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Monday, August 25th, 2008

Subject:Pseudo Return
Time:10:28 pm.
Mood: nostalgic.
I'm not coming back to this journal.
I see it as an unfinished chapter of my life. I'd rather leave my readers with an air of mystery than have them read the real, unhappy ending.
I'm coming to terms with everything that has happened in the past few years. I'm finally starting to feel free.
Before I posted this entry I decided that since I'm free, my journal should be too.
Nothing will be private. I have no reason to poutingly hide entries, or fear that they will be read and interpreted wrong. It belongs a past that was beautiful and full of feeling.
I don't mind sharing such a thing with anyone else.
Even entires that have always been private will now be readable.
Comments: 1 Element Missing From The - Periodic Table.

Thursday, June 7th, 2007

Time:12:09 pm.

I remember when writing used to make things better.
I can't love myself until someone else does.
Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.
I want to feel like I'm living for something other than books. and food.
I want my life to FEEL like a good book again. That's when I'm happy.
Ugh. I want. I want. I want.

Comments: Periodic Table.

Friday, April 27th, 2007

Time:9:09 pm.
I hate the chemical reactions in my body that make every getoutofbed, takeashower, gotoschool seem so unbearable that I would gladly go into a coma rather than face it.
I can't even let anyone else have a good time. I bitched out nearly everyone I talked to today. It didn't make me feel better. I feel like crying.
Women are supposed to be superego. The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world . I'm Id. How do you do?
Anyway. Miss Austen and I have a date.
Mr. Darcy usually cheers me up.
If he fails to do so I'm taking a road trip on Sunday. According to mapquest my sanity is located just around two hours away.
Comments: Periodic Table.

Thursday, April 12th, 2007

Time:10:22 pm.
I feel tired.
The world is tired.
I'll be another dark cloud until I see the sun shine again.
Comments: Periodic Table.

Saturday, March 10th, 2007

Time:5:56 pm.
My childhood revolved around that willow tree.
snake hunting,
rock busting,
making lemonade, and poison ivy medicine,
the accidental deaths of so many butterflies,
that tree saw it all.

Maybe that tree will be my panacea.
Comments: Periodic Table.

Saturday, February 17th, 2007

Time:4:20 pm.
It's the 48th day of 2007 and I can only remember a few of those days.
My last new years eve as a child didn't involve any parties. I spent the last seconds completely nude under pristine white bedsheets. You can probably guess what I was doing.
I cried on the way home. That night was perfect.
On the 14th of January I waited all night for Peter Pan and his shadow to visit. He didn't. I cried. I'm 18 now.
I went to a semi-somewhere and spent too much money on clothes and shoes. I bought my first lottery ticket. I didn't win anything. I didn't get stoned to death. I didn't cry that night.
Matt came over for Valentines day. We don't see each other much anymore. The transition to adulthood isn't easy for either of us.
Another perfect day I didn't want to end. It didn't. He left four days later. That would be today.
I can't sleep alone now.
I don't have as much patience for Zelda.
I miss my P2.
But wow. Four perfect days.
I'm lucky.
Comments: 2 Elements Missing From The - Periodic Table.

Tuesday, February 13th, 2007

Time:1:04 am.
Comments: 5 Elements Missing From The - Periodic Table.

Monday, February 12th, 2007

Time:12:47 am.
Why does my happiness depend almost entirely on money?
And why do I have so little of it?
You were right when you told me I never grew out of my fairy princess stage.

I want the car.
The jewels.
The guy.
and to go to the school I want.

I feel like I can go prattle on about this all night.
I just want the puzzle pieces of my life to hurry up and fit together.
I can't stand not knowing what I'm going to do.
Comments: Periodic Table.

Friday, January 26th, 2007

Time:11:36 pm.
Mood: curious.
I once had a dog named Elvis.
I still do. For now.
I keep forgetting to feed him.
And I keep forgetting to read past page 6 six (Mrs. Spears would be dissapointed) in 1984.
And I also don't seem to comprehend that $600 can't buy me the world.
And I can't remember where I live anymore.
Or that I want to get in shape.

Reality isn't really all that important anyway.
Comments: Periodic Table.

Wednesday, January 17th, 2007

Time:6:28 pm.
And its nearly midnight
And all i want with my life
Is to be a housewife
Is to be a housewife
'Cause it's nearly midnight
And all i want with my life
Is to die a housewife
Is to die a housewife
Comments: Periodic Table.

Saturday, January 13th, 2007

Time:12:46 pm.
I got a taste of the life I was craving this week. It seemed like it was rejecting me. I don't fit here or there.
I also got a taste of something that I knew was possible, but it was unexpected because I've never had to deal with the possibilty of someone I really love dying.
I hope he's strong enough to handle it. It's in his hands. I thought I was strong enough to handle the news yesterday without crying.
Luckily it's harder for me to cry when she does.

After this weekend I don't want my life to be a book anymore.
I would be nothing but an awkward heroine with a tragic ending.

This is the last saturday I'll have as a child.
And it's PMS time so I'll be lucky to get something positive out of it.
Why do people say saturday night instead of saturnight?
Comments: Periodic Table.

Thursday, January 4th, 2007

Time:12:58 am.
Mood: blah.
I wonder if Tiffany & Co. would cure anyone's case of the mean reds?
I hate being alone.
all of my major sources of comfort are busy or not accesibile after midnight.
I suppose minor comfort will have to do.

Dear Lois Lowry,
Thanks in advance for making the day more tolerable.
Comments: Periodic Table.

Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007

Subject:Bowling with Stephan0.
Time:10:28 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
Today I picked up my yearbook from freshman year.
I didn't feel nostalgic.
A lot of things have changed, everyone (except me) looks much thinner now. And I can't think of anyone that has skanky dye jobs with horrible roots anymore.

Today I went back to school. A lot of people decided to become engaged over Christmas Break. They didn't get a Legacy. I had to squint my eyes to find the diamond.

Tonight I went bowling. I was supposed to go with Alesha but I got there too late. It was just Steph, her boyfriend, his adorable little brother, and myself. I had fun, considering.

My boyfriend, Matthew Bearkiller, is visiting his hometown for a week. Detroit is crazy. I'm jealous. I hope Alesha goes there to get her prom dress again and decides to take me with her. I want to pretend to have a designer dress.

I'll be an adult in less than two weeks. Still haven't made it to Disney Land (Or world. I'm not picky!).

I'll never cease to find this amusing.

"Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to
be made king. Dying, he gasped out: 'Tee hee, Brutus"

I LOL! everytime I think about it.

I fell really unattractive now. Thanks slutty looking asians.

I'm running on one hour of sleep, so I think it's time for that.
Goodnight, LJ!
Comments: Periodic Table.

Monday, January 1st, 2007

Time:1:51 am.
Mood: worried.
After you taste the air out of the shell it's hard to go back in.
It was a lovely new year though. Perfect until my carriage turned back into a pumpkin.
Comments: Periodic Table.

Friday, December 29th, 2006

Time:10:02 pm.
My little sister cares about current world events. Who knew!
What a jewel.
Comments: Periodic Table.

Thursday, December 28th, 2006

Time:6:01 pm.
Mood: stressed.
I hate this year.
I hate motherfuckers that steal.
And I hate old ladies that are psycho one second and kissing my ass the next.
Oh yeah! And I hate writing a research paper that I shouldn't have to be writing if it weren't for said old ladies and people that steal.

I passed a man hitchhiking earlier with some clothes in a bag and it made me hate myself. If I didn't have a nice mom and boyfriend I could have very well been the one standing beside the road with a smelly brown paper bag.

I hate a lot of things right now.
I don't like all of this dramatic stuff.
I want to go to the quietest place on earth and scream and scream and scream until I feelt better or I can't scream anymore.
Comments: Periodic Table.

Monday, December 25th, 2006

Time:3:13 pm.
Mood: crappy.
and the last Christmas is the worst. Please, please, please let something amazing happen. Just one little thing so I don't have to feel so negative. There's still 9 more hours.
When she cries I just get pissed off.
Does that make me a monster?

I'm scared that I'll be like her one day.

I wish that some ethereal being would fall out of the sky, tell me that there was a mix up years and years ago and that I don't really belong to this family, and they're terribly sorry, please forgive them, and they'll fix my life right away. It would be a good deal. Elvis would get a better dog house and I could get a better life.

I hope Matt is enjoying his Christmas. I don't want to call bitching about things here and ruin his family time.

Thanks for the comfort LJ. I'll probably end up making this private in an hour because I hate putting personal things online.
Comments: Periodic Table.

Saturday, December 9th, 2006

Time:10:00 pm.
Mood: confused.
Alice and I live similar lives. Only I happen to prefer the world in the looking glass over reality.
Comments: Periodic Table.

Time:3:30 pm.
I want to die.
Comments: Periodic Table.

Friday, December 8th, 2006

Time:8:00 pm.
Mood: calm.
Around three years ago I met a boy that made me love spicy food and despise the nights that we couldn't eat it together.
I love you, Matthew!

Why is it that Powells Creek is absolutely stubborn when it comes to snow? Everywhere else in Pikeville looks normal and Powells Creek still looks like Anarctica.

I like that I have clevage today.

I wish my friends were still livejournal users.

Friday Five.
1. Something I do too little of:
Take Elvis on walks or let him sleep with me.

2. Something I do too much of:
Staying online and looking at things I know I'll never be able to afford.

3. Something I wish I had less of:
Periods. That includes the breakouts and mood swings that come with them.

4. Something I wish I had more of:

5. If I could ask Santa to bring me one realistic present for Xmas:
A winning lottery ticket. It's just a sheet of paper. It's realistic!

I'm going to go work on everyone's presents now.
Comments: Periodic Table.

LiveJournal for poseidon__.

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