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Jun. 8th, 2006 @ 02:57 am (no subject)
Current Location: my place
Current Mood: contemplative
.... I am tired in about every single way possible -_-

Bbllaaahh wow that was a taxing day ;_; I hope Ma's going to be okay... he looked pretty bad in the hospital...

I wonder what him and Taki were doing while they were stoned... *shakes head* BUt I guess... that doent really matter anymore. *sigh* wow, does that ever feel wierd to say...

*sigh* what felt wierder was falling asleep in Yuki's arms on my couch after comming back from the hospital to see Ma. @@!!! My head is just plain refusing to process anything now.

Private )
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pink
May. 28th, 2006 @ 02:34 pm (no subject)
Current Location: my own apartment *surprise surprise*
Current Mood: surprised
Current Music: mental music
my muses are infected again. With all these different kinds of music, I'm going to get a million new fans ^_^ anyway, I dont really know who/what this song is about, and i usually do. Its about everything I guess. *sigh* yeah yeah drama drama drama, I know. *sigh* WHY is everything so hard? Why cant things be simple? I remember when all i ever worried about was running out of pocky and convincing Hiro to let me copy his homework. *sigh* things are so complicated now!

Show Me Love )

Oh yeah, looking that over again, its about more then one thing for sure. *sigh*

Private )
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pink
May. 11th, 2006 @ 08:42 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: songs in my head
I just scared the SHIT out myself. WHEN did I become so goth? Jesus, between the black hair and the piercings... and today I was like "oh look lets draw on myself with this eyeliner" (dont even ask me why I own black eye liner-_-;; )

SO yes, I scared myself *hangs head* I've been so jumpy and freaked out, but you know, emo shtuff will do that to people I guess. You know what I should do? Write a song.... NO! my muses, thats it, they're evil on me. Not EMO, EVIL! Sinse when do all my melodies include so much base? *shakes head*

Well thats a fialed attempt. *sigh* I need to feel better soon, this feels like its changing me... *sigh* Anyway....

SO I guess there has been alot going on latly, but I dont really feel like bitching about it... lets just say I need mucho hugs and you know, something sweet alcoholoc. Or sweet AND alcoholic XD *snicker*

Coming Undone )

..... *cough* about that, I think I need to go and... lay down -_-
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fading
May. 6th, 2006 @ 08:39 am (no subject)
Current Location: my apartment
Current Mood: embarrassed
Current Music: Nittle Grasper (what else do i listen to?)
((OOC: Well I seem to remember that the ASK concert was suposed to take place Friday night, yes? That was last night, was it not? Right, cuz some of this stuff was to happen after the concert... If its to early in the morning and I'm totally forgetting something here, please disregard any information that has anything to do with something that should not have happened yet XD *ish a dork* Sanku *bow))

You know where I havnt been in a while? My appartment, you know, that place that eats away at my cheque every month -_- *sigh* but that is where I happen to be for once, surprising I know. If your reading this Ma sorry about not meeting you at home, I think I left a message on the phone to tell you.

Anyway what happened yesterday was crazy -_- I'm not destened to have normal days any more am I? Just long days of drama and fighting and angst... If this keeps up my muses are going to go emo on me *cries*

Anyway yesterday I went over to Hiro's for a bit and he colored my hair for me. Anyone remember that fase I went through where I colored my hair every few days? That was years ago XD BUt anyway... yes. NOw its a very nice black color, it shimmers purplish in the sun. Its very pretty ^^ Now Hiro's place smells like hair stuff ^^;; but anyway it was a nice visit, I enjoyed visiting with him again, and he seems better now that he's out of the hospital.

THEN I decided to head over to the concert Masato-kun invited me too. You know I over estimated my own ability to look Taki in the face. BASTARD. *growl* I couldnt help it, just looking at him made me so MAD. I hate to sound like I'm having a temper tantrum here but I've got reason to be upset with the man.

Anyway so I went back stage in hopes of finding Ma-kun to tell him I was sorry I couldnt watch the whole thing, or to see him, or I dont know. I know I was suposed to meet him at home after, blah, I'm stupid, I should have just left.

Because then I ran into Taki. Loing story short, Taki said some asshole like things -about film strips and him and Ma and the like- and my jaw hurts now, and my throat is a little sore. But on the bright side, he may very well have a foot shaped bruise on his collar bone, and maybe a bump on the back of his head.

So after THAT day of crazyness, I was like hell, I need to sleep *cry* so I went home, and I am now in my pajamas, eating glosettes for breakfast and watching TV. Yes. I cant decide if that makes me a five year old or a girl, probubly both -_-

**Screened to Eiri Yuki**

Remember that dinner you offered me? When your free I'd like to see you again, everything is falling apart and I need to just go and relax for a while, lets just say its worse then what I wrote here ;_; *hugs* sanku for the offer btw.... OHOH and I need to show you the melody I wrote for that song before SOMEONE messes it up!

Private )
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pink
May. 1st, 2006 @ 08:14 pm ATTACK OF THE SONG MUSES
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: the songs in my head
((disclaimer: I AM TO LAZY TO WRITE RIGHT NOW! These not be mine, yo))

Time is Running Out )

And yet I still feel like writting...

Friend or Foe )

MINE *stamp* wow two songs at once, how skilled am I? Tragity is good for writting, apperently -_-
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ordinary
Apr. 30th, 2006 @ 10:01 am (no subject)
Current Location: Hiro's house
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: nothing
...

...

...

...

... I have a live journal, what do ya know. *yawn*

Blarrghugukasdknolierjg and other such nonsense... MY HEAD HURTS! *ded* Would some one please remove te syth thats causing the SPLITING PAIN down the back of my skull? *whimper* owowowowowowowowowowo....

and THIS is why the doctor told me it is bad to remember a whole lot at once. *shakes head* yay for memories and metal strain. He told me a super familliar feeling must have unlocked everything at once. Hm. Well. How about that.

Ooohhhh and if you happen to check this Masato-kun, sorry about the not comming home thingy, I sorta passed out at Hiro's cuz my head was hurting so much -_-

Private )
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fading
Mar. 3rd, 2006 @ 11:43 am (no subject)
Current Mood: devious
My goodness, I shouldnt go a while without updating this e_e I guess lessee... I feel kinda better, I was sad there for a while... Just getting the feeling that I mess things up. Feeling a little too self richious.... not so nice. But I do feel better now. Other then the very sore throat, which is what has kept me from work for the last few days. I'll come in again soon, dont worry ^^

So... yeah. Nothing much to say now that I think of it. Feeling a little more at peace, and glad I can help those who need it ^^

Now how the hell did my teddy end up across the room? *sigh* Wow, looking around my place is a MESS... dont know how Ma can stand to visit so much -_- I would clean, you know, if I wasnt sick... and lazy. Besides, if Ma and I are just going to party more, I'm sure the next day there would be pizza on the walls or something anyway... I dont mind the mess enough to clean it anyway.

so yes, I think I'm going to have a cooler and... and... go find my knee high black boots ^^

Private )<3.
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pink
Feb. 21st, 2006 @ 12:19 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: drunk
Well... anyone here ever reworked thier brian? Its a funny thing... I guess i just figured out I... I dont care anymore. I dont care what anyone says. I am sick of being sad and well.... no matter what I just want to make it go away. I am NOT gunna be a little emo bitch anymore, no way. Anywho, I kinda forgot what else I wanted to say... My hands are feeling better, just a little stiff... but my throat is like 'hey you, *HURTS* take that, bitch' and I'm like "OW! *cough cough cough*'.... right, yes, I need to stop with the sweet stuff mixed with coolers, nu-uh, not good xD *cough* anywho... yes... 'zats all.

Private )
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pink
Feb. 15th, 2006 @ 09:30 pm (no subject)
Eeeee I had such a good Valantines Day! Ma-kun came over with wonderful gifts and he was so so nice to me... and I've got a date! ^_~ I need to pick up something nice to wear... do I own anything without fishnet? *sigh* OOhhh I need to find something nice... I have I bit of an idea but I wont say... I wanna surprise him ^^

I have a new teddyyyyy!!!!! He's pink and he came with chocolate from the previously mentioned sweetheart... I need to name him... I think I'll name him snugglebaer or something horrible like that ^^;; Or Ma jr? Snuggle Bare Ma-Kun the third. Yeah. Thats it. ..... yeah shut up, I know I'm pathetic. Anyway, now I'm venturing into my rather large walk in closet to look for something nice! And to orginize a file of my songs incase Suguru decides to get his butt over here any time soon.
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dreams
Feb. 8th, 2006 @ 11:24 am (no subject)
Well... you know I think I've watched this vidio a million times... but I never really get sick of watching Ryuichi... *sigh* I almost fell of the couch and decided I needed to get up and streach my legs... so I walked to the computer. >> Yeah.

I think I know what I mean when people call me stupid... I mean, I've certainly proven it to myself. I do stupid things. I guess its just how I am. But that doesnt make me a bad person. Because I'm going to sit here and not do anything stupid ever again. That way i wont get hurt anymore. It just seems like the smart thing to do.

And Suguru, I got a bunch of songs if you wanna look at them, patch up the music, something like that.

Now, back to the chocolate and Nittle Grasper...

Private )
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tomorow
Jan. 25th, 2006 @ 03:50 pm (no subject)
Private )
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dreams
Jan. 24th, 2006 @ 02:10 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: songs in my head
When the rain falls down over me
Through the sterling sky
And spider trees
When the rusty needle pierced the skin
(He's pressing in)

(*)Dont know where I'm running to
Only where I'm running from
Waiting on the razor's edge
For the sun to raise again
(raise again)

Blurs of the world around me
Hanging in shards
On circles of red wire
Feeling so worthless
Like a black star
Said to shine no more

(*)

Feeling so faithless,
nothing but worthless
waiting for the sun
To wake me up inside

(*)

(copy right sticker)

Yet another song... I really should get around to giving these to K or someone...

Private )
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pink
Jan. 23rd, 2006 @ 07:25 pm (no subject)
<3 I'm so happy today if not a little tired

I met a very nice boy in the hospital yesterday ^^ His name is Miki... I really like him! he's really sweet and took care of me and was alot more nice then Yuki had ever been to me... I mean he bandaged my hand and sang a very pretty song for me! Its so nice to meet sweet people like him and Ma-kun. Everyone has been so so nice to me! I feel so so happy, I love meeting such nice people who just want to take care of me! Makes me feel so stupid for letting people hurt me before <3.

Private )
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pink
Jan. 19th, 2006 @ 07:22 am (no subject)
I had the worse night ever, Nhg. No sleep. I just... my apartment felt so empty and I could sleep and I got up to make myself something to eat and o started crying... and my hand REALY hurts cuz I burned it on the stove and that made me cry more... The kitchen floor is not a good place to sleep... *sigh* what the hell is wring with me (and for those of you that hate me thats a retorical question) and why cant I be happy?

I guess its cuz I miss him so much. I guess its cuz I cant forget him. But I guess he's happier without me and I should be happy about that.

Nhg. I need to go rebandaged my hand now.
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pink
Jan. 13th, 2006 @ 05:35 pm (no subject)
A dream
Like a memory
Like a song
You cant quite hear

Like a shadow
In the sun
Under one trembling hand
Fingers brushing down
Feeling only concreate

(*)Theres no velvet here
No secret kisses
No breathing under
A suffocating heat
No listening
To quite messages
left littered in the dusk

In a place like
A cotten candy-limbo
Suspended between
Missing the heaven
Needles of gold sun
Like Pirate gold
Looking at the hell below
and if I stop pretending I'll fall

(*)

From a ring of danlilions
They grew in the fields
But I see then in the cold barren city
I see them and remember
The sun
Theres no sky here

(*)

No sky, no sky
As the dandilions breath white nothings
Into the black

(*)

(Copy right sticker)

There is the finished product... well, kinda. I think I'lll wonder to the park to work on the actual music park... Theres a nice one near my NEW APPARTMENT XD sweet... It was nice Ma came with me ^^

And other then that... dinner was nice as well... Yeah, I liked being treated so nicely...

**Private**

I feel so so wierd... Its like a dream, it really is... I dont know... I just feel so strange pretending about something that I want so bad... I mean, not Ma, I mean I like him and he's nice and he's really cute and.. and.. yeah I'm defeating my own argument here -_- *sigh* I dont mean I'm in love, I mean I miss being in love, I miss it so much and I'm pretending to be going out with him... and yeah. I'm not maknig any sense. I dont know what I'm thinking at all. I feel lonly... and its nice to get away from it and pretend I'm not. It was nice when I was pretending and I kinda hugged him and he felt so warm and... It just felt good. *sigh* I wish i could have something real, but as long as I cant I might as well... just pretend.

***END**

I feel oddly inspired.
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dreams
Jan. 11th, 2006 @ 11:10 am (no subject)
... Right, eat you're hearts out you stupid papiratzi, I'm going house shopping with Ma-kun, so there *sticks out tongue*

Anyway... I dont really know what to say today, I sorta feel like I'm sleeping... dreaming or something. Its such a wierd feeling. I dont wanna sleep forever but as long a I am I might as well have some fun dreams... <3


Slipping deep
To the cinimatic spangle
Of neon lights
Against the velvet
Night
A land of dreams


(copy right sticker)

... I should turn that into a song later
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dreams
Dec. 30th, 2005 @ 04:34 pm (no subject)
Heey~

Well... I guess I'm feeling a LITTLE better... but my head is throbbing... why am I such a lightweigfht? Honestly -_- But I still had fun ^^ I went over to Ma's house and we got to talking... and it was really fun ^^ I like him, he;s a good friend <3 And he makes kicken' strawberry daquries.. le yum!

*sigh* I dont know, it was nice to talk to someone who seemed to agree with me, and he was really friendly, and then he let me sleep on his couch because I was SLIGHTLY buzzed <3 Its easier being alone with nice friends...

HIRO! I wanna come over I miss you you made a great offer ^_~

I hope no reporters saw me at Ma's house, that would just suck
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dreams
Dec. 28th, 2005 @ 01:05 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: the half written melody for the song I wrote before
*sniffle* well... I guess maybe I feel the smallest bit better then I did before... but I'm still so sad... it just feels like the world got pulled out from under my feet... It feels like half of me is gone...

...

I guess i was stupid, to depend on someone like him. But... I'm stupid, okay? If you knew me at all you would know that... I'm just stupid and I love him and if he came back I'd welcome him with open arms because thats just how much of an idiot I am... ;_;

*sigh* But anyway... sorry I never handed out any presents or anything... I guess I got distracted with all this... *sigh*

But I have my lil' sis her present, and she seemed to like it... I talked to her before I wrote that song before so... that was okay. She's so sweet, trying to take care of me.... I'm worried about her, because... well... I dont think I'll go into that. I just hope she's careful... *sigh* But I promised her I wouldnt fight with him, so i wont. I'll just... ignore any mean thing he says to me Hopefully that'll drive him crazy.

But anyway... I think I'm gunna go eat a bowl of icecream... and I dont know, maybe dress in something pretty nice and do something fun... If I can make myself get up, that is...
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pink
Dec. 24th, 2005 @ 10:08 pm Song: Carosel
Current Mood: hot
Current Music: the music in my head
Midnight Carnival )
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pink
Dec. 24th, 2005 @ 06:20 pm X-mas greetings!!
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: Cartoons on TV
hello every one ^^ I hope your all doing well!

I feel like I've been away forever, I havn't seen anyone in so long... But I'm back now ^^ You see I've been locked away with my muses... and I have thre new songs! THREE! I'm so proud of me, I say I deserve pocky!

Oh, and I managed to buy gifts for everyone I know and set up a x-mas tree in ONE afternoon!!! I'm so very affiaciant today ^_^ I love x-mas, its so... warm ^^ I just love all the bright lights and sparkles.. everything is just so pretty. It almost wants to make me write an x-mas album... but then I remember that I DONT want to comit musical suoicide XD Yeah...

Anyway... Someone wanna come visit me? I'm sorta... sorta lonly, now that I'm done all my work... I'm sorry for being away so long, I dont know what happened, I just got wrapped up in this and that, I hope no one is mad at me...

Merry x-mas and any other holiday you can think of!
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pink