Leeann.

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 00:43:18 GMT

I have a new livejournal.

Sat, 03 Jul 2010 16:06:45 GMT

been lovin this song lately.

So Marigold, my love, you've had too much to drink
And I need not remind you, our discount tickets for this sinking ship
Take-backs and sweet regrets, that's all that we have left
No one is looking out for anyone but number one

One to one, two to dance, we all get our sweet romance
Though sour grapes will turn to wine its all just vinegar with time
And oh, I want to know, we all want to know
How can anybody treat somebody so?

She said it hurts too much
I said it will never hurt enough
No one will ever see these cuts
No one will ever call this bluff
But that's just the way that it goes

And when he left us he said, "It's not so bad"
That motherfucker he took everything we had
And when I'm thinking back, I'm counting all the ways
Nobody helped us so we dreamt of better days
And we sang: "Yeah that's just the way that it goes"

Yeah, we used to be in love (my love!), but now we're just in like
And we broke all our promises and baby that ain't right
Because you don't know what it's like to lose it all
Take it back, take it back because you don't know what it's like
to be on the receiving end of it all

No! no! You were not on the receiving end of it all [4x]

You beg and plead, but no one here can save you
Why would they try when they can't quite save themselves?

So Marigold, someday we'll have to write a script
But I won't stop denying ashamed of all the selfish things we did
Dropped out of every single friendship that you had
They nearly loved you, but you never could have loved somebody back

Tell me of your sorrows; tell me everything from the start
I'd like to do my part to help a friend in need
I said you could come to me, but when you needed someone most, I wasn't there,
I wasn't even...

She said it hurts too much
I said it will never hurt enough
No one will ever see these cuts
No one will ever call this bluff
But that's just the way that it goes

And when he left us he said, "It's not so bad"
That motherfucker he took everything we had
And when I'm thinking back, I'm counting all the ways
Nobody helped us so we dreamt of better days
And we sang: "Yeah that's just the way that it goes"

Yeah, we used to be in love (my love!), but now we're just in like
And we broke all our promises and baby that ain't right
Because you don't know what it's like to lose it all
Take it back, take it back because you don't know what it's like
to be on the receiving end of it all

No! no! You were not on the receiving end of it all [4x]

You beg and plead, but no one here can save you
Why would they try when they can't quite save themselves?

Yeah, we used to be in love (my love!), but now we're just in like
And we broke all our promises and baby that ain't right
Because you don't know what it's like to lose it all
Take it back, take it back because you don't know what it's like
to be on the receiving end of it all

No! no! You were not on the receiving end of it all [4x]

You beg and plead, but no one here can save you
Why would they try when they can't quite save themselves?

Thu, 01 Jul 2010 18:11:57 GMT

11:11 wish: fulfilled.

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 07:36:25 GMT

Worked for a few, made a decent $11 in tips, came home, went in the pool with the kiddies, took a nap, went out to eat with Stef, Travis and Vicky, swam, saw a shitty movie.

:)

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 06:10:07 GMT

Going to NYC to see Streetlight at the end of the month. Seriously so excited.

Sun, 27 Jun 2010 06:44:47 GMT

Saw Streetlight tonight with Alyssa. What an effing awesome time. I bruised the shit out of my feet, but totally worth it. I had so much stinkin fun. Went to Mike/Jamie/Andy's new house after, saw Bethany, Andy & Neil, then saw Mark and his bud at some house on Louis for a few minutes. Stopped for some shitty McDonalds and now sleeping at Alyssa's. Seriously, what an awesome night.

Sat, 26 Jun 2010 06:59:57 GMT

Awesome night singing karaoke with Travis and Stef. Chatted with some drunken peepz, had a good time. Danced and sang lots. My expectations for tomorrow are retardedly high. STREETLIGHTTTTTTTTTTT! <3

Fri, 25 Jun 2010 07:08:30 GMT

Mia's field day was a few days ago. It was funny. Mike had his bbq, and that was interesting and a lot of fun. Met some kewl dawgs. Good time. Tonight I went to Seaside with Stef and Travis, met some more people, who were mostly strange and... Seaside-ish. It's so late. Bedskies.

Build me up, tear my down like a skyscraper. Lovin that song lately.

Thu, 24 Jun 2010 03:25:52 GMT

"Why dont we have fun body parts!"

"Imagine having something dangling down there?" "Yeah, like slappin your legs and shit?"

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 05:53:26 GMT

Aunt Ginger's birthday & night was extremely fun. IHOP = winner. Father's Day gift = no money atm = fail. :( True Blood is back on. Finally werkin some hours. I've missed :)

Also had the strangest yet extremely relieving/hopeful conversation about what I talked about in here a few days ago. I can't explain how happy I would be if that came true.

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 03:57:48 GMT

time to face the music.

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 16:49:00 GMT

That was the worst reffed game I've ever seen. Seriously.

Slovania scores 2 in the first half, USA gets 3 in the second and 1 doesn't count. r u srs?

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 06:34:02 GMT

Every night ends the same way... anyway...

Worked 11:30-230 where I made my first hot sammiches at My Own Deli (three deliveries=~$20. Score). Came home. Ate and watched some World Cup. Mexican domination, h0LlA. Went back to work at five. Drove up to NB, saw Lee's game with Mike and we all went out for 1/2 price apps at Applebees. Overall a pretty good day.

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 14:17:48 GMT

I just woke up to another horrible dream. It was night time and we were at a girl's party. She lived next door to grandpa's house. I let some people use my grandfather's bathroom because I guess the one at the party was taken. So we go inside and I can tell I woke grandpa up. I go in his room and he kind of waves me in. He tells me that he doesn't like all the people in the house and he thinks that they're going to go around stealing stuff. I assure him that they are only there to use the bathroom, and we talk for a few minutes. About 10 minutes later, and after everyone had left, we notice somebody walk out the door. I get up and run outside where it's now daytime to see what took them so long. It was (he who shall remain nameless but I will call him Zack) Zack, who was getting into a car. I run over to the car and ask him what took so long. He told me he just took a while to go to the bathroom. I open the door and there was a button in a case between the seat and the door, which had belonged to my gramma. I yank him out of the car and on the ground. At this point I'm extremely pissed off and crying. I look around the car a little more and don't see anything else. I ask his friend, who is driving, if Zack stole anything else and he says no. Then the driver tells me that they were going to bring the car back soon. I look, and they were in the process of stealing my car. I walk around to the driver's side and look in, and there are more stolen things around the car. I go back to Zack and reach in his pockets and there are still more buttons. Then I notice he's unconscious on the ground. I ask the driver what had happened and he tells me that while inside Zack had sniffed 5 lines of cocaine. I call 911 who asks me in a pretty rude way if I can hold. I accidentally say yes, then hang up so I can call again. As I wait for the police to arrive, I move all my grandma's stuff into piles so I can bring them back in the house. Later on I tell all my friends about what happened and they just laugh.

Ugh

Stop thinking.

Wed, 16 Jun 2010 17:40:23 GMT

It's been (almost) exactly 11 years since everything happened. I'm totally going to cry writing this. Things aren't going to be fixed, and that' pretty obvious. I can't do this on my own, and neither of them give a shit enough to put any type of effort into establishing the slightest bit of a relationship again. I really don't understand why I still get so upset. I mean, I've tried to help fix things, but an unforgivable amount of time has passed. I'm sure I can try harder, but now it's too late. I keep thinking that venting will help me get over it but I've done that so many times, and I'm still overly emotional about it. Senior year I wrote my occasional paper about the situation and sobbed in the middle of class and couldn't finish reading it. If that wasn't embarrassing enough, even first semester for creative writing I wrote a poem that ended up in tears, yet again. I don't really know if I will ever be okay with it. I guess I just never want to accept things. Maybe one day I'll wake up and the kids will know who he is. Or I can go to my graduation and not have to worry about who I drive with or where everyone is sitting. Sometimes I even wonder if she'll go to the funeral. Despite that outcome, whether it's a hesitant yes or a positive no, I will be upset. Would you go to the funeral of somebody who has been mentally and physically absent for 11 years, but once meant the world to you? I hate worrying about this stuff. At the same time, I have to think about events when everyone will be together. What's going to happen when I get married? Assign separate tables to prevent the day from being ruined? Not let certain people drink in order to avoid what happened at my Sweet 16 party? I'm just tired of the whole thing. I'm tired of getting upset. I'm tired of thinking about it.

Tue, 15 Jun 2010 05:04:11 GMT

Awesome day. Saw the Colbert Report with Bethany, Mike and Alyssa. Drove to NY (took the wrong road 4092 times), got the train, ate some Ruby Tuesday's, walked to Colbert, went inside, got called obnoxious by the comedian, asked Colbert a question, caught a bracelet, was on tv (for .4279 seconds), hate a hot dawg and ice cream, came home, took a shower, and I'm now super excited for my bed.

Work has finally begun and yay to having a very fun summer so far.

Remember, if you ever take the wrong road, just turn the music up really loud and sing to cover it up.

Sun, 13 Jun 2010 15:27:36 GMT

Lobster is not delicious.
My bed is comfortable.
I miss my gramma!

Fri, 11 Jun 2010 06:40:55 GMT

Suddenly remembered my dream last night. I was with a bunch of people and we all went to a huge buffet. I can't remember why or where, but whatever. I walked in and realized that I had already eaten and didn't want to pay for an expensive buffet when I wasn't hungry (it's amazing that I am a cheap bitch even in my dreams....). I remember that I just wanted one thing from the buffet. I realized this after loading my whole tray to I had to go back around and put everything back without getting in trouble by being super obvious about it.

wtf

Fri, 11 Jun 2010 06:01:25 GMT

Ugh. Awesome night! Bedskies.

Thu, 10 Jun 2010 04:21:13 GMT

Work went well. I think I'll enjoy it.

Another dream where something was happening to the earth and we couldn't live there anymore. It was being covered with water and we had to take boats out to move stuff across. That's all I remember. :(

Tue, 08 Jun 2010 04:22:06 GMT

Job: CHECK!

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 14:52:10 GMT

Yesterday was Emily's birthday party. It was ridiculously hot out, and way more kids showed up than expected, but it went well. I got some cool pictures after the kiddies went saining. Emily and Josh got stung by jelly fish. I offered some fresh urine, but for some reason Emily preferred vinegar.

I just realized that I don't want to write in this, so I'm going to watch TV and hopefully update this later.

Sat, 05 Jun 2010 21:52:06 GMT

I'm baking at mom's house. Why has she waited so long for AC? Hot damn.

Made some pizza & watched Fight Club with Mike yesterday. I have successfully managed to screw up everything possible, and my new expertise is pizza. :D I forgot to grease the foil so the pizza had a nice later of aluminum stuck to the bottom. Besides that, it was great.

Alicia just walked in and gave me the finger. What a jerk.

Such a busy month coming up. and no money. :(

Fri, 04 Jun 2010 23:53:14 GMT

I had a crazy dream last night, again. Probably the strangest I've ever had. I pulled up to grandpa's house with some girl in my car, I don't know how/why she was there, but she was thin, pale, hungry, dirty, etc. I don't remember much detail but I remember wondering where all these missing people had gone. I walk to the front of Uncle Bob/Aunt Ann's house and I see Uncle Bob putting something into bags. I look, and it's a body that he's trying to dispose of. I feel nauseuos and scared and run inside. I go to the kitchen and Uncle Gary is slicing up meat for the BBQ that I realize we're having. I look, and again it's a part of a human body. I get extremely upset and feel sick, and tell Alicia, who feels the same way. I don't remember the rest of the dream. It doesn't help that mom was telling me about how they caught the guy who killed Natalie Halloway in Aruba, and how he was killing people and keeping the bodies in his hotel. Even still, it was so strange. Also, usually in my bad dreams I tell myself, "Leeann this is a dream, you can wake up", and I immediately wake up. But last night I couldn't, and I was absoultely terrified.

Ugh, weird stuff.

On a lighter note, I love sour patch kids.

Fri, 04 Jun 2010 03:55:55 GMT

I had an ridiculously fun day today. Alyssa came down and we went offroading with Brian, Andrew and Dan. We went to some place in Manchester and went to a huge lake with the clearest water I've ever seen that was not from a Poland Spring bottle or off a tropical island. We got out there around 3 and stayed til 9. Good stuff.

I'm so crispy. :( The shower burned but this means one thing: summer!

I think I got a job that would take place instead of bwb. Thank god. It's in Beachwood. We'll see how that goes.

Til tomorrow.