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| Post: aLp lives on |
[28 Aug 2008|04:06am] |
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http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=254 I just finished doing a couple of interviews where I had to answer the expected questions about the fate of aLp and where the new site is heading, and it helped me be able to explain things with a little more clarity. I owe it to all of you to let you know what's going on in my head.
aLp is not necessarily over. I did literally say it was "coming to an end", but that was mostly because I was tired of waffling and dicking you around. I don't really wanna stop doing it but it bugged me to go on "hiatus" again. But if that's what we need to call it instead of shutting down altogether, then yeah, ok. I'll try to keep doing a new aLp update every once in a while because it's actually still fun. I just need a bit of a break from it.
In terms of IYSS... for those of you who love it and those of you who hate it: I really have no idea where I'm going with it. I mostly just wanted to have somewhere I can draw or write or take a piss with no rules. And right now it feels great, like I just put on a pair of boxers for the first time instead of briefs. Or like I'm having sex without a condom? Or any number of metaphors involving my genitals! Anyway, I'm still finding my way, still learning how to draw, still figuring out what kind of stuff I want to write about, and I'm havin' a blast. I dunno where it's all going, but I really appreciate that there's so many of you comin' along for the ride.
Thanks, that's all for now, rock onwards.
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| 614 – Also no skin-to-skin contact. |
[27 Aug 2008|07:44am] |
Good morning, hostiles! Well, evening, since I actually wrote this out last night. Uploading the comic in the minutes before it's due to automatically update is weird for me, too, and I almost didn't finish the comic on time today. Uh, anyway, that's all besides the point. Let's get to the comic, shall we?
http://www.friendlyhostility.com
Episode 614
( Click here for the commentary. )
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| Best Chair and Kefka's Prayer |
[27 Aug 2008|10:22am] |
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http://lukadia.blogspot.com/2008/08/best-chair-and-kefkas-prayer_27.html The gods have heard my cry for more furniture to populate my crack-den looking bedroom! While I was biking with the Captain tonight, I found a tiny gray-blue rocker/recliner by the roadside with a FREE sign on it.
It looked okay, but I've done this dance before. First thing to do with free shit is always, always perform a sniff test. It smelled like somebody's nice clean apartment, so I checked all over for nasty shit--bugs, burn marks, vomit inside the cushions. Nothing wrong there either. So I sat in it and reclined to check for broken parts or random collapsing furniture disorder.
Nothing seemed amiss, although there was one small tear on the footrest and a small red stain on the backrest (not blood). It fit perfectly into the station wagon, too. After Seebs and Rah carried it up the stairs for my crippled worthless ass, I spent the next two hours lying in it, playing video games and occasionally demanding my roomies each come and admire the Best Chair Ever.
FACT! Best Chair is super squishy and just the right size for a short wad of Lukas to snuggle up on.
FACT! The little stain took three seconds to scrub out using 409 and a rag, and the rip is on the bottom and won't even show if I take the trouble to mend it.
FACT! It provides support for my neck while I watch DVDs on the computer. This will help the healing process.
FACT! Nobody cares about Best Chair but me.
In less perseverative news, I had another psych appointment today. Dr. D wanted to see my art, so I showed her on her laptop. Kind of awkward since she's such a nice lady and my sense of humor is awfully rough around the edges, but hey--this is someone I'm paying to get to know me better. Sooner or later she'll find out I draw My Little Ponies on fire and girls with masses of eyeballs instead of cooters, so it might as well be sooner.
I also did a little depression quiz thing, and am assigned the task of picking a local doctor so I can get a prescription for ritalin.
Also I screwed up and forgot to ask lawyer guy to send the Northfield clinic their own separate proof that I've retained him, so they're threatening to send my bill to collections.
Hmm. You know, next time somebody brushes off ADHD as no big deal, I should show them a printout of my credit rating. I don't want to become diagnosis-becomes-my-catchall-scapegoat guy, but if the shoe fits...
FACT! I was sleeping this morning and the dog started scratching himself in his sleep. He was kicking the wall Rah and I share so loudly it woke me up. I made him get off the bed, and he fear-peed all over my nice soft blanket AND it got on my sheet. I suppose I should be happy that this has only happened a couple of times in the past year of dog ownership, but I can't pretend visions of luau roasts weren't dancing in my groggy head.
Completely unrelated, but I composed this earlier and need to write it down so I don't forget:
THE INSANITY PRAYER
Lord, grant me the ambition to conquer the world,
The power to enslave mankind with my Ray of Judgment,
And the badass final boss mutations to kill any spunky heroes who invade my dungeon and try to make a difference.
Amen.
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| [593] There it went |
[27 Aug 2008|01:57am] |
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http://girlyyy.com/go/593 
The light... it has been seen.: Just a little news on what's going on in the artist's life: I am moving to a place a bit closer to the city. Move-in date is the 15th!
This may effect comic updates just a little. But not too much. I would say expect a guest comic or two when the event happens. I'll definitely get the bonus comic done before that, this week or next.
Then, I will be at the Small Press Expo in Bethesda, MD on the 4th and 5th of October.
Then.
Vote for Girly on TWC | Visit the forums!
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| Don't Go Telling Grandma Zombie How To Suck Brains |
[26 Aug 2008|04:20am] |
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http://lukadia.blogspot.com/2008/08/dont-go-telling-grandma-zombie-how-to.html Well, even though I was diagnosed a week ago, I feel that I only truly joined the ranks of the ADHD zombies last night.
Last night, you see, marks the first time I was told, (and I quote), "pfft you dont need meds for that" by somebody who barely knows me or my situation. From what I've heard from other people with this diagnosis, that's how you know you have arrived.
This person then went on to describe how it "takes a lot of work" to transcend pain and illness, but they can do it just fine, even though their case is beyond severe. They went on to inform me that psychiatry is a lie, 100% of people alive today have ADHD, and that it's better to repress unpleasantness than deal with it, because as long as you're okay with being different, no amount of mental illness can overcome willpower. And even if it does, so what? I'm cuh-RAY-zee, deal with it you jerks! ^___^
Yeah, I think I'll stick with the licensed therapist and whatever pills my doctor thinks may be effective as a last resort. Which is what it is--you think I didn't spent my entire life trying to FORCE me to be okay so I wouldn't have to take drugs? I struggled as hard as I could for my entire life just to make it up to mediocre on my own. But just because I was expending energy didn't mean that iron wall was any closer to breaking. I avoided despair by lying to myself for a long time about how I was getting closer. Every little improvement was a breakthrough. Any minute now, I told myself, any second I'll start seeing cracks. Just a little harder.
It's tough to give up on an investment like that, and admit you've failed. Not only that you've failed, but that you actually wasted all that time on something unwinnable. Your 400-hour game of Pitfall for the Atari is never going to end with credits. QQ noob; the battle is over and you fucking lost.
It's fucking terrible to slump down and say "I quit" because you just can't make yourself push anymore. And if, in your time of acceptance, some Mary Sue success story happens to come skipping along to give you shit for not being strong enough, you're not going to be happy with that.
I don't think the person intended to hit this button in me, but that's what you risk when you pass judgment on the circumstances of somebody you don't know and start laughing off their problems because how your issues are ten billion times worse, but all it takes for you is some willpower and hard work. (Poof, problem gone, now why didn't I think of that?)
Over the course of the argument that ensued, it came out a bit at a time just how badly messed up this person's outlook was. Without getting into details, let me just say that they reminded me of me, only a version of me that was in love with myself and didn't much care about anyone else. A version of me that actively wanted to get worse. I tried to urge them to get help, but it was like arguing with a magic 8 ball. There was an excuse or sob story for every option, and where those didn't cut it, the person fell back on the old "yay crazy wacky monkey pie doom" mental illness trendiness as a defense mechanism.
People in denial have this horrible tendency, when their treasured assault against reality falls short and they have nothing left, to pretend to "own" their damage before you can call them on it. Smokers and drug addicts do this a lot, most noticeably when they brag about how they'll die young. They can't handle the reality, so they turn it into a joke that they can confront without actually confronting it.
My mom used to do it. She'd threaten suicide when she was criticized or throw a huge self-hate party and talk about how worthless she was. You couldn't argue with her because she'd just hand you her dignity right off the bat, and I never got the feeling that anything she handled that way ever truly got resolved. It was emotional camoflage by way of exaggeration, surrender and caricature. Is there a word for this kind of cop-out?
Anyway, I don't mind when people tell me about their problems. I honestly enjoy helping people troubleshoot their problems and be happier. But if you plan to throw my advice away without considering it or would just prefer me to function as an audience for your very own Greek tragedy (with you as the star, of course), please let me know in advance so I won't embarrass both of us by trying to actually help.
In the end I felt kind of sad for blowing up over the initial "pfft, you dont need meds for that" comment. If I'd known from the start why they were so fixated on the power of positive thinking, I wouldn't have hassled the person. They weren't ready for honest self-examination and now I feel like a bully for trying to make them see something they're trying hard NOT to see. You know what I mean?
But wouldn't it be so rad and awesome if it were so easy to overcome shit as that? If you could just bury your anger and not have it come back to bite you on your ass... if you could blame everything on your shitty childhood and not have to pay for it... if you could wish yourself well just by wanting it bad enough. Goddamn, I want THAT illness.
At the end of the day I really do love this world. We humans are all so quirky and lovable and flawed. We're nowhere near as unique as we think we are, but even our clichés deserve affection for being so damn human. I want to give us all a huge hug sometimes for just being what we are.
Coming from the codependent background of my youth, though, I also find it hard at other times to stop myself from grabbing fucked up people to just shake the stupid out of them. I sometimes lack empathy and patience for human weakness in myself or others. And then I turn around and lambast others for being heartless. It's crazy, but at least I'm aware of the tendency and can fight it.
Every year I spend on this planet takes me closer to finally being able to love what I am--human and weak and flawed--because it is human and weak and flawed. In the long run, I reckon the only solution will be to just accept the negative shit and move on. So maybe the person was right about transcending pain, albeit in an entirely different context from the one they intended.
Therapy appointment tomorrow. I wonder what exciting new headmeat disorders we'll discover this time!
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| 613 – You should've read the file, Arath. |
[25 Aug 2008|07:41am] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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Surrender :: Cheap Trick |
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Good morning, hostiles! Despite being Monday, I'm able to offer you what I feel is a quality comic today, so that works out, doesn't it? Let's get to that:
http://www.friendlyhostility.com
Episode 613
( Click here for the commentary. )
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