urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___ yeah baby, the world ain't the same i've been waiting for the best heartbreak ever 2008-05-08T01:20:53Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:124652 2008-05-08T01:20:53Z 2008-05-08T01:20:53Z it's hard not having money for things you want to buy yourself or treat yourself to.. but its even harder barely getting by for the essentials like gas, food, etc. shit sucks.<br /><br />i really want a tattoo.. no fuck that, two tattoos. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:124003 2008-04-09T05:43:08Z 2008-04-09T05:43:08Z it's hard being happy<br />it's hard trying to forget yesterday<br />there's going to be a lot of changes after this and it's all my fault.<br />am i destined to ruin my life and others around me? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:114374 2006-12-14T20:09:41Z 2006-12-14T20:09:41Z its safe to say<br />some have changed while i was gone, and i may never see them again.<br />but that's how it goes. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:105965 2006-10-11T14:36:32Z 2006-10-11T14:36:32Z the one thing i've been telling myself is to never have hopes because i'm not home, i'm not in control, there's nothing i can do and there's no way for me to persuade a person when i'm 1/2 way across the world. instead, i just keep changing my hopes.. in an attempt to atleast get something out of dreaming. and i haven't one constant hope since i left for iraq. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:104629 2006-10-03T00:27:15Z 2006-10-03T00:27:15Z Through The Eyes Of The Dead will soon hit the road with From A Second Story Window, The Acacia Strain and If Hope Dies for a tour together, here's the itinerary:<br /><br />November 19th Worcester, MA - Upstairs @ The Palladium<br /><br /><br />can i get a motherfucking HELL YEAH? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:103179 2006-09-26T19:10:46Z 2006-09-26T19:10:46Z god, i think i need a cigarette after that. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:102518 2006-09-21T06:31:47Z 2006-09-21T06:31:47Z so.........<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />how about them yankees?<br /><br />:) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:102229 2006-09-18T05:57:35Z 2006-09-18T05:57:35Z but im just glad i didn't honestly get too deep into it all.<br />that's the magic about being so far away from home. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:101648 2006-09-12T23:22:31Z 2006-09-12T23:22:31Z a sunset across a city<br />streets stretch with silence<br />not a whisper to hear<br />and no one in sight<br />while weeds grow at my feet<br />my hands holds her heartbeat<br />is this where we met?<br />the days pass by<br />the more I forget<br /><br />to my surprise<br />she's never seen this before<br />in a city untouched <br />just two empty souls<br />finding a way back home<br />this course could take us<br />to what we're looking for<br /><br />I worry because I wait<br />how much is there hope?<br />streets stretch with silence<br />in a city untouched<br />she was looking for love<br />and I've found her urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:101433 2006-09-08T21:09:14Z 2006-09-08T21:09:14Z [01:04] PTSBOB: they got that croc hunter's attack on tape, but at this moment it isn;t online<br />[01:05] wtfzno: damn<br />[01:05] wtfzno: i wanna seee<br />[01:05] PTSBOB: supposely shows him pulling out the barb before he died<br />[01:06] wtfzno: haha o snap<br />[01:06] wtfzno: i can see him looking at it in disgust, "oh crickey, he got me"<br />[01:06] PTSBOB: lol, well except he was under water at the time, so it would be more like babdbbbbbbb<br /><br />my dad's still got it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:100624 2006-08-28T21:12:50Z 2006-08-28T21:12:50Z as days go by, i feel emptier. also i grow more homesick. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:100449 2006-08-26T14:22:30Z 2006-08-26T14:22:30Z my team leader died yesterday due to a sniper shot.<br />he was 21. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:100225 2006-08-22T00:15:19Z 2006-08-22T00:15:19Z nothing felt better<br />than the rush of wind through my hair<br />holding back my words without a care<br />maybe one day <br />those words will fly away<br /><br />i remember being on the tight rope<br />with no one to catch me<br />that's the way things will always be<br />maybe one day<br />my dreams will slip away<br /><br />sorry if i can't stay still<br />but your looks could kill<br />just let your smile glow<br />maybe one day<br />my ambitions won't ever grow<br /><br />now i find myself stuck in a tidal wave<br />without a hand to save<br />the bit of faith i have left<br />maybe one day<br />you won't be the one to sail away<br /><br />maybe one day<br />your hands<br />will stay in their place<br />maybe one day<br />i could have<br />that beautiful face<br />maybe one day<br />i'll take you away urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:99883 2006-08-19T20:57:01Z 2006-08-19T20:57:01Z November 29th New York, NY - Irving Plaza<br /><br />norma jean, fear before the march of flames, misery signals, between the buried and me<br /><br />I MUST GO OR I WILL BE PISSED. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:99590 2006-08-19T02:26:32Z 2006-08-19T02:26:32Z i realized that i've had my blog up on myspace for almost 17 months. and there's about 1600+ views on it. in my mind, that's pretty amazing. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:99483 2006-08-17T21:16:59Z 2006-08-17T21:16:59Z r&r at camp baharia was a splendid idea. it was so relaxing and it also gave me time to really workout harder because i didn't have to worry about doing anything too physical later on in the day. its so quiet and a lot more peaceful out here too. probably saw about 6-7 different movies. <br /><br />i'm getting more music coming to me soon.. there's a whole lot im missing out on [or atleast that i can illegally download].<br /><br />i'm gonna need an entire week of just sleeping at home when i first get back.<br />there will probably be the relative visits and whatnot on top of seeing all my friends. i'm pretty sure it'll be hectic, but at the same time peaceful.<br /><br />not hearing any prayers for 2 days has been so nice too. it drives me crazy.. i don't understand how a country could be run in that manner.. their religion is so retarded. oh yeah, lets be dirt poor and live in a shithole but still pray 5 times a day because Allah will make everything better. fucking idiots. so i'm glad i have my ipod.<br /><br />im gonna grow a mustache for the last 2 months. its gonna be pretty raunchy.. on top of my awesome hair thats still growing out.<br /><br />i hope home brings me a lot of happiness because i need it now urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:99241 2006-08-13T15:34:48Z 2006-08-13T15:34:48Z hello<br />let's see, not a whole lot has gone on lately.. which is always good.<br />so when my m32 broke, it was also decided to take my m16 from me too.<br />i'm officially a SAW gunner in the squad.<br />look up M249 SAW if you don't know what i'm talking about.<br />i carry that + 500 rounds + a 9mm beretta. so i'm pretty loaded.<br />this also means im gonna be in the turret of the humvee everytime we go out on a mounted patrols.<br />we're also not going to baharia now, which sucks.. that means another 2 months left at the CMOC. oh well.<br /><br />how is everyone else doing? i dont get a lot of chances to talk to everyone and all i do is hear about what you write in your entries.. and thats not even all of you. i guess i just wanna talk. <br />goodbye&hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:99025 2006-08-09T23:06:17Z 2006-08-09T23:06:17Z but i am content with...<br /><br />Oct 26th - Everytime I Die, Atreyu, From First to Last, Chiods @ Palladium, Worcester, MA<br />&&,<br />Oct 30th - This Is Hell, Strike Anywhere, <b>Bane*</b>, A Global Threat @ Living Room, Providence, RI<br /><br />* I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED BECAUSE I NEVER GOT TO SEE THEM WHEN I WAS IN FUCKING CALI. GAH.<br /><br />these are the earliest shows i hope to see when i get home. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:98807 2006-08-09T22:50:04Z 2006-08-09T22:50:04Z i have no way of bringing out my frustration, unless i worked out and let out what seems like gallons of sweat. the past few days have been nothing but complete bullshit. and i stand by that.<br />it all started on sunday when we were sent out to go to a village south of the city, our job was to search around the 100+ house town and look for insurgents, weapons, you know.. that bad stuff. we were sent down in Amtraks which are those stupid things you see landing on the beach in Normandy in Saving Private Ryan. yeah, we rode those things across the god forsaken desert. the shit was not ventilated enough and at times it hit 120 degrees [or more] in there. after a 2 hour ride, we were dying already.. and the first day wasn't even over with.<br />success with the first house because [i found 2 AK47s / 1 bag of ammo] my squad found an AK and hand grenades and whatnot. we took two people to send to jail and we were off to more houses. so now we had to fit 2 more people in an already 20 person packed vehicle, along with the stuff we collected. it was horrible and ungodly hot. we searched 10 houses or so after that and finally got a chance to sleep - of course i stood 2 hours worth of post on a possible 8 hours of sleep.<br />the next day we were already hurting and tired. we heard another platoon already had 5-6 heat casualties, 2 from just getting off the Traks. we searched houses, we set up VCPs. all in the bearing morning and afternoon heat. we were actually shot at in a driveby and one mortar landed across the street from us, but we gave up chasing anyone all too quickly. soon after we were able to get some sleep and continued onto search more houses. this is when 3 people from my squad dropped, one throwing up nonstop and another hit a 106 temp. redic. we stopped early on and found a place to sleep.<br />another day begins and we find ourselves back at the first house we searched, found a camera and some ammo - thats about it. we then decided to scoure the desert in search of who knows what and found nothing except 2 1/2 wasted hours and dillusional minds from the heat. we bailed out [when we had already gone a few miles] and drove back on Traks to our CoC. we were able to catch up on sleep and thats when we were mortared && IPs hit an IED and decided to shoot all over the place ["death blossom"] and rounds flew over our heads. that night we were able to move out, but OF COURSE we stopped at that first house AGAIN and this time no one was home and nothing was there. a few hours later we were back on traks heading back to the CMOC. what a fucking waste of time.<br /><br />i am getting sick and tired of dealing with bullshit and its not getting any better. i am glad there isn't much more than 2 months left until i am home, but things are getting more and more retarded day by day. sigh. help. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:98470 2006-08-02T21:09:07Z 2006-08-02T21:09:07Z <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v23/itbleedsinside/100_0252.jpg"><br /><br />combat load. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:98129 2006-08-02T01:00:42Z 2006-08-14T02:24:23Z music exits the headphones and enters my head, blocking out all sound around me. i love it.<br />the new BTBAM.. the Pink Floyd cover is amazing. new glass casket & from a second story window are superb.<br /><br />we're going to be moving out of the CMOC sometime in the middle of this month.. its gonna be great to get one step farther from Fallujah and one closer to home. this city is getting tiring on me and my emotions. there's a lot of times when i get really angry with stupid shit and there's no way to let it out unless i just complain to no end<br /><br />i want to be home, because there isn't so much bullshit.<br /><br />i put new pics on mys, ill probably add more to my photobucket soon.<br /><br />my M32 broke. i'm happy. that's 30+ lbs less i have to lug around on a foot patrol. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:97892 2006-07-20T20:21:51Z 2006-07-20T20:21:51Z in a little over 2 months they're going to start sending people home<br />i'm finally getting closer and closer to the end.<br /><br />i think to myself every single day that the one before it was one less that i have to be here.<br />and it continues. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:97637 2006-07-19T23:17:47Z 2006-07-19T23:17:47Z so for such an awesome thing to happen at such an awkward time....<br /><br /><br />i got to see the Denver Broncos cheerleaders today.<br /><br /><br />-&gt; smile ensues. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:97285 2006-07-15T21:42:36Z 2006-07-15T21:42:36Z time moves, it's going at a respective rate.. but not quick enough for me<br />it sucks when i have to deal with stupid shit and not get a lot of what i want in return. it may sound weird, it may sound sadistic but i really, really want to get the chance to shoot someone.. in the face even. that'd be awesome. it'd feel like a reward for all the training i've had to go through to get to this point. but i had called when i was in CA "this training is a waste of time". and it was, a lot of it was. and going to Devens in December. that was stupid. i could have finished a semester of school instead of sitting in the freezing barracks and going outside for formation with 10 different fleeces on my body.. and still having the chills. so much for all those warming layers.. they're doing a lot for me here.<br /><br />i want to be home. it's as simple as that. and it doesnt have to be at my house, when i mean home.. i mean with my friends.. i mean being at school. i mean being apart of such a better atmosphere then the one i am in now. until i show pictures, everyone at home as no idea what this place looks. it's such a shithole. can't say it any other way. i hate the people, i hate the CMOC, i hate this entire country. nothing would be more fulfilling to me than to hanging out with the people i love hanging out with.<br /><br />when we're not on our 3 day rotation of post [which we stand 6 hours on, then 12 off, then 6 on again] we're doing patrols.. 3 days for morning and then 3 for night. sometimes we end up doing things overnight and come back the next morning. it is the worst to spend useless amount of hours looking for some <i>insurgent</i> that wont pop his little head out and put some bomb on the side of the road because im pretty sure they know better by now. when we do raids its retarded because we'll be looking for that "one house" with that "one bad guy" in it and we end up searching an entire block... for nothing. finding nothing. the entire month i've been at the CMOC there's only been one successful raid for our platoon amongst the 10+ raids that have been done.<br /><br />theres just days when i dont care anymore. i can't remember the last time i actually loaded my weapon before i went out onto a patrol or just stepped outside of friendly lines. i just know already that we're not going to get shot.. and if we were, then we wouldnt be able to get proper identification [which we do need] and its just gonna be pop shots to get us on our toes again. stupid.<br /><br />i dont know how i lasted so long at the ECP because a week's worth of action at the CMOC was equivelant to 2 months at the ECP. talk about nothing happening.<br /><br />another thing is when you really want something so badly and there's nothing you can do about it. it kills me.. and the waiting kills me. there's some nights where it just drives me so crazy because i want to be home so badly. i want to be back in that place where i fit in with everything that goes around with the people i know. i hate how there's things going on at home and i'm not there to be apart of.<br /><br />i guess its just that i really miss everyone. and it is that. i want to be able to feel.. emotionally, physically, everything that i did when i was home. what it was like to laugh with my friends, what its like to drink with them, what its like to hold hands or hug, or even kiss someone that i fell for. all that shit is such a distant memory. i realize its been... a good 6 months, since ive encountered those feelings.<br /><br />ill just have to do what i've been doing.. and that's wait. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lovelost___:97086 2006-06-23T19:55:18Z 2006-06-23T19:55:18Z so it's been said that we're going to start pulling out people in 90 days.<br /><br />i also want another tattoo.. really badly.<br />as well as new music that i am missing out on right now.