| 269. |
[02 May 2005|03:24pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Ramstein: Mutter |
] |
school today...it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. i was probably dreading the thought of having to wake up, honestly. but who wouldn't when you're used to sleeping for countless hours ¬ worrying about having to wake up, or even shower? (as gross as that sounds.)
it seemed as if i hadn't seen anybody in years. people were so happy to see me as i was with them. i remember getting really excited to go to physics to see marisol &angel for some odd reason. i ended up doing marisol's homework for her. i remember looking foward to seeing christian and terrah, and then mike &rensy. today was a nice day, you could say.
walking on the track with rensy, i got to clear my mind free of my thoughts. that's one of the best things about her; she'll listen to you no matter what. &it's cute how she always sticks up for me. i'm going to miss her when she graduates. i also had christian put eyedrops in my eyes. good times? of course not.
then i saw...ANTHONY GOLEMBRESKI! it's only been 493248234+ years, so naturally i pranced my ass over there &hugged him for a million hours. i've missed him so. it was nice seeing him again.
my lunch period...was amazing. just listening to mike bitch about bridget was basically the most amazing thing i've ever heard. he also bought me pizza. wee!
casey is sick. i hope he gets well soon. ♥
my name is sarah, and i like to prate.
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| 268. |
[01 May 2005|06:16pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
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music |
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4 Non Blondes: What's Up? (i think?) |
] |
lately i've been practicing apathy when it comes to issues that were most important to me. i cannot let myself care so much anymore because then the slightest default with them can kill me. not literally, of course, unless it's the worst thing i am imagining right now. every morning i've been setting myself up for the worst possible thing in case for some reason it happens. it's not healthy, or so i've been told, but it's helping me in a sense; suddenly i feel stronger throughout the day. this probably isn't even close to making any sense, but it's the best way i can put it without being so blunt about the whole thing.
i've been feeling needy for privacy &space. not space as in i want to seperate myself from everybody, but maybe just a couple of minutes to myself to take in what is going on &ponder over it. the only time i do think is when i am by myself, not willingly. when i am left alone, i think, but because i am left alone i am suddenly sad so i tend to think thoughts that aren't necessary. i have a problem with thinking up things that probably aren't even true. i'm such a negative person &it's something i really need to work on.
i've been more open with my friends lately. i even found myself opening up to matt. it was nice though, to move away from all the immaturity and talk to him as if he was my friend again. him &i have concluded that the reason him &i never clicked as a couple was because we were more like siblings if anything. we certainly fight like them, but we talk like them too. &you can tell, too. he was quite supportive of me when i started dating casey, and he still is. he wasn't the jealous ex-boyfriend type. jon was, but that's because...yeah, who cares?
i've allowed myself to open up to jess, michele, &bobby. michele &i had a fascinating conversation friday night while we were walking around aimlessly through dumont. that is when her &i get into the best conversations. jess &i had one too last night, at ruby tuesdays. it opened up a new road, if you will. suddenly i feel a lot more comfortable talking to her about things. she was very comforting, and that was honestly what i needed. i've been in need for the comfort of a friend. i talked to bobby too, and he simply cheered me up. i needed that as well.
casey hasn't been around for a while because he's been working, but that's alright. as long as it benefits him, then i'm happy. i miss him a lot, but i'm starting to realize that time away isn't bad at all because it only allows myself to grow fonder of him. i'm not sure if i can get any fonder of him, but i'm sticking to that old saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder." i will admit, this is true &is starting to kick in the more i think about him.
tonight i am hanging out with meghan. we're going to drive around aimlessly just talking &perhaps (or so i hope!) get coffee at that cute little cafe, again. it'll be nice just to get out and talk to her. she's like the older sister i've never had. i must say, i am proud of my brother's taste in girlfriends.
prate, prate, prate, that's all i do, but it doesn't bother me. i feel the need to IM every person i have, and haven't talked to in a while and tell him how much i appreciate their existance in my life. i'm in a pretty good mood right now, &i'm starting to appreciate everybody in my life, whether they have or had a good or bad influence in my life.
i think i'm most likely insane, but...i'm happy at this moment, and that's all that matters to me.
out♥
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| 267. |
[27 Apr 2005|12:20pm] |
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mood |
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optimistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Red Hot Chilli Peppers: Parallel Universe |
] |
spring break: this is something i definatly needed. school was getting to me, really. it's not that i don't like it...i just don't enjoy it. the people there make me sick for some odd reason. granted there are times where just being with them makes me smile because of previous memories, but 99.9% of the time, it disgusts me. i wish i went to school with my best friends. that would be amazing.
a lot of shit has been going on for the past few days, but i'm over it. besides, i do believe that it did, indeed, make things better. at least in my mind it makes sense. other than this, things have been alright.
SPRING BREAK EVENTS: (which is obviously nothing exciting because my life isn't exciting at all.)
friday: michele's house, assorted fun: grant street cafe &whatnot. good times, endless laughter &yes, candy porn.
saturday: work, which was gay &sleep, non stop. unfortunate events that i overcame quickly.
sunday: patricia came over, park adventures, &eating way too much food.
monday: hearing my neighbors having sex, bus &mall adventures &once again, eating way too much food.
tuesday: casey &i's seven month anniversary. did nothing except take pictures &talk to him; my ideal day.
today: woke up to talk to casey, but he didn't call; i'm guessing he didn't go to school again. talked to jess for three hours about astrology which resulted in endless laughter, once again. perhaps hanging out with robin &michele...
yeah. my life = nothing exciting.
i miss casey, i miss casey, i miss casey.
over &out<3
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| 266. |
[26 Apr 2005|04:09pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
] |
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music |
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The Offspring: Dirty Magic |
] |
HARD on shadow: when i die
HARD on shadow: i want to be reincarnated
HARD on shadow: as a sperm.
BoneDaddy194: lol
BoneDaddy194: i hope i become one too! and you and I make it to the egg. and grow up. and love eachother
BoneDaddy194: mhm
that was actually one of the most cutest things i have ever read.
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| 262. |
[04 Apr 2005|05:45pm] |
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mood |
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 shitty |
] |
| [ |
music |
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news |
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lately my mind has been nothing more but a plethora of fears &what i don't want to happen. i don't know why...i guess i'm just afraid to lose what i think is perfection. i know i shouldn't be afraid because i've been assured so many times, but it's hard...it's just so hard.
i don't like the way i think &if i could, i would practice apathy. but it's impossible. i don't know why; i've never been like this before. i've never cared about who talks to who &why. it's honestly getting to me.
other than that, things have been alright. i haven't been feeling too well recently &i've been kind of sad. maybe it's just that time of the year, or maybe it's just my mind. mrs o'connor thinks i may have a kidney infection, so that doesn't make things any better. today she made me drink twelve glasses of water before going to geometry &by the time i got there, i had to pee so bad. water goes right through me. it's horrible.
i just called casey &he didn't seem too happy. he's been having hard times lately and i can't do anything about it. i feel so helpless &it's so bothersome. i'm his girlfriend...i'm more than his girlfriend...i'm supposed to know how to make everything better, yet at times, i feel as if i make them worse. i'm terrible when it comes to things like these.
that's another thing i'd change about myself; i would love to be good at helping people. unfortunatly, my only strength is comic relief, and sometimes it doesn't work. not all people laugh and not all people find jokes about their situations to be funny. i try to be serious, but when i'm serious, it sounds so fake because i'm always joking around. i wish people would take me more seriously.
i still have a lot of cleaning to do tonight &i'm not looking foward to it. we're getting new windows &you know what? i personally think they look like shit. my mother said they'll eventually start blending in. whatever; i still think they look like vomit.
out.
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| 261. |
[01 Apr 2005|05:32pm] |
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mood |
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 in love |
] |
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music |
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aerosmith |
] |
HARD on shadow: are you sure you love me? lmao you're so hot. you can get like, any hot girl.
BoneDaddy194: no, you're the one I want
BoneDaddy194: you
BoneDaddy194: YOU
BoneDaddy194: all you
HARD on shadow: no need for wanting
HARD on shadow: you already have me<3
BoneDaddy194: :-D
HARD on shadow: :-D
BoneDaddy194: Then I'm all set for life
HARD on shadow: me too<3
i love him more than words can even describe. ♥♥♥
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| 259. |
[29 Mar 2005|06:28pm] |
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mood |
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content |
] |
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music |
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Led Zeppelin: Stairway To Heaven |
] |
new layout: ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) one_heartbeat_
i am basically dying without my computer. [the one in my room.]
my photoshop is on there.
my music is on there.
my photography is on there.
i upload my pictures on there.
but, i had to be an idiot &break the fucking thing.
iamafuckingretard.
this morning, i received a phone call from casey. it turns out he stayed up just so he could talk to me before i left for school. that was so sweet of him. honestly, it's little things like that, that show me how much he cares. ilovehimorethanwordscandescribe. really, i do. he makes me so happy♥♥♥.
after school was basically amusing beyong belief. aubree flipped off the teachers, i broke the shelf, we got edgar to curse, marisol spilled her water all over her books, we started to sing, we were really loud, &we rode the school elevator up &down. sometimes, i wish they had faculty meetings all of the time.
GOALS THAT NEED TO BE ACHIEVED BUT PROBABLY WON'T BY FRIDAY
-clean room
-start research paper
-finish all laundry
-finish terra's layout
-pick up USB cable chord
-pick up CD rom for camera
-fix computer...or try to
-dye hair
i'm also pining to go back to that cafe with meghan.
so amazingly good.
yeah, it's never going to happen.
out<3
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| 258. |
[28 Mar 2005|03:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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guilty |
] |
| [ |
music |
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4 Non Blondes: What's Up? |
] |
you won’t ask and i won’t tell anything about myself to you. honey, i’m an open book, a little hard to read , that may be true, and am i worth your time? i’m on the ground now, but you won’t ask me how i fell tonight, but i would tell you everything you want me to tonight. so come on ask and i will tell everything about myself to you. honey, i’m an open book and you and me are long since overdue; i think it’s worth your time. this time i’ll draw the line and you won’t laugh at me; if i see you start to leave, please wait up for me.
+mall with panda
+cafe with meghan
-fight with casey
+making up with casey
-easter
-still feeling bad
-things
-school
i don't like this.
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| 257. |
[23 Mar 2005|05:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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content |
] |
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music |
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Eagle Eye Cherry: Save Tonight |
] |
School is highly amusing this year. As much as I hate most of the kids, there are some kids that I just can't not love. Marisol is definatly one of them. Her &I were basically voted as the two most funniest/amusing girls today. That's because we rule &all. Just thought I'd let you know.
...What do you guys think about the Terri Schiavo case? I personally believe that they should put that feeding tube back. I mean, she's been living like that for fifteen years, &obviously people do want to take care of her. The only person who truly despises her &wants her dead is her husband. He's a fucking prick; I heard that the nurse who used to nurse Terri told the courts that her husband [Terri's], everyday for fifteen years, used to come in and say, "Is the bitch dead, yet?" How fucking terrible is that? &Terri, according to the nurse, always had a smile on her face. The only time that smile would be wiped away was when her husband walked in, closed the door, &stayed in Terri's room for twenty minutes each day. Everytime she left, she would be shaking, &sweating. That prick is the reason she is the way she is. That prick is the reason why she's going to die. That prick is fucking dead. I hope he rots in hell. Stupid bastard. &what else bothers me is the fact that he has a girlfriend &children with his girlfriend. The only reason he's not divorcing Terri is for when she dies, he'll get money. FUCKING PRICK.
The news makes me sick.
People make me sick.
This snow makes me sick.
Period.
I really want to see Casey. Really want is also quite the understatement. I basically need to see Casey. I love him so much. It may sound played out, but I can't express it any other way. It's simply impossible. He's just so perfect...too perfect for words. I try so hard to think of ways to describe just how perfect he is &it becomes a struggle. It's that hard. He's that perfect. I'm so lucky.
PS
I want this: 
I will get this.
Soon.
out<3
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| 256. |
[22 Mar 2005|09:22pm] |
it's official.
i am insane.
honestly...
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| 255. |
[21 Mar 2005|08:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Smashing Pumpkins: Tonight Tonight |
] |
tonight, tonight...
edit
a polaroid pose: okay i must go shadow
a polaroid pose: WTFFFF
a polaroid pose: im still drunk
a polaroid pose: shower*
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| 252. |
[15 Mar 2005|08:29am] |
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no one gives a shit, as long as we smile.
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| 251. |
[11 Mar 2005|09:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Postal Service: Clark Gable |
] |
I rule
Only not. I haven't been feeling that well lately. In fact, I've been feeling rather depressed for the most part. I haven't a clue why. I have everything I could ever want. I'm having this problem with mood swings though. Perhaps I'm bipolar.
+HSPA's are over
+Pollack's research paper is done+handed in
-progress report
-random mood swings
-work tomorrow
+dying hair/perhaps cut
+Casey, of course ♥
-English term paper
-senior scheduling for next year
+no homework this weekend
+maybe diner trip with Jess?
-hurt my wrist again
Obviously I haven't an exciting life.
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