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Bah

Jul. 11th, 2008 | 01:07 am
my current personality: okayokay

So I guess thanks to KJ reminding me (again o_x) what my user name was I’ll blog again. I suppose it’s safe enough. I don’t have anything incriminating to say but it makes me feel more at ease (and certainly more apt to being open) knowing that the eyes roaming across my empty, open livejournal aren’t necessarily all that personal.

WWS is down ;_; I seriously can’t think of much to do online without it other than the feeble attempts to reconnect with the people I’ve lost touch with over the years. Or play mahjong. Which consequently is my favorite game at the moment. I’m still unemployed, 3 months of that shit currently, and I’m going crazy with the lack of funds in my account. Cyber Café seriously screwed me over by shutting down for the summer.

Seth and I are fine, Sunshine and WeiB are fine, and as far as I can tell everyone else is ok, too. So rest easy, you curious strangers!

I’ve gotten a total of 37 injections in my body during Pharmacology thus far and since I finished my lab injections early I’ve been signed up for more. I think I have another ID (anterior forearm), 2 SC (upper back part of arm), and a few IM (either in the bicep or the hip) before they’ll leave me alone. People are too chicken to get shots and wait until others finish and don’t have any to give…THEN start sticking since they won’t get any in return. It’s a rubbish practice I tell you. My arms are black and blue, my hips are stiff with saline, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can guide a lesser experienced hand wielding a needle and push it into my own skin. But if anything else I’m carrying a great GPA, I’ve already got mentors (student leaders) asking me to apply for one of their positions, and I found a hero in one of the professors.

I suppose I enjoy this school so much simply because I’m good at it. Hopefully from here I can land the MA position, go into further study for my LPN, and then later in life get the RN. It makes me so nervous to know that people and their lives will depend on me! I started getting the shakes when Mrs. Cunningham (-idolize-) went over how a physician will hand the MA several duties at once and a single mix-up with medication, referrals, or even appointments could result in their death. And then she cryptically added we all make mistakes…we’re only human. And of course I AM human so I will make a mistake. But will I kill anyone?! Seriously. Major pressure.

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Pic-topia

Feb. 19th, 2008 | 12:43 pm
my current personality: calmcalm

Disclaimer: I am not responsible if your monitor explodes from the overload of cuteness that you are about to witness.

Houkie: It means a lot that you would go out of your way to comment on my lonely LiveJournal (And so fast, too!) and you have no idea how much it made me smile. You intimidate me with your talent and I hope to one day at least get half as good as you (in graphics especially) and I hope to always be that impressive person you see me as <3

Jules: I was so worried that you would be angry at me for falling out of touch for so long! I think about you and KJ all the time and I always brag about you guys whenever people ask me if I have any long-standing buddies from the rp world. You've always been so good to me and I want you to know that no matter how long we go without chatting to one another that you're on my mind. My AIM (free for you to add too Houkie) is: snapshotfocus

Now for picture time! It took a grueling two hours to dig through my enormous puppy file and narrow it down to a reasonable number but here's a few for you guys to enjoy! But first I'd like to put Star up. She is opposite of cute...and that's not her fault. It's her idiotic owners'. My only comfort for her fate is that she's no longer suffering.



Star -- Before Birthing





Star -- After Birthing






The Newborns


The first picture of my new job.


They were finally relocated to a crate (about 2 weeks) but were still so tiny.


My favorite picture to date. Seth playing puppysitter.


Sunshine was sick so she was bathed with a rag...made her scruffy xD


She stole our heart immediately.


Sucklesuckle <3

Pudgy Little Devils


Kill! I tied a stuffed hedgehog to their crate. It's dangling drove them crazy.


Me = covered in red scratches but happy.


Scolding did not sit well with Cola, the alpha male puppy.


This ship runs on happy faces!


Kisses for Mom!


Again!


I had to barricade EVERYTHING! Seth's robe tie amused them.


Growing Up


Singing me her woes. She wasn't happy about her first trip outside.


She looked calm and collected but she was glued to my knee.


Lmfao her eyes were wonky xDD


Big Time Babies


Caught in an act of vandalism! She blends so well xD


We're bored with Mom. Get Dad!


Prowling the kitchen.


Sunshine doesn't appreciate Cally stealing the spotlight.


The spotlight has been stolen!


Despite her name she's not the brightest star in the sky.


But she's so damn cute that I don't mind.

And Recently...


I present you with the Devil.


We've come such a long way. Om nom nom!

The Pirate


KYAH! So cute x3


My houseshoe was his favorite toy. Unfortunately it still is ;_;

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Let the good times roll.

Feb. 18th, 2008 | 10:40 am
my current personality: satisfiedsatisfied
drown out the sound: The Noose

Gawd! There's no amount of typing that could possibly put adequate detail on the years that have passed by since my last entry. I suppose summary is my only option...sorry for all of you that miss out without being first-hand witnesses.

Year 2005: 
I begin dating Seth in the beginning of December in the midst of extreme conflict among the majority commencing between my group of friends. The group splits off into 3 halves: Myself and a few on one, several on the other, and one or two caught in the middle. 

Year 2006:
The insitgators of most of the friend conflict move off into different parts of the state or completely out of it. I live a quiet life with Seth and Rebecca, one of my best friends. We move out together and live on our own for a grand total of 4 months before utter chaos disrupts our peaceful exsistence and sends Rebecca off to another state with her new fiance. Marlena and I make ammends with one another (a common thing in our back and forth relationship) and Seth moves with me back home. My grades faulter as a result of the prior chaos and I loose my scholarship. The debt of loans soon loom over me. 

Year 2007:
Still my grades aren't good enough to make up for my previous fuckup and I take out more and more loans. Seth, Marlena, and I decide to move out together with high hopes in the face of our thus far compatable friendship. It isn't meant to be. Through unmentioned conflict and an extreme blow out Seth and I move back to my house for a brief time. We're determined to follow our friends, Derek and Baker, to MTSU and leave our hometown and all of its hangups behind. Seth asks if I'll marry him on Christmas day and he's so scared that he has to ask me with my back turned to him. I say yes. 

Marshall Dillon, my child and best friend, finds himself on the losing end of a tracheal disorder. He passes away on September 19, 2007. I was, and still am, lost without him. Whenever I wake from a dream where he's alive and happy I can't help but cry. I miss him more and more with each passing day.

On September 29, 2007 my neighbors inform me that their unwanted dog, Star, has just given birth to a litter of 6 puppies. She's starved and bound outside by a heavy chain and I'm her only real link to life. Before this I'd had no idea she was pregnant due to her gaunt frame. I decide that it is my duty to protect these puppies and take them in for what I assume was going to be a daunting (and fruitless) task. I couldn't have unerestimated the task any more. By the time I resuce them a few hours later she's eaten one in light of her hunger. I take the rest and commence a sudden dive into motherhood. It's a hard, unforgiving responsiblity and I start off knowing for certain that despite by best intentions I am not qualified to raise a litter without the mother and know that I won't be able to save any of them.

I didn't lose a single one. They all lived. I witnessed them grow by my own hand. Their life, and all things encompassing their life, flickered and flourish by my own doing. I love them. And the pain of loosing Dillon fades a bit the more I stay by their side. Star passes away shortly after their birth from disease and malnourishment. I feed them, bathe them, warm them, stimulate them, and watch them 24/7. These are the children I swore up and down that I would never have...because I'm still a selfish teen. And yet looking past all the nights I broke down and cried because what I was doing was too hard I stayed true to my word and kept each one of them alive. The entire litter (Cally, Sunshine, Cola, Blue, and Bear) was medicated and raised by my own hard-earned cash and then given away to loving homes for free. My mother has one, Cally, and I kept another, Sunshine. Sunshine still suckles on my robe despite being almost 5 months old now. I am her Mother. And I'm damn proud of it.

Year 2008:
Seth and I have officially put our homes behind us and are currently living in a brand new town where we know few people. Kortni is following me up here soon as she too is sick of her life and considers me one of her few friends left. Marlena and I aren't speaking...she didn't even know I was engaged until a few weeks after. 

So it's been a long time of turmoil and hardship. I've gained and lost friends in ways I never thought possible. The lure of booze and drugs has missed me somehow...I hardly fit into the image of "average teen". I haven't touched alcohol in 6 months and have made no future plans of doing so (though I doubt I'll go forever without it). My opinion of pot consists of absolute disdain; the stuff is rubbish and not worth my time. Nor are those who actively pursue it's effects. It's ruined far too much around me to hold any sort of appeal.

And here I stand...bravely facing a strange world without my family nearby. And I'm terrified. But you know what? I'm happy as well. I hope the rest of you are doing well. 

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Giggly.

Feb. 6th, 2006 | 02:13 am
my current personality: flirtyflirty
drown out the sound: Teddy's still chewing.

Ahaha I guess Seth and I have our own little joke between us now. Though honestly it may not be a joke much longer. This weekend was simply awesome…got to test my compatibility with everyone (by camping out at Becca’s from Friday night to Sunday afternoon) and figured that moving out with my friends won’t be that bad after all. I also got to sleep and wake up each night next to the guy that I’m utterly infatuated with. I love how I can bed in the same bed with him and he expects nothing of me. We enjoy the simple pleasure of slumber. Plus I haven’t slept nearly this well since last year. I get giggly just thinking about it xD I’m such a girl sometimes.

Otherwise it’s pushing 2:12 a.m. and I’m getting kinda sleepy. Everyone else has headed off to bed and I have to be awake in 5 hours in order to make it to my next class. Take care!

<3

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Good ole times.

Feb. 6th, 2006 | 01:51 am
my current personality: happyhappy
drown out the sound: Teddy's chewing on the cage. Again.

[I totally recycled this from my numerous journals online but it's only a few days old =D Everything in it still stands.]

I suppose it’s time I updated for everyone since here lately I’ve been slacking on that duty…mainly because my computer’s a royal bitch nowadays and my programs sporadically shut down or become non responsive. The fifth time you write a research paper (that you haven’t read the material for in the first place) from scratch will really put a bur in your ass. Luckily I refrained from destroying the entire world. But oh…if it had happened a sixth time? Everyone = dead.

And that would be sad.

Because I’d like to announce that I am completely, utterly happy with the way things are. I wouldn’t change anything about anyone. I wouldn’t try to make people who hate me like me again. I don’t care about who is an enemy, who is getting along, or who thinks what. As anti social as it sounds I don’t really want to make more friends. Because when you have a bunch of friends get together things have a tendency to go haywire and relationships get messed up. I’ve made lots of mistakes but there’s nothing that hasn’t been shared between me and those close to me so I have nothing to hide anymore.

Tonight was a pretty big sharing night. Seth and I talked on Rebecca’s couch and I got a lot of things off my mind; stuff that had gathered since the later half of last year. He now understands the things I put myself through and the guilt I carry. But I need to carry it so I don’t make the same mistake twice. However…next to him nothing else tempts me. No one comes close. I don’t think he believes in himself just yet but I’m working on it ^_^ I dare someone to come along and try to deter my attention. I’ll laugh at you.

It seems that the group has settled and we’re all finally happy with our lives. We’ve got a few kinks to work out but as of right now the sheer ambiance of content is making all the little downers disappear.

We’re also looking at moving out! Ok. We’re not "looking". Seth and I are DEFINITELY moving out and Becca is too since she can’t really afford her place anymore. The guy upstairs from her showed up around his place tonight since he’s moving out (today actually) and I was pleased with it. The tub needs an actual shower head and the walls need a bit of tidying up from slight water damage but otherwise his rent is ungodly low. And the place is quite large…comes with a deck and everything. I really am excited about the opportunity. It’s an adventure I’m looking forward to!

So I’ve made a decent update and I’m done now. Hope everyone is doing well!

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No girls in white dresses.

Jan. 9th, 2006 | 02:19 am
my current personality: restlessrestless
drown out the sound: Teddy's annoying chewing

I feel so lost sometimes. I have this intense desire to be happy but at the same time there’s always someone that doesn’t want me to be. Ok. Exaggeration I suppose. But still it’s like I can do nothing right anymore. I go with one instinct and mess everything up. I know it’s my own fault for playing favorites.

So honestly this entire mess might be all my fault.

I’ll cling to what little is left. But truth be told a little can be a whole lot. I like being in this hellhole. It’ll always be home to me.

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Carbon copy.

Dec. 21st, 2005 | 01:26 am
my current personality: sleepysleepy
drown out the sound: Silence.

Update meant for yesterday:

I’m writing a super secret update that won’t be on my Myspace because otherwise Marle will never be pleased with my LJ xD So I’ve done pretty much nothing all day…Seth woke me up at 12 something and had to listen to me moan and groan about the outrageously early time of day ^_^ Then I left him to watch TV with my Mom in the living room while I caught up with all the things that were piling on my to do list. I canceled my Entertainment Magazine subscription (and got a $27 refund yay), mailed in all my awaiting bills (another yay), and then corrected my security number at the bank.

After all that yadda yadda I had to escort Seth out of the house and depart with him as he turned into Becca’s driveway because I had to go pick up the sibling and then head into work. Today was the last day for me to get him though since his Christmas break starts Tuesday until January. It’s a slight pain to go all that way into Martin only to head back out to Dresden but I do pick up an extra $10 a week by doing so. Still…school buses are a bitch. They have been ever since their failed assassination attempt in my first year of driving. I think they’re holding a grudge or something.

FINALLY I made it to Becca’s and did the usual hanging out. Got some disturbing news about mine and Marle’s old hangout at BP and decided that I’ll probably be visiting 3Js more anyway. So I guess it really wasn’t all that disturbing. Sorry. Flew off the handle there huh?

End of yesterday's update! Now for today's:

K! Now for the carbon copy blog that I will be posting on Myspace too. So Wife you don’t have to read any further. Lazy ass. XDDD Today was pretty typical in the “why am I blogging about this” kind of way. Woke up early at 10 and worked my ass off helping my Mom clean the house in preparation for Derek’s Dad to some and stretch our carpets out. Since the tornadoes a few years back water has gotten under the material and made it bubble up in places; really annoying when you trip over them. He came by earlier and dropped Derek off (without asking mine you) and told us he’d be here at 12 to do the carpets. So after laboring for those few hours and literally scalding my fingers under the water I dare call tolerable we paused when noon rolled around…and stayed in pause for two more hours.

Actually within 10 minutes of him being late I pulled out my GBA and merrily squashed buttons in Final Fantasy II. It’s been so long since I’ve resumed playing that I’ve forgotten all of the plot and everything I’ve done. So spent all the time trying to recollect and fighting a monster every few feet.

I ended up staying home all afternoon playing that damn game and then made supper for the family. I thought there would be more leftovers but when I cooked Derek was still here. Because his Father still hasn’t come by and picked him up or done our carpets. My Mom was pissed because she was going to go to Jackson today and finish shopping. Unfortunately she was unable because she waited for his bum ass all day. After supper I decided that I had been with the family long enough and headed out to a basketball game with Marle. First one I’ve ever been too and I’m graduated.

We’d only been there a while when Seth came and met us. Marle met him. I never had to move because she beat me to it xD After the girls’ finished their game we dashed out into the cold and retrieved Jonathan and then watched the rest of the boys’ game. Fun fun I tell you ^_^ Ah well. Could’ve been much worse! Mrs. Keene even let us go in without buying Jonathan’s ticket. Almost makes me feel bad for confiscating all those library books over the years…

Too late now! The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers is mine!

Eventually we went and ate at Taco Bell and then went back to Becca’s for a bit of Halo. It’s been a while since we all played. I can tell I was a little rusty but it was fun all the same ^_^

And that’s about it!

My fingers are sore. And I’m sleepy. I better not get woken up early tomorrow or I’m gonna be cranky. >D

 

 

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She better like this.

Dec. 18th, 2005 | 03:32 am
my current personality: gratefulgrateful
drown out the sound: Silence.

I’ve been enjoying the leisure of my social life far more than usual the past few days; I hardly spend any time at home unless it’s in the early morning hours when I’m too wired to sleep. Sometimes I wonder if I can operate normally with proper rest.

Today I got woken up (again xD) by Seth who was blessed with the privilege to see my “just woke up” wonder. I’m not the best looking morning person. He seemed pleased just to be able to keep me from going back to sleep by nudging my arm and I suppose that he knows he’s lucky that while I’m not an attractive bed head I’m not that irritable either. So I shooed him out and got my pants on and then slowly got ready to get out of the house. Went to Becca’s and straightened somewhat. I know she’s going through a rough time these days and I want to do what I can in order to make it easier for her. Unfortunately my talents end at World Destruction and cleaning. So I clean.

Becca got off work early so she, Seth and I, moseyed around the apartment until she fell asleep in her bed. I ended up drifting in and out on the couch until Marle came. Eventually we rented movies and I made attempts to pay attention while also learning out some of Seth’s ticklish areas >D He can ignore them (I’ve accepted this) but he’s nice enough to let me have my fun so long as I don’t try and torture him with it. There’s still one mega spot that I haven’t found yet but I’m sure that eventually I’ll figure it out. Becca might tell me if I as but I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on her ^_^ She’s the only one that knows so far. Went back home and…that’s it.

THERE WIFE I UPDATED MY LJ OMFG xDDDD

Psht. Online blogging is stupid. I never have anything interesting to write about anyway. 'Cept maybe how I watched Seth laugh until he cried over Ron White's crack of working at a pickle factory. And then watching Marle laugh until she cried over dork fish.

...somehow I'm getting the impression that we're a bunch of losers. Ah well.

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Recollections

Nov. 30th, 2005 | 12:25 am
my current personality: satisfiedsatisfied
drown out the sound: My lovely heater -murrs-

The last few days before my beautiful Christmas break are starting to run into one another so most of the past week I’ve had little clue as to what day it was. However I had my last archery class this morning (a grand 5 minutes spent) and now Tuesdays are a day of leisure from now until May. Because my only class on Tuesday next semester is drawing which takes place at 4:00 in the afternoon. Ka-ching?

Anyway I’ve been spending most of my time with Marle, Seth, and Becca…though Becca works a lot so she doesn’t get to come out and play like the used to. Tonight the three of us girls, minus Seth only because of his classes, when and saw Just Friends. I recommend it. Of course I find guys screaming like girls hilarious so I was entertained the whole movie. I had gone and seen it earlier this week with my Mom. She liked it, too. Raise your hand if you’re a homo! XD Watch the movie; you’ll get it then.

Today I was with mainly Seth since Marle’s fighting off a cold…which I think I’m coming down with. My chest feels all congested. Attractive huh? Mwha. Anyway I cleaned the entire house, ran with Seth and got my “lava in a bottle” medicine, bought some fish filters, went to Becca’s place while she was at Sociology and cleaned her apartment a little, then went to Cine with the intention of seeing Just Friends with Seth since he didn’t have class until later, found out the theatre was closed until 5, went home, and then went back to Becca’s. From there Seth left, Marle called and picked up McD’s to bring to Becca after a while, and the three of us went to see the movie. Met Seth at the theatre since he got out a little early and went back to Becca’s. Are you seeing a pattern? I described my afternoon in exact order of events. I’m starting to think the Becca’s planted a homing device in us so that we’d come to her house and keep her cat company.

Speaking off he tried to slit my wrists today except he was on the wrong side of my arm. He’s calm after you wear him out though =D

Anyway! That’s all for you kiddies ^_^ Toodles!

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Spread the love.

Nov. 24th, 2005 | 01:06 am
my current personality: bouncybouncy
drown out the sound: My ticky clock.

Hmm...Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I’m sure the day will be filled with me trying to entertain myself while the entire group of my family babbles about old funny stories that I’ve heard a million times (and yet they still make me laugh) and then listening awkwardly as they continue to trade banter. I’ve always been the quiet member of the family; no use in trying to talk when there’s only .5 seconds in between someone closing their mouth and another one opening. But I do like the holidays ^_^

I made a carrot cake tonight. At first I threw a slight fit because my parents failed to tell me that it was to be made from scratch instead of the box, thus encompassing a whole lot more time than I was predicting, and it took me two hours or so to finally declare the job done. But nonetheless my job is complete and so I have nothing more to cook. Luckily my Father has an organized gene that allows him to be prepared for hectic family gatherings so he assigned each person something to make. That way the job isn’t put on all us! Because we’re always the hosts for this sort of thing. Today I just helped my Mom cleaned, made the cake, and then met Seth and Marle at Becca’s. She’s gone with Mark but he has a key so the rest of us (well…just us three) take part in lounging over there.

And her cat really is a bastard.

Otherwise I don’t have too much to say! I have a demo to play (thanks, Seth!) and a paper to write…but I think I’ll play the demo first. Oh the goodness of a break!

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