Please

Changmin didn’t follow Jaejoong because he knew his hyung wasn’t alright but didn’t want anybody to see, to hug him and tell him it would be okay. Because it wasn’t and it won’t be.

Changmin didn’t follow Jaejoong when he walked out the door, head held high, all straight shoulders and brisk steps. Running away, but not quite knowing how to. 

Changmin didn’t follow Jaejoong because he knew his hyung wasn’t alright but didn’t want anybody to see, to hug him and tell him it would be okay. Because it wasn’t and it won’t be. 

He didn’t follow Jaejoong because he shouldn’t have needed to. 

He didn’t follow Jaejoong because that was his job. 

But he was smiling and laughing and it made Changmin want to hit him, even though he was his hyung and Changmin loved him. Even if he was stupid and a goddamn coward and shouldn’t’ he know that Changmin wouldn’t mind, that anybody who loved them, really loved them, wouldn’t mind, as long as he was smiling and Jaejoong was smiling,

and Changmin would give anything.

Yet Changmin knew this was how things should be. Expected it. Whispered it to himself. Hated it. 

And he couldn’t help but wonder bitterly when Yunho had weighed up his life and Jaejoong had come up short. 

Changmin didn’t follow Jaejoong because it wasn’t fair. And he could fix this. 

                                                               ~~~~~

He cornered Yunho later, nursing a drink by the bar as people began to ebb away.

“What’re you waiting for hyung?”

And Yunho turned around, startled, because Changmin sounded so old and tired and defeated and what’s wrong. 

“Changmin?”

He sat down next to Yunho. Didn’t look at him, couldn’t look at him. And they watched the waitress wiping down the tables and stacking the chairs. 

Yunho waited even though he knew. Could taste it with his eyes closed. The truth was the beating of his heart, and he wondered briefly if Changmin might be able to hear it too.

“Do you love her?”  

Yunho inhaled sharply. Did he?

“Of course I do”   

liar

“More than you love him?”

“ … I don’t know what you’re talking about”

And Yunho looked away, because Changmin would see the truth in his eyes and he had nowhere else to run.

“Hyung, please”

The waitress was polishing the glasses.  “It’s not that simple Minnie”

“He loves you”

Yunho could feel his heart breaking.

“I know”

“Don’t you give a d-“

“Please”

His voice was broken, dangerous and Changmin couldn’t breathe because he sounded nothing like the man he knew, looked up to. Envied, once. 

“Don’t do this hyung”

And Yunho felt himself shaking with everything he didn’t know how to say.

“You can fix this” 

I’m sorry

“Hyung”

She loves me

“You always have a choice”

Its not enough. We’re not…. I can’t

“Yunho, please”

I’m so sorry

And Yunho didn’t look up when Changmin left because all he could hear was him. His voice, his hands, and the taste of his cigarettes. 

So he drank and he drank to wash away the sound of his laughter and the warmth of his lips, and he cried when he realised it was already gone. 

A/N:  Hi guys, i know this was a long time coming, and i am so so so very sorry.  I just got my results and uni offers back, and as it turns out, i'll be going to a different country for university, so lately i've been all over the place trying to sort out courses and accommodation.  (very disorganised me =.=)

Please forgive me?  o.O  

I know this one was very short but the next chap (which Ive just put up on my journal) is much longer... if it makes up for my tardiness!  please forgive...  

and do let me know what you think! i really appreciate you guys taking the time to read my junk ...