- May 21st, 11:05
I had a phone call yesterday, from my cousin R, whom I haven't talked to in years. He told me his Mom, my Aunt J (my biological father's sister), passed away suddenly on Friday. I'm feeling conflicted, because while I was growing up, and my parents were married - she was very good to my Mom and I, and I was close to my cousins - her sons - who were a few years older than I. Once my parents divorced (I was 14), due to my bio father's rampant adultery, she - and my bio father's entire family dropped my Mom and I like hot potatoes. With fungus.
To complicate matters I've been estranged from my bio father for over 10 years. Not because of any big blow out, or fight, mind you. I just stopped trying. I was the one that always called, and tried to keep some kind of communication/relationship with him - despite all the yucky history we had. Like how his mistresses would call our house and tell me they loved my father and hang up on me (I was only 12 or so). Like he cut off all ties with me when I was in high school, and basically went into hiding for 3 years, to avoid paying child support. Plus, my bio father was just WEIRD. There was always drama with him, my step mom (who was only 6 years older than me), and her 4! kids. I finally got my fill of all the weirdness, and stopped picking up the phone to call him. That's all it took. What little bit of relationship I had with my bio father fizzled into silence that has gone on for more than 10 years now. Heck, I don't even know where he lives anymore. And I am glad to be free of all the drama & weirdness.
About 5 years ago, Aunt J suddenly seemed to want a relationship with me and my Mom. She invited herself over to my Mom & current Step Dad's (who is an awesome guy, that I call Dad) house. It was...awkward. She began inviting us (me and my Mom) to family reunions, that we really didn't want to go to - and had to constantly find ways to decline gracefully. AWKWARD. I mean, she had been good to us way back when, but after my bio father bailed on us - and we were alone and struggling - she was no where to be seen. So we wondered why all the sudden attention to us now, when we were happy and doing fine? I dunno. I ended up sending Aunt J a nice, but honest letter letting her know we'd always love her, but because of the divorce, the lack of contact for years with any of them, and my bio father's failure to keep the family connection alive with me, the situation was awkward for me and my Mom. I never heard anything back from her about my letter, but she did stop inviting us to the dreaded family reunions.
So yeah. Basically conflicted here. Her visitation is tonight, and while I do have a desire to see a few of my cousins - my other Aunt (M) will be there and she was HORRIBLE to my Mom when she was first married to my bio father. My Mom is Japanese, and when she married my bio father, she left her family, her country, everything that was familiar to her and moved to the US and in with my bio father's parents. (my grandparent's) My bio father was still serving in the Air Force overseas, so he wasn't in the US. My grandfather was nice to my Mom, but he was away working most of the time. My grandmother was selfish, and pretty much indifferent to my Mom, though she did enjoy having her clean the house for them. Grrrr. My Aunt M was a senior in HS, and still lived with my grandparents, and she treated my Mom like dirt. Instead of feeling compassion for my poor Mom who felt all alone and scared, and barely able to speak english, she told her she was stupid. Told her she was fat, because she was pregnant with me at the time, and used her belongings - even wearing her clothes - without asking for permission. It was as if my Mom was a sub-human to her, with no rights. My Mom told me how she would hold her pregnant tummy and cry because she was so sad and lonely. Good Lord Almighty I wanted to beat the snot out of my Aunt M, when my Mom told me all the hateful stuff she'd done to her. If only I'd have been there as a grown person, instead of in my Mom's tummy, I would have smacked a bitch. I can't stand that woman. So I REALLY don't want to see her and have her be all fake-nice to me knowing what a hateful bitch she was to my Mom. Then again, a memorial service is not exactly the place to call someone out either, and I wouldn't want to disrespect the sons of my Aunt J, who I genuinely like. So I'd likely have to be fake-nice back, which makes me throw up in my mouth a little. *sigh*
I talked to my Mom and she's conflicted too. She's not going to the visitation (she lives a couple of hours away & has NO desire to see Aunt M), but she might send flowers - or post a virtual tribute.
So I don't know what to do. I live in the same city where everything is being held. Do I go to tonight's visitation, or do I stay away? Stupid family drama. *headdesk*