um, yea, i set my comp date back, so this screwed up when i posted them.. [14 May 2002|03:19pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | papa roach -- last resort ]

Friday, April 13th, 2001
6:03 pm all about me me me
After I found out about my gpops..I started breathing really hard until I couldn't breathe anymore..I called Joe's house and he wasn't home. I need him so much right now.. I need someone here with me. Mum is leaving to take the kids to the hospital.. I gotta cook dinner again tonight. I can't go there now. I cannot go to the hospital because I KNOW he's gonna die sometime and it's killing me inside. Damnit, this is just one of many reasons why I'm atheist, if there was a such thing as a god, why the fuck would he take so many people? Hmm? Not just from me either, from Allyssa..she's -pallpal's baby- and she's only 4 years old! She won't get to spend another christmas with him. This will be her last birthday with him and it's not fair to her, or me, or anyone else. I can't deal with another death. No way in hell I can. Not when it's someone I've been around my entire life. I can't deal with it, I won't deal with it. I just can't. It's exactly why I never show my emotions to someone. They all die. It's like some kind of punishment for me, and what the hell did I do wrong to deserve everyone dying?! If I did something so bad, why not just kill me and punish me that way instead of killin everyone I care about?

Current Mood: suicidal
Current Music: papa roach -- last resort

1:58 am um i forgot something. thankyoubrittany.
Yea..at the hospital [ after we dropped of shauna, when brit was with us..today ], I took those rubber gloves, filled two up with water and stuffed them down my bra. I had like DDDDD's! lmao. It was funny because they swished and jiggled and shit. I was going to walk up to a strange guy and ask if he thought I needed reductions..but I didn't.. Anyways, I'm like sorer than a motherfucker right now and I don't know why. Like my legs, back and ass hurt like a bitch. I sit down and I'm like "owww!" yanno? I feel like I got spikes in it. Rofl. Erm, yea, I forgot completely about the water jugs until brit called me the water girl or something like that and reminded me. ;p

Current Mood: sore
Current Music: type o-negative -- black number one