| Juicy |
[Mar. 5th, 2005|03:02 pm]
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| [ | mood |
| |  guilty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The music in my head | ] |
I just walked the dog, i swear im so out of shape. Last night Jordan came over wearing a Yellow polo, coincidence? i think not! I am reading a book named seventeenth summer. Im only on page 49 but its interesting. I think that it is set like in the 50's or something or in an old fashioned town because it is a bit awkward. This week I managed to stay home from school 2 days, but I also managed to ruin alot of things as well. I hurt people. I hurt myself. Im a wreaking machine. I liked a boy named Aaron and i hurt him. FOr what reason? Not sure. I mess around with people. i play with their heads. maybe its cuz i think that they wont care. because to me right now everything is supposed to be fun and games right? maybe thats not what its supposed to be, maybe i have the whole idea wrong. maybe my outlook on life is totally crazy. maybe im naive or maybe i dont know maybe im okay and its everybody else that is getting to caught up in things that shouldnt me made into a disaster. some people dont have time to be hurt maybe thats me. maybe im going so fast that i dont have time for people to bring me down, and i think everybody is the same so i dont really think about others feelings. and if i hurt them or not? i automatically think people dont get hurt. and i dont see why they should be hurt. because i have a warped perception/ Maybe its beacuse people have hurt me and now i think i can just do it to people. but i dont even think about stuff like taht.it has to be a subconcious thing because i dont intentionally want to hurt anybody. i also cant be with one person for a long time. because right now i dont see a use for it. to be close to somebody is great. but you dont have to be going out or together to have a closeness. i think that relationships should be saved for later in life, or now but it has to be somebody that your really serious about. i mean there are certain people that i would have relationships with but others i just cant see myself being together with. because ill just fuck them over. as per usual. i dont know i think that the kind of person i have to be with is one thats going to take control. not just let me have full reigne and get whatever i want because once u let me have what i want then its no fun anymore, i need somebody thats going to keep me interested. im easily amused but only for a certain amount of time. after that you have to have something that keeps me coming back. otherwise...im sorry but i am a mess. im just a mess period. wrecking havoc on your world. screwing up mine. |
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loveridden_