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Saturday, November 5th, 2005
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1:32 pm - oh the fucking irony
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so, now that i want to invite you to a party that the person it's for actually wants you there (see before, it was the person's birthday: she didn't invite you, not me)...well i can't invite you because you've banned me from commenting in your journal. so i have to ask the person who didn't invite you last time (who is not banned), to invite you this time on my behalf.
does anyone else think there's something wrong with this picture? man man man is it ever all wrong. if i were a character in a novel, and crawford or steiny asked you to do a character sketch of me, let me just say that you would have gotten a bad grade. not for lack of trying, though. you've argued your point well, but the information is wrong.
i hope you read this before tonight. and i hope you'll come to christina's going away party.
current mood:  busy
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| Friday, September 30th, 2005
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9:53 pm
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the days are getting shorter
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| Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
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10:13 pm - my delayed response:
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i'm sorry i was busy not listening to you. you're so very wrong. everything you have to say sounds like that chick in the other room on the peanut's comic strip: waaaaaaaaaah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaaah. wrong. end of story.
oh well...
ho hum.
in other news: the best day today. dancing around with maya this morning to kanye on repeat: go on girl, go 'head , get down. looking at kitties and finding a big slobbering oaf of a cat named zeus. he's my buddy. maybe some point soon he'll be able to come home with me and slobber on all my personal belongings/houseguests. then going to the park and playing frisbee with my lovelies deana and robbie: we suck, but really, it was all the wind: and when i get that feeling, i want sexual healing. sexual....heaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaling...
and it was sucking with style, so in the end, who's really keeping track? then i went to french class and mangled the language.
good times.
current mood:  cheerful
current music: gold digger- kanye west.
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| Monday, August 29th, 2005
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12:28 am - songs to fill my mind.
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i sat in union square today, legs outstretched, face to sun for the last few freckles of the summer. in a sea of people, this song was in my head. i think there's something to it.
I’m all at sea
Where no-one can bother me
Forgot my roots
If only for a day
Just me and my thoughts sailing far away
Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to
All at sea
I’m all at sea
Where no-one can bother me
I sleep by myself
I drink on my own
Don’t speak to nobody
I gave away my phone
Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to
All at sea
Now I need you more than ever, I need you more than ever, now
You don’t need it every day
But sometimes don’t you just crave
To disappear within your mind
You never know what you might find
So come and spend some time with me
We will spend it all at sea
Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to
All at sea
current mood:  sleepy
current music: jamie cullum.
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| Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
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9:50 am - good friday
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sorry about tha'
well THAT'S gone now, but what a rotten way to wakeup.
things to look forward to:
friday. friday will be great. friday great things are happening. maria's birthday AND payday, directly followed by jack's birthday on saturday. i nearly forgot both, but a guy i work with said 'hey my birthday is friday!' and i said 'shit...' really quietly and clenched my fists to my forehead (this, believe it or not, is a great stress reliever and one of my favourite things to do, but will get you strange looks from most). but i was reminded nonetheless. super. so now i have a dinner to look forward to on friday, not to mention drinks with the coworkers afterward and possibly dancing. woot.
oh yes. and i laughed outloud in 'starbucks' (the only coffeeshop in union square? ugh) at the book i was reading...more strange looks to be had. made me smile even more.
current mood:  okay
current music: supreme beings of leisure
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| Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
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8:11 am - a night of sleepless dreams...
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do you ever wish you could slice of that tiny part of your heart that holds on to emotions that you simply no longer want or need, and sew on a prosthetic with new, or devoid of, emoitions?
i woke up this muted and foggy san francisco morning hot at the core with a sweaty and dizzy head wondering if i had even slept at all: a little more than half relief and a little less than half heartbreak. who wants sleep with these dreams? who needs it? i'd rather a cool blackness, blocking out the shaking of the street car under the neon sign outside my window, instead of manipulating the movement into soporific earthquakes: a slight pivot in the course of my life years ago, evident to only one other person. scenes, like a slideshow of 'like a sister', bites on my neck from some anonymous brit-club boy with bad hair reminding me in flesh-tone makeup to forget you, baileys in my cereal on foreign soil: we're out of milk and who cares anyhow because it's 3am and you're calling. and you,l you don't know the half of it, these things that have passed. and scenes of you with her, both calling me friend. ridiculous: this is something, i know, my crazy subconscious loves to torture me with leaving a vomit taste in my mouth upon waking and don't you hate it? fear of losing everything i've made in the wake of that pivot in our time to that little piece of my heart that i only wish would go away again.
last night before i slept i almost, again, regretted ever leaving; now this morning, I regret, again, ever coming back.
thank god i refuse to settle.
current mood:  sleep: who needs it?
current music: vienna teng- tower
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| Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
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2:23 pm
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i heard this song last night in the bart station while waiting for my line to go sleep at someone else's house:
I haven't really ever found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking
It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
I've always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live my life more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me
It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
----
it really hit a string in my heart. i'm sure i've heard that before, but i never really listened to it. it's just a pop song: if played enough you tune them out. but this time i heard every word and i felt so stupid sitting on muni trying to press back tears that i'm sure would have loved to point out how sappy i am to all of the san francisco muni riders...although i'm sure they're used to that and worse.
at any rate. i don't really want to talk about it now that i've typed it out.
like my gram says: positive thinking.
i have a decent job and perhaps an in on a nice apartment with a good friend (that's a longshot) then i have a year to get my shit together and figure it out. and i will.
and eventually, this damned splinter in my finger will come out.
current mood:  awake
current music: cars outside my window
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| Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
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11:37 am - come away with me...
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i suppose i'm back...well sort of. a lot of me feels different...and a lot of other people are so much the same; it's funny how that happens.
i actually miss arizona. i was starting to get comfortable: it's easy to do that around your family (well it didn't used to be, but it sure is now). i feel like i've been gone for a long time, but also like i had to leave almost right way. jack's visit was...it was really nice. the family loved him and now i miss him again-that just seems to be the nature of things. or things of that nature.
i got a job the first day back in the area! what a true and utter relief. it seems it will meet my general requirements for 'job'- definitely not career, but i don't expect to have one of those for a long time. so many people around me are getting those-careers- yeck- not for me. who wants to have an exact road set before them at 22? i know the attraction, i do. i've always been someone thinking year(s) ahead and making sure not to fuck it all up...this past year pretty much dissolved that. these people have PROFESSIONS...DIRECTIONS...(these people also have money haha)...but all i want is to travel, adventure, to touch something in a way you can't sitting in front of a computer (oh the irony of that statement as i sit here) and saying 'yes sir, right away sir'... i suppose i'll figure out what it is i'm supposed to do, but in the meantime i don't mind playing dress up with a lot of rich san francisco excitables and say: 'can i get that for you in another size? and how are those trousers working for you today, ______? oh that colour really flatters your skin! (wretch)" maybe i could be the next candace bushnell and write "confessions of an embittered sales assistant"...
yeah that's 'something' isn't it? i didn't think so...
ps...where did leahstar go to? anyone know?
current mood:  curious-er and curious-er.
current music: norah jones- what am i to you?
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| Saturday, May 28th, 2005
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12:36 pm - i only have patience for surveys lately...
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1) when I was a kid, after school i: went straight to ballet/jazz/clogging/technique/whathaveyou practice then walked home.
2) this one time when i was high i: took regional trains from amsterdam through the french countryside to lille. i don't really speak french that well. i got where i was supposed to be eventually. i couldn't stop smiling for the next three days. aaaaaaaaaah legal pot.
3) the new pope: is truly senator palpatine!!! www.popepalpatine.ytmnd.com
4) i fall asleep easily: only at the complete wrong/inappropriate time.
5) i need more: water/books/time/travel/timetravel
6) i need less: booty. as in my own.
7) public toilets are useful for: stashing that pesky heroin needle!
8) the united states should change its name to: just an INC to the end.
9) my theme song would be: um. pick one for me and tell me what you think?
10) sometimes I think people: suck.
11) prescription drugs are: Nice work if you can get it.
12) i think about sex: at the wrong/inappropriate time.hehe.
13) the middle finger is most useful: for pickin' yer nose/butt AND pissing someone off.
14) the last time I bought a pair of shoes: last week. happy graduation to me. they look like keds but they are tan pink and black argyle. :D
15) in one month: i hope i have a job by then.
16) for the last time: quit asking me.
17) the last thing I stole: not my bag, baby.
18) if I won the lotto, the first thing i would buy:
travel.travel.travel.
books.
movies.
if it were enough, a flat in sf or london.
19) when in rome: hehehe i'm not tellin.
20) when i'm on death row my last meal will be:
gelato.
21) the last person who talked to me: was my niece saying, 'these are my shoes.' it's already starting.
22) the word i say too much is: probably 'a' or 'the'
23) vegas is great for: i'm not really sure. probably not much to me.
sooooooooooo.
the other night i:
saw the young dubliners. they were fantastic.
drank two pints of guiness. also fantastic.
got a hug from a guy with a sweet mohawk. it was...awesome.
left a cool place to go to a shitty club. wretch.
was provoked by some asshole who wouldn't stop slapping my/my sisters'/my friend's/ ass. bastard.
same idiot punched my friend (guy), inadvertantly punching my friend (girl)/my sister/my face on the way. ow.
idiot got his head cracked open with a bottle. good riddance.
cops. shit.
ice on my face. ahhhhhhh.
keeping idiot boys from callin each other out. BOYS SUCK. IDIOTS! GOSH!
find out idiot who started it was carrying a makeshift grenade. scared out of my mind.
cops. 'not our fault we can go now'.
UGH.
so my face was a little swollen, it's getting better. and i'm never going back to that place, or any other place like it. but nearly every place is like that here in sunny tucson. i just don't get it. good thing it really isn't my thang. but honestly, i don't get the males. i just don't. what the HELL do you have to prove, yah know? i was thankful my friend was there when the fight broke out, but then when all they did was yell things at each other in the parking lot, i just wanted to puke. i'm not impressed by that crap, and all it does is aggravate the situation. it's just stupid.
and that is why i am now training to be a cage fighter.
current mood: okay
current music: my niece singing a niecey-type song.
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| Sunday, May 15th, 2005
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5:30 pm - from unamanda
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DO YOU SNORE?
i have, but not regularly.
ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
i'd say i'm a lover. i love a good game of wits. but i'll fight if i have to.
WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEARS?
i'm very very afraid of sharks. that i will/have ruin/ed my life (especially at this current phase in my life). i'm sure there are more.
AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
i don't think i was, no. my little ponies. or just put me in the mud and watch me go. yeah.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?
i don't have a tv. i've never seen survivor or american idol or fear factor or any of this crap. i like it that way.
DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
not unless i'm really stressed. i rub my lips when i'm nervous.
WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
i hear i was very hairy. i still am.
IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
unfortunately i think it is right now. this part of my life is so freaking confusing and unfairly set up it makes me want to crawl under my bed.
WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
grey. someone please clean it. it's gross.
DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
oh yes i do. i'm sure it pisses off my midget of a suitemate/RA, too. that makes me sing louder.
HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
hell. no.
ANY SECRET TALENTS?
i don't have many, so most people know if i have one or not.
WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT
a treehouse with a really nice sleeping bag. that sounds so great right now.
IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
i don't really know. i like conan or dave. and of course jon stewart, but you weren't asking that.
CAN YOU SWIM?
oh hells yeah. sport of choice. once i'm in the water i tend not to want to get out.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?
yes i love it.
DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
yes, i believe i do.
HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?
no idea. that stuff leaves a sugar film in your mouth. it's gross.
CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
definitely not. if i could, i'd get distracted.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
seems like every time i turn around i am. i HATE them.
ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
no. two older sisters (twins). three younger half siblings.
DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENERS?
uhhhhhhhhh.
WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
not my bag, baby. the hunting practices of my family growing have done well to scar me for life. "let's look what's in the STOMACH". no thanks.
IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
please stop.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
no.
WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
cats. but i do not pay attention to this. smoke. again, doesn't matter. um. that's about it.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU!"?
to my mom yesterday. she'll be here wednesday. :)
IS TUPAC STILL ALIVE?
shut up, please.
DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
yes, yes i do.
HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
depends on my mood. sunny side up is the mood atm.
ARE BLONDES DUMB?
Yes. and so is everybody else.
WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
in my pants. THIS ONE GOES TO ELEVEN. wait that was a cucumber.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
5:52
DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
cheeseyheather. miss prissy pants. cheddar. and boober. boober rules. the rights to calling me boober are restricted to my mother.
IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
yes.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
um does muni count? well then probably when i saw chris or maya and lisa. yeah i think that's it.
BATHS OR SHOWERS?
both! i love water! i'm a seal!
IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
of course he is.
DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
of course i do.
ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
yes. so waht.
WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
i love going to movie theatres. alone or with someone. generally i don't care what movie i'm seeing. it's very comforting to me.
CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
creamy! crunchy is for boys. (I TOTALLY AGREE WITH AMANDA). and since boys have cooties, well...
CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
and almost any other part of my body. file under annoying habits.
HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
yep.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
twice.
IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
generally, i don't care. it depends on the drug, some i just won't tolerate. as far as others: i'm a fan of moderation. just don't put your sh*t on me, please.
ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
yes. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
dark brown
HOW LOUD DO YOU SNEEZE?
loud. i've been known to knock myself over. multiple as well.
WHO'S BETTER: STONE COLD OR THE ROCK?
my sister likes the rock. so i'm going to say, the rock.
ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
no, but i can see through your clothes. please wear undies the next time, mmmkay?
HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?
no, actually.
DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
i used to play piano and french horn. currently i just sing. i will take violin lessons-someday, damnit. someday.
CAN YOU SKATE?
well...
HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
no.
CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
haha. no.
DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
i freaking love it.
DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
hehe yeah. hehe *snort*
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
in a young girls heart? or something?
ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
probably. a man is a man's best friend. a dog is his instantly gratifying ego boost.
YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
i think i have to.
CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
yeah, fool.
DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
i am a mistake.
IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
it's realyl foggy and kinda chilly, but nice to walk in. like a hug that's not too tight.
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
a spoonful of peanut butter.
DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
i've never gotten into it. maybe i should.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?
nope. i'm not that kind of girl.
WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
i've no idea. but that fucking frog ring-tone thing can bite my ass...sorry.
DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
i don't really shop much, believe it or not. i'm a rummage(sp) type. only if it jumps out at me. unfortunately, in some shops things jump out at me a lot. but not any place like american eagle.
FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT?
i heard 'ask me' by the smiths/morrisey last night and it made me REALLY HAPPY. also, what you wish for by guster pretty much feels appropriate all the time.
WHO'S YOUR BIGGEST CRUSH RIGHT NOW?
the kitten i do not have.
SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON THAT POSTED THIS.
she writes so beautifully. and is such a talented seamstress. i wish i had some sort of similar talent.
______
my reading went really well. lots of people showed up; lots i didn't expect. it was really very touching for me to see my friends there. my friend david, who i'd never actually met, from texas, has been in iraq for a while, got back in one piece, was in the city and stopped in. it was such a surprise. i wish i could have spent more time with him this weekend. stupid finals. but it was like a present almost: all these people in one room. even one of my philosophy professor showed up. i made someone's mom cry (that is apparently a good thing) and everyone really enjoyed it, it seemed. i admit, i almost cried myself because, well, it's a really hard piece to read. i caught my friend ben's eye and for some reason got really choked up at the expression on his face...then i saw maria in her blue wig (to distract me so i wouldn't cry) and it held me together. and scarlett and her boyfriend david were there, and preston. the whole back of the room was lined with people i know, love, and care about. some of the 'underclass-undergrads' who i met at the department party showed up and man...it was just cool to have them there. then my professors, eileen fung (my literature senior thesis advisor) and susan steinberg (my writing thesis advisor) were right in front, with my TA matt right behind. i love my professors, that's a given. but i have to say that matt's assistance and patience with me and my writing as really helped it develop to a level i didn't know i had in me. and the lit paper reading went well too. so yeah, it was really a great experience. and now i'm just kicking my ass to get finals finished by the time my mom gets here wednesday.
me reading:
current mood:  rushed
current music: city muffled by fog.
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onefoolishline_'s journal