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oceans_

love
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[17 May 2013|09:58am]

Finally Friday. Finally a nap after an eight hour shift. I haven't showered, ran, made love, or slept more than five hours per night since Saturday. Yet last Saturday was so wonderful. I ran my first marathon, a 5k mud run. It was fantastic. I can't wait for the next one. Also, I can't wait for this cold front to go away so we can make a trip to the nude beach and even out these tan lines. Sometimes I love California. Although, "it's time we grew old and did some shit."

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[26 Sep 2012|01:37pm]

After three and a half years, I have finally put in my two weeks at Polo Ralph Lauren. It's time for some real change. Why work two part time jobs for years, only to not be able to afford my dream college. Back to community college, I guess, for another Spring semester. However, even that is months away and my desire to stay in California is nonexistent. But the possibility of attending UCR in a year is mouthwatering. Is it worth years of debt? For now, I'll try to make light of only having one job. Oh, free time, where have you been all my life?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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[04 May 2012|08:30pm]

My lips are sore from kissing :)

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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[08 Apr 2012|10:22am]

I'm glad I decided to party in Riverside last night instead of Ricky's. At least now I know Bookie isn't gonna happen. I have today off. Time to get down!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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[28 Dec 2010|10:21am]
[ mood | happy ]

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let's see sherlock holmes [27 Dec 2009|11:23pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Once Christmas has passed, the holiday break feels like it's almost over. I'm reporting from my new laptop, which I purchased this morning. Hello empty walleto. I didn't leave my bed until 11 on Christmas day. Adrienne and I spent most of the day looking at the mountain of photos our Grandmother sent us. It was the best gift.
My to do list before Spring semester:
-develop film
-knit a scarf
-mail postcards
-lose ten pounds
-make real plans to go to Disneyland
-burn January mixtape


I already know my resolution for this year: be happy.

xmas 2009

xmas 2009

when they were gone to knotts

when they were gone to knotts

xmas 2009

xmas 2009

xmas 2009

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sweetness and light [13 Dec 2009|10:40pm]
I have mixed feelings about the holidays. I have mixed feelings in general.
This semester will finally be over on Friday! Get here, pronto! Starting tomorrow I will live in the library until I feel confident to take my finals. I slacked off a bit much last week, so now I'm burning plenty of midnight oil.
Tuesday night is the Lakes' Christmas Party. I'm bringing Tristan, of course, and everyone will think I'm a dyke. That's A-OK with me. Hopefully it will go quite well, I'm slightly anxious. Perhaps I'll remember to bring my camera along for once in my life. I really need to buy a camera bag already!
I think my birth control is increasing my appetite. I actually lay awake in bed every night and try to think why I ate so much during the day. I absolutely hate the weight I've gained. I can't remember the last time I felt good about myself, even before BC came into the picture. I feel like shit all of the time. No self-esteem exists in my little head. I think I need real help with my anxiety, also, but that won't happen for a while.
I really cannot wait until I pay off my car so I can move. It's all I've got to shine some light.
2 !k,&

xmas wishes [29 Nov 2009|12:19am]
[ mood | dirty ]

1 !k,&

[08 Nov 2009|10:57pm]
I have a paper due in the morning and I haven't done shit yet. Tomorrow is another session, and only one more after that to be completely finished. It's taking forever, and I'm so impatient. Every morning I take birth control and feel like such an idiot. I've been single for over a year now, and presently have no offers. I'm going to die an old maid. In conclusion, everyone likes my sister better. I'm thinking about skipping class tomorrow and just smoking chronic with Tristan. Some kind of distraction would be so nice. Killing myself to get Dean's List every semester, working hard for a raise I'll never receive, and coping with living in this house has really taken it's toll. I miss the sunshine on my face and laughing all day. I just want to love deeply and freely and daily. Daydreaming about being out of debt and being on my own again is intoxicating. I could do it all day without hesitation. I'm getting fat, too. That needs to change. Everyday is a mess of inappropriate frustrations. If only I didn't fuck up as much, or tried harder. Whatever it is, what I'm waiting for, it's not coming. I keep thinking that something will balance out and I'll be okay, but all I see myself is going deeper in reality. give me a break
5 !k,&

this veggie burger is delicious [06 Nov 2009|12:36pm]
[ mood | full ]

I am going to get my half sleeve finished this afternoon, and I am soooo excited!
My future is finally heading in a clear direction. It's time to start doing what I want with my life. Traveling is ideal, but I'm torn between buying a plane ticket for Daytona or Japan. I'd love to see everyone, but I won't be able to explore again until Summer. Twenty-two is right around the corner, but I really don't have much to show. My To Do Before I Die list keeps growing, I need to quit slacking and dreaming already! Gosh, I have to write this paper before I leave!

2 !k,&

what kind of person will i be when i make it out of this? [02 Nov 2009|07:02pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]




I haven't had a decent schedule from either job the past two weeks, but I haven't taken the extra time to get on top of school, either. Fall rushed into Winter, and all I want to do is lay under my electric blanket.
After my tattoo is finished, I'll save for a laptop, pay off my car, transfer to a different school, and never look back.

3 !k,&

lil' foresto [05 Oct 2009|02:16pm]
[ mood | FAT ]




i'm pretty sure i'm going to change my major and start pursuing my beetle lovers next semester.
fall is here and it is so lovely outside! my work schedule got drastically cut down this week, so all i plan on doing is reading my textbooks outside, taking pictures, and hunting for my next beetle. his name shall be rupert!
the plan was to visit daytona this winter, but now i don't really see the point. sara will be in santa monica!! i can't can't wait to see her! and chris & jessi will be adventuring in their RV! i miss you guys so much! if i could have anything back, i'd stay locked in deneece when i first moved in. the weather was refreshing, as it is now, and we were all so happy.

5 !k,&

one year since [01 Oct 2009|07:21pm]
[ mood | blank ]

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2 !k,&

rockin' witchoo [18 Sep 2009|04:06pm]
[ mood | hippy ]

first love 09/18

first love 09/18

first love 09/18

first love 09/18

Today is a new day. My first day off in over a month and a half. I feel like a newborn baby. After class, I, finally, bought a new cameradora. It's lovely. Tonight we are going out for Tristan's 24th! I cannot wait.
I went to the Gyno for the first time and she put me on birth control. My period just keeps coming, I don't understand. But seriously, dude, this birth control is making me crazy!
Chris went to Monterey last week and decided to make a two year plan to move there for good. He told me, "I've been settling for the past few years. Life isn't about settling." He's inspired me. I work two jobs and I go to class. I'm not going to put all of this effort and energy into bologna. Soon my car will be paid off and I'll be able to transfer to a university without worrying about extra payments. All of my bricks are finally stacking up, and soon I'll be where I want. Satisfied. OW OW BABY

2 !k,&

I found my guitar tuner yesterday, now I have to find some tunes. [17 Aug 2009|01:39pm]
[ mood | blazzin' ]

Today was the first day of the fall semester, and it went pretty all right, considering I only had one class today. Everything came through at the last second, and I couldn't be happier. The thought of missing another semester of school, just to simply work, is very depressing. I have to go Mon-Fri, and I'll still continue to work seven days a week, but that's fine. Fine and dandy, as long as I'm getting somewhere. I've been trying to pay off my debt, but every time I'm about to pay something off, something happens to set me back. I just paid T-Mobile $350; now I need a new car battery, a new tag registration, and funds for this semester, including my books! Despite this, I've calmed down a good bit. As long as I'm working every single day, I'm not going to stress out until I start crying anymore.
My Grandmother in Daytona went to give my Mother a little visit. I gave her the directions, to my Mother's dismay, but I don't really care at all if she's pissed. She wouldn't even invite my Grandmother inside. I wish she was grow up already, but, since I only hear from her twice a year, at the most, I'm not going to think about it.

Photobucket

august 2009

august 2009

1 !k,&

i can taste your lipstick on the filter [01 Aug 2009|10:19pm]
[ mood | yes, purely indifferent ]

my best judgement


This morning, before work, Reyna cut my hair off. I don't like the style whatsoever, but I was pleased by the shock of realizing how attached I'd grown to my former messy hairdo. What a shame.
After one hundred and forty days of sobriety, I drank at Tristan's Wednesday night. It took me the whole of two seconds to decide on keeping my sobriety or pushing my lips against the glass. We shared a forty, but didn't finish it. I anticipated a craving, but it was just soda in the wrong bottle. Maybe I wasn't as fucked up as I thought.
I have to work both jobs again tomorrow. All of this effort is adding up to be a waste. I'm so unhappy with the state of things, and there is no room to relieve myself. All of this negative energy is on constant overflow. I cry too often on my drive home.

1 !k,&

yeah i don't care 'cause i love you baby [12 May 2009|06:31pm]
[ mood | OH GIRL! ]

that's no lieCollapse )

3 !k,&

DO IT [18 Apr 2009|07:46pm]
If you read this, even if we do not speak often, comment with one memory of me. It can be anything you want, good or bad. Just as long as it happened. Then post this on your livejournal to see what other people remember about you.
7 !k,&

I am a fucking crude ass piece of shit [27 Feb 2009|04:21pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

currentCollapse )

18 !k,&

East Volusia News - newsjournalonline.com [24 Jan 2009|04:15am]


East Volusia News - newsjournalonline.com

Posted using ShareThis
1 !k,&

you'll never be on time [23 Jan 2009|04:31pm]
[ mood | tired ]



I'm growing so restless and impatient. I want things to work out so badly, but I'm not sure if I can get what I want. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be here anymore. I miss Justin.



i was waiting for you i was standing around i was getting older i was going down

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remember when i said i loved you well forget it i take it back!!!!!!!!!!!!! [17 Jan 2009|09:51am]
[ mood | impressed ]

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Yesterday after class, Cody and I went to Laguna Beach. They have a million art galleries!, but we only managed to see a few. I ate so much sushi I was nauseous for the entire ride home.
Isn't it strange how the same songs are there for the same situations, just like high school, again.

1 !k,&

headlights pointed at the dawn [12 Jan 2009|03:49pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

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Today was the calm, pleasant, beautiful day I needed. Right on time, too, with my first day of school tomorrow. I'm so anxious! The sky today was a warm, brilliant blue. Coffee in a white cup with floral patterns. Kind eyes and a long beard to go with fresh conversation. And the slight breeze bringing the store's scent from my jacket to my nose. And, also, an adorable furry friend belonging in the wild came right up to me! It was all more than enough, and I'm so thankful.

one, twoCollapse )

5 !k,&

looks good, feels good, too [08 Jan 2009|09:39pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Photobucket

The past few days have left me in a rut. My many afflictions are causing me to pull my hair out and sit shaking in my car like some goddamned chihuahua. My former habits have lost their anchors.
Starbucks is no good. They put me through multiple interviews, each an hour long, only to reject me. Even through months of rejection, I took this personally. My hopes were really tied to the balloon this time. I'm so naive.

4 !k,&

Mr. Moonlight [05 Jan 2009|06:19pm]
[ mood | calm ]

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We went to Rainbow Basin the other day. It was beautiful, in person. I'm going to visit the rest of the natural attractions here, soon, including Death Valley. I didn't see a desert tortoise like I'd hoped.
I found my phone today and I have my second interview at Starbucks tomorrow. Wonderful!

3 !k,&

what you are now, we were once. [03 Jan 2009|07:37pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Photobucket

Photobucket


Brief moments of happiness are possible here, I knew that, but the idea of being content is just now entering my world. I'm so glad the holiday season is finally over!! Please don't come again so soon! I hope everything comes in order by the deadline, school and work wise. I've willingly put myself in the same situation which brought on my first, and certainly not last, anxiety attack. Maybe it was curiosity that pulled me towards, but, alas! I have relived it without my bones breaking lose! Who knows when the next will be, but I'm preparing myself. Hopefully not in public, Jesus!! Isn't is odd how I exclaim "Jesus, God, Joseph, Mary," etc. when I don't believe in one. By keeping me around, I find my friends embracing how peculiar I've grown. I suppose I'll do the same and use it to find a road I'm more fond of. LIFE, you kill me everyday!!!!
Today Cody taught me how to shoot guns. I misplaced my cell phone, and I have no desire to search for it now.

3 !k,&

[25 Dec 2008|10:46pm]
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could you make it strong because i don't need to think [25 Dec 2008|10:26pm]
[ mood | LOON ]

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I want to start using this more! I know I'll be happier if I look back to see these pages filled!
Recent life has been a potent mixture of the mundane and the extraordinary. I believe I had my first anxiety attack. I'm not sure if this is a step into foreign territory or a dramatic slap on my numb cheek. It was definitely the most compelling physical evidence that I'm fucked. What is my mind telling my body, but keeping from me?
On the other side, my mexican friends are the chillest I've found, still! I usually go to Shadow's house and drink 40s with him and smoke sweet ganja while watching movies or playing xbox. Not mentally exciting, but still pleasing. Thank goodness for mexicano.
My school shit is fucked. I am truly a fuck up. The only thing I manage to do is ruin!! Either through humiliation or lack of effort, I fuck everything up! I don't know what I'm going to do. I should have been aborted, I swear! A part of me wants to sell my car and use the money to get out of here. Running away from my problems has always worked out okay, hasn't it?
So many things are unsettling. Often I'm trying to block out every thought, but you can't avoid the flood!
This holiday season sucked a humongous ballsack!, but that was expected. I tried to assemble my Christmas present: two drawer dresser, and it's lopsided!!! View askew!!!!!!!! I am not the carpenter Jesus was.

2 !k,&

don't you just love the feeling of my fingertips circling your lips [15 Dec 2008|05:12pm]
[ mood | blah ]

121508


What is there to say? I'd like to blurt out all the chaos swimming inside my brain, but I'm lacking the appropriate passion to really grasp my thoughts right now. I'm sure someone knows where I've been.

eat meCollapse )

6 !k,&

long way home [02 Nov 2008|12:45pm]
[ mood | dirty ]

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read moreCollapse )

1 !k,&

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