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The Power of Speech

2008-07-21T14:52:04Z

I will be doing my squee filled post about meeting Peter Gallagher this evening because my dad's at work and he has the best photos of Peter and I.

For now here's chapter 6 of The Power of Speech.

Title:The Power of Speech Chapter 6
Rating: I'm lowering the rating to PG-13 but earlier chapters were rated M
Summary: An AU where Ryan's father wasn't arrested and continued to beat Dawn and the boys. Ryan meets the Cohens through a different way.

For previous chapters, click on the tag.

Chapter 6

Sandy Cohen didn’t know what to think as he stood on the doorstep of number 10, Eagle Street. He’d never done anything like this before but the look on that poor kid’s face when he’d asked about his brother, made the request he’d received impossible to refuse.

Now the sound of children playing was serenading him, as he waited for someone to come to the door.

He checked the name on the piece of paper once again. “Ryan Atwood,” he muttered to himself.

He really hoped he was doing the right thing. He hadn’t known what to think of Trey Atwood when he’d read his file. There were violent child abuse records and his little brother Ryan was included in most of the stories. He’d expected Trey to be a hard criminal, made savage by his troubled past. But the young man he’d met had been different than that.

Trey had been asking about his brother for most of the session and the genuine concern in his eyes had brought Sandy here.

The front door swung open suddenly, revealing a rather frazzled looking woman. A baby was hanging from her arm, a soother planted in its mouth.

She frowned at Sandy.

“Hi… uh good morning. I’m looking for Ryan Atwood. I spoke to your husband earlier on the phone and he said it would be okay if I came over.” He stuttered, he hadn’t properly decided what to say when he got to the door and it was clear. He was usually so good with words.

He held out his hand and she shook it, watching him sceptically. The baby in her arms gave a little squeal and she hugged it closer, rubbing its back to keep it quiet.

A man came up behind her “Who is it, Lucy?”

He stopped when he noticed Sandy and nodded at him. “Hi, you must be Mr Cohen. I’m Mark and this is my wife Lucy.” Sandy leaned forward to shake his hand.

“Please, call me Sandy”

“Ryan’s right through here.” Sandy noticed the annoyed look Lucy gave her husband, it was clear she hadn’t known he was coming.

Sandy followed Mark down a brightly coloured corridor, manoeuvring himself around children as he went.

At last they reached a room at the end of the corridor and Mark pointed towards its closed door. “He’s in there,”

Mark opened the door slowly and peered his head into the room.

“Ryan? This is the man I was telling about, the one who met with your brother.”

Mark moved aside and Sandy looked into the room. He noticed a blonde boy sitting on the window seat. The kid turned vaguely towards them and Sandy was shocked at the look he saw in those blue eyes. His eyes were blood shot and great purpley blue sacks stained the area under his eyes. Mark had mentioned on the phone that Ryan was having trouble sleeping. The teenager looked so defeated.

Sandy moved into the room and walked over to a wooden chair next to the window seat.

“Do you want anything to drink?” Mark asked and Sandy shook his head.

“No, thank you.”

The room was filled with an awkward silence as Mark also sat down in the room.

“So…” Sandy began. “Trey and I were in court today. It looks like he’s looking at a three to five year sentence. He’s got a pretty heavy file of previous misdemeanours, so that was the minimum the court would accept.” He paused, waiting for Ryan to take it all in.

“Trey asked me to come and check on you… to see how you are.” Sandy frowned as Ryan watched the cars go by outside, his blue eyes glassy.

“He told me what happened between you guys. He says he feels terrible about it, he’s very worried about you.”

Ryan didn’t seem to make any movement to show that he was listening to Sandy. He decided to change the subject.

“You know, my wife and I have been thinking about adopting or fostering for a while. Our son, Seth, is at college right now, far away in the east coast and its only the two of us rattling away in our house.”

He turned to see Mark watching him thoughtfully.

He turned back to Ryan. “Trey mentioned that you both had been in foster care before.”

Both Sandy and Mark noticed Ryan’s jaw twitch.

“He said that he’d never seen you more unhappy.” He continued.

Slowly Ryan turned towards him, his blue eyes burning into Sandy’s.

“He asked me if I’d be willing to check on you every once in a while, make sure you’re alright. I mean everything isn’t alright, that much is obvious but do you mind if I do that?”

Ryan didn’t answer but continued to watch Sandy.

“I’m going to give you my card. I know how tough these places can be, especially with so many younger kids running about.”

As if in answer, the sound of a baby crying filled the room.

“I’ll put my cell phone number down as well. That way you can reach me any time.” He scribbled down the number and held it out to him. He held it there for a few seconds before Ryan eventually reached out a tentative hand to take it.

Sandy looked behind again and saw a smile on Mark’s face. He grinned back at him before returning his gaze to Ryan.

The kid was turning the card over carefully in his hands, as if worried that it might tear at the slightest touch. It was clear he wasn’t sure what to do with it.

“Right, well I guess my wife is probably wondering what’s happened to me.” He got up, knees creaking and followed Mark out of the room.

"Bye Ryan."

Xxx

“You should have seen him Kirsten, he didn’t do anything. He didn’t even speak, didn’t even shrug. Trey had the same sort of traumatised look on him as well but at least his worry over Ryan got him talking. I don’t want to even imagine what’s happened to the two of them over the years.

Sandy paced as he spoke, waving his hands in emphasis. Kirsten had never seen him look so distressed.

That sort of life seemed so far away from her sheltered life in Newport. He continued to pace and she got up from her perch to go to him.

“Honey….” He brushed her off, too riled up for comfort.

“The worst thing is that there are so many kids like Ryan and Trey who are swallowed up, chewed and spat out by the world. I just wish there was something I could do.” He sat down heavily on the bed.

Kirsten once again went over to him, rubbing his back. “Honey, you’re doing as much as you can do. You’re helping Trey by defending him, you gave Ryan your number. What more can you do?” She pulled him into a hug and he let out a deep sigh.

The sound of the phone ringing startled them both. It was a bit late for phone calls. Kirsten went over to her side of the bed and slid under the sheets while Sandy went over to the receiver.

“No, no business calls now, Caleb can sort out his own problems at this hour.” Sandy grunted as he walked over to it.

“Sandy Cohen,” he answered gruffly.

There was no reply. Sandy was about to hang up, but something inside him kept him from doing so. A sinking feeling descended into his stomach.

“Ryan?”

Tbc…

The Colours of Pain caused by a Comic Book

2008-07-20T16:55:24Z

As I was sitting in the plane trying to take a nap, I remembered I hadn't posted this yet.

Title: The Colours of Pain caused by a Comic Book (7/10)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,574
Beta: erynnbeth Thank you so much for your help and patience :)
Summary: Well, I felt like writing some hurt/comfort and it involves Ryan, Seth, worried Sandy and Kirsten, the rover and a cliff!
Author's Note: Thanks also to beachtree who gave me some very useful medical information on head injurys. I just hope I used it correctly...

For previous chapters click on the tag.

Chapter 7

Sandy jogged down the corridor, mumbling an apology to an old woman who he had almost knocked down in his rush. All he could think about was pulling the car up to the hospital entrance.

Finally, after a week of Ryan being in the hospital, he was coming home.

Sandy waved at a nurse that he recognised, who was coming in for her shift. She waved back at him, smiling at his rush.

It was hot outside with the sun beating down on him but a cool breeze tussled his black curls.

It was a perfect day for Ryan to come home.

It had been such a surprise the day before when the doctors had told them Ryan would be able to leave with them the following day. Ryan had been improving well. He still got terrible headaches but they weren’t as bad as before and they were able to control them with medication. His trouble concentrating also seemed to be receding slightly, although sometimes he’d forget what he was saying in the middle of a sentence. Not to mention, occasionally they’d find him switching off and looking out the window whilst they were talking to him.

It was hard but they were all pleased with the progress he was making.

Sandy could see in Ryan’s eyes that he didn’t see his progress as progress. Whenever he forgot what he was saying, he’d look so sad, so lost and confused.

Sandy didn’t blame him, he knew he’d feel the same but it was awful seeing someone usually so strong and brave, looking so weak and lost.

He knew it was going to be a long road ahead of them.

Xxx

Kirsten hovered with her back to Ryan’s bedside, trying not to turn around and help. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do. He didn’t want her to help him get dressed but she could hear him struggling. He’d agreed that she wouldn’t leave the room, just in case something happened but he’d made it clear if she began helping him into his pants, he’d feel like he was dying of embarrassment.

A nurse was hovering around but she was also respecting his boundaries. She simply stood to the side, watching to see if he needed assistance. Kirsten breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the nurse quietly offering to assist him.

“Okay sweetie, let me just help you with your jeans.” The nurse’s voice was soft and Kirsten felt surprised when she didn’t hear a response from Ryan. He was such a private person and for him to agree for a stranger to help him get dressed was so out of character. She fought back the feeling that Ryan was still too sick and wasn’t ready to come back home with them.

Kirsten waited patiently, watching out of the glass window at the people going past. She saw a young child being carried by her mother, sobbing, and Kirsten winced at the thoughts that came to her mind of what could have happened.

“We’re all done, Mrs Cohen.”

Kirsten turned around and smiled at the two of them. She saw the redness in Ryan’s cheeks and his eyes were cast down to the floor. The humiliation he was feeling was obvious.

“Thank you,” she said to the nurse, and the nurse nodded politely.

“I’ll just go and get you a wheel chair. I think your dad said he was bringing around the car. Are you excited about going home?” she asked Ryan enthusiastically, and he gave her a small nod in return.

“Great,” the nurse patted his arm gently before turning to walk out the room.

Kirsten followed her out into the corridor.

“Sorry, I just wanted to make sure that you think Ryan will be okay at home. I mean, he only just came out of the coma a couple of days ago.” She could hear the nervousness in her own voice, and the nurse gave her a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry. Everyone gets a little anxious when they take someone home from hospital, especially after such a severe accident. I’m sure he’ll surprise you. Ryan’s doctors have been amazed how quickly he has bounced back since waking up from his coma. His doctor has prescribed some pain relief for Ryan’s headaches, and he’ll need to take it easy. You’ll need to help him do things that consist of a lot of movement, as his ribs will be pretty sore for a while…” she broke off and rubbed Kirsten’s arm gently. “Try not to worry,”

Kirsten tried to believe that there was nothing to worry about, but she still couldn’t quell the feeling that something wasn’t quite right.

She’d called her dad the day before, asking for some time away from work and he’d begrudgingly agreed. She didn’t care that he’d muttered about reducing her workload permanently, she just needed to be there for Ryan. Besides she knew he was just talking nonsense.

She just hoped that Ryan would allow her to help.

She watched as the nurse hurried off to grab a wheel chair and she slowly went back into the room.

She tried to catch Ryan’s eye but his attention was back out the window again. She winced at the sight of the bruises on the side of his head that were now visible.

Before leaving, the doctor had given her a leaflet of what to look out for in case Ryan displayed any new symptoms. She had looked through it briefly and had been terrified by what she had read, especially the part about seizures.

“Ryan!” she called and he turned slowly towards her.

He gave her a brief smile, and she sighed at the sad expression in his eyes. She moved forward and sat on the chair by his bed.

“So, Seth’s preparing the guest room for you. He’s really missed having you at home. He’s prepared a little ‘Welcome home’ pack for you... but don’t tell him I told you.”

She gave a nervous laugh and he ducked his head, a shy smile on his lips.

“So how are you, seriously?” she asked, and he looked up at her through his bangs.

He shrugged. “I’m fine,” his voice was gravely and he cleared his throat self consciously.

“I’m sure you are,” she said sarcastically but immediately felt guilty. “How do you feel about coming home? It’ll be a nice change from here, that’s for sure.”

He nodded. “It will be cool.”

She sat down in the chair to wait, knowing that she wasn’t going to get much mor conversation out of him.

xxx

Ryan listened half heartedly to Sandy and Kirsten as they drove him back from the hospital.

His head ached dully but he was used to that now. He tried not to show the pain that each bump in the road was causing to his ribs. Although, he knew the gritted teeth were a big give away.

“Ryan, are you okay?” Kirsten’s voice and concerned look, drifted into his consciousness and he nodded.

“Yeah, fine.” he said, trying to sound stronger than he felt.

“We’re nearly home kid, then we’ll get you into bed.” Ryan gave another nod at Sandy’s words even though he knew Sandy couldn’t see him.

He gave an involuntary shudder as the car drove over the last bump before they entered the gated community.

His hand rested lightly onto his ribs as he tried to reduce the pain with short breaths. They’d taped his ribs at the hospital but they still hurt like hell.

He’d always thought that Sandy was a safe driver but after that ride, his foster father had lost that title in his mind. He gave another shudder as he thought about how much pain Trey used to cause when he drove him home from the hospital after rib injuries. It’d always driven Ryan to almost tears.

When the car finally came to a stop outside of the house, Ryan took a moment to compose himself before undoing his seat belt.

He frowned when the door opened seemingly by itself, but then he looked up to find Sandy watching him anxiously.

He allowed Sandy to help him get out of the car but couldn’t bite back the whimper as a shot of pain went through his ribs.

He felt Sandy freeze, and he couldn’t help gripping onto his foster father’s jacket in response to the pain.

He squeezed his eyes closed as Sandy continued to manoeuvre him out of the car and held him up. He steadied himself onto Sandy as he felt the world spinning and the nausea began swirling around in his stomach.

Gradually it passed. He loosened his grip and slowly opened his eyes. He found two concerned faces watching him and he tried to give them a small smile to reassure them, but judging by the looks on their faces it failed.

He allowed Sandy to half-carry him over to the house.

He couldn’t believe how much pain each movement was causing him. He just hoped that the pain wouldn’t last. Right now though, all he could think about was cuddling up into his nice cosy bed with a gloriously fluffy pillow cradling his thudding head.

tbc…

Thanks for reading :)

The Power of Speech, chapter 5

2008-03-27T20:12:01Z

Title: The Power of Speech
Rating: This chapter's a T but previous chapters are Ms.
Summary: An AU where Ryan's father wasn't arrested and continued to beat Dawn and the boys. Ryan meets the Cohens through a different way.

Chapter 5

Ryan was still walking as the sun began making its descent down the sky. He had no idea where he was or where he was headed. Trey had probably done that on purpose, so that if Ryan hadn’t gone with him, he’d be hopelessly lost. Well, the plan had worked and Ryan was hopelessly lost.

He just kept walking though, hoping that eventually he’d end up somewhere.

He felt completely lost, not just physically but emotionally as well.

He’d spent every day since Trey had left home, imagining his next encounter with his brother. Trey had almost seemed like an almost God like figure to him. He’d never considered the fact that Try could have changed, could have turned into someone not unlike their father.

There was no way he was going to have stolen that car, Trey should have known that.

Everything in the world just felt so insignificant.

All those stories that Trey used to tell him when he was scared with the two kings- Trey and Ryan… how could Trey have changed so much?

The beeping of a car horn brought his mind back to reality and he looked around, dazed. A car pulled up next to him and he saw Mark’s head popping out of the open window.

Mark was about to speak but he must have seen the traumatised expression on Ryan’s face.

“Okay Ryan, hop in. Let’s go home.”

Ryan opened the door slowly and lowered himself into the passenger seat of the car. Home? Home to him meant a beating before bed, a new scar to hide from prying eyes in the morning. Home to him meant spending every minute of every day, imagining scenarios that could never come true. He was most definitely not going home.

xxx

The car ride home was quiet. Ryan could see in the reflection on the window, Mark nervously shooting glances in his direction but he didn’t say anything. He was grateful for Mark’s seemed understanding that he didn’t want to talk.

As they pulled into the driveway, Ryan was all set to take off his seat belt and open his door, when he felt a restraining hand on his arm.

At first he felt afraid, was Mark going to punish him for being out so much later than he had planned.

He turned worriedly to face the man. It was funny; he’d been so used to not having any beatings that the thought of having to go through all of that again, made his stomach flip.

Mark again seemed to sense the uneasiness in his expression and quickly removed his hand.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. I just know that sometimes it can get a little hectic around the house and I wanted to have a little chat. Now seems like a good time, don’t you think?” He said trying to keep his tone jovial.

Ryan shrugged, still untrusting and gripping the door handle with his right hand to give himself support.

“I want to be straight with you Ryan,” he took a deep breath and Ryan tensed up even further.

“I got a call from the police station today, not that long before you left the house with your brother. Sergeant Jones was letting me know that a Mr Trey Atwood had been arrested for stealing someone else’s property. Seeing as you were the last person to be seen with him, the police would like to question you on your part on the matter.”

Ryan shook his head slightly. He should have known this was going to happen. Not only did Trey drag himself down but he’d managed to pull Ryan down as well.

“Now, they don’t think you had a part in the actually robbery, it was a car if you didn’t know. They would just like to know exactly what happened.” He waited for Ryan to say something but Ryan felt like he had nothing to say.

He felt like he was drowning in his family’s messes and whenever things seemed to look like he was finally on his own, something even worse would happen to drag him down. He didn’t think he could handle talking to a cop. His father had always made him afraid of police and the idea of talking to one, one on one, terrified him.

He’d always made sure to keep out of their way and yet his brother had managed not only to ruin his worked out plan for his future till he was eighteen but now because of him, Ryan was going to have to face one of his deepest fears.

“I’ll stay with you for the interview of course, don’t worry about that. You won’t be alone Ryan. Remember, you have Lucy and I now. You’re not on your own anymore.

Ryan felt a small weight being lifted off of his shoulders. He was so used to handling things on his own that he hadn’t considered the possibility that maybe Mark would sit with him during the interview.
Mark smacked a hand on his leg suddenly. “Right, how about we go in for some dinner. Did you have lunch? You must be starving.”

He bustled out of the car and Ryan followed, feeling like he was sleep walking.

He couldn’t help but wonder where he would be if he had followed Trey and gone into the car. He guessed he’d probably be in juvy and the thought made him shiver.

xxx

That night, Ryan tossed and turned in bed, tormented by memories of his mom, dad and brother. He kept seeing his dad, thrashing him with his belt until the image would morph into Trey.

He saw his mother’s body, lying in that closet. Her bluey grey skin tormented, and crawling with maggots. Then Trey would be behind him, pushing him into the cupboard and locking the door.

The image again morphed and he saw Mark and Lucy, smiling happily together, content. Then he saw Trey, a knife in his hand, approaching the two of them. He felt paralysed, he couldn’t stop him. They couldn’t hear Trey’s haunted laughter as he laughed at Ryan’s fear.

He woke up from his own screams but even though he knew he was disturbing everyone, he couldn’t make himself stop.

Even awake, he could still see his mother’s dead face. He could still hear Trey’s cackling laugh.

Hands were holding him down and he tried to wriggle free, he needed to be free. He was always being restrained and he couldn’t bare it anymore.

His throat was beginning to burn but he couldn’t stop his screams. He felt his stomach beginning to give at the sight of the dead body and he was horrified to feel tears trickling down his face.

He wanted to raise his hand to swat them away, but the hands were still restraining him.

“Ryan! Listen to me! You have got to calm down.” A voice floated into his subconscious. It was a voice of authority, a voice that commanded that it was to be listened to.

His screams soon turned to gagging as he saw his mom’s head suddenly turn to him.

He felt something being held in his lap but he couldn’t see anything. Everything was just images of his mother’s dead corpse.

He felt a gentle hand begin to move up and down his back. The hand made him feel weak and he began to feel his energy waning.

He flopped into the hands at his back. They were so comforting and gentle. He’d never felt anything so nice before.

“Open your eyes Ryan,” the voice was whispered into his ear. He was about to respond that they were open when he felt something cold press against his forehead. He began to notice that it really was too dark and that if someone was with him, it really should be lighter. He realised that maybe the voice was in fact right and his eyes weren’t open.

It took an effort for him to pull open his eye lids but when he did there was a comfortable glow around his bedroom.

He felt someone holding him, but for once the touch was so gentle that he didn’t want to pull away. There was a steel basket sitting on his lap and he pushed it away from him. He was surprised when someone came over and took it from him.

“Hey sweetie, you awake now?” It was a woman’s voice and for a millisecond, Ryan thought it could be his mom, but then the same image that had been following him around for the past few weeks returned. His mom was dead, properly dead. As in she couldn’t be holding him right this minute. He traced the voice back to Lucy.

She gently lifted him off of her lap and lay him down on the bed.

“There we are, are you feeling better now?” He gave a small nod and she gave him a small smile.

She pulled up the covers to his chin and smoothed out the wrinkles.

“Try and go back to sleep. That must have been one heck of a dream.” He heard a male voice and recognised it to belong to Mark.

“I’ve got the kids back to sleep.” He said quietly to Lucy and Ryan felt his face redden with humiliation for causing the house such a disturbance.

“We’ll see you in the morning Ryan,” She stroked back his sweaty bangs from his face and left the room.

Ryan didn’t go back to sleep, he didn’t want to disturb the household again. Something told him that if he tried to go back to sleep, the same thing would happen, and he’d piss Lucy and Mark off so much that they’d stop the kind act and beat him for waking everybody up.

He sat up and turned on the lamp by his bed. It was going to be a long night.

tbc…

Okay, so I wrote this a while ago and I have a seemingly false memory of writing the Cohens into this chapter. I must have dreamt it… No wait I’m sure I wrote at least Sandy…

Now I am very confused!

Anyway, thank you for reading :)

The Power of Speech

2008-03-23T13:48:10Z

Hi, A little dark easter present for you all :D

Title: The Power of Speech chapter 4
Rating: I'm going to put it down from an M to a T for this chapter.
Summary: An AU where Ryan's father wasn't arrested and continued to beat Dawn and the boys. Ryan meets the Cohens through a different way.
Author's note: Okay, the Cohens aren't in just yet but they're in the next chapter. Also, there is some swearing in this chapter.

Okay, so I hope you enjoy. Previous chapters are here.

Chapter 4

Ryan leant his head against the cool glass of the window. He was sitting on the dainty, blue window seat that Mark and Lucy kept in their living room.

He watched intently at all the cars that flew past. Every time he’d see a blue car, he’d sit up a little straighter.

He’d been out of the hospital for a few weeks now, and the superficial bruises had faded to a murky yellow. His body still held his father’s scars but they were only noticeable when he didn’t wear a shirt or pants.

Since entering the group home, Ryan had felt like he was barely keeping his head on top of everything.

Lucy, Mark’s wife, had insisted that a therapist would come to see Ryan each day. She claimed he had ‘issues’ too deep for herself and Mark to help him with.

The therapist was easy to get around though. She was just some dumpy, old lady who was more concerned about getting her pay check each session than helping the fifteen year old blonde boy before her.

He’d just sit there, staring at her, letting her know who was in charge. She mostly just babbled on to herself, trying to avoid his glance.

The doctors had sent him home with some anti-depressants but Ryan refused to take them. His mom had once begun taking them and they’d always made her crash out on the couch in the afternoons. He did not need that right now, so he generally just dropped them in his pocket when no one was watching and then he would flush them down the toilet.

He’d felt so alone and he’d thought everyone had forgotten about him so he’d had a shock the day before when, out of nowhere, he got a letter in the post. Much to Ryan’s surprise, it turned out to be from Trey and not only that, but Trey was offering to take him out for lunch.

So now, Ryan sat on the dainty, blue window seat, looking our for his brother’s blue car. He felt like his skin was crawling and he just needed to get out of this place. There were five other children living in the house. The youngest was only a baby and he was by far the eldest.

The baby had a strong set of lungs and he’d hear her crying all night. Lucy had told him not to worry, she was a baby and babies were usually the first to be adopted.

The other children were all sullen. The next eldest from him was ten and he held it against Ryan that he was no longer the eldest in the house. He’d glare at Ryan whenever he walked past or entered a room.

But the opinion of a ten year old boy, really did not matter to Ryan. All he cared about was figuring out a way to get through the day in this place.

Running away sounded too dramatic and then he’d be forced to steer clear from the cops. That would take too much effort.

His last solution was Trey. At 18, Trey would be able to get custody, or at least Ryan thought that was so. He wouldn’t mind sleeping on Trey’s couch and he had a whole plan sorted where he could get a job at a restaurant and pay a little bit of the rent for Trey.

Really, what could Trey say no to?

He didn’t want to think about what he’d have to do if Trey said no.

He tried to keep himself distracted from the cars by fiddling with the man cuff that was on his wrist. Theresa had given it to him as an almost jokey birthday present but he’d never taken it off, unless of course he was in the shower.

A noise at the door way turned his attention to one of the younger children- Molly.

She was like him- quiet and untrusting. Out of all the children, she seemed to be the only one who even came close to understanding a little about what he’d been through even though she was so young.

She spoke as little as Ryan did and they could generally just sit next to each other, relishing in each other’s silence.

She came and sat down on the window seat next to him and he gave her a shy smile, before returning his gaze out of the window.

She followed his gaze with interest and every time Ryan would sit up a little higher when he spotted a car that could possibly belong to Trey, she would also.

After a little while, he felt something being shifted into his hands and he looked down.

In his hands lay a folded piece of paper. He unfolded it slowly, and he looked up briefly to see Molly watching him intently.

She was only 7, a little over half his age and yet she seemed so much older to him. She held a wise look in her eyes that made her look like she knew the world inside out.

Ryan had seen the scar on her arm, on his first night, when she had been hot and rolled her sleeves up. It had taken his breath away. When he’d been going through everything with his dad, he had always thought hat he was alone in the world.

He’d never seen any bruises or cuts on Theresa and he figured that he’d been chosen to go through all this torment in his life.

Seeing it on her arm had reminded him of how, when he was her age he would always have to remember to keep his scars covered.

His mom had always told him to keep them covered to fend off people that would try to take him and Trey away.

He returned his focus onto the piece of paper when he saw the picture that had been uncovered. He took in the image for a moment, his eyes fixed on the drawing.

It was like an extract from his childhood. A child sat on the floor, tears covering its face. A woman, drawn with a large bottle in her hand was to the side. An exclamation mark was drawn next to her circular mouth. Then, there was a man with a beard to the side. There was an exclamation mark by his mouth as well. Ryan looked up at Molly and noticed that she was suddenly looking anxious.

The sound of one of the other children calling Molly’s name reached his ears, and he folded the picture back up before putting it in his pocket. He took her hand in his and rubbed it lightly, giving her a reassuring smile.

She smiled back at him and got up from her perch, ready to leave the room.

The sound of a car horn from outside made her turn around and Ryan flushed with embarrassment when he realised it was Trey.

She gave him a sympathetic smile before running out of the room, to answer Diana’s calls.

He watched her leave and was about to say something, when the sound of Trey’s car horn returned him back to reality.

He stood up and waved at Trey through the window, trying to get him to stop beeping the horn. He could hear the baby crying, cranky from being woken up from her nap.

He hurried quickly out of the room before Lucy or Mark could tell him off.

xxx

It was quiet in the car, the two brothers sat in silence. Atwoods never liked to talk and when they were in the company of each other, they just wouldn’t.

Ryan kept sneaking glances at Trey. His brother looked nervous and kept running a shaking hand through his hair.

He wanted to ask where they were going out for lunch but words just didn’t seem appropriate right now.

He settled to staring out of the window and watching café after café go by.

Finally, Trey stopped the car. Ryan looked out of the window to see a seedy looking bar which he hadn’t seen before. He felt a slight twinge of panic when Trey got out of the car and reluctantly followed him out, too scared to ask what was going on.

As he caught him up, Trey suddenly turned around.

“You know, when your little social worker told me that you’d gone mute, I told her that she was fuckin’ loony and no Atwood would ever go that crazy. I guess you proved me wrong…” Trey continued his tirade as Ryan stared at him dumbly.

What was he talking about? Why would Mark and Lucy think he was a mute?

He thought back on the last few weeks. It wasn’t like he’d been purposely not talking, in fact there were many situations when he’d even thought of something to say. It just never felt right to say those things, something always happened to distract the person he wanted to talk to.

He was about to say something but Trey was talking too much, which was very much not like Trey at all. Ryan noticed again just how nervous Trey was.

He wanted to ask if he was okay but when he opened his mouth to interrupt him, he couldn’t seem to form the words.

He just stood back and let Trey’s words wash over him.

“Fuck Ryan… just tell me what happened.” Trey turned concerned brown eyes to him.

Ryan looked into his eyes and he noticed for the first time that his brother had their father’s eyes. He hadn’t noticed it before.

Suddenly, Ryan couldn’t bear the thought of living with him. He could see their dad in Trey so clearly and with the life Trey had had to live, he wouldn’t be surprised if he turned to alcohol.

Trey grew frustrated by his brother’s silence and turned away angrily.

“For fuck’s sake Ryan, they’ll put you in an insane asylum if you’re not careful.”

He began walking again and opened the door of the pub.

Ryan followed obediently. He felt his plans being crushed. Since he’d received his brother’s letter, all he could think about was leaving the group home and living with him, sharing an apartment with him and just being brothers.

Trey had helped him so much when he was younger.

He squinted at the darkness around him. All the men in the pub looked like old truckers, bandanas attached to their heads and a greying beard. Not to mention the eyes that tracked Ryan’s every movement as he followed Trey up to the bar.

Trey sat down and nodded at the bar man. “Two seven and sevens please Bill,” he pulled out a wad of cash from his pocket and the man nodded, surveying Ryan suspiciously before pouring out the drinks.

Truth be told, Ryan had never liked seven and sevens. Trey had always ordered it for him when they’d gone to bars and he’d always forced it down, trying to be polite.

The bar man thrust it into his hand and Ryan thanked him quietly.

It was quiet in the bar. All the men were having a contented cigarette and beer, they were just sitting quietly together.

For a brief moment, Ryan could see why Trey liked it here.

That was until one of the men came up behind Trey and whispered something in his ear.

Trey nodded grimly and, as if beckoning his dog, he gestured for Ryan to follow him. Ryan stood up haphazardly throwing a few dollars on the bar for Bill. The old man gave him a small, bare hint of a smile.

Ryan followed Trey out of the door and watched as the man indicated towards a rather fancy looking car across the road from them.

Ryan didn’t know how to react as the man also gave Trey some sort of crow bar type instrument. Nor did he know what to do when Trey brought out a bag that looked to be filled with some sort of power type thing and gave it to the man.

The man walked away and when he was out of sight, Trey seized Ryan by the arm and began whispering to him, a frenzied look in his eye.

“This is our chance to be free, kid. Fuck, look at that thing. We could pick it up, sell it, we could earn a fucking fortune.”

Ryan looked down and Trey shook his arm in frustration.

“Don’t tell me you want to live with those fuckers. Do you really want to be shunned back and forth between places every fucking month until your eighteen?” His voice turned nasty and Ryan stepped back, looking down nervously.

He could feel himself starting to tremble slightly but Trey didn’t seem to notice. He may have not liked the insecurity of living in the group home but it was so much better than dealing with situations like this every day.

Finally Trey let go of his arm and began swaggering over to the car.

“It’s your choice Ryan. Come with me and live a life of freedom or stay with your social workers and never know where you’ll be the following month.

The words ‘social worker’ he snarled disgustedly and Ryan felt himself turning red. He’d been planning the moment when he’d ask Trey if he could live with him for months but this? This he did not want. He couldn’t live with another Frank Atwood.

He began walking away in the opposite direction, away from his brother. Distantly, he heard his brother shouting and swearing after him but he didn’t turn back.

He didn’t turn around when he heard a window smashing, nor when he heard a car door opening and then slamming shut. He finally turned around when he heard a car driving away from him, the tyres squealing and the gravel spitting up from the road.

He had no idea where he was going, he’d barely been able to follow Trey’s long winded route from the group home to here. He merely kept walking.

He felt so empty inside, he had no one.

During all of his father’s beatings he’d think of Trey and how brave he was. When, in actual fact, Trey had practically turned into their father.

He wasn’t sure if it was just his paranoia but he swore he could hear the sound of a police car’s siren.

For Trey’s sake, he hoped that it wasn’t to do with him but in his heart he knew, Trey was doomed to go to jail. Whether it be now, for stealing a car, or later on in life for domestic abuse. Trey was going down whether he tried to help it or not.

He just hoped that he wouldn’t follow suit.

tbc…

The Power of Speech

2008-03-17T18:12:44Z

Hi,

Yay! I came out my hole and had comments :D

Thank you for all of your kind comments. I thought I'd post the links to the chapters which I have already posted on fanfic.net, if anyone's interested and then I can post the new chapters on here.

Okay so...

Chapter 1 (as the chapter I posted yesterday was the prologue!) is here This one is pretty tame but still rated M just in case.

Now chapter 2 is... well, you may either be alarmed and think I'm a bit creepy or you'll think the ending is quite amusing. You'll find that here

Okay and then Chapter 3 is here

So I hope you enjoy. If you feel like commenting, you can either comment here or on fanfic.net, I don't mind.

Thank you :)

philippa_ @ 2008-03-16T19:05:00

2008-03-16T19:12:43Z

Hi,

Okay, I'm going to try this here.

A couple of months ago, I mentioned a rather violent fic that I wasn't sure what to rate. Well, I've been posting it on fanfic.net but the people are reading but not sharing their thoughts. So, I was wondering what you guys thought of it.

*takes a deep breath*

Title: The Power of Speech
Rating: M for violence. Chapter 2 is the most violent.
Summary:An AU where Ryan's father wasn't arrested and continued to beat Dawn and the boys. Ryan meets the Cohens through a different way.
Author's Note The Cohen's come in a little later.

The Prologue

The shadow flickered on the wall.

Ryan watched it, trying to keep his hands from trembling.

The shadow lingered for a moment and he held his breath, hoping that maybe he wouldn’t be seen.

He held back the whimper of fear as the shadow approached once again.

He tried to make himself as small as possible. He was good at that, he’d been doing it practically from birth. He’d learnt long ago that the smaller you were, the less likely it was that he would see you.

He put his hand in his mouth and bit down on it, refusing to let out the scream that was trying to rip its way up through his throat.

He could hear the faint sound of his mother crying. Ryan knew he shouldn’t have been hiding, he should have been helping her. He was too old to hide away from him.

A scream reverberated around the room and he recoiled even further underneath the bed. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if he was found.

His mother began to scream for him, begging for him to help her but he couldn’t. He felt frozen, trapped. He could feel the silent tears begin to slip down his face.

He swiped the tears away quickly, he’d learnt long ago that he didn’t like tears.

Then, there was a deafening silence. His mother uttered no more cries and he suddenly didn’t know what to do.

The silence wrapped around him and he felt his breathing escalate. His ears began begging for sound and they craved the slightest creak or footstep.

But there was none.

The feeling of uneasiness weighed down on him and he wished that he had his brother’s strength. His brother would have left his hiding place and protected their mother.

He took a deep breath before shifting his weight a little. The floorboard underneath him creaked a little and he froze.

His ears once again searched for the sound that someone was approaching.

But, the only sound he could hear was his own heart beating.

The sun shone through the window and he looked at the blue sky outside. It looked so perfect, so problem free. If only life was that simple.

He shakily crawled out from under the bed and stood up as straight as he could. His eyes darted around the room, searching for something that he could use as a weapon to protect himself.

He moved as quietly as possible and picked up the hockey stick that, for some reason, his brother kept in his room. He’d never seen Trey actually play the sport and didn’t know why he needed a hockey stick, but there were a lot of things he didn’t understand about his brother.

He hesitantly opened the door.

The first blow caught him by surprise and it successfully knocked him on his front to the floor. It took him a few seconds to realise where it had come from. His cheek was pressed against the stale carpet and he could only see the boot of his tormentor.

He knew then that he shouldn’t have left the sanctuary of under his bed. He should have seen this coming.

“Dad… please…” he whimpered, trying desperately to keep calm as he felt his father lowering his body on top of his.

He heard an almost growling laugh from the man on top of him.

He could feelhis arms being splayed apart and pinned down.

The older man sat on his back.

He tried to kick out but it was no use.

He strained his neck around and the look on his dad’s face frightened him. It was clear the man was completely stoned and the panic inside of him escalated.

His dad’s eyes were ablaze with a pure fire of hatred. His hair was greasy and there was a smear of red on his forehead. He began praying that his mom was alright and guilt pointed its grubby finger at him, that he hadn’t protected her.

He tried to ignore the stench of alcohol on his dad’s breath but the smell was beginning to make his eyes water.

He knew that it was useless to try and plead with his father. The man only got spurred on by tears and would become more violent. He turned his head back around.

He didn’t want to see this.

He felt his father pull the hockey stick out from under his body and he squeezed his eyes closed. He tried to ignore the sensation it made as it slid out from under him. He knew what was about to happen and he desperately wanted to escape. He began to try and scramble away but his father’s hold was too strong.

The first hit makes him feel dizzy, and he felt his head flopping to the floor. He felt his dad lifting his head up again by his hair and tried his hardest not to let out a sound. He knew it would only make things worse.

He gritted his teeth as the blows began to come.

After 15 years, he couldn’t help to think that he should be used to this by now but it still felt as bad as it always did.

Ryan couldn’t help but utter out a small cry.

He regretted it as soon as it was out but the damage was done.

His dad gave out a snort and rose a little higher to get into a better position.

He tried to wriggle his way to freedom but his father answered his struggle with a hand holding on to the back of his neck. Ryan saw the hockey stick being thrown away and he struggled once again, panicked.

He felt the hand on the back of his neck tightening. His face was pushed further into the carpet and he kept his eyes closed as tightly as possible.

The smell of the carpet joined the smell of alcohol and he tried not to gag on the assault of his nostrils.

He felt his dad lower again and he could feel his hair being used as a handle once again to turn his head around to face his father.

He opened his eyes gingerly, and was met with the sight of his father’s burly face. There was a smirk there and he knew the fear was raw on his own face.

He began to struggle again as the face got closer but his father was pinning him down too tightly.

“You have got to learn to control your emotions, Ryan. I made sure your brother managed it and I will make sure you do.” His face was so close and spit punctuated each word.

The words were cold and Ryan tried to ignore the real hatred that came along with them. He knew his dad meant what he was saying and he knew he’d do anything to achieve it. His dad was not a quitter.

He thought of his brother. He hadn’t seen him in years; once he’d turned 16 he’d moved as far away from the house as he could. He’d been Ryan’s rock, and since he’d been gone, his dad had become even more frightening.

He bit hard on his lip as he felt his shirt being raised and the dreaded belt being thrust down on to his back. He hadn’t seen the belt coming and he was barely able to keep back the whimper. His dad liked doing that, to add an element of surprise into his beatings. That way, Ryan was never able to tell what was coming.

By the third lash he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep back the tears and pain for much longer.

It felt like his back was on fire and burning freely. Each time his dad brought down the whip, he could feel his skin being ripped open and the fresh blood running down his back.

He gritted his teeth and was faintly aware of his dad punctuating each hit with some sort of weakness he had or some vicious comment about how he was going to keep beating him until one day he could keep himself quiet.

The words faded in and out as the pain invaded his senses.

His brother had always told him to count the lashes as it would give him something to focus on.

By the eleventh, he couldn’t count anymore. The tears began to escape from his eyes and once he’d begun crying, he couldn’t seem to stop.

His dad rose up and stood over him, but Ryan could barely feel the release of weight. His whole back was burning. Each breath provoked the pain and he whimpered on each inhale.

He could hear more insults coming from his dad but he couldn’t concentrate on what was being said.

A sudden kick to his side rolled him over, leaving his back a victim to the scratchy carpet.

He looked up at the man before him. He saw him lift his foot and tried desperately to get away but it connected hard against his ribs, then again against his crotch.

He groaned and writhed in pain, trying to beg his father to stop.

The pleas were only responded by more fists and heavy boots.

By the time the black took over, he was very much welcome to the idea of oblivion.

tbc…

*scuttles off into the hole that I claimed for myself when no one commented on fanfic.net*

Naivety

2008-02-20T20:04:33Z

Title: Naivety
Rating: PG
Word count: 1,553
Summary: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I was very confused by about the first ten minutes of "The End's not near it's hear." Taylor was in Paris, Julie was suddenly pregnant and Frank had gone. Well, this little one shot answers one of those... or at least my interpretation of what could have been the reason for one of them.

Naivety

Sandy had noticed that Ryan had been acting quieter than usual since they had moved into the Cooper mansion. He’d be seen walking silently around the house, a sad expression on his face. He knew Taylor had noticed it too and he often saw a pout on her face as she looked in Ryan’s direction.

Judging by the way raised voices were often heard from their shared bedroom, she was obviously not as hesitant as Sandy was to bring the silence up with Ryan.

Thinking back on it now, Sandy couldn’t believe how naive he had been, how the reason Ryan had resorted back to “old school Ryan” hadn’t come to him straight away.

Sandy had often come downstairs in the mornings to find Ryan fast asleep on the couch. Obviously, Taylor had had enough of his ways. He tried to talk with Ryan but he always said everything was fine and gave him the same shy smile that Sandy used to see on the kid during the first year he was with them, back when he didn’t want to be a nuisance.

Sandy wanted Seth to talk to him, to see whether a brotherly conversation could get the reason out of him but Seth was too busy playing “married couple in a rut” with Summer.

He didn’t want to worry Kirsten with his observations, she was too busy trying to get used to her swelling belly and trying to quell her morning sickness.

It had surprised Sandy, when Taylor’s loud voice had filled the whole house, yelling at Ryan to talk to her and that if he didn’t she would return to France. Obviously, he hadn’t said anything as the next thing they knew, she was coming down the stairs, her suitcase thumping on each step behind her, with a bewildered Ryan trying to keep up with her.

“I’m leaving.” She stated to all the gawping faces in front of her.

“Taylor, look I’m sorry…” Ryan tried to get her to stop but it was no use, she was already ordering Summer to give her a ride to the airport.

She wouldn’t even look at Ryan as she waved goodbye to them all, promising Julie she’d be home for the wedding and wishing both women good luck with their pregnancies.

Just like that, she was gone. Sandy and Seth looked from Ryan’s hunched over form to each other and shared a bewildered look. Julie hurried off to the bathroom, the morning sickness of the day getting too much for her and Kirsten sat with a worried expression on her face.

It was the four of them alone, once again. Sandy stood up and made his way towards where Ryan stood, unmoving, next to the closed door. He knew now wasn’t the time for questions. He put his arm on Ryan’s shoulder and ignored the flinch. It had been so long since Sandy had felt that flinch and he looked worriedly into Ryan’s eyes.

“Sorry,” Ryan mumbled but he wouldn’t look at Sandy.

Sandy guided him over to the sofa where his wife and son were waiting anxiously for them.

“Are you okay?” Kirsten asked quietly not wanting to push too far, but not liking the look on Ryan’s face.

Ryan shrugged, his face impassive.

He looked down at the floor and the Cohens all began talking quietly to each other, filling in the silence as they always did.

It wasn’t till later that night when Sandy came downstairs to get some milk, unable to sleep, when he recognised Ryan’s form asleep on the sofa. He was twisting and turning in his sleep and Sandy thought about waking him but just as he was about to shake Ryan’s shoulder, two blue eyes sprung open.

It took a few seconds before Ryan got his bearings. “Sorry,” he muttered when the blue eyes finally managed to focus.

“Hey, I was just going to the kitchen for some milk, want to join me?” He asked, trying to keep his voice jovial.

Ryan shrugged and sat up in his make-shift bed.

“So, how you doing kid?” Sandy asked gently as he warmed the milk up for the two of them in a saucepan.

“Okay,” Ryan said quietly.

He was so quiet these days.

“Are you feeling nervous about Berkeley?” He asked casually.

“No,” he said monotonously.

“Can I ask what the deal is with Taylor?” He asked, going in for the kill.

Ryan gave a little sigh and at first Sandy thought he wasn’t going to answer.

After a moments silence, filled with Sandy running a wooden spoon through the milk, he cleared his throat slightly.

His eyes stayed on the milk as he opened his mouth a couple of times before speaking.

“It’s just this house, you know?” He started. Sandy had to lean in to catch what was being said.

“What about it?” Sometimes he could be so clueless.

Ryan moved slightly, looking uncomfortable.

What? Did Ryan think the house was haunted? Did he not like the décor?

“Ryan?” he prompted.

“I just… my room it’s just so close to her room you know?” He looked down guiltily.

Sandy frowned “What Kaitlyn’s room?” He asked wondering what the big deal was.

Ryan looked at him oddly for a moment and Sandy frowned trying to piece everything together.

Then it clicked, Kaitlin’s room had been Marissa’s room.

“Oh, kid…” he began and the look Ryan gave him told him he knew Sandy had finally clicked.

“I’m sorry, we’re so busy with preparing for the baby and finding somewhere to live. We didn’t think of that.”

Ryan raised his eyes slightly and Sandy sighed. He tried to keep Ryan talking. “So what happened with Taylor?” he asked and noticed how Ryan looked down sadly.

“I couldn’t tell her. She kept getting angry because I didn’t want to do anything. It felt like Marissa could see what I was doing, you know? I just couldn’t do anything that might hurt her.”

Sandy mentally kicked himself. “Is that why you’ve been sleeping on the couch?” he asked although he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

Ryan gave a little shrug.

“I just can’t bear the thought of her unhappy.”

“Don’t you think she’d be happy seeing you happy, even if that meant you being with another girl? I mean if, heaven forbid, your roles were reversed. Wouldn’t you want to see her happy?”

“I guess,” Ryan mumbled.

They stood silently as Sandy began pouring the milk into two mugs. He handed one to Ryan.

“So what are we going to do now?” He asked taking a sip from his own and watching Ryan intently.

Ryan gave a little shrug.

“You’re obviously not happy…”

“I’m not… I’m fine… I just…” Ryan stumbled over his words. Sandy saw the panic in his eyes, the panic he used to see when Ryan would feel like he was beginning to be a burden.

“We could swap rooms, you could take our room and we could sleep in Taylor’s room….”

“… but there wouldn’t be enough room for the baby.” Ryan added on.

Sandy sat down and leant back against the back of his chair. For once he stayed quiet.

“Look, I’ll be okay. I just need to get used to it. Besides Taylor isn’t here anymore so I don’t have to feel guilty anymore, right?” he said, trying to at least sound happier.

“Well, we shouldn’t be staying here much longer, just a couple more months. We want to move out before the baby comes so as not to intrude on Julie for too much longer. We have a few months till she’s due. Just, let me know if you feel like this again. Try not to keep it all inside.”

Ryan nodded and ducked his head. He looked relieved at the idea they’d only be there for a few months.

Sandy drained the rest of his milk. “How about we go back to bed… or for you, the couch.” He rubbed Ryan’s shoulder affectionately and Ryan gave a little smile in reply, not a “little boy lost” smile but a “new Ryan” smile.

Sandy’s smile grew as he recognised the new Ryan coming back through.

He stood up and Ryan took his lead. “I’ll take this up with me.” he said, holding up the mug.

Sandy gave a little nod. He’d caught the “take this up,” he led the way up the stairs and Ryan followed. Ryan breathed in as he always did, at the sight of Kaitlyn’s closed door with the little scratch in the paint, which Ryan remembered once commenting teasingly on with Marissa. It felt so long ago now. He gave Sandy a final smile before entering the room.

Sandy gave himself a little mental pat on the back. He still had it in him. He began his journey down the hall and reached his bedroom where he knew his wife would be asleep.

She lay on her back, her stomach showing the signs of his daughter through the blankets. He remembered these times with Seth. Back then, they were in the same position, trying to find a home for themselves and their new baby.

He just hoped the house they picked this time, would be as nice as the house they picked back then…

The End.

Thanks for reading :D

The Colours of Pain caused by a Comic Book

2008-02-10T21:10:34Z

Title: The Colours of Pain caused by a Comic book (6/10)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count:1,975
Beta:erynnbeth Thank you so much for your help and patience :)
Summary: Well, I felt like writing some hurt/comfort and it involves Ryan, Seth, worried Sandy and Kirsten, the rover and a cliff!
Author's Note: Thanks also to beachtree who gave me some very useful medical information on head injurys. I just hope I used it correctly...

For previous chapters, click on the tag.

Chapter 6

“Oh, he’s asleep again,” Kirsten commented, and Sandy could hear the disappointment in her voice.

Sandy gave her a grim smile. “He should be up again soon.” He nodded at Seth who was watching from the doorway. His brown eyes were focussed on Ryan, and Sandy noticed the lost look in them.

“He’s okay, Seth” he said quietly and Seth turned towards him but before he could open his mouth to speak, Kirsten interrupted him.

“Is he okay? Definitely? Did he know who you were? Have the doctors said anything?” Once she had snapped out of her disappointment, Kirsten began with the multitude of questions.

“Doctor Logan checked him over when he woke up. He didn’t seem too bad. He couldn’t remember the accident, but the doctor didn’t seem too worried.”

“He didn’t remember the accident?” Seth asked, his voice rising a few octaves. “What does that mean?”

Sandy sighed. “The doctor said that he thinks he should remember what happened with time, and if he doesn’t then we can deal with it.”

He watched as Kirsten sat down in a chair and reached for Ryan’s hand.

Seth remained by the door, his arm in its sling and large black circles standing out from under his eyes.

“Come on Seth, you can sit here. I can go find another chair for me.” Sandy stood up and Seth hesitantly stepped forward.

Sandy bustled off to get a chair for himself. When he got back, he found Kirsten whispering quietly to Ryan while Seth sat back, picking at a thread on his sling. They both looked so sad and Sandy plastered a smile on his face and rolled back his shoulders. He knew had to be strong for them.

“Got one,” he said, trying to be cheerful as he entered the room again.

He tried to keep his tiredness at bay as he sat down a little way away, allowing his wife to have some time with Ryan.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept through the whole night and it was steadily catching up with him.

Kirsten kept her contact with Ryan, speaking steadily and soothingly. He watched the way she kept straightening out his blankets. He could see how worried she was. She hadn’t yet seen Ryan awake, and although it seemed to Sandy that Ryan looked a lot better now, he knew that it was probably different for her.

Xxx

It was a few hours later when Ryan finally awoke again. Sandy had moved closer to his bed, and was mindlessly flicking through a book that had been on Ryan’s night stand.

The moment he heard a moan from Ryan’s bed, he hastily placed the book back on the stand and moved closer. He felt Kirsten perking up beside him.

“Ryan?” she whispered hopefully.

But Ryan didn’t open his eyes; he merely began squirming around in his bed, a hand rising to his head.

“Ryan, what is it?” Sandy said, keeping his voice down.

He felt that same heart stopping pain, watching his son writhing about.

Two cloudy blue eyes appeared.

“Mom... hurts...” the words made Sandy frown and he looked over at Kirsten, worried. She, too, was wearing the matching expression. Sandy could tell that as much as they were both hoping Ryan was calling out for Kirsten, sadly, she wasn’t who Ryan wanted.

Sandy didn’t know what to think.

“Seth, get a nurse,” he said abruptly and Seth hurried off.

“Ryan?” Kirsten took his hand and Sandy saw her grimace slightly as Ryan gripped on tightly to her in response.

He groaned and curled in on himself, Sandy could see his teeth gritting and he could feel himself doing the same in reaction.

“Where’s that doctor?” he asked to no one in particular, the frustration evident in his voice. He put a hand on Ryan’s arm, trying to give him as much comfort as he could.

The sight of Ryan frightened him. His eyes looked distant and so pain filled. He didn’t know how much more of this he could stand. He couldn’t bear seeing someone he loved in so much pain.

They held him as he moaned and begged for his mom to come and help him. Sandy looked up worriedly at Kirsten to see how she was reacting to this. He could see her desperately fighting for control over her emotions and trying not to let the fact that she wasn’t the one Ryan wanted get the most of her.

They continued to hold him as the doctor came in and injected something into his IV.

Sandy could feel him slowly relaxing against them. He pretended not to notice Kirsten brushing a stray tear away from the kid’s face.

Seth stood by the door, looking terrified and ready to flee.

Sandy took Kirsten’s place when she hurried off to the bathroom, her eyes suddenly filled with tears. She looked distraught and he wanted to go after her but a faint pressure on his arm made him stop.

He looked back at the bed to find Ryan watching him with two confused, clouded over eyes. His pale hand was locked tightly over Sandy’s arm.

“Where are we?” Ryan asked, shakily. His voice was still husky from the tube.

“In the hospital, kid,” Sandy said, fighting to keep his voice calm.

He sensed Seth watching them and he looked up to find him hovering by the doorway. He felt a small sense of pride for his son. The old Seth would have run away the moment Ryan had begun whimpering.

Ryan was beginning to look around the room with his eyes and Sandy could see his panic rising.

“What happened?” he asked. He locked eyes with Seth, and Sandy saw his son take a step back.

“How’s your head, Ryan?” Sandy asked, changing the subject slightly and successfully returning Ryan’s gaze to him.

“Hurts,” he mumbled, and Sandy rubbed Ryan’s hand gently with his finger.

“Yeah, I bet it does. You hit your head pretty hard.” He smiled down at the confused boy in front of him.

“What happened?” Ryan asked again, and Sandy chuckled softly. Not that it was funny, just because he knew there was no way he could get out of not answering the question.

“You’re not going to stop asking me, are you?” he asked.

Ryan shook his head and grimaced with the pain it caused.

“What do you last remember?” Sandy prompted. The doctor had told them that they should try and get Ryan to remember himself before they told him what had happened.

Sandy watched as Ryan frowned and began moving restlessly in his bed.

He didn’t say anything for a while, and Seth slowly entered the room further to sit in a chair.

Ryan followed him with his eyes.

“What happened?” Ryan asked Seth, and Sandy sighed softly.

Seth looked anxiously at his dad.

“Ryan? What can you remember?” Sandy prompted again.

The same expression came on to Ryan’s face but like the last time, it didn’t last long.

Sandy frowned as Ryan shifted on his bed.

The three of them were interrupted by a man in a white cloak coming into the room. He introduced himself as Dr. Mountcastle, and began examining Ryan.

“Sorry, Ryan,” he said, although he didn’t sound sorry at all as the poor kid flinched away from the light that was being shone in his eyes.

“Okay, I hear that you’re having trouble remembering what happened. Is that right?” the doctor spoke to Ryan, but Sandy answered, jumping in for him.

“That’s right.”

“What’s the last thing you can remember?” Ryan looked frustrated at being asked that same question again.

He seemed to be thinking for a few seconds, but then his attention was lost again. He looked out the window instead.

“Ryan?” the doctor called, recapturing his attention.

“I tell you what, try and keep thinking. I really want you to be able to remember on your own. However, after a couple of days, if you still don’t remember then we’ll fill in the blanks for you. How about that?”

Ryan looked down at his blanket.

“Have you been experiencing anything else? Any nausea?”

Ryan nodded, still looking down.

“Dizziness?”

Again Ryan nodded.

“You had a bad headache earlier, have you been experiencing a lot of those?”

Ryan shrugged.

“Have you been experiencing anything like blurred vision or any slurring in your speech?”

“No,” Ryan’s voice was quiet and all Sandy wanted was to scoop him in his arms and tell him everything that had happened. He looked over at Seth and saw him shaking his head slightly, his brown eyes so filled with guilt and sadness.

“Okay, I’ll leave you in peace. Mr Cohen? Could I speak to you outside please?”

Sandy nodded and waited for the doctor to shake Ryan’s hand before following him into the hall. As he left the room, he saw Seth take up the abandoned chair and begin talking to Ryan.

He closed the door behind them, and Sandy swallowed his worry over leaving the two of them together, alone, for the first time since the accident.

“How’s he doing?” Sandy asked nervously.

“I’d say on the whole, he’s not doing too badly. He was nauseas when he woke up the first time and that seems to still be bothering him a little. I can give him something for that though. He knows who you are, and it looks like the only main thing he doesn’t remember is the accident. I am concerned a little over his attention span and how clearly he’s thinking. Lack of concentration or the lack of thinking clearly is something that occurs commonly amongst head trauma patients. Hopefully it will clear up with time.”

He paused for a moment, giving a chance for Sandy to digest the information.

“So, we’ll keep an eye out for those nasty headaches he’s been getting and the nausea. I’d like to keep you on the alert for any unusual behaviour or anything out of the ordinary, and alert me if anything comes up.”

“Sure, okay.” Sandy answered, trying to go over in his head what he had just been told.

“I’ll check in on Ryan, later.” Dr. Mountcastle shook Sandy’s hand.

“Thank you,” Sandy said quietly.

He watched as the doctor walked off down the hall before taking a deep breath and returning to the room.

xxx

Kirsten stared at her reflection in the mirror.

She tried to steady her shaking hands.

She’d never seen someone in that much pain before, and she had had to get away.

Hearing Ryan calling out for Dawn, had hurt her more than she would like to admit. It sounded silly, but she’d never really considered the thought that sometimes Ryan would want his mom. The woman had abandoned him and yet he still picked Dawn over her when he was in pain and it hurt. She began wondering whether they should have tried to contact Dawn through this whole ordeal and that maybe they were selfish not to.

She knew she had to be strong. As hard as this was for her, it must be even worse for Ryan.

She splashed water on her face and tried not to look at her watch. She didn’t know how long she’d been in the bathroom but she could feel time slipping away from her. She knew she had to go back.

She willed herself to gain control again. She had to look after her son.

She’d been waiting so long for him to wake up and now he finally had.

In one swift movement, she slammed off the faucet and wiped a tissue over her face.

She took one last deep breath before checking her reflection in the mirror and walking out of the room.

She could do this. She knew she could.

tbc….

Thanks for reading

The Chrismukkah Dialogue Fic challenge

2008-02-03T10:11:35Z

Title: Chrismukkah
Author: Phil
Beta: radiotardislive
Word count: 1291
Summary: Matthew’s (as in the boy who Ryan offered to help at the end of the final) first Chrismukkah with the Cohens. Contains some fluff :)
Authors Note: This is for the “Chrismukkah Dialogue Fic challenge” started by mel39 I’m sorry this is so much later than Mel asked for us to try and have our stories written by. Unfortunately family issues arose and I haven’t really been in the Christmassy mood this year. However I’ve been in a ficcy mood lately and so decided to just go for it before next Christmas happens.

Thanks Mel, for organising the challenge.

Happy belated Chrismukkah everyone :D

I had cheekymice’s line: “Christmas was never like this for me”

Ryan made sure to keep a reassuring hand on Matthew’s shoulder as they entered the Cohen house. It was his first Chrismukkah with the Cohens and Ryan knew from experience what that was like.

As soon as they entered, they were bombarded with an excited Sophie. She leapt into Ryan’s arms and he laughed as she began talking manically about something that had happened at school the week before. She could be so like Seth sometimes.

Ryan shot a quick glance at Matthew who was watching Sophie with awe. Ryan’s heart ached at the thoughts that must have been running through his head. Thoughts that he’d once had when he’d seen Seth hurrying over to Sandy, babbling away to his dad. He gave the kid a reassuring smile and saw him look down nervously at the floor.

Matthew had only been with him a few weeks and he’d only really met Sandy. Ryan had tried to prepare him for Seth and Sophie’s banter, not to mention Kirsten’s hugging tendency but it was clear that he was already getting overwhelmed.

He put Sophie down and she began pulling him into the family room.

“Remember, if it all gets to be too much, let me know and we’ll make an excuse to leave, okay?” He whispered to Matthew quickly.

The blonde boy before him nodded, and followed after him as Sophie dragged him into the other room.

“Ryan!” Sandy exclaimed as he saw his eldest son. “…And Matthew, how are you?”

He came over and shook Matthew’s hand, careful to keep within any boundaries. Matthew returned the hand shake, looking to Ryan to see if he was doing it right.

Ryan gave him a reassuring smile and nod in reply.

Sandy moved on to Ryan and pulled him into a hug, slapping his back heartily. “How’s it going, kid? How’s that contract you were working on going?”

“Yeah, not too bad. We’re hoping to finish it before the new year.”

Ryan had to fight back a chuckle when Sophie came running back, demanding their attention.

“Daddy…” she began but Sandy took her in another direction before she could continue.

“Hey, Soph. Have you met Matthew?” she shook her head, frowning at the strange boy beside Ryan.

Ryan felt sorry for him as he squirmed, uncomfortable in the lime light.

“Yeah, Matt’s gonna be living with me now. He’s gonna be like a new brother for you.” he added in, clapping Matt’s shoulder.

The kid looked at the floor and Ryan could almost feel his worry that she wouldn’t accept him. The same feeling he’d had with Kirsten.

“Cool!” she squealed and Ryan chuckled as Matthew’s head shot up in surprise.

She immediately took his hand and pulled him over to the sofa.

Ryan watched as she began introducing him to all of her dolls and bears. He watched Matthew’s eyes widen at the sight of all the expensive toys.

Kirsten came into the room and immediately hurried over and pulled Ryan into a hug.

“Hey honey,” she rubbed his back affectionately and he returned the hug. He loved the way she always smelt of perfume. It was a big change to his mom who had always smelt of cigarettes and alcohol.

She pulled away and scanned the room for someone. “Where’s Matthew?”

Ryan pointed towards where the poor kid was being interrogated by little Sophie. He looked completely overwhelmed and Ryan decided it was time to swoop in and help him out.

“Hey, Matt.” He smiled as Matthew turned to him, a relieved look on his face.

“I want you to meet Kirsten, she’s Sandy’s wife.” The boy looked up at the blonde woman before him and Ryan could almost see him bracing himself as she came forward for a hug.

Ryan could see her making a conscious effort to keep her hug not too threatening as she spoke to him. “It’s lovely to meet you.”

She broke away and Matthew looked at the floor nervously.

“So when do Seth and Summer get here?” Ryan asked, putting a reassuring hand on Matthew’s shoulder.

“They should be here any minute. Seth called earlier saying that they should be here before dinner.”

“Matthew,” Sophie said in a sing song voice and the kid grinned. Ryan knew how good it felt to have someone finally wanting your company and attention instead of shouting at you to be quiet or to get out. Seth had been his Sophie.

“Matthew.” She repeated in the same tone.

She giggled as her dad went over and lifted her up, tickling her.

“You doing alright?” Ryan whispered to Matthew as Sandy distracted her and he nodded.

“Christmas was never like this for me,” he whispered, and Ryan nodded.

“Me neither… before I met the Cohens.” He paused. “How about after this we share Christmas horror stories?”

The kid hesitated for a minute, watching Sophie as she was whirled around. He nodded thoughtfully. “Okay,” he said, so quietly Ryan barely heard him.

Xxx

With dinner finished and with it the introduction of Seth and Summer, the only things left were the presents.

“Right, going from youngest to eldest. One present for Sophie, one present for Matthew…” he began handing the presents out one by one.

Ryan watched as Matthew’s eyes widened as Sandy handed him the well wrapped present.

He watched as he passed it from one hand to the other, cradling it in his arms.

“Thank you,” he said, grinning up at Sandy.

“You’re welcome, kid.”

Sophie automatically began ripping the wrapping paper off of her present.

“A bear!” she shouted. “Thanks mommy and daddy,” she ran over to hug them and settled herself on Sandy’s knee.

“I’m gonna call him Matty,” she said firmly and Ryan gave Matt a smile.

“You have a fan,” he joked quietly and he blushed.

“Come on Matty, open your present.” Sophie ordered and Seth snorted.

“You’d better follow her order, she can get rather scary waiting for her presents.” He warned jokingly and Sophie scowled at him.

Matthew slowly and carefully began picking open the present, careful not to damage the wrapping paper.

He gasped when he saw what was inside and a smile curved his lips.

“What is it?” Sophie asked impatiently.

He pulled into sight a pair of sneakers, brand new and sporting the “Nike” logo.

“Wow Matt, those are so cool.” Ryan said leaning over to get a better look.

Kirsten had called Ryan the week before asking what Matt would want for Chrissmukkah. He’d seen him ogling over a pair of sneakers a few days before at the mall and so had suggested to Kirsten for her to buy him a new pair.

“Thank you,” Matthew said, looking at Sandy and Kirsten, a smile on his face.

“Do you like them?” Kirsten asked anxiously and Matt nodded.

The rest of the present giving went rather smoothly, and soon Ryan found himself saying his goodbyes and leading Matthew back to the car.

In the car, he watched as Matthew ran a finger over the new pair of sneakers.

“So, how did you find it?” he asked as he waved back at Sophie who was running after the car.

“It was cool,” Matt said, returning the shoe back to the plastic bag that Sandy had given him for all his presents.

“I can’t remember the last time my mom brought me a Christmas present,” he said quietly and Ryan looked at him.

“I know how that feels,” he gave him a small, sad smile.

There was a pause.

“Thanks for bringing me,” Matt said sheepishly.

Ryan looked at him. “There’s no way I wouldn’t have brought you.”

Matt turned away, embarrassed and Ryan decided to change the mood.

“Oh… and now that Sophie’s got her eye on you, be warned, you’ll be invited to numerous tea parties with her and Matty.”

Matt grinned.

“Let’s go home, kid.”

The End

Thanks for reading :)

philippa_ @ 2008-01-21T19:36:00

2008-01-21T19:51:50Z

Title: The Colours of Pain caused by a Comic book, chapter 5
Word Count: 1,857
Rating: PG-13
Beta: erynnbeth Thank you so much for your help :)
Summary: Well, I felt like writing some hurt/comfort and it involves Ryan, Seth, worried Sandy and Kirsten, the rover and a cliff!

Oh and this obviously isn't the violent one that I mentioned a little while ago. I'm currently writing chapter 6 of that one but am way too nervous to post it just yet.

Previous chapters are here

Chapter 5

Four days passed with nothing. Ryan’s cuts and bruises were healing nicely but he was still not waking up. The doctors had told them that he was responding to the pain, but he hadn’t so much as twitched in their presence.

The repeated CT scans were showing nothing and that just added to Sandy’s frustration. No one could give him a reasonable explanation as to why Ryan still lay so quiet and unmoving. All they said was that Ryan was “exhausted” and “would wake up when he was ready.”

Well, it had been long enough, and his worry for Ryan grew every time he saw him.

The room was littered with audio tapes and books from home. They’d been told that talking and physical contact was supposed to help a comatose patient wake up. So every day, after filling Ryan in on the day’s activities, they’d read to him or play him a tape. Anything that would make them feel like they were doing something to help.

He lifted a hand and ran his fingers tenderly over Ryan’s forehead.

A movement caught his eye and he turned his head sharply to look. He could have sworn he’d seen Ryan’s hand twitch.

Suddenly he didn’t know what to do. Should he call a nurse? What if it was nothing? Just a false alarm? Just his imagination after so long with nothing? He felt his pulse quickening. He’d been waiting for this for such a long time.

“Come on, please, kid.” He felt his voice crackling as he released the words and stood up.

He leaned over Ryan’s head and kept his hand over Ryan’s hand. He watched intently as a frown settled on Ryan’s face.

Sandy blindly slapped at the call button, excitement bubbling through him. “That’s it Ryan; you can do it.”

He stood poised over his son’s head. He froze when he saw a tear slip down Ryan’s face, which was twisted in a grimace. Just as quickly as the excitement had come, it was torn from him.

Ryan’s hand moved towards the tube, forced down his throat.

Sandy pushed the call button again. He began whispering to Ryan, holding his hand away from the tube. He felt Ryan squeezing his hand slightly and tried in vain to stop the sob that was welling in his throat.

Hands either side of him, pulled him away. He resisted half heartedly but didn’t have the strength to fight them.

He felt himself being turned away from the sight of Ryan’s writhing body and a nurse’s face replaced it. She was saying something but he couldn’t understand anything she was saying. His heart was beating too loudly in his ears and the sight of Ryan struggling was frozen in his mind.

The next few minutes passed in a blur. There was a choking noise and a man’s voice, commanding. Sandy felt the nurse rubbing his back and whispering something in his ear. She didn’t seem to understand that she might as well have been speaking a different language and he’d understand just as much. Everything was happening too quickly and he didn’t have time to focus on what she was saying.

Then, there was silence and time seemed to slow right down. After what felt like hours he heard her whisper “turn around.” Sandy slowly, hesitantly turned around. He was almost afraid to see in case Ryan was still hurting, was still straining against the machines that were supposed to be helping him. When he eventually forced himself to look at his adopted son, he again almost burst into tears at the sight he saw, but this time from relief.

Two dazed blue eyes looked back at him and he hurried over to Ryan’s bedside. The tube that had been protruding from Ryan’s mouth was now gone.

The nurse held out a bowl of ice chips, a smile on her lips. She slipped an ice chip onto a spoon and fed it to Ryan carefully. Sandy breathed in through his nose deeply, trying to keep his emotions under control.

“I’ll leave these here,” She said, putting them on the table beside his bed before getting up to stand behind the lingering doctor.

Sandy nodded and settled himself down on the chair next to Ryan’s bedside. The blue eyes watched his every move, and Sandy rubbed his arm gently.

“Hey, kid.” he whispered, trying to keep his emotions in check.

The doctor stood at the end of the bed and cleared his throat. “Hi Ryan, it’s nice to see you awake. My name is Doctor Foreman”

Ryan turned towards him slowly. He seemed hesitant to turn away from Sandy.

“I’m just going to check you over quickly to see if everything’s okay, alright?”

Sandy took Ryan’s hand and noticed the way Ryan clung on to him in return. The fear was raw on his face and it was clear Ryan had no idea why he was in a hospital, about to be poked.

He watched Ryan grimace as the doctor pressed down on Ryan’s ribs. “Sorry Ryan, your ribs are probably going to be a little sore for a while.”

“What happened?” Sandy winced at the rasp in Ryan’s voice and offered another ice chip, which he accepted gladly.

“You had a little accident with Seth,” Sandy said, keeping his voice calm.

“Is he okay?” He rubbed his eye, an uncomfortable look on his face.

“Try not to talk too much, Ryan,” the doctor warned as he examined Ryan’s head.

“Seth’s fine. A broken arm but he’ll be fine,” Sandy reassured him.

Ryan leaned back against the pillows tiredly when the doctor was finished.

“I’ll be in to check on you later, alright? Don’t worry if you do not remember what happened for a while. You hit your head pretty hard but I’m fairly certain you’ll remember soon. If not then, I’m sure your brother can help you.”

He shook Ryan’s hand carefully and then Sandy’s before leaving the room.

Sandy watched as Ryan fought against his closing eye lids.

“Just rest kid,” he whispered, stroking his hair back. “Seth and Kirsten will be here soon to see you and I know you’ll want to be awake for that.”

Ryan smiled softly and sunk deeper into the pillows.

Sandy waited till he was sure that Ryan was asleep before getting up to call Kirsten.

xxx

Seth looked at himself in the mirror. His hair stood in disarray and his eyes were blood shot. Every time he tried to sleep, he’d see Ryan’s face in the car as they fell. He saw Ryan’s face turning blue on the rocks as the paramedics beat down on his chest.

The yellow cast stood out brightly. Why the doctors thought a 16 year old boy would want a yellow cast was beyond him.

In the corner of the mirror, he could see his locked chest, holding all of his comic books. He couldn’t remember a day before the accident when he hadn’t read at least one comic book. But now it just felt wrong, and he couldn’t bring himself to even look at them.

His bedroom door suddenly flew open, making him jump, and his mom appeared.

“He’s awake!” she exclaimed, tears of relief in her eyes.

It took him a couple of minutes to react, and then there was the mad rush for clothes and a scurry to get out to the car before his mom drove off without him. He had been imagining Ryan’s awakening during his sleepless nights, trying to work out what to say to him.

“I’m sorry” just didn’t seem enough.

xxx

Ryan swallowed, grimacing. His throat really hurt. He opened his eyes as he heard Sandy next to him, shifting in his chair.

He gave him a slight smile, sitting up carefully. He felt stiff, but he supposed that’s what you got when you woke up from a five day coma.

“How are you feeling?” Sandy asked, and Ryan could see him watching him anxiously. He looked exhausted, and Ryan felt a pang of guilt that Sandy had had to sit with him for so long.

“Achy,” he whispered, his voice still hoarse from that ridiculous tube.

It had been so scary when he’d woken up and he hadn’t been able to breathe with the thing down his throat. He was even more scared when the doctor had begun ordering him to breathe out so they could remove it.

“Kirsten and Seth are on their way,” Sandy told him quietly. Ryan smiled. He wanted to see for himself that Seth was alright.

He stretched slightly and groaned from the sudden pain in his ribs.

He felt Sandy’s presence suddenly closer. “Ryan… kid, are you alright?”

He nodded slightly, still getting over the initial shock from the pain.

A wave of nausea passed through him and he held his breath slightly, hoping to keep it at bay.

Sandy was now standing up and pressing the call button.

“Ryan… you’ve gone really pale kid. Where does it hurt?” Ryan felt Sandy’s hand resting on his shoulder and focussed on the warmth from his hand.

Ryan looked up at Sandy, pleading with his eyes for him to understand.

He leaned over to the side slightly, trying not to cry out from the pain. He felt something being placed under his chin and a hand rubbing his back.

He shuddered as the nausea reached a new level. He coughed disgustingly as the first round of vomit expelled itself.

He squeezed his eyes closed to keep back the unwanted tears spilling out of his eyes as his stomach somersaulted. The hand remained on his back, rubbing it gently.

The pain was making the nausea worse and the vomiting was making the pain worse.

He felt the blanket being removed and his hospital gown being pulled up. He wanted to escape the invasion, but another round of vomiting kept him grounded.

Finally his stomach began to feel better and his body was left feeling weirdly numb. The feeling was disconcerting but he was glad that the worst of the pain was gone.

Someone was holding something to his lips and he opened his eyes slowly. A nurse was in front of him. She gave him a sympathetic smile and he accepted the water she was offering.

She let him spit out the water and he felt the hand still rubbing circles on his back. He turned slightly and recognised Sandy next to him.

The nurse took the bowl back from him and helped manoeuvre him back onto his bed.

“Call us if there is anything else you need. You should begin to feel quite sleepy soon, Ryan.”

Ryan gave a small nod, already beginning to feel the effects of the medicine. Sandy thanked her quietly and she left the room.

“Just rest, Ryan,” Sandy murmured to him.

He felt Sandy brushing his hair back and he closed his eyes.

Sandy’s hand was cool compared to his burning throat and he leant in towards it.

He faintly heard the door opening and the sound of heels but that was the last thing he heard before embracing the comforting darkness of sleep.

tbc…

Thank you for reading and leaving such wonderful comments for the previous chapters.

The Colours of Pain caused by a Comic Book

2007-12-11T17:18:35Z

Title: The Colours of Pain caused by a Comic book, chapter 4
Word Count: 1,997
Rating: PG-13
Beta: erynnbeth Thank you :)
Summary: Well, I felt like writing some hurt/comfort and it involves Ryan, Seth, worried Sandy and Kirsten, the rover and a cliff

Previous chapters are here

Sandy watched Ryan’s chest rising and falling with each mechanical breath. He knew that Kirsten would be coming soon and he’d have to leave to be with Seth. He’d been sitting there for a couple of hours now and Ryan was still not making any effort to wake up.

He rubbed Ryan’s arm lightly with his hand. “Come on, Ryan. Please open your eyes, kid.”

The nurses came in every so often, but Ryan just lay there, oblivious to everything around him.

The doctors all said he was doing “as well as can be expected” but Sandy was sure that they should be seeing a little more life from Ryan by now. The kid had been through so much in his life and he’d always battled his way through. To see him so weak and fragile was heart breaking.

His face was so pale and the sight scared Sandy. He’d never seen anyone like this before. It felt like they’d all been caught up in an episode of “Grey’s Anatomy” or something.

The nurse had told him that Seth was doing very well and was being moved to a regular ward. He would most definitely be going home the next day. She had seemed surprised by the lack of enthusiasm in his reaction. It was great that Seth was fine, really it was, but Ryan was just so ill. He wasn’t able to feel enthusiastic about anything.

A knock on the door made him look up, and Kirsten stood in the doorway. Her blue eyes fixed on Ryan’s broken body and he could see her breath catch in her throat.

She came further into the room, and Sandy watched as she leaned down to kiss Ryan gently on the forehead.

“The doctors are all saying he’s doing well,” Sandy offered, needing to try and reassure her, and she nodded vaguely in his direction.

“Ryan…” she whispered, taking his hand gently and raising it slightly towards her. Sandy watched on sadly as he watched Kirsten try to keep a hold on her emotions. They were both so close to falling apart.

He stood up suddenly. “I should go and see Seth,” he said quietly, and she looked around at him, dazed, before nodding.

“I’ll see you later, kid.” He leaned over and gave Ryan’s hair a last ruffle before standing up and leaving the room.

He wandered down the corridors wondering where on earth Seth’s new room was. He pondered about asking someone but he couldn’t bear the verbal contact with them. He made his way instead to the men’s bathroom.

He pushed open the bathroom door and leaned against the sinks, holding himself up with his hands. He was the father of the family. It was up to him to be the strong one and hold everyone together. He had to be there for both of his sons and wife. How could this be happening to his family?

He knew he had to get back to Seth. Seth still didn’t know just how sick Ryan was. The door swung open as a short man walked in, and Sandy knew it was time.

He left the bathroom, and made his way to the nurse’s station.

xxx

Kirsten spoke softly to Ryan, trying hard to keep her emotions in check. If Ryan could hear her, she didn’t want him to know how scared she was. She didn’t want him to know how serious his condition was, in case it scared him as much as it was scaring her.

She followed the trail of tubes around Ryan’s body with her eyes and grimaced slightly. She couldn’t think about how much pain Ryan would be in when he finally did wake up.

Seth was so worried about Ryan. Every time he woke up he asked if there was any news. She hoped that Sandy would be able to give him some straight answers. She just couldn’t bear to speak out loud what was happening to Ryan and knowing Seth, he’d have a lot of questions.

The door opened and a nurse entered. She gave Kirsten a reassuring smile.

“Good Morning Mrs Cohen. I’ve just come to take Ryan’s vitals.”

She made her way up to Ryan’s bedside, pushing a little cart in front of her.

Kirsten watched as she took his temperature and checked his blood pressure.

“Is he alright?” She asked worriedly, and the nurse turned to her.

“He’s doing as well as we can expect from him right now, Mrs Cohen.” She’d heard that one before.

“The doctors are all expecting him to wake up either later today or tomorrow.” The nurse’s voice remained calm and Kirsten tried to believe what the woman was telling her.

The nurse checked Ryan pupils, and Kirsten frowned when Ryan didn’t even let out a little moan or flinch. Ryan always flinched whenever she or Sandy so much as patted him lightly on the back. For him to just lie there, while the nurse shone a light in his eyes, scared her more than she would admit.

The nurse obviously sensed her unease. “Don’t worry, he’s just tired and wants his rest.” She told her. “The doctor will be in soon to check on him as well. If you need anything, my name is Sam.”

She left the room, pushing her trolley before her, and Kirsten was once again left alone to her thoughts.

xxx

The next day, Sandy returned to Ryan’s room after dropping Seth off at the house. As had been predicted, Seth had been discharged that morning. He had insisted that he was alright and that his dad should go and be with Ryan rather than them both staying at home worrying.

He gave Kirsten a wane smile and she gave a faint nod back. “Have you eaten?” he asked her.

“Not yet.” Her hand covered Ryan’s, and she barely looked up at him.

“You should go grab something. I can stay here with Ryan.” He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and held it out to her.

She shook her head. “No, I’ll get something later.” He thrust the wallet back into his pocket, frowning slightly. He tried to remember the last time he had seen her eat.

“How’s Seth?” she asked quietly.

“He’s good. He told me to come back here. I left him sleeping in his room.”

She nodded and they both lapsed into silence, listening to the beeping that surrounded them.

Sandy noticed how the bruises tainting Ryan’s skin had deepened overnight, and looked even worse than the day before. His arms were covered in scratches and cuts from the rocks.

Ryan just lay there, oblivious to everything that was happening. The doctors said he was just sleeping and the machines signified that that was true, but it looked like he was dead.

Sandy heard a little sob come from Kirsten and he looked up at her, concerned. She immediately began clearing her throat and scrubbing at her eyes.

They needed to be strong for Ryan but inside Sandy knew, they were both holding on by very little.

“He’ll be alright. He’s a fighter,” Sandy soothed gently.

Kirsten gave quick jerking nods and sniffed. “He just looks so weak.” Her voice cracked, and she looked away from him.

Sandy nodded. “I know,” he whispered.

The door opened once again, and the doctor popped his head around it.

He came into the room and smiled at them.

“We just need to examine Ryan. Have you had breakfast yet? You could go down to the cafeteria and I’m sure by the time you get back, we’ll be finished.”

Sandy and Kirsten both looked at each other solemnly, but got up. Sandy faked a smile and rubbed Ryan’s arm gently.

He watched as Kirsten leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.

xxx

The doctor waited till they had left before looking down at his notes and beginning the exam.

He made his way to the head of the bed and pulled out his pen light.

“Ryan, can you hear me Ryan?” He pulled open the kid’s eye lids one after the other to check his pupils.

When he didn’t respond, the doctor frowned slightly.

He sighed softly when Ryan still didn’t respond when he repeated his name. He moved on to check the kid’s lungs, the feeling of unease settling down on him.

He’d learnt long ago that medicine was different from person to person but he was surprised that this kid still wasn’t making any effort to wake up.

xxx

Sandy made his way back up to Ryan’s room. Kirsten had gone home to check on Seth and get a little sleep. He held a paperback book that he’d found in the gift shop that had looked like it could distract him from the machines and the situation for a little while.

He noticed that the doctor was still in the room and his heart began to beat a little faster.

He pushed open the door and the doctor looked up at him. “Oh, Mr Cohen. I’m not quite done yet with the exam but you can sit in here if you want.”

Sandy nodded but didn’t answer. The man had been in here for at least an hour. What could be taking so long?

He sat down and watched as the flashlight was shone into Ryan’s eyes.

“Is everything okay?” he asked nervously.

The doctor turned to him. “I’m not going to lie to you. I am a slightly concerned about how little Ryan is responding. Physically, he’s doing very well, but we should really be seeing him more responsive than this.”

Sandy must have looked as worried as he felt because the doctor quickly carried on. “Remember, it’s still early days. The accident only happened a couple of days ago, but I am worried that he could be more affected by the head injury than we originally thought. I’m going to order another CT scan and we’ll go from there to see if there’s anything more wrong.”

Sandy felt his stomach turn. “Could he have brain damage?” he asked.

“Like I told you previously, it is likely that when Ryan wakes up he’ll experience light or sound sensitivity, severe headaches, some memory loss… He may not remember the accident. With a head injury like this, he may pick up any of these side effects. We’ll cross whichever bridge occurs when we get to it.”

Sandy ran a hand over his face and sighed. How was he going to break this to Kirsten?

“Do you have any other questions? Someone will be up shortly to take him to radiology.”

“No,” Sandy whispered, and the doctor smiled at him.

“Don’t give up hope. He’ll wake up soon I’m sure.” He shook Sandy’s hand and left.

Sandy moved closer to the bed and smoothed Ryan’s hair off of his forehead.

“You’ll be okay Ryan. If you can hear me, you’re going to be fine.” He hoped he sounded more confident than he felt.

xxx

Everything was dark.

He was surrounded by a deep, throbbing pain. Vaguely, he could hear someone talking, and an annoying beeping sound.

He didn’t want to risk moving, not wanting to provoke the pain.

The voice was becoming clearer, and it sounded an awful lot like Sandy. He tried to hear the words but they were too faint. He clung to the voice, the one soothing thing that he had.

He felt something touching his hair and he wondered if it was Sandy. But why would Sandy be touching his hair? Why would Sandy be with him? Was something wrong?

He felt himself beginning to panic a little. He wanted to open his eyes, to ask Sandy what was going on.

But he couldn’t.

All he could see was the darkness. The darkness wanted him to stay and didn’t want to release him.

He tried to moan, but no sound came out. He was trapped.

What the hell was going on?

TBC…

Thanks for reading :D