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The Journal of the Phoenix
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in phoenix_rising_'s LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
12:01 am
Problems on top of problems...
Tyler and I got beat up by townies. And we beat up the townies in return. So now the police don't like us much.

And it's been way too long since I got some grown-up time away from the kids.

And I want to go on a rade. I want to ride through the streets, sowing discord for the sheer hell of it. I want to burn things down.

It's been too long since I practiced my fighting, too.

And on top of all this, my brother has been turned into a girl.

...

If you'll excuse me, I'll be off in my Underhill apartment, having a nice quiet breakdown. After I finish my workout, of course.

(OOC: This leads to this. Sorry about them being in the wrong order, archive-wise...Ix gave me the journal entry after the knife-fighting scene was posted - and then insisted that the journal entry came first.)

Current Mood: frustrated
Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
11:35 pm
Knife Practice
After this and this.

It's been a few days since the fight, and Ix is out in the grove. Dark storm-clouds lurk overhead, threatening rain...although it's just a threat so far.

Meanwhile, Ix seems to be making the best of the 'good weather' and is practicing her knife fighting. She wears a worn leotard and leather boots, sheaths visible on her legs and arms; the leg sheaths are full.

She's been out here for two hours already, and she doesn't look like she's going to be winding up and heading in before it starts raining.

Current Mood: frustrated
Friday, March 31st, 2006
5:38 pm
Making Bail
It doesn't take long for Alex to get a taxi, and he's calling Creed on the drive up.

"Creed? It's Alex. Uh...we need t' bail Tyler out of jail. Meet me at our place, soon as you can, 'kay?"

Once the driver's paid, Alex heads into the house and up towards the medicine chest that they keep. There, he bandages himself up, puts an ice pack over his eye, and gets some painkillers before heading down to the kitchen to wait for Creed to arrive.
Friday, January 13th, 2006
10:46 pm
Birthday Wishes
It's New Year's Day, and everyone's still sleeping off the results of New Year's Eve so far. Ix is sound asleep, exhaustion having dogpiled her and brought her down before the count-down.

Speaking of dogpiling, another reason why Ix is still in bed is probably because Creed and Tyler have sprawled on top of her; they both outweigh her by at least fifty pounds - she can get out from under one of them with ease. But both of them, especially positioned as all three of them are, is more difficult.

Fortunately, even the kids are still asleep - or someone's tended to them and sent them back to dreamland at some point. Either way, not even they're up yet.

Current Mood: asleep
Saturday, January 7th, 2006
5:48 pm
Meta
Well, it's January seventh. This is the day I (the mun) turn eighteen.

This is a day that Ix has been waiting for since Tyler and Jack's mun decided to stop doing porn with anyone under 18, for safety's sake.

*Ix calls* Oy, Tyler? You, me, my cave? I'll meet you there - you wanna bring anything?

Current Mood: cheerful
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
1:35 am
Meta
A letter is delivered to Ix...
Mere moments later, a second one arrives.

Eyebrows raised, she opens them both and reads aloud, "Two months of paid account time have been added to your account, as an anonymous gift."

Ix blinks, and then blinks again before leaning back and grinning, "Thanks, whoever gave me this!"

She grins into space, "Four months of account time...wow."

(OOC: Seriously, the messages were about seven seconds apart.)

Current Mood: ecstatic
Sunday, November 27th, 2005
4:06 am
Catch-up: Relaxing
What is your favorite thing to do to relax?

Mmm...bubble baths.
That or I go and get really drunk which, lately, isn't really an option.

So, bubble baths mostly.

Current Mood: tired
Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
10:56 pm
Catch-up: Forgiveness
Who do you need to forgive?

...you guys aren't gonna accept 'no one' are you?

Feh.

Uh....Creed. For not telling me he was married, and for the pain of childbirth. Yes, I love our kids. But still: labour pains.

...
Or maybe I should just drop a squid on him for not telling me he was married...
Hmm. Yeah, that sounds like a better idea.

*Alex queries* How is this a 'better' idea?
Well...it's more interesting, at least.
So it's not better at all, is it? It's just more amusing, really.
*Ix shrugs slightly* Yeah, I guess.
Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
11:12 pm
Catch-up: Self-Doubtt
Talk about a time you overcame serious self-doubt.

Right after Maya went missing and before I took over the Black Diamonds. Most of the Diamonds wanted to wait a bit to see if she'd come back...and if she didn't return, they wanted to go their own way; they didn't see any way of keeping the gang together.

To be honest, I wasn't sure I could see a way either.
For a while, it looked like I was going to be on my own again.

So...I started thinking about what it'd take to keep things together.
We needed someone who knew what was going on, who could come up with ideas...who was able to recognize good ones, even if they didn't come up with them.

So...I thought, hey why not me? I mean, I can find out what's going on, I can come up with ideas and plans, and I know who else can do that too.
About five seconds later, I started wondering what the hell I was thinking. Who would want to follow a fourteen year old leader? A kid who was probably inexperienced at best? Someone who'd only just joined the gang?
The answer I kept coming up with was 'no one in their right minds'.

Somehow, I managed to convince myself that the worst that could happen was that everyone would laugh at me and tell me to go drink my bluemilk. Probably that is the worst that would've happened.
Unless, of course, you define 'worst' as "they actually made me leader".

At that point, I started going 'oh fug, what do I do now?'. That and praying they didn't know how friggin' clueless I was.
Sunday, November 20th, 2005
1:49 am
Catch-up: Most people wish...
Most people wish that I... (What? Complete the thought and write a ficlette about it.)

Most people wish that I weren't here, Phoenix thought as she glared out from the dark alleyway. Dark only because it was surrounded by walls and covered by awnings; Tatooine's double suns saw that there were few shadows near noon.

It was too late to be out; most of the vendors had closed down, prefering to try and sell things in the evening when it had cooled off a little. Only the most tenacious were even trying to hawk anything now - and even they were starting to look like they were ready to head in.

The twelve-year-old studied the few stalls that were open and in her line of sight. It hadn't been a good day, today; she'd been beaten up by a group of bigger kids and had most of her credits stolen. If she couldn't get some more, she wouldn't have money to buy anything to eat tonight.

Already, pangs of hunger tightened their grip around her stomach. But she ignored them, long used to doing so; it was rare that even the most well-to-do gang of streetrats had enough to eat - although it was well-known that they often at at least three times a day. Loners, like her, had to make do with smaller, and less frequent, meals; Ix considered herself lucky if she got one a day. Generally she had one every two or three days or so.

Of course, she knew that she didn't have to live like this. There were plenty of slaves who were bonded to caring masters - or, at least, ones who didn't beat them or starve them often - and they generally got to eat daily.
But they didn't have freedom. And they had to worry about being sold to someone who wasn't as caring.
Phoenix didn't envy them, for all that they got to eat often and well.

Spotting an opening in one of the shopkeepers' defences, she darted forward suddenly and snatched a trinket from the booth. Running as fast as she could in the heat, she headed for her safe-haven of the moment to rest and try to figure out what she could pawn this thing for.

Relaxing in her safe-haven, Phoenix mused again, Most people wish that I weren't here.
It was true. To the shopkeepers, the Imperials, she was just another streetrat; just trouble in rags. To her fellow streetrats, she was competition. And to the marks...she was nothing but a petty thief they'd like to hand over to the Imps.
None of them wanted her around - any more than she wanted much to do with them.

She looked up in surprise as the door to her safehaven bowed inwards and then collapsed, someone tumbling inwards...

And then she woke up, gasping for air. The dream, in and of itself, hadn't been terrifying. But it wasn't the dream that had scared her. It was the fact that she thought, while she dreamt, that it had been real - that everything that had happened afterwards was just...a dream. And that she would never, truly, escape Tatooine.
And that had terrified her.
1:26 am
Google Meme
Phoenix needs...

Phoenix needs a new name.
Phoenix needs government cash.
Phoenix needs you!
Phoenix needs a foster home. (The hell?)
Phoenix needs superheroes.
Phoenix needs to take the next step.
Phoenix needs your help! (..I do?)
Phoenix needs updating.
Phoenix needs Cyclop's energy beams. (Again, the hell?)
Phoenix needs car insurance. (No I don't. I have much better ways of making sure I get repaid for losing stuff.)
Tuesday, October 4th, 2005
10:37 pm
Anger
If you could take back one thing you said in anger, what would it be and why?

Whatever it was that I said to make Aluk turn away from me; whatever it was that turned us from being...family to being just bodyguard and bodyguard-ee.

'S way too late now, though...

Current Mood: morose
Sunday, July 17th, 2005
3:55 pm
Racing [Locked to Creed]
From here.

Ix strips quickly, letting her clothes drop to the ground. She can come pick them up later - and four legs are far, far better for running with than two.
It's easier to turn fast when you have a tail, as well.

Silver-white fur covers her skin quickly, and she shrinks. Her legs shift, changing their shape - and her arms follow suit. Her tail curves, waving through the air.
When the change is complete, she sits and looks up at Creed to see his reaction; she hasn't changed into a wolf this time - this time, she's a fox.
Friday, July 8th, 2005
3:21 pm
OOC
An anonymous person has donated 2 months worth of paid account time to me.

To whoever you are: Thank you. I am very aware that this is a gift; it is not something I have asked for (though I'm very thankful for it); and it is not something that you have to give me.
But you have. And I thank you.

*hugs whoever you are*

Current Mood: enthralled
Tuesday, June 28th, 2005
9:10 pm
R&R
The twins and triplets have been fed - and, while Maya and Tyler Evan are wide awake, their sibs are fast asleep. Both sets of kids are being taken care of by Myriosa's kinswomen.
So now - if ever - is the best time for Ix to slip off and head for Cupid's temple.

She leaves a note, just in case, stating that she's headed off to the temple for a bit of rest and that she'll be back 'soon'.
Time doesn't always notice Cupid's temple, though, so she can be back in time for the next feeding...but still get all the rest she needs.

Concience(s) soothed, Ix and Alex hurry for the temple.
7:18 pm
Obstacles
What is the biggest obstacle you have overcome in your existance?

Being dead.
Y'know, for some people, it's not just an obstacle. It's something that stops 'em dead - no pun intended - in their tracks.

Well, I wandered around my aftelife for a while. It was really, really boring. Dim lights and ankle-deep water all the time, with more slowly dripping in...it drained to somewhere, I know; it always stayed around ankle-deep.

I managed to find the door out, though. But I couldn't come back to my world; there wasn't enough room for another ghost there. And once I got out...the door locked behind me.
Honestly, I think the place was as glad t' see the back of me as I was t' get out of it.

But, once I was out, I was a ghost. I was just a ghost here (wherever here is) instead of back...well, it's not home any more. But it's still where I came from. But...I wasn't there.
Which, let me tell you, was confusing as all hell for the first week or so.

Once I got my bearings, though, I realized that I could find a new body, if I wanted to.
And Lord, how I wanted to. I knew there were better things to do than float around, pass through walls, and spook people.
I'd done some of those things before I died.

Once I figured out the method I was going to do it by, it was just a matter of finding someone willing to give up their body for however long it was due to stay alive.
That bit was trickier than one'd think it might be - even considering that I'd gone to the trouble of making Puck promise he'd turn the other girl into the animal of her choice, once we'd swapped. I think most of them didn't actually realize what they'd be giving up, until I told them flat out.
Managed to convince a few suicides to change their minds, though; so I guess I did some good.

Xiaa, though....she wanted to die. Wouldn't tell me why, either, 'cept that it wasn't anything that I'd have to worry about someone coming after 'her' for.
Puck made a butterfly, shunted her soul into it, and then let her go; it was in the middle of winter so....we both got what we wanted.
I just hope she wanted what she thought she did.
6:40 pm
Alone
When in your life did you feel the most alone?

Just before I died.
Knowing that there was only one person who truly cared nearby - and he was in a cell, locked away from me. Knowing that my death would be swept under the rug, as an execution of a rebel.
That I would be forgotten, unless - by some miracle - Kash got out and told everyone. And that the Empire would forget me on purpose.

How could anyone not feel alone?
6:37 pm
Heart's Desire [catch-up]
Heart's Desire: Think about something you once wanted so badly but never acquired. Write about how you think your life would’ve been different if you had received what your heart desired.

Once....a lifetime ago...I wanted nothing more than to have my mom back. I still want her back, but....I know now that I can fend for myself.

But what would life have been like if Mom hadn't been kidnapped by the bounty hunter?
I took a look at the might-have-been.

In this time line, Mom goes with me to get ribbons. We stop and buy some groceries; I ask for a bit of candy, and I manage to bargain for a small piece.
When we get home...the house is trashed. Dad is gone. When she figures out the full extent of the damage, Mom realizes that it's not nearly as bad as it looks.
It is a warning, though; we need to get off Tatooine, before whatever happens to Dad - Mom says that he had debts to Jabba - happens to us.

Mom sells everything we can spare. It turns out to be everything but a few changes of clothes; a couple pieces of jewelry; a holo-cube; and Jot, as well as some blankets and stuff.
It totals up to about 9000 credits. We need two thousand more, though. She takes a job at the Cantina, serving tables; it lasts just long enough to get 2500 credits.
And then we're out of there, heading to Coruscant. A place I haven't been since I was four.

Years pass. Mom works two jobs, trying to make ends meet. It doesn't quite work, though; there isn't always enough to eat, and I wear second-hand clothing that's been let out or taken in - and always patched.
Eventually, my teachers start noticing. The Child Protection Society is informed. I'm taken away from Mom, and put into an Imperial creche.
There, I'm treated well. I'm given clean clothes every day - although it is a uniform; three square (although often boring) meals a day; and proper schooling - that just happens to include the sort of stuff that induces one to join the military.

I go from the creche to the Academy, earning good marks and staying near the top of the class. Eventually, I become a Stormtrooper. From there, I become a squad leader.
I'm proud of serving the Emperor, of doing what I can to make sure the Empire is peaceful - even if there seem to be a lot more areas that are rebelling against law and order than there ever were when I was a kid. I have several friends, but no one I'm really close to; certainly no one I'm close enough to, to share my bed with. None of my friends are aliens; I speak only Basic, and I'm proud of it.

Eventually, I'm killed in action, during a fight against the Rebellion. There's a full ceremony, and there's a lot of people saying that I was "a good soldier" and that I'll be missed. It's all empty words, though.
Within a year, no one outside my platoon really remembers me, asides from being just another name; another solider who fell in the fight. Within a decade, there is no one who remembers me; the only traces left of me are my official records, and a grave marker.

*shudders*

Comparing the two.....I'm glad things turned out the way they did, instead of they way they could have.
5:56 pm
Most proud? [Catch-up]
At what moment in your life did you feel most proud?

Hmmm....you mean a moment that's actually happened, not one that has yet to happen, don't you?
Bugger.

Some people would think that I'd pick giving birth to the kids as this moment.
It's not. Don't get me wrong; I love all five of 'em - it's just that giving birth isn't the moment where I'm most proud of myself.
Who would be? I mean...there's the swearing, the pain...the mess...

No. My moment is when I won my ship, Ashes to Flame, and launched her.
From that point on, I knew that I could do just about anything I wanted; I wasn't trapped on Tatooine any more.
5:47 pm
One memory? [Catch-up]
If you could only carry one memory with you into the afterlife, which would you choose?

Afterlife? Been there, done that....it's a helluva lot more boring than some would have you believe.

Anyways....just one memory?
Hmm.

Probably the memory of my family. The whole memory.

*smiles*

After all...when you're dead, you might as well know you were/are loved.
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