Where Do We Go From Here?

Con Tanto Amor!

2008-03-26T08:16:13Z

Why am I up watching old Selena videos on Youtube? I blame Tina, we've been texting back and forth with Selena lyrics which is funny since I never really listened to her music.

I think I love Como La Flor >_> I'm really Mexican for that. No really, like I should sharpie my eyebrows and wear high waisted jeans.

So in approximately 12 hours I'll be getting my trouser snake. Wanna see it? I bet you'll wanna lick it too ;)

Quote of the Day:
'Ay ay ay! Como me duele'

~Natalie

Start Fucking the Chocolate Rain With Black Box

2008-03-10T08:19:31Z

Ok.. so words cannot express how tightly i had to hold myself back from releasing a giant 'HA!' that would have exploded my roof. A few short haha's that don't let me or anyone around me enjoy the quiet:

Quote of the Day:
'My rule is if they can't reach the top of my head they shouldn't be on it'

~Natalie

The Boho Dance

2008-03-08T21:46:04Z

Stolen from Aqua (again)

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Last night we played la lottaria, dare spin the bottle, and I can't even remember what else. I stand the queen (or in some countries king) of Truth or Dare. Sometimes I think of all the highs, lows, screams, laughs, kisses, dancing, songs, late night conversations, and all the sweat and I think...

...this is it. This is joy.

Quote of the Day:
'I dare you...'

~Natalie

Air Hockey with 2 Disks, EPIC

2008-02-29T07:12:40Z

Some really good therapy: laying naked in bed with some friends and laughing the afternoon away. I want to do this at least once a week, I think you should all spend a day in this week just naked in bed with someone, no sex required, and just laugh. My best days this week were spent this way.

Another point: I love Tina. That girl is one of the dorkiest girls I've known and I can still keep it real. I took her to the rooftop of my old apartment, and I only bring people I reeeally like up there. This saturday we're going to lesbian oil wrestling and *crosses fingers* they allow amateurs. Because deep down, we all want to take part in oily half nekkidness.

Just a little somethin' somethin' for the LJ.

Quote of the Day:
*constipated sounding groan*

~Natalie

Everyone Notices His Teeth

2008-02-19T06:51:50Z

Yesterday was Albert and Casey's move-in day. The place is fine for two or three people, but I thought it adorable when boxes were being moved around and each would look around in wonder of where to place what. Rex and Natalie came over and we all had dinner at the Tofuhouse. I had a delicious tofu and organic salad.

How Greenpeace of me.

When we got back to the apartment I was the subject of dress up for Casey. Eventually Rex suggested a nude photo shoot so we had good fun with that. I figured since those artists were interested I might as well add more to my portfolio.

All in all the night was great. I was wrecked with guilt for a bit with the thought I was setting up Casey's feelings for hurt, which only reminded me of the 'what kind of lover are you?' test I took in Psych of Sex:

I'm a loyal lover, and a game player.

Quote of the Day:
'I fucking titty-smacked Ruben'

~Natalie

The Cultural Day

2008-02-15T10:14:16Z

I find it interesting how much V-Day love I got considering I haven't celebrated the event in about 3 years. Nonetheless, happy V-Day y'all!

I saw the play Andres has been working on, Within Us. It was one of the best productions I'd seen in a really long time. Truly, and 10 young beautiful people in lingerie and briefs on stage (two of whom took their bras off)? It was all about the 7 deadly sins, I can't praise it enough.

After the play I was on my way home when Tina texted me saying she needed to tell me some trouble she's been having at work. I headed over to her work and she told me how people were trying to set her up with thievery. We eventually cheered up the mood and went down Artist's Walk for some cultural exhibits. I bought her a devilish goat button and through the night she would surprise me with putting her arm around me.

I met a lot of artists and one who offered to help make me a model for their studio. Another exhibit was also a tattoo shop who was impressed with my body of knowledge in the subject and offered me an apprenticeship. It was one of the best night's I've had lately.

Quote of the Day:
'Can you give me beso?'

~Natalie

Come With Me, My Love

2008-02-13T09:37:12Z

Casey and I can spend hours on the phone together. I realized tonight she's been hurt by false friendships, and she's built herself to be better because of that. It's a secret, but I think I see now how beautiful of a person she is. She's an honest friend, and she's charming as all hell. I know she cares about me, but it wasn't until she worded how even if I don't feel like dating, she'll still be my friend. Don't tell her, but I think she's an amazing person.

Anywho...

Imagine my surprise in yoga when I recognize Sarah Rosenberg in front of me. Foxfire, such a feminist rebel-without-a-cause semi-lezzie flick, and guess what? She complimented my form :) Yoga is tough work (this isn't beginner's yoga mind you) but we always feel most unwound afterward. Today Andres and I had fun because we had to pull a strap between each others legs from behind and pull. Well him and I have seen all kinds of each other's naked, so it was fun.

I haven't gotten this song out of my head. I love Cat Power so much. So fucking much..

Quote of the Day:
'I'm not a horrendous person, I just like to say fucked up things!'

~Natalie

Wearing Something That Isn't Yours Means You Lose

2008-02-09T03:45:49Z

Narrowly missed two dates with two girls on the same day. Phew.
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A week or two ago I had Mickey Avalon's 'My Dick' stuck in my head. Stupid song but has that 'ok I admit that part was kinda funny' quality to it. As much as I like women who can flaunt how much bigger their balls and dicks are, I think this will suffice:

Quote of the Day:
'My Puss so fine I flaunt it, Yo Puss so old it's haunted'

~Natalie

Mr. greenschmoodle, As You Desire

2008-02-08T03:35:41Z

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
nope! happily

2) What was your dream growing up?
wanted to be like the cast of clueless and boy meets world, haha

3) What talent do you wish you had?
a stronger vocal ability, theatrics betch

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
a kettle one white russian :)

5) Favorite vegetable?
CUCUMBER!! Woops, i mean potato

6) What was the last book you read?
currently reading The Bluest Eye, following Sylvia Plath's Ariel

7) What zodiac sign are you?
Virgo

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
One phoenix tattoo taking up my lower back, nipples, tongue, stretched ears, and many more tastfully to come

9) Worst Habit?
procrastination, c'mon folks you know what I mean

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
I'd sit you on my bicycle bars! What a hallmark moment

11) What is your favorite sport?
Watersports.. no sorry that's a dirty joke. Not into sports

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
optimistic but very cynical, does that make sense?

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
Play Confessions and throw a dance party

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Nothing, as long as a lesson's learned nothing can be that bad

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
I don't know about weird but when I was a little girl I would ask people sexual questions as if I didn't know the answers already

16) Do you have any pets?
no :(

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
Make you a cup of tea and watch What's Love Got To Do With It... then dance.

18) What was your first impression of me?
'Bjork! He understands bejork!'

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
I think they're sad, what's worse than trying to make a bitch like me laugh with totally lame humor as a life choice?

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
Taller, everything else will follow

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
Because I don't want you hurt I'd be your conscience

22) What color eyes do you have?
a really dark shade of brown

23) Ever been arrested?
Ha! Never caught me!

24) Bottle or can soda?
Glass bottle over alluminum can

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
get a place, a car, a snake or other pet, and put the rest in the bank!

(dunno where 26 went)

27) What's your favorite place to hang?
Rooftop of my old apartment

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
Not really but I'm always open to the experience

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
dancing and jamming out

30) Do you swear a lot?
I think that's a given.

31) Biggest pet peeve?
people who just won't be happy with who they really are. Wo is me and stop calling! Get real and grow up. I can go on >_>

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Intriguing

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
I do. Passion and romance are very powerful when used right

34) If you could live anywhere in the world where would you chose?
Manchester, hands down.

35) Do you believe in God?
see answer #28

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
Heck yes!

Yellow Was Never Mellow Was It?

2008-02-02T07:31:11Z

Feck. I came down with the sickness. Ew, I just made a terrible song reference.

Anywho I was suppose to go out tonight to Das Bunker but was tenderly requested to stay in bed by the group. I know I haven't been doing personal updates, pretty much because my mind feels like a twisting and turning race track. I think that's actually pretty normal.

My poor ass wants so badly to see Yoav and Portishead at Coachella as well as Margaret Cho and Cat Power. Bad bad girl you. More proof I'm a bad girl?

My choice not to be in a relationship seems to be involving more people who might want differently.

A temporary apartment for about $457...

And all while I light a cigarette and talk politics.

Quote of the Day:
'Danny you're on fire!'
'I don't carrrrrre!'

~Natalie

National Draw-A-Dinosaur Day

2008-01-31T03:35:57Z

Today boys and girls we are going to learn a little bit of knowledge about this dinosaur (hand drawn by yours truly):

This dear friends is the Yanshini. Fo fuckin real. Anywho you may notice the lovely and enchanting look of this friendly extinction. It is a feathered t-rex from behind and has thighs like a woman and feet like a crow. Yes- it has crow's feet.

Partially inherited it's facial features from the Muppets, rumour has it it is the predecessor of Big Bird, however it looks more like Big Bird after he fell off the wagon (note the wings with fingers??) It's name comes from one of it's favourite Yan Can Cook episodes- Yan Can Cook Sashimi.

~Natalie

Who's Driving The Shortbus?

2008-01-07T10:21:40Z

I think me and Andres are starting up a podcast called 'The Fucked-Up Hour'. It's just brain-storming fun to give us the license to talk all the fucked up shit we can in a comical way. The only thing about this idea is.. it's fucked up.
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Natalie's party was Saturday night. We brought Casey around this time so she can soak her toes in the lesbian ocean. Before we hit the party she bought me a flower in Little Tokyo and couldn't stop checking out my ass in my short little skirt. When Andres told her about how Michelle turned out to be a less-than-lovely person she was ready to pounce on the girl for payment.

We danced and drank (I kept it down to about 4 drinks) and had her by my side for most of the night. She knows as well as everyone else I'm not looking for a relationship, but she certainly wasn't going to back down. Then out of nowhere in a drunken stupor she literally fell on the lips of the equally drunk birthday girl. As they got down with the boogie I remembered 'this girl hasn't had an experience with a woman since she was 8, let her have her fun!'.

I guess she sobered up when we went to the infamous Denny's for an early breakfast. She thought I was upset, which in truth I kind of was only because she tried to pet and caress and kiss me again. The girl's got style but I shant be a sobering second serving. From the bevy of phone calls the next day I discover she feels terrible. I figure since she's a chef she can cook me up a sweet apology.
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I plan on taking Tina to one of our get togethers for the same reason. I'm truly not trying to be a predator.

Quote of the Day:
(On the film Shortbus)
'I didn't get that far, what happens in the club?'
'Girl...they all start eating chips'

~Natalie

Humming to Cover my Sickness

2008-01-04T09:28:35Z

I suppose you can say a resolution of mine (purely unintentional) is to finally read Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. I haven't put the book down since Andres handed me his copy, and just now the line 'There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends' pulls an oddly warm sting in my heart. Rare for Ms. Plath so I'll bask in it for a while with a smirk and cozy eyes. At the rate I'm going I'll be done with the book this time tomorrow.

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Here's a video from New Years, it's really short but this was pre-slamming her body into the towel rack:

Send/Return

2007-12-28T08:45:46Z

I had nearly given up on being in a band again. I always remembered how the other members were just too.. scene. They wouldn't play anything else but what they knew. Today we have Send/Return, our new band.

We went to Cascade to see if we would click as a group, and instantaneously we did. Nick's on drums, Albert on guitar, me on vocals. We played four hours and recorded it all. After the jams we got Indian food (finally!) and discussed what we had just done. Truly I'm rejuvenated. If I thought I felt rejuvenated with my recent escapades of lesbian parties but oh no, this is all getting great.

You know sometimes I feel kinda torn about my relationships with people, but even in the midst of all the hills I must climb, I have things like these to grasp onto and I fucking adore it all. Expect more from Send/Return, we're onto something.

Quote of the Day:
'Were you saying send, return?'
'No but something like it'
'That's it!'

~Natalie

Finding Your Charm Stolen or Promised

2007-12-22T07:21:07Z

Since I was 14 I wanted a sexy santa outfit. Year after year I wanted to surprise my then-partners with a hot 'Santa Baby' or something, but I never had enough money to buy one myself. Finally this year, single, I have my outfit :)

Since Andres knows a thing or two about sewing now we collaborated and made an outfit that consists of a short skirt, a corset, and some cuffs...and a collar. He might put together a matching vest for himself, but we will be quite the pair at Natalie's party tomorrow :)

Pictures will follow (I've never worn a skirt as short as this one, very experimental).

Quote of the Day:
'My grandma was in love with Liberace'
'Really?'
'yeah dude, under her bed she has all these videos..'

~Natalie

Lips to the Strings I Adore

2007-12-18T04:15:00Z

Dearest LiveJournal,

The concert was a ball. The opening act was a newly discovered artist of Tori's called Yoav (Yo-Ahv). He stands the only man who completely seduced me in years, and certainly the sexiest. The man's lyrics were intimate, his voice was breathy, even when screaming, his drum beat was simply him slapping his acoustic guitar, and he knew how to use his pedals. I was completely straight for 20 minutes, who knew it could be possible?

I shall stalk him later.

Then Tori came on as one of her alter-egos, Isabel. She smoked a cigarette and thrashed around while playing. After a few good songs she came out as Pip, the brunette, leather pants wearing bitch who screamed 'STOP SUCKING EACH OTHERS COCKS!' to us and flicked us off. Then Tori. I love her theatrical shows, and how each word means something, no bullshit. Who else comes up with lines like 'I believe in peace, bitch' and 'So the wolves try to dry her eyes cause the bad man made her cry'?

Here's a picture of me wearing the concert tee I got, I adore it :)

On the back it says 'You only shoot blanks at your cocksure best', teehee :D

Quote of the Day:
'I am a M-I-L-F don't you forget'

~Natalie

Bit Early (Cougars and Cuckolds)

2007-12-16T08:04:20Z

Gonna see Tori Amos tomorrow night, finally! It's also been a year and some odd months since I went to a concert so there's some need for this. Andres' Christmas present was the ticket, that crazy boy.

In other news,

I've been feeling a bit nostalgic for whatever reason. Oh that's right, because New Years is right around the bend. Another year.. something filled with crazy, hectic, evolving, resolving, break ups, wild nights, ambitions, and Thai food. Jesus, last year's January first seemed so pleasant, things were much different than this time around. That's not to say this one's terrible, but just very different.

Last year I remember listening to music and dancing around with Albert and Hayddy. I remember staying on the phone with Taffy as we talked randomly about the weird things we think about. Last year I three shimmering people, and now..now..

This year has brought some crazy events not only to me but a lot of people I know. Now the leaf will turn once again and who's to say where we'll be this time next year. Who's to say who we will be next year, or who will be there to witness it. Who's to say what we'll be cheering or, dare I say, mourning. You know when you realize all you have is today, the one specific day you can call yours, all your past and future days are pushed out of perspective. Here, today, tonight, I toast to what we are.

Quote of the day:
'It's flowing like a period'

~Natalie

'Nothing's Too Good For My Girl'

2007-12-11T06:54:05Z

That's it, Hot Topic has screwed me over for the last time. I buy some acrylic tapers and silicone eyelets (both cheap) in hopes of uping a size for the new year. And what happens, they're the same fucking size as my current jewelry. And I can't return them because it's obvious I opened it. Fuck you, you Hot Topic posers. I've had it with your shenanigans. You took advantage of my moment of weakness and my last 20 dollars. I don't need you:

Gift Me Steel Eyelets- 9/16"

Gift Me Ebony- 9/16"

Both are the cheap stuff, I'll buy myself the beautiful intricate shit when I've reached my goal 5/8 and got the cabbage.

I'm not saying the person who buys one of these will be getting a gift themself, buuuut... :D

Quote of the Day:
'I'm gonna buy you a bra today!'

~Natalie

Global Warming, What?

2007-11-27T07:06:34Z

Ok, drop everything. Put the music down a bit. Or not, whatever. In the hype of the 2Girls1Cup travesty I bring you M.A.S.H! Remember M.A.S.H? That game you would play on the bus ride to school or in detention (or was that just me?) Now you can play it online, what a retroactive way to pass the time when we should all be working, yeah? Yeah!

I implore you to play now.

And as a minor note, 2Girls1Cup reactions on YouTube is alright by me. Waste some time and laughs with me.

Quote of the Day:
'It makes anything that can swell up swell up..oh.'

~Natalie

I Guess

2007-10-06T06:46:09Z

I had this funny feeling this afternoon. A feeling of perhaps loneliness, but perhaps not.

I guess I've become so cold that it became so easy to push people away. I guess I let it get so easy to push away my biological family, and virtually abandon any references to one. Maybe I've distracted myself so much with the things I must do to get on my own feet that I stopped seeking the warmth of company, loving company.

I guess over the years I gave up on truly believing in some Christmas eve when I hang a light from a tree and joke with someone who intends to spend the night. Sounds sad I know but I recognize myself much more than I did years ago. I walk with the words of a vagabond, no one embraces me and all my things fit in a duffel bag. And yet when I sit in stillness, there is no one there but me. In my mind, just a memory of someone I would love to see.

My aunt's been talking to me about family a lot lately, to which I physically word out my lack of connection to family. I suppose it would be nice to know of it, but to save myself from unpleasant surprise to I not ask for that closeness. I may truly, truly want it from certain ones, but I guess I never do know the limits of time and people.

I've seen people who consider their foolish friends part of their foolish family. I've seen people who consider their faith in a god part of their family; wherever these people go they are not alone. In my vulnerable honesty, I very much want to pull people inside.

I guess I've got quite a few apartments to look at this week.

Quote of the Day:
bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam daran daran daran, daraririram dam di dam, beetleborgs'

~Natalie

Will You Stay for the Lazy Sunday?

2007-09-27T06:28:19Z

I felt like such a dyke yesterday when I went into the nearby Trader Joe's and saw all the women workers, every lezzy looking one of them. I just wanted to share that, as if I wasn't ghey enough.

I've been moving on up these passed few days. I got my permit and set a driving test appointment for October 6th, yay for that. Day after I got a phonecall from a company employer; long story short is I have a temporary job that pays 14 an hour. Yay for that too.

This Friday I'm going to check out an apartment (studio) I like on Franklin, pretty central to Hollywood which I can't deny I love. If the price is right I'll be moving into it as soon as I can. Exactly how 4 people are going to share this studio I don't know, but if there's a will there's a way. And speaking of these people...

Albert and I started talking again. Nothing to grand, I still need one night to just sit and say everything that pressures us. I found glory in cutting out people's bullshit from my life, it makes my work twice as effective and twice as fast. Albert, Raymond, and I spend the early morning hours together a few days ago, just to catch up and see where each one of us was now. Frankly I surprise myself at how cold I can be to even the sweetest people if they're wasting my time, but let's just see what happens with Albert now.

As a stress reliever I'm hoping to get another tattoo, say, 'A prayer to the wide at heart kept in cages'. I'm still pushign on to get all the things I want to get, and that pretty Pontiac GTO might fit in there too, surprisingly enough.

*sigh* then there's school. Gah, I'm still pushing on.

Quote of the Day:
'I'm here to collect my Pepsi Challenges!'

~Natalie

The Echo of Apt. 174

2007-09-21T04:38:30Z

I sat in the part of the street where the wind is captured by the surrounding buildings. In my button up dress-time shirt, and my slacks. The music was soft but distracting enough from the time that elapsed so slowly. The locks of hair danced around the frame of my face, and all I could feel was loved. I knew of a sweet type of care. I left my mark on the hearts of good people, people that leap into my arms when they see me after two days. People that stood strong by my name, and interlace their fingers with mine without notice. I sat and felt warm in the cold air, content that I had met such people.

Trevon, Serenity, and I stuck together at the job fair today. We make clever remarks and supported each others hopes, as well as desires for cute faces in the crowd. Serenity can sometimes be labeled as mean by people, but really she's just honest. She has a strong heart, and she reserves a space in it for me. She made the QotD today :)

Working on so many things, work, housing, schooling, finances, hopefully this Friday or Saturday I can have the night with some friends and unwind. But still, I can't help but feel all warm inside.

Quote of the Day:
'You're standing next to my girl'

~Natalie

The Power of a Creature That Is a "Human" Illusion

2007-09-20T07:08:49Z

So, the update..

Simone, my case manager, is absolutely incompetent. I should say former, since i took care of that little bitty. After doing everything I was told to do I still wasn't in the house. Simone brought me into her office calling me manipulative (well..) and called one of the people that work at KT. He only spends about 2 minutes with us a day, sporadically at that, and said I gave him the creeps. As I told Sammy, I'd probably be freaked out by myself too if i didn't have such a fetish for the taboo. Anywho..

After doing everything I had to do, being called the best client at KT and making friends with the others at the house, I had no problem in telling her to drop my case. Took her by surprise since she thought i needed her. As it turns out I have my aunt. I've been staying with her for the passed two days while i scope out apartments. There's one I have my eye on in Hollywood.

One thing though is I do miss the people at KT. Sammy and Trevon are going to be my roomates but I miss a handful of people I grew very close to. I certainly left a mark on those people.

I saw my dad today for the first time since I became homeless. We had a long conversation about survival, abuse, my mom, a lot. I went back to my parents' house and pick up the last few things I left behind. The past 30 days I've lost my best friend, my girlfriend, my home, my security, but no matter how many times I tried to get it through to other people, I haven't lost my mind. I'm not afraid of this changing, if anything I just want the comfort and warmth of coming home to someone I love and a life that is my own.

Quote of the Day:
'She was the love of my life and she left me. I still have her picture'

~Natalie

Motherfucker Please

2007-09-14T19:00:49Z

Gah. I seriously need a break from all this housing drama. The kickback last week wasn’t enough. My case manager only makes things more complicated and (hehe) I think I might have made a report against her during my psyc evaluation. Serves her right I say.

I’m cleared for housing but she says I might be exited tonight which means I have done all this work for nothing and will have to find shelter somewhere else.

Last night I was having a bad night, mostly because of my family hassling me about not calling them and my aunt stalking me. A lot of drama has been piling up I’m surprised I passes the psyc evaluation at all. But I must say I’m happy to have some people to spend my nights with.

Sammy’s the best roomie I’ve had since being here. He’s a bright mind and tries his best at everything he does. Trevon and I have had so many conversations about religion and values. Serenity makes me smile, whether it be his voguing, giving me a lapdance, or simply his queeny remarks and insults. Last night when I was sitting in the dining room in tears he threatened to get whoever it was who brought me down.

At the moment I’m down about possibly not having a place to sleep tonight (and onward) and glad I’ve met such strong people. I’ll try and get a picture up here.

Oh yeah, new phone so if you want the number say so.

~Natalie

Cartoons

2007-09-08T18:53:41Z

About Albert:

I stopped talking to him after reading his message that he left for Phoenix. Because everybody knows an eight hour drive to Phoenix is so much easier than a 30-40 minute trip to Hollywood to see me. I don't hate the guy, I'm just tired of being disappointed over the stupidest things. There's no energy left in me to make up even more excuses for someone. I've been doing so much to take care of myself, and to share it all with Taffy. I watch over her and make sure she's not buckling under my stress. Why would I need someone who barely shows his face coming by to diss my girl and claim me as forever his? I don't know that boy. I know who he used to be and I loved that boy. He was inside of me and I was in him. But that boy unfortunately chooses drink, constantly changing asshole boyfriends, asshole friends, and Arizona over a great love. My love.

I'm not pissed just tired. I don't have energy to mend any relationships. If you're there you're there, I won't follow you. I've got more important things to do than feel bad because he's decided to leave far far away for reasons I would rather not assume. He always chose the easier road of abandoning his hardships rather than fixing them.

I have got far too much to do with myself. I haven't even left for a vacation from my problems, they don't go away like that. As he leaves to that far far place I hope it dawns on him he coward out of a good thing, again.

~Natalie