:58 AM EST. Gotta tell you, I've been getting all weepy about this since she went up. The end of an optimistic era.

A couple days ago, Shatner recorded the following over the Star Trek theme, and it was played for the Discovery crew as a wake up message:
"Space, the final frontier. These have been the voyages of the space shuttle Discovery. Her 30 year mission: To seek out new science. To build new outposts. To bring nations together on the final frontier. To boldly go, and do, what no spacecraft has done before."

We did more with her than with any other shuttle. She's been flying my entire life. For me, there was never a time when some kid in the class didn't want to be an astronaut. The earliest science fiction I read was based in the concept that yes, YES, we really can and do go into space. That yes, YES, we can "explore the stars in peace, together, forever." (Bill Hicks). I'm a bit of a holdover in that respect. Most of my age peers don't feel the same way. Space flight is expensive and blase. What I hear the most is "we need to focus on this planet before we go screwing up others."

Yes, yes we do. Why can't we do both? Why do we have to limit our capabilities as a species and a one-mind by choosing only this planet or the galaxy? I believe that the technology that would allow us to live on other planets, to reach them and be at peace, is the same that will allow us to live on our planet in joy and in health; not just our health, but in a healthy and balanced biosphere.

Listen to this, from NPR:
http://www.npr.org/2011/02/24/133961084/t-minus-zero-discovery-to-blast-off-on-final-flight

Just a little? Just a little bit of "the right stuff"? Feeling optimistic about our capabilities as a species and as a spirit has gone out of fashion, I think. We're supposed to worry, to be afraid and concerned and fight, but never believe in our better angels.

End article, NPR:
http://www.npr.org/2011/03/09/134391936/space-shuttle-discovery-lands-for-last-time

So, Discovery is to be retired to a museum, perhaps (likely) the Smithsonian. It makes me sad, sure... but the idea that there may not be a hopeful next makes me sadder.

Rough

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 18:28:59 GMT

Alright Diamond, what just happened?

The dancing and music, and expressing to Wendy my fear of attending due to my whiteness. I added on the can't dance to sort of soften the race discussion that was bound to happen. I don't fear my dancing skills; go figure.

Wendy seemed to say or was going to say that it wasn't a problem, that it wouldn't be an issue, or some other assurance. Margi went off on the dancing thing, and then ...

Alright, so she paired up with Donny and says, jokingly, "us whites gotta stay together... OH NO, someone will think that's racist!" Now why am I so angry?

1. I was already in a strange emotional place due to this morning's event. Pre-coffee angry and the surprise emotional blow of Discovery.
2. Insensitive? I am still struggling to discuss race issues, and to understand whiteness as more than this structural racist thing that it is, but how it affects my life and the lives of those around me. It's a vulnerable place to be. I have the expectation that when I show my fear to these classes, that will be respected. Especially by the instructor.

Oversensitive girl is oversensitive.
I think the cohort gets it, I know (objectively) I wasn't the only one going "but I'm white! I can't go to the latino dance/black & brown solidarity thing! I'm afraid!"
And I wanted to address that, because I wanted the discussion to happen, to have part of the cohort feel included and validated in their discussions on race.

12 On Their Way to Cruise Among Dead in Plane Crash

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 17:40:28 GMT

Tampa mom makes son wear sign announcing 1.22 GPA

He is 15. He had to stand on a street corner with the sign for almost 4 hours. This was not the first option; the parents "offered help, asked to see homework, grounded, lectured him and confiscated his cell phone." Obviously, it's made the news because people thought it was excessive, to he point where the mom was reported to the Department of Children and Families. Honestly? I think this was a creative choice. It was certainly humiliating for the teenager, but that's good. He's already hyper-aware of the judgments of his peers and society, a part of being a teenager. It's such a powerful force, parents are fools to NOT tap into it.

Websites may encourage self-injury in teens, young adults.

Hey, look... it has a name now. -_-

I have never even considered looking at videos for self harm... what, inspiration? That's not the word I'm looking for. Once upon a time, I had self-harm behaviors. No, not just drinking too much - cutting and scratching and hitting walls. I've mellowed out, and part of that was being able to NOT have to do so. Somehow, I figured out that looking at images of other people doing the same thing fulfilled whatever chemicals my brain was trying to produce (minus endorphins). I didn't have to actually do it. I never thought of looking at videos.

"The analysis of the self-injury content found that 53% was delivered in a factual or educational tone, while 51% was delivered in a melancholic tone. Pictures and videos commonly showed explicit demonstrations of the self-harming behavior."

I'm uncomfortable with the idea of a "how to" video. Is it better that there are "how to" videos so that some kid doesn't actually kill themselves? I mean, it is very easy to go too much and too deep. There's no data on whether or not this might actually reduce frequencies of self harm.

"The study concludes that the findings about the volume and nature of self-injury content on YouTube show 'an alarming new trend among youth and young adults and a significant issue for researchers and mental health workers.'" Alright, now you're just full of it. I don't believe it's any more prevalent than it was a decade ago. Like so many things in the information age, it is simply MORE visible now. More and more people are focused on user-created content, a huge leap from where we were even a decade ago. Younger folks are far more savvy in navigating this world, but they may also not have the experiences WE have which tell us what should be private and what shouldn't be.

"CNNHealth.com mental health expert Dr. Charles Raison, an Emory University psychiatrist, explained 'NSSI is a young person’s affliction…one in ten will kill themselves. A lot of people will outgrow the behavior.' Raison said that it’s common for troubled young people to share information about these behaviors."

While I don't like the language... well, at least he's paying attention.

Drunken drivers paid $1000 in '84

Sun, 20 Feb 2011 19:11:06 GMT

3 owlets! Matilda, Dundee, and Bindi.
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/owlceanside

I am a very, very luck goil.

For VD:

I got Ryan a card that has a zombie on it. The zombie is holding out it's lungs, and the inside says "you take my breath away". ^.^ I also found an Audubon plush turkey - you squeeze it and it makes turkey noises. Ryan got me a $50 bottle of whiskey in a nice ceramic jug.

Then we went to the IMPS party that weekend. If sex stuff bothers you, you don't have to read it. I cut it, just for you.

----------

It's a revelation for me how much more comfortable I can be at these parties - doing what I want and liking what I want. I got to beat a friend for some crazy amount of time, to the point where my whole arm - fingertips to shoulder and all down my back - was barely functional the next day. I got beat myself by another friend, and it was sweet and loving and comforting. I keep forgetting (or haven't made the pathways strong) that "play" can be playful and fun. It's not about sex and kink, it's kinky fun! I also did a masturbation scene, and to my surprise, had a decent audience! A friend told me later that they were surprised I had done something like this, because "you're always so reserved." It's very unusual for me to think of myself as reserved, or to know other people consider me that way, but I suppose it's true in some respects.

I'm reallllly looking forward to the staff party, and I hope the grope box makes it to it!

Last night a friend of mine had a Passion Party at Good Relations. She works there, and part of her job is representing the store on such parties, so she hosted one to learn how to throw them. While I was essentially just there to support my friend, she's a very good saleswoman. Wooo! There are a couple things I would love to try, but simply can't afford. Two that mimic the tongue - which is harder to do than you'd expect!

The first is the Squeel, and it looks like this:

And if that doesn't make enough sense, here's a review:
http://gizmodo.com/#!5380577/sqweel-ten+tongue-sex-toy-video-hands+on

I honestly think it looks like a LOT of fun, and I totally want one.

The second makes me think we're just a few inventions away from robotic pleasure drones. It's the Je Joue SaSi, and it looks like this:

It actually and effectively mimics the tongue in oral sex, is super high quality, and has a LOT of options. Here's a guided tour video:
http://jejoue.com/sasi/guided-tour/

Then there is another toy I just want because it looks dangerous and incredible and holy crap. It's called The Thundercloud.

Now, I know it doesn't look that impressive, but the power in the twisting of the head makes it hard to grip. It's wide, flashy, and POWERFUL. I am having exactly zero luck finding a video review to show you, so here's a decent print review:

http://www.monicasreviews.com/pornreviews/vibratex-thundercloud/ (NSFW page)

Of course, with all of that, the toy I want the most is STILL the Violet Wand. *sigh* Some day.

----------

In other news, school continues to be something busy and crazy. I keep saying it, but 19 units is no joke. Ryan, the silly boy, keeps asking "Do you have homework?" I keep answering, "Honey, the answer will be yes until Finals are over. I have homework." Every day of the week. It's a minimum prescribed 47 hours of school and homework a week, but you know it takes longer than that. Plus, so much of this semester is group work that there is the additional struggle of making everyone's schedules work together. Thank goodness for Google Docs!

I got an A and A- on a paper for the Philosophy class. I specifically did the writing assignment while tipsy, and did not give it a read-through beyond a basic spell check. My stress level is now adjusted accordingly. While I'm stressed, I will be get A's if I do the readings.

AND I get to work with hawtgothchick on a couple of projects. OOooooo... she's so pretty! It's the best schoolgirl crush I've had in a loooooong time.

OH! I'm a CASA now! I did my CASA of Humboldt training the week before school started (http://www.humboldtcasa.org/), and I just recently agreed to the case. Obviously I can't tell you any details, but I am very excited!

I also have to figure out where I'm going to intern next year. Right now there are two desirable locations. One is a drop-in center in Willow Creek, which I would take the bus to, and the other is RCAA's Multiple Assistance Center. I can get preferential treatment at the second because the directors/coordinators already know who I am. I strongly desire working with a family unit over working with individuals, and there's enough mental health "stuff" that I can segue into County Mental for my Master's year. 10 year plan baby, 10 year plan.

That's a lot of an update, but I'm glad to be back and doing it. Now I need to make some Bra Faerie phone calls.

Sat, 19 Feb 2011 01:41:48 GMT

Mel and Sydney’s eggs have started hatching! Matilda and Dundee! 4 more eggs left to hatch. I’ll be surprised if more than 4 owlets make it to adolescence.

http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2011/02/17/guest-post-on-the-origin-of-zombies/
A post over at Sociological Images about the origin of the modern, chewy and rotting zombie. It’s a well done post and plenty geeky for folks like me. If you don’t understand why zombie fic has taken over, then you may want to give this a read. Quite insightful.

I want to write about S. and her drama, but eh. I’ll leave that alone for now. I’m sure I’ll write and cut a letter sooner or later.

AND EEEEEEE I got two tickets to see Gogol Bordello in Arcata! EEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Coming back

Fri, 18 Feb 2011 00:13:14 GMT

This, this is going to be a long semester. I need to get back the ability to focus on a task for more than 30 seconds without drifting off. I need to be able to write for long periods of time with effective focus. The more time I spend "entertained" by all manner of instant gratification things, the less time I am able to spend focused on whatever is pertinent and truly interesting. To make this easier on me, I'm going to severely reduce the amount of time I spend on facebook and increase the time I spend on livejournal. It's going to be a bumpy start; fuel line is clogged and the engine hardly turns over. However, I do believe I can manage.

While I do have some personal stuff I really ought to write about, I wanted to start the interview style. tough_doll obliged me by asking five non-random questions that I can answer at length. If you like this idea, I'd very much enjoy it if you did the same.

1. Where do you live?

For at least the last 8 years, I have lived in Humboldt County, California. I prefer Eureka to Arcata, as so many around here seem to have a preference. I really do enjoy living here. It's strange and tiny and highly interactive.

2. Are you an active member of fatsionistas?

Not exactly active. I post occasionally, and they're usually very superficial posts (OOTDs and the like). I like the community for the range of bodytypes and fashion styles apparent. It's a sort of eye-candy for me.

3. Are the fatsionistas as mean to everyone as they were to me?

I honestly don't know. As I typically post superficial stuff, it doesn't invite people to share their loathing of one another. I don't usually read comments either, so I'm not sure. I expect that some of the comments for your post fell out due to personal issues. Something like the alcoholic who has just had the first epiphany at A.A. being very angry at people who insist on drinking. No one is their best self on the internet.

4. Are you stil doing social work?

I only just learned of a term that works better for how I began: "natural helper". I continue to work in the social work field and....

5. What did you study in college?

....am studying social work. I am in year one-of-three (if we cross our fingers tightly enough) towards my Master's Degree. BSWs are almost a dime a dozen; I need to stand out and I need the skills and education which will get me the opportunities and comfort I desire. I am currently on 19 units and trying not to cry whenever I look at my schedule. My cohort tell me that I am always very happy.

-----

I'm going to make it my plan to update here AT LEAST once a week. It may be disjointed and not at all clever, but it will do wonders for my poor, tired brainspace. Feel free to suggest topics!

This post is purely rage-anger

Wed, 19 Jan 2011 23:32:07 GMT

So many irritating things have happened to me over the past couple of days that I really, really, really want to rant about them. Of course, a status update wouldn't contain them, so here we go. Most, if not all seem absurd or stupid, but remember that my stress level just keeps rising. I am less able to deal with any little irritating thing.

While not a disaster, my birthday was pretty lame. Good things happened (sushi, Yvonne, monies) but any birthday where you don't get a party and end up in tears AND have to go to bed at 8:30 is high on the lame list.

Day planner I needed for this semester is in the land of disappearing tools. Fuck. NEED. Bought one online, and it might maybe arrive soon.

Still don't have a watch.

All the hassle to assist client in re-homing? Yeah... new home gave up on client in under 24 hours. They suck, Jaz is awesome, but all that emotion for nothing.

Doing that thing meant I didn't get sworn in as a CASA, so it may be a while before I can start.

And now I need reference letters, which I wasn't told.

And can't go visit my mom & Griff this weekend because I'll miss my interview with the Ex.Dir. of CASA.

So I had to call Griff and disappoint him badly. I bought him and HSU sweatshirt with a shark on it to try to make up for it, but it's not good enough. Sad Griff, sad mommy, and mom said there would be venison for me. DO YOU HEAR ME? I missed out on venison & my little brother for this.

Oh, and then there's school. For which I get up at 5:00 AM. I hate 5:00 AM unless I am still awake then. Printed out my class schedule and promptly forgot it at home, so figuring out which classroom I needed to be in was an all day stress. And the walking! Forbes to Founders to Siemans to Founders and back to Siemans. So many stairs. So much huffing and puffing.

The huge list of books I needed? NOPE. They changed teachers when I wasn't looking, so now it's just ONE book. That I had to buy with my birthday money. I have a whole bunch of books I may never read, and more stress than I want. (A good note here - a cohort may indeed loan me the book, but the way this week is going... I'm not holding my breath).

I keep spilling things. Soy, soda, coffee, I keep spilling it. All over the place.

What did I forget to do on day two? TAKE MY SCHEDULE! So I didn't know where the class was, except that it was in founders...

Oh, strike that. Once I had gone into nearly every room on the 1st and 2nd of founders (power walking, even) I checked it online, and the bloody room had moved. TO THE KA. L:KJERPOIUE ROJEI RLKEWJ Screaming power walk across campus to get there late. The teacher hadn't yet arrived, so that much is alright... at least...

I may need to find somewhere else to volunteer if there's nothing with CASA soon, and that stresses me out. Maybe needle exchange? Maybe MAC? ARGH!

And now a cold sore. YUP EVERYONE STARE AT MY FUCKING FACE BECAUSE I HAVE A COLD SORE AND I'M GOING TO INFECT YOU BY LOOKING AT YOU I HATE YOU ALL.

Oh, and my door on my car won't let me out. Classy.

Fuck you world. Fuck you.

OH and Ryan forgot to buy soy milk, and bought the wrong kind of fake sausage, so I had a breakfast I hated on Tuesday.

OH and I can't find the nail polish I want to find.

OH and I have to be nice to an individual I can't stand on the best days.

OH and I hate wearing clothes. Hate it. Want everything to be naked forever.

OH and I think my car is going to die.

OH and when I tried to print the syllabii on Tuesday at home, it was the longest argument I may have ever had with a printer. It kept printing nothing at all pages and I didn't know why.

I didn't have any music on Tuesday, so I had to engage all day. Ack. AND THEN, today, the sound from my mp3 player seems to have broken. I expect it to be the headphones. Which means I need new ones. If anything else breaks, I'm becoming a hermit with a shotgun.

I can't drink. I have a cold sore and homework, so I can't have a drink.

I HATE THIS WEEK AND I WANT IT TO BE OVER.

So that's how I'm doin'.

On fat and sex

Mon, 17 Jan 2011 23:12:52 GMT

(This began as a letter to SI).
Dear Sociological Images Blog
(or should I write Dear Doctors?),

I've been a reader of your blog for some time after a fat activist website (Axis of Fat, I believe) linked to it. I love the idea and the execution of the blog, and am finally submitting something....

As you may have guessed, I am a Fatty McFatterson, and perfectly alright with it. I am a million and a half other awesome things as well, including a social work student. Spring semester is getting ready to go, and I thought I could spend a little bit of money on some nice clothes. I've been wanting a new purple teddie for a while, so I did what millions of Americans do when they want new clothes for low prices... I went to ebay.

The images attached to this email shows what I found when I went teddie shopping on ebay. I was confused at first when I clicked through to plus size intimates at the very few selection sections.

Bras
Camisoles and Camisole sets
Panties
Robes
Shapers
Sleepwear

Wait... what? None of these are teddies... or babydolls... or even garter belts! I have a decent selection of lingerie, and I know for a fact that such things exist in sizes flattering to me. What the heck ebay?

I decided to check and see what non-plus sized intimate apparel section options were, and found they had the following:

Bras and Bra sets
Breast forms, enhancers
Camisoles & Camisole sets
Corsets & Bustiers
Garter Belts
Mixed Intimate Items
Pajamas and Robes
Panties
Shapers
Slips
Teddies

Of course, my first instinct is to interpret this in the very negative manner. Fatties aren't seen as sexy or sexual... like elders and folks with disabilities, we're seen as asexual, where the idea of us having sex is uncomfortable and disgusting to many. My gut reaction is that ebay is reflecting or supporting this idea, to the detriment of the chubble population. As a BBW who is part of kinky folk community, I am massively irritated when I cannot find clothing appropriate to my lifestyle or fantasies without shilling out some massive costs, but I accept that as part of the capitalistic society I live in. However, when a website I regularly frequent for plus-sized purchases doesn't even give me the option of a corset... well, I am understandably ruffled. It's only coding, so I don't see any valid reason not to have the same categories for fatties as there are for "normal" women.

Second, it may be worth noting that the first things that show up are frumpy comfy sleepwear. It has it's place (heck, wearing it now!) but I deserve my sexy goodies just as much as the next lady. Somewhere here is the intersection of fat activism and sex positivity. The first is the radical idea that people ought not be judged strictly on the measure of their waist (chest, inseam, dress size). The second is the radical idea that sex is good and pleasing and people ought to do it without shame or guilt.

Maybe this will transform into a "Dear Ebay: stop guilting me out of good clothes", but it's my birthday today,////

-------------------------------

And what I wanted to say, and will say to you instead:
It's my birthday today, and I think I'm going to go spend some of it on a sex swing instead of arguing with the internet. Ciao!

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 18:12:13 GMT

I will never write a daily journal. I simply don't need to.

2011 is off to a fabulous start. The eve was spent with wonderful people and wonderful drinks at the Oberon until around 2, and the wee hours were spent at a kinky play party. Met some new folks (quite busty ones as well!) got cupped for the first time, and tried out a few leather impact play tools for style and eventual purchase.

Mellowed about the house, put away X-mas decorations & made plans on what little of the day-of we were awake for. Yesterday, did a photo shoot at Fort Humboldt (the great Fervus had never been!) and went out the eel and shot some stupid number of guns. R was finally finally finally able to fire all his tools! I rather like the Walther PPK, and I've started referring to it as Sean Connery. We also went by Pro-Sport and touched their weapons - It looks like there are some nice revolvers that would fit in my tiny hands.

Ended the night with vidjagamin'. The year is off to a fine start.

Today, akasha6915 will be coming by to help me get my hair back the the colour it really out to be. Tomorrow I have an appointment for an interview to be a CASA, and the training is 9-4:30 every day next week. Then to Santa Cruz to assist in re-homing a client for that weekend, and finally to school on the 18th.

Dear Santa

Wed, 01 Dec 2010 22:17:33 GMT

What do you want from Santa this year my friends?

I make lists of things I want rather than spending money I don't have. Video games (Bioshock, Bioshock II, Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, TMNT, FFVII, etc.) are pretty high on my list, as are some relatively absurd things like a hula-hoop and a few tribbles. BUT what I really want for xmas?

My school books.
I only have about half of their names right now. The phil class hasn't posted the professor's name, so I can't ask him or her for the text title quite yet. Still, books are a bloody pain in the arse, financially. Gah.

18 units, comin' up!

Wed, 01 Dec 2010 00:06:06 GMT

I'm pretty fucking irritated, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm certain everyone has a good reason (except for the few that I just expect to ditz out), but goddamint.... A 4 word response would be enough. "I can't make it" or "I'll think about it".

*muffled frustrated noises*

Five Lessons

Mon, 29 Nov 2010 20:06:28 GMT

It seems that my hormones are acting up. I'm really weepy emotional and want tea and carbs instead of coffee and meat. Weird stuff. Anyway, found this somewhere, and in my present state of mind, it seemed like a good idea to post it.

----------------------------------
1-First Important Lesson - The Cleaning Lady
During my second month of college, our professor
Gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
And had breezed through the questions until I read
The last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
Cleaning woman several times... She was tall,
Dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
Blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
The last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely, " said the professor. "In your careers,
You will meet many people. All are significant.. They
Deserve your attention and care, even if all you do
Is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her
Name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 P.M., an older African American
Woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
Trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had
Broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally
Unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man
Took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
Put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
Address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
Knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
Giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
Special note was attached.

It read:

"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
The other night. The rain drenched not only my
Clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
Husband's' bedside just before he passed away.. God
Bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
Others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those
Who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
A 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
Sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in
Front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and
Studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the
Waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
The table and walked away The boy finished the ice
Cream, paid the cashier and left.. When the waitress
Came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
Table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
Were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had
To have enough left to leave her a tip..

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
Roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if
Anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the
King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
And simply walked around it... Many loudly blamed the
King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
Anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
Vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the
peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road. After much pushing
and straining, he finally succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The
peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve
our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts..

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who
was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only
chance of recovery appeared to be a blood
transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the
illness. The doctor explained the situation to her
little brother, and asked the little boy if he would
be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save
her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed
next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing
the color returning to her cheek. Then his face
grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the
doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his
sister all of his blood in order to save her.