My favorite . . . tough crap Alan!!! . . . retreat. Sorry, just had to say that. Tough crap. You could have had me, but now you CAN'T. Do you get it? You had your chance and you blew it on The Squid.
Okay, whatever, my favorite retreat. Right now is the beach. I've perfected myself in a swim suit, and nothing makes me more happy in the summer time than flaunting it. I've got it. I know it. And I fully plan to enjoy myself this summer. I know Boston isn't famous for its beach community, but you know, here's all you have to do is "Take the Red Line to Broadway T station, then No. 9 or 10 bus to end of line; or Red Line to South Station, No. 7 bus; or Red Line to Andrew T station, No. 10 bus; or Green Line to Copley Station, No. 9 or 10 bus to end of line. Also: Red Line to JFK-UMass and walk to Carson." Where you'll find "Our prize for the most urban-feeling shore goes to South Boston, where you find Castle Island, L Street Beach,and Carson Beach. Here, the sunburned descendants of Irish brick masons share sand with elderly Vietnames e fisherwomen and Dominican middle-school students. You'll hear Cambodian and Creole mixed with the tinkling of the ice cream truck and the bumping bass of the 69 Boys; you'll smell hot dogs and salt water. You will also have to pause inyour conversation every few minutes as yet another jet plane roars low overhead on its way to Logan Airport."
I ripped that off from the Boston Globe, but I'm more than happy to credit them. That's where you'll find me this summer. Hanging out on the beach. My favorite retreat.
My other favorite retreat is shopping. There's something about shopping that makes me feel so complete. I suppose if I had a therapist they might tell me it's some sort of substitution for real emotions or connections with other human beings, but whatever. My tikki torches never forget to call me. My cappucino maker never screws around with other women. My stainless steel pepper mill never ceases to arouse. Shopping rocks. I know you understand.