?

Log in

No account? Create an account
but lifes no story book [entries|friends|calendar]
love is just an excuse to get hurt.








( info ) ( friends )
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[30 Mar 2004|02:53pm]
New journal is finshed. I add'd all of you guys already, but just so u know its aperfektnothing.

</3>FRIENDS ONLY.</b>
3 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

[30 Mar 2004|12:49pm]
im at school feeling really sick. Yeah, i drank about a half thing full of tussin before i left to school. im sucking sick as a dog. wtfe, talk to u all later.

bye.
2 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

cock ass survey. [29 Mar 2004|05:29pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

beauty is reveild under the clothes.Collapse )

to break down and make it ugly.

Pictures! [29 Mar 2004|03:01pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

To some it all up, you're my everything.Collapse )

11 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

Soon to be. [25 Mar 2004|08:07pm]
new journal, almost.

im sick of this name its bothering me. Im going to add all my fellow friends that are on here, and then im going to delete this journal. Im going to make this journal Friends Only because im cool like that. It'll take me about a week to make, or maybe just teh weekend being i have no life.

yeah, leave it here.
6 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

[24 Mar 2004|10:05pm]
[ mood | awake ]

oh boy.

This is my begining to a long entry, be prepared for emotions and truth, and everyday life given through the eye's of a young teenage girl. I have a few questions to ask the world, maybe some can't be explained but you never can know until you do ask them.
-Why do we question?, i mean we have all we need to survive if people didn't have to look good for others and take two hours to get ready just to go out for 3 hours to see a movie where it's dark anyways. (or) if we didn't have to ask who is better then the other because they said so, we we're all made on this Earth to learn a lesson, if the world doesn't realize that in order to be happy, you have to forget about what others think, forget about whos in power, forget about everything and live your life for yourself and your loved one. It should'nt matter what color we are, what sex we like, but what matters is the fact that we don't discriminate because of that. Everybody has something diffrent about them, and nobody is perfect. If life was perfect the world would end and life would stop worlds would crash and there would be nothing left. Can you stop to imagain not living?, not breating anymore. Yeah, you can think about it.. but is it the reality you want to choose? You're not going to beable to control when you die or how you die, even suicide isn't a choice more of a mistake. I can admit i've wanted it at times and probly still will. Except i know the fact between selffishness and reality. Sucide is selffish. You can't control others feelings nor yours, you can learn to cope with them and help figure out the limits you are willing to set your heart at, selfcontrol is an issue most teenagers are having now-a-days. What is love, and when will it stop hurting No matter what any dictionary states there is no definition for love. Love has many diffrent emotions all on its own. It depends how you express it and how it express's you. love isn't a word to express with everybody and everything, it means more then most people realize in this lifetime. It's been thrown around and droped so many times it's warn out, can't take much more and it will self distruct. Our generation dosn't understand love, back when love wasnt about looks nor sex but about the inside, the heart. I know that life wasnt always the best, but look at what we are doing to our people now? Do you see that we are all falling apart? Wars, threats, enemys, even love is breaking us down. The united states claims that we are free and justice will be surved. Where is justice when the leader of our country doesn't represent out country but himself and his own self. Hes doing what he thinks is right for himself, what about the people? Schools are getting worse, Economy is crashing, another depression is headed on its way. What are we going nto have left? our love for one another, it seems to get lost in all this other bullshit that life has to throw at us. dont be afraid to post your opnion im open for other suggestions.
-On another subject, dreams. Is that our reality waiting? peicing all of our clues together for another life in the future, to sleep forever and live nightmares, fantasys, accual sircumstances? Maybe its just a hope for the furture that we'll never have, nightmares occure because we need fear, fantasys happen because we need hope and the real life is to balance it all out? What is with the world today, seriously sit back and realize, Am i alive? what is being alive? Am i dead? What is being dead? How will anybody ever know what we are, what it is. It's impossible to live forever, forever isn't a choice. Taking life for granteed is one the biggest sins people commit everyday. Life? is it some sort of joke..
-If blood tasted sweet, would we drink ourselves dry?

i cant type anymore, fingers falling off. I hope somebody reads this.

3 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

why do i mess up so damn fucking much? [23 Mar 2004|07:28pm]
[ mood | balling the eyes out. ]

Im trying to beleive you, i dont know why the fuck i cant. I have the worst fucking trust issues, on the subject of love. I've had my heart broken times before this, and it fucking hurts. I still can't sleep without the screaming of what happend. I hate myself for hurting you, and i wont forgive myself but why the fuck must you hurt me back in return. I don't know if you mean to or not but it's hurting me so bad that you are using all my faults back against me. i wanna be a better person, why cant u just except that im not perfect. Just because you think im beautiful or whatever doesn't mean i have to agree with you. I hate the way i look, and i love the way you do. Why does it even matter what you look like, you keep pushing me away from you im just inchs away from saying fuck all this bull shit. I can't stand crying anymore nights to sleep because of it, and everything else. The scars arn't becomming scars anymore, they are becomming deeper. I wish you could fucking see them, then maybe you wouldn't hurt me so bad. Im not trying to fuck up your life, im trying to make it better.. but i guess with me in it it's making it worse. Im just gonna go cry myself to fucking sleep and hope to die. I love you, maybe i'll beleive you one day. Maybe i do beleive you, i dont fucking know right now. </b>BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE.</b>

5 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

[23 Mar 2004|05:57pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

well realizing that i have no chioce in hell to be with chante, im going to stop liking her.. i think? i hope, i want her and timmeh happy even though i know they already are. ..yeah love to ya. :-/

i love you foreever..:(:(:(

2 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

wow.. [22 Mar 2004|12:27am]
[ mood | not bad ]

tonight turned out better then i could expect it to. not only is stephanie a little happier, i am too. Ross is an awesome guy and made my night good. thanks. Ryan, also you made my night good thanks for caring and everything. i owe you so much. stephanie, i swear i couldnt ask for a better best friend then you.. xoxox loveee!


write layter.

2 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

[21 Mar 2004|08:30am]

</td>

lonelydreams_'s LiveJournal Friend Stats I
Biggest digital packrat:
a_fairytalekiss
Most easily-distracted:
emptywindow
Most friendly:
angelxfuck
Most popular:
angelxfuck
Most communities:
crazyamour69
Oldest on LJ:
gokitty
Newest to LJ:
hermanmunster07
What Are YOUR LiveJournal Friend Stats?


(Beta - May be slow for those with large friends lists)

3 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

[20 Mar 2004|11:25pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

*kimmy helped me with my journal, mad props to her. i love you kimmy!*

..yep.

3 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

i fucking hate myself. [20 Mar 2004|07:53pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

Well i thought today couldn't get much worse, but knowing that it did i don't give a fuck what happens to me anymore. I woke up this morning by fucking screaming kids, i hate them they are a bunch of inconsiderate assholee. Then i got on the computer of course and sat at staired at the screen waiting for scott to come online. Oh no, but then his fuckin ex girlfriend had to IM me, i hate that bitch she could get ran over for all i fuckin care. And she all was talking shit, so i got pissed and depressed because i know gillis likes her so much more then he will ever like me. i fucking hate knowing he means everything to me and i mean so little to him. It drives me more fucking insaine then i already fucking am. Oh then i just blew up, oh yeah people are gonna love this one. I CUT, its been fucking 3 months and i deside to cut over stupid reasons, go fucking me. I'll draw pictures in paint after im done typing to show you what the fuck it looks like. All i know it still is bleeding from 11 t his morning. i fuckin hate myself, i wish i would die. So my dad im's me a few mins ago..right? I thought i'd be nice to talk to him. Then he comes out with this fucking thing that makes me feel like shit, and i really wanna die now. So my dad says "i have diabetes, and my blood pressure is up to 600, the normal is 60." i say "..then why arnt you at the doctors?! HELLO?!" he says "oh im waiting until monday, but if it gets wrose im just gonna call the abulence" WTF, seriously i hat ehim so much sometimes. its like he wants to die and leave me alone in thsi fucking world. SOmetimes the only person i think cares doesnt care about me any fucking more. If he dies, oh if he dies say goodbye to me too. I fuckin swear if he goes into a coma/dies/or gets hurt really bad.. im gone forever. I could give two shits what you feel like. Also, my cuts on my arms are getting wrose tonight, im going to make them deeper. HAVE A FUCKING FANTASTIC FUCKING DAY, I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE.

agony is suicides best friend, beauty is it's pleasure.Collapse )

to break down and make it ugly.

[19 Mar 2004|12:17pm]
[ mood | miserable ]

i wanna see my friends again. i miss them all so much. why does life work this way, i hate you life.

4 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

baby, lets bump n grind. [18 Mar 2004|02:30pm]
[ mood | so-so ]

so yeah, lets fuck. haha. woo. yeah, well this kid was telling my friend that he likes me and she wrote on my hand "Cory likes you".. haha :) its wonderful. If i dont go to my fathers me and him are going to the movies, i can't wait. Im tired of waiting for somthing im not gonna get, i love the kid and all but im just not gonna wait around for him to return it. YEAH!.. i gave a chick a condom today she was all like "damn, you're awesome".. yeah her boyfriend is a horn dog i guess. :-p today i also wore a Trojan shirt and had to put tape over it, im like im only setting a good example for those who dont use rubber, so i took it off of course. Im not in the "best" mood but im not in a bad one. Cory makes me so hot tho :), ahh bonkers. haha. yeah, i need to get high soon. fuck this being a good girl shit, im tired of being who im not.

yeaaaah bitch! <33

manduhhh,**

4 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

[17 Mar 2004|12:02am]
[ mood | anxious ]

(x) been drunk.
(x) smoked pot.
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex.
(x) kissed a member of the same sex.
(x) kissed your best friend
(o) crashed a friend's car.
(o) been to japan.
(o) rode in a taxi.
(o) had anal sex.
(x) been in love.
(x) had sex.
(x) had sex in public.
(x) been dumped.
(x) shoplifted.
(x) been fired.
(x) been in a fist fight.
(o) had a threesome.
(x) snuck out of my parent's house.
(x) been tied up. (sexually)
(o) been caught masturbating.
(o) pissed on myself.
(x) had sex with a member of the same sex.
(o) been arrested.
(x) made out with a stranger.
(x) did other sexual acts with a stanger
(x) stole something from my job.
(o) celebrated new years in time square.
(x) went on a blind date.
(x) lied to a friend.
(o) had a crush on a teacher.
(o) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
(o) been to europe.
(x) skipped school.
(o) slept with a co-worker.
(x) cut myself on purpose.
(o) had sex at the office.
(o) been married.
(o) been divorced.
(o) had children.

x true
o false

4 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

weekend left me speechless. [15 Mar 2004|01:14am]
[ mood | sore ]

My Weekend;

friday; Missy comes picks me up. I love her so much, her and her dad kick major butt. But anyways, that night we stayed up so late "1o;30" baby. .yeah not so late., but we talked about things that been happening and everything, it was nice and we ate all the crazzy bread! That was mostly my friday.
saturday; Right, so we get up at 8.3o, very surprisingly. We sit there and talk for at least an hour and a half. We finnaly get up and heyy, we start eating.. what do yah know? Then we desided we didnt have to start getting ready at 1o.3o in the AM. So we start making starburst necklas's, which i dont have anymore because some guy took it, but anyways we did that for a bit. Then desided we needed a camera and new outfits :). so we walked.. at least 5 miles to debb and got cutest new outfits and a camera at target. Thank god Missy's dad came and picked us up. Missy got the cutest lace coverd skirt, with a pink shirt and i got a pink and black flowerd skirt with a black and pink shirt. ..yeah wee looked hot for ekoo! Around 5.3o we desided we needed to hit the showers, we rock.paper.sissors to see who would go first because we are both lazy ass's. i won :) Anyways we get out the door by 7.3o to go piq up Lisa to come with us to eko. We get to eko and it was lame..for the first hour and a half for so. Then crowds of people started comming in and we saw a few people Missy knew and hun gout with them. It was so awesome, i love getting my groove on but it gets me into so much trouble. I at least danced with 7-10 guys while i was there. All over girls, *that was nice*.. and i danced on table tops in skirts :). Really all i could think about was scott, but he doesnt want me that way. i dont blame him. anyways, i had a blast. Then Lisa's dad piqd us up and we crashed at her place. I love you Missy and Lisa, had a wonderful time girls.
Sunday; Wake up at Lisa's around 1. Talk for awhile and then we eat yummy breakfast. i hang out there till arounf 4.3o then darlene picks me up and brings me home. My dad made me cry today, he was being a total jerk. He said he feels bad and i said he should and hung up on him. Yeah, that was about the worst part of the weekend.

wasn't to bad considering. besides the fact that i came home and a few of my friends were sad because they found out some things, but of course im going to listen. thats all for now. love you guys.


title or description

4 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

comment dammit. [12 Mar 2004|12:26am]
[ mood | anxious ]

stole the idea that stephanie stole from me..

if i were to die in the next 2 minutes, what would you say to me?

yeah. COMMENT!

17 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

[11 Mar 2004|06:15pm]






You are a Slutcom 2, also known as the a lil' sleazy level of slutcom. You hook up with people on a semi-regular basis. You may hook up with random people sometimes, especially in a drunken stupor. How far you go will vary widely, but the options are more open and based on the heat of the moment. You hook up more than average, but that's OK.



Take the slutcom litmus test!

The slutcom litmus test originated in A Word of Advice.


to break down and make it ugly.

fill it out, joqd from christina [10 Mar 2004|08:06pm]
Dear ManduHHh,
You are really [blank]. You should [blank]. We need to go [blank]. After that we can [blank]. Remember that time we [blank]? That was real [blank]. Maybe tomorrow we can [blank]. You are my [blank]. i [blank] you!
Love, [blank]
P.S. [blank].
10 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

i love you; [08 Mar 2004|09:08pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i love you; i hate you;
4 know that it's just for meto break down and make it ugly.

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]