black october 2: another chapter on the coming doomsday [13 Oct 2008|01:47am] joelbrown or in long form: another chapter in dismal and depressing lunatic raving from your pal joel or another conversation i'd probably be having with luke and finally, further realization that i might be working a shtick for sheer bragging rights and morbid vindication, i'm calling it today. it's nosedive day. end of the business week sell everything day. this is it. mark this day in your calendar and mark this month in your life. we are entering some dark days. as the hours pass by, the jovial outlook of optimists is being quashed by some stark truths. the global market is fishtailing and no matter how much money is pumped into our beloved financial sectors (privatized and otherwize). no matter how many tidal waves of benjamins or robert bordens we inject into the skinny arms of the banks, i don't think its going to work. now, of course, i could be very wrong. i'm no business student and i'm basically just your newspaper scouring pad. my paws are covered in ink and im perpetually scowling. or frowning. even when in the middle of a rare and fleeting sexual act. now in reality, today will probably end up okay with markets taking a small percentage drop, but in the long run, i think people will witness the volatility of the market and get a little bit scared. it's big time gambling. take losing your house at vegas and compare it to losing humanity at the global craps table. i'm six hours ahead of the markets back home, but just a word of warning, if you're playing the stock market, get the hell out now. and i know that your banks are telling you to do the opposite, but it isn't patriotic to fuck yourself in the ass. another thing to bear in mind, is watch your back. every recession is associated with a huge rise in crime. go figure, right? the natives are restless AND broke so they're robbing each other. there has never been a more lucrative time to be a member of organized crime. if i ever open a restaurant, you'll find me somewhere south of the black market. so not only will it cost you a small fortune for a lapdance down the street, but you could get robbed on your way there. the price of oil is dropping which could disrupt some major players in the world market. so now you can drive to wichita, but world trade is slipping up on its heel. there's some good news. as a result of this mess, a new president might help his nation ride it out. as much as i would revel in spanking it to the dying throes american civilization, as a citizen of the world, i kind of rely on the states to be reasonably okay. if the states don't ride this one out and just start drowning, well kids, you know who's going to step up to the plate with a huge bat ready to knock some dingers out of the park? not vladimir guererro, but mr vladimir putin. he's a scary fucking guy. now some people think that obama is a little bit of a communist and that the world needs a mccain to sort things out. mind you, our dear boy mccain is not the most fiscally sound person: look up The Keating Five. but in the grand scheme of what im talking about here, this is merely a droplet on my windshield. and we're not that far off from the next world war. remember the last GREAT depression? the only thing that flipped economies back on its stomach was a world war. and i don't think people are going to start a war because of the economy, but because tensions are already so tight and continually rising. you know this dead horse i keep flogging? the one with apocalypse branded on its ass? this is it! apparently the mayans or some people called 2012 is the year everyones keeping an eye on. the mayans predicte that it we will either be elevated as a race and a people or alternatively, it will be the end of it all. apparently there will also be a geometric reversal of the poles. there's the chance that will wipe everyone out because as the earth acts a giant gyroscope it would need a lot of energy to work. it'd probably kill us. there's also rumor of a unification of human consciousness. but this is all hearsay. anyhow, if this whole living business plays out to a symphony of tragedy, you know, dramatic and such as life can very well be, i think we're at the precipice of it. it would make sense, no? the first movement would be a cultural and artistic stalemate (see the past five years). then probably along the same lines as beethoven's fifth, the economy will come crashing down. there will be a crescendo of rising food prices, the energy crisis will reach new heights and dunn dunna duuun duunnn mother nature will begin her vomiting and pussing and oozing and lord will it get messy. then with the bombastic maelstrom of the third, they'll be assembling the coffins and polishing the weaponry and right before the infantry can rush out onto fields from here to timbucktoo, the bombs will drop to ring in the fifth. and then there will be blackness, echoes of screams, weeks will follow as the ash coats the naked eye and it will all be done. heck yes, i could definitely see us getting around to this kind of malarkey by 2012 but don't quote me on that one.don't quote me period. in my line of thinking, most of my opinions are pretty baseless and in the end are meaningless. they often get me into trouble anyway. DUNNNNAAAA DUNNNAAAAA DUNNNNNN, DUN DUN! oh look, kids! its madonna and her ray of light: this may be a good time to do all those things you want to do in your life. there may not be money or time in the future. try to accomplish as much as possible in the coming days and months. that girl you never talk to but always faun over? go introduce yourself: say hi i'm young and this might be as good as it gets for either of us. i think if and when this kind of thinking (the longevity of our planet, the short term actuarial tables for our race) becomes global, we could see a genuine shift for the better. on a very small and minute level, i have the tiniest bit of appreciation for rapture fanatics minus the whole foregone conclusion business. just because in some deluded fashion they almost get it. they just think they're going to be "saved". poor bastards. purgatory is an awful lonely place. or so i've heard anyhow. who knows? me and my merry band of atheists might be pleasantly surprised by santa clause and a forever happy fun time deluxe land built with marshmallows and fuelled by gumdrops. the message is, for the love of the thick and thin of it, please waste your time wisely. i'm getting tired again and i have class at eight thirty so i should probably call it a night. again, like most of my rambling diatribes, i leave this one unedited so if i contradict myself or something, write a letter to your local fucked if i know. oh yeah happy thanksgiving it was empty on the edge of town

[11 Oct 2008|04:23pm] tomorrow_ill_be P.S Although after 4 am, my night turned to shit, my previous plans were sweet. Even though Quarantine's shakey camera and flashing lights made me nauseous the entire time, I had a great time with my buds. As usual, they made me incredibly happy. I only wish I had more time to spend with them. it was empty on the edge of town

[10 Oct 2008|02:24pm] chadmuska I would like to go to new york for that. 1 floated along the bottom of the river it was empty on the edge of town

[10 Oct 2008|11:13am] chadmuska ( my grandma emailed me ) That was just adorable. I love that she plays along with me when I demand she tells me all about how I'm her favorite grandchild. I need to send her an amazing email of photos now. link - well if sharks can do it I guess there's hope for me....though I'm not a virgin. I vow to not have sex until I get knocked up...this theory should work out well I'm sure. I need my flickr+live journal friends to also stop posting cute photos of their cute kids...I'm getting old!...I'm stopping this sentence with that. I've taken up cross stitching like only a real nerd could. I should start an etsy shop and further bury myself in the hipster lifestyle. I've also developed a slight crush on someone so I think I'm going to tell him to make things awkward and then never see him again. It's doing a good job of distracting me. (who I just sent the most amazing email to. ( crush email ) my plugs smell horrible. I could have responded to my grandma in the time it took me to type this nonsense. it was empty on the edge of town

god all i do is update. [09 Oct 2008|04:19pm] chadmuska My brother and I are currently texting Baby - I got bitched at by the turkey czar for eating lunch meat of course I'm talking about traci "the turkey czar" she controls the turkey in these parts and i have to buy her more turkey now. Me - Just ignore her. Its just how she is. I don't know how she got that way...but she did. Baby - Shes the czar of all turkey in this land communism of lunch meat isn't an option its a way of life Me - Well make sure you don't get chicken instead of turkey. you don't want her to have you sent to be shot. Baby - Haha out back in the cold russian war. Me - If you were here it would be out back with chickens...she could catch her own meat then! hahah god i love my brother and I'm calling him when I get off work. New home has an extra bedroom...which I told him about so when he comes he'll have his own space. and it was artie down the road to do things w/ that i deny my brother does because he is the baby. it was empty on the edge of town

[09 Oct 2008|01:15pm] chadmuska I love all his work....and not just because his brother tattooed my half sleeve. ( oh, I want this tattooed! ) 1 floated along the bottom of the river it was empty on the edge of town

[09 Oct 2008|09:59am] chadmuska I bought lowfat cottage cheese last night, 1% milkfat instead of 4%, to keep working on my "don't be a fatty" plan. you can really, really taste the difference. Lowfat cottage cheese is really, really gross. 2 floated along the bottom of the river it was empty on the edge of town

points. [08 Oct 2008|10:07am] chadmuska -The security guy from work just checked in on me...he does this once a day. Today he asked me how i was doing and then asked if I'd eaten breakfast today. I love him. -I bought 3 slices of cake last night for artie's birthday. I never realized just how many cake slices one place can have. -The bruise on my arm is getting darker. It's from the dogs leash but totally looks like someone could have grabbed my arm in a fight or something. I also have one on my side that I'm not sure how it got there. -I have to sign my lease tonight. and then make my way back to south st to buy flowers and stop at the tattoo shop. -and still buy tv on the radio tickets. jillian cancelled but I made friends with some random girl on bme that was going alone so we're going together. -I'm wearing tights today and kind of love it. I'm really girling up this dressing like a lady business. The only part is I looked at myself in the mirror at work (yes, I lifted my dress in front of the full length mirror in a public place) and saw how lumpy and gross a body looks only wearing tights and undies. -I just realized I haven't checked out my "hussy" tattoo for a few days! the fun has worn off. -I'm watching videos of lucy getting a bath on my camera and giggling. and now I'm giggling less each time i hear myself talk. -I've also spent the past two night cross stitching constantly. I'm old. I ran out of black thread in middle of spelling "sink" and fell asleep while trying to stitch an actual sink. -Just got the email about locking myself out of my wells fargo acocunt yesterday for my dental loan...i now have to call them to get access again. I really need to write down usernames/passwords. 2 floated along the bottom of the river it was empty on the edge of town

the sartre junkie saga continues... [07 Oct 2008|07:39pm] joelbrown we're all going to die. do you ever think about that? does that ever cross that exponentially aging mind of yours? while you're living your life and suddenly you see this really happy family trundling along, laughing gaily and you're standing across the street, do you ever stop and think this is all going to end? for an egg (example given, guvna), perhaps when you're flying 30,000 feet above nowhere and you have that thought that the old lady sitting beside you might lean over and quietly whisper in your ear: "we are all going to die." and then the good lord cues the tell tale whistle of a nose dive, that loud alert beeping bleeds through the loudspeaker when the captain assures you that everything is kosher but rumor has it that they're going to have to do an emergency landing over water. they also mention how it would be absolutely radical if you assumed the position listed in the leaflet behind the seat in front of you. you know, the position that'll send your lunch tray through your trachea. that one. the old lady is actually smiling. the old bitch has the nerve to smile BECAUSE SHE doesn't really care. she's done her time. she won the spelling bee in grade nine at hutchinson middle school (it was capybara, an oversized south american rodent), got her degree at a mediocre school in english lit, married rich and she walked away with a huge settlement and her last love was a pool boy. don't even get me started on the ridiculous concept of old rich men hiring nubile cabana boys to tend to their pool while they're away on business. but she's happy. she's done hundreds of unique things that no one else has done in the exact same way and she made her peace before she walked out across the tarmac. ah old people, you lucky bastards. the plane levels out and lands and you realize that you were seconds away from being emulsified with the fat lady's make up and the fat lady herself. but as the vicodin continues she does not wake to sing. and you land in la guardia or lester b. or charles du gaulle or beijing international and somewhere within the closest hundred miles, somebody else dies. perhaps a aneurysm or maybe a patch of black ice. and there's a brazen warlord who blows himself crossing the wrong red wires, a crosswalk nazi with a turned back and the coma that goes sour. i think about it more and more with each passing day. you know every time i wake up i think about it. you know that. you can be assured of that. the sky is blue, the grass is green and when joel brown wakes up in the morning he thinks: we're all going to die. everyone of us. even you, cindy loo hoo. you little seussical tart. despite the fact you may live forever in the annals of literature, i'm sorry to say, but your books will be gone the way of the dodo sooner than you know. the human race is killing itself. a little slit on the wrist here, some playful dabbling in aspirin and liquor and now, the noose slips below the chin. we're stranded on this island and we've set up dynamite everywhere and we're blowing the shit out of ourselves, body parts flying into the brine, cannibals picking at femurs, dead babies, we're all going to die. every passing day reveals the new last page in the book. cancer rates may skyrocket when we find out what cell phones are really doing to us. the chicken is not good and there's a new epidemic. and somewhere some god whispers in someone's ear that "yes, i wasn't joking the first time, i really have chosen you to be the reckoner of the apocalypse! isn't that bubble gum, sweetheart?" the reason i'm picking at this particular scab is that i read about that hadron converter that they built and there's an infinitessimal chance that it could create a black hole and suck us all in. they said you're more likely to get struck by lightning. why would you give that statistic? did you know that so far this year 24 people have been killed and 390 have been injured...after getting struck by lightning? so it is less than a one percent chance, but WHY on earth would you say that? i can see it now, when the cameras roll: oh hell no! there's no chance...*cough* at least not much of one. so on top of all the nukes, the economic collapse and the destroying of the internet, we're going to toy with a gigantic machine that COULD DESTROY US ALL AT THE PRESS OF A BUTTON. i've moved on from the death of culture to the death of the life that sustains it. we're all this homogenous blob that these little passing fancy parasites feed off of, growing and growing, until the abdomen strains and breaks, leaving a bloody stain. the world has never been in a sorrier state. never. right now, we make world war 2, the dark ages and the dirty thirties look like a jaunt in the grove. it's not like we rebounded and reached new plateaus after oh i don't know massacring native americans, the holocaust, stalin's graves, the khmer rouge, the middle east or anything like that...the yoke of suffering just shifted weight on atlas' shoulders. there has never been a time of hope or prosperity on an international scale. nay, if you weight it out and roll it like dough, on average the forecast calls for stark, bleak and depressing circumstances. and just like i hate lover's quarrels and pedophiles, i extend that blackness as i've come to know it to the great decline. i'm not too sure what our highest point was. maybe when we took our first breath. when the first caveman went WHOOSH! that was something else. it's just been a steady drop in the ratings. we're the everybody loves raymond in the universal television network. and cts still plays reruns of that damn show...god...i know i'm not alone, but i hate raymond. and if there's any extraterrestrial life out there, i bet they hate us. i can hear them talking about it over the nebula cooler: the earth channel sucks and thank god the ghostwriter killed himself before the first episode. and for the same reason i haven't walked onto the set of that damned raymond show with an uzi and a pocketfull of wrigley's winterfresh is the same reason they haven't vaporized us with star dust. though i hope they do, and tease us a bit first just to show us who's really boss...on second thought, maybe not. i'd rather die at the hands of rapists than let tom cruise be vindicated. we won't outlive the century. i repeat: we will not outlive the century. and for argument's sake, let's just say we do. you think we'll outlive the one after that and after that and so on and henceforth? hell no. the long drawn out moral of the story is that eventually we're going to get eaten by the sun and everything we've made, created, the stories we've told will be razed, burned up, gone. there won't be anything left and there won't be any witnesses, no source of documentation. it's quicksand. this life is quicksand. and when the last hand is poking out, twitching the last pinky, finally succumbing to the pull, there will just be a desert. no buzzards or palm trees or camel's skulls, they'll all be gone too. just unbearable heat and no one to talk about it. these are just fundamental truths. of the first people to walk the earth, there is not one still among us and of the people alive today, there won't be many left at the turn of the next century. sure our life expectancy is rising, but who really wants to be that old anyhow? say we find a planet and load up a bunch of scientists and pretty people to go inhabit it. what then? well there's a huge chance that the spaceship will fuck up and we won't ever hear about it because they'll be so damn far away. and again, no witnesses. and that's what makes it worth it right?  it all leads to the obvious, magical and heartwarming question of the lifetime: what's the point, right? it's almost better than daddy, where do babies come from? storks. where do storks come from, daddddy? god. oh daddy? yes son? where does god come from? NO MORE CHEERIOS! NO MORE CHEERIOS, HELEN FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME! what izzzzz the point? as a staunch atheist there ain't one for yours truly. if you happen to be one of those lucky people that picked the right light above, then all the power to you. its like the golden ticket in the candy bar...except with the smug satisfaction of being the rightest! if there is a hades i'm there chained up in one of the many broiler rooms getting my skin picked off by...i don't know, lawyers. or bears made of lava. or cysts with personality. you call it. but wait, in all this disparaging and drop your jaw darkness i foresee for us, i've come to the decision to make my own point. and that's kind of what i feel like you have to do. if you spend your whole time fretting about the end of it all, you'll miss out on oh i don't know, probably everything. and even if everything amounts to nothing in the end of it, well everything can include rock music, vanilla ice cream and premature ejaculation. so as i get closer to that obscure and random happenstance where i end up kicking the bucket, i'm trying to find things to make it worth it for me. is your embittered misanthrope getting any less angry? no no, i'm just taking my anger into perspective, for a little walk down the introspection laneway. that's what this whole journal has basically become. i think what might irk me is the fact that nobody thinks about this whole dying principle. the whole part where we like...you know...really fucking die. no joke, etc. perpetual darkness. everyone's having a good time and listen, don't let me harangue you on having a good time. i also, believe it or not, love municipal waste's album the art of partying. but there's no more dialogue about it, just the odd joke: hey, we're all going to die! every last one of us! pass the coke, arturo! (can we all agree that arturo is a failed attempt of a name? and also note, that it's probably some kid named arthur trying to be...l'exotique?) it would be godawful to be the last one on the street with your dog, while everyone's fled for the northwest territories, but you know your wife leaves you and there's no kids, because you planned for this and everyone left you and the sirens start stuttering and nothing ever comes, but it will. the architecture will concede, the people will sway and vanish and you'll be right. right there with your dog and your broken foot and the murders of passion. there's kids buried in the backyards of many, a forced rapture of sorts. your neighbours didn't want the children to witness it. the sirens will bleed on, god is nigh. and you're supine on your front lawn, as not to leave a shadow, just staring at the cloudless sky, waiting. and you'll be thinking, its nice to be alive in a place like this, so peaceful, no mobs stampeding across the border, killing thousands. no riots, the fragility of the race broken. and in the downtime of doing nothing, you go play fetch or you raid the pantries at the goldblums. the day eventually passes into the next and then one day you're not there. neither is your dog. or the children buried in the neighbour's back yard. or the trash can. or the rose garden. or the oxygen. or anything really. and there isn't anything to prove that either way. 4 floated along the bottom of the river it was empty on the edge of town

[07 Oct 2008|12:53pm] chadmuska I'm going home tonight and throwing myself on the ground in a fit of anger and frustration. I'll probably whine and cry and throw a temper tantrum to rival a toddlers best attempt. Work has been poopy today....really poopy. But before I go home I have to do things -get a money order for new home (how do those work? what do I do?) -take out cash for tickets -consider stopping at fye to pick up roseanne season 7 -use cash to pick up tv on the radio tickets -buy cottage cheese -walk puppy if it's not too late -cry on the couch about how much i hate my job and be stressed out -and then probably cross stitch until way too late again plus watch roseanne so i can catch up on what i missed after I went to bed....we're already on season 6...it's a little sad. next month I'm going to put myself on a budget. this month is already fucked so I don't care. but next month...it's happening. I have a goal of no debt by this time next year. It is doable as long as I start to actually pay attention to money type things. oh!! but I did find my glass plugs i lost yesterday...I left them under a pile of post-its. now if I could find my bamboo plugs I would be happy for life. 1 floated along the bottom of the river it was empty on the edge of town

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