60 3oz white wine
30 handful of rice crackers
I feel really lucky that I've been able to keep all the weight that I lost off and even went down a couple more inches. But I feel like I really need to buckle down and lose more. I never reached my goal of a size 6. Sooo... the new gameplan:
-A little something for breakfast, a little something for lunch (both meals combined can't exceed 500 calories)
My friend reached her goal weight of 112. Not sure how she did it cause we haven't talked in a while. But I know I want the same success.
Still at 37 1/2 inches. Which I guess is a relief because it feels like I should've gained a lot of weight these past few weeks/months. Especially with all the drinking I've been doing.
I've been trying to at least make sure I do get breakfast, drink a lot of water, and exercise in the morning just about every day. But I really need to cut down on junk food and eating so damn much. It's just that living here, with him, it's made me lazy. It's made me not care. In the beginning I would eat as little as possible, skip meals, etc. But he'll always ask if I've eaten, if I'm hungry, he'll make food, or we'll go get food. There's always some pitfall.
So now I just have to keep up with what I've been doing so far, and step it up more: No more fast food, no more sweets. Exercise. And trying not to eat so god damn much. Especially on the weekends. When I get to work and I just eat because there's food all around me and there's nothing better to do cause I'm bored.
I still have no idea how much I weigh. All I know is my waist size. All I know is I'm too big.
37 1/2 inches
I've been doing really good as far as not buying my lunch at work. Also, I've been trying to drink only water.
My new plan:
Drink nothing but water (Except on the weekends, I can have some rum & coke)
Eat nothing until later in the afternoon. Making sure it's not a really full meal, otherwise I'll have to purge.
Still no eating after 7.
So basically if I can keep myself occupied, drink lots of water, and not get distracted by food, I'll only have to eat one meal in the middle of the day. Maybe once in a while I'll allow myself a little breakfast. I don't know. But we'll see how this goes. I know I'll probably slip up a little. But as long as I make up for it in exercising or purging, it's ok.
Another thing: I need to really push myself to get exercising regularly. Starting today! So I need to go do it now...
Some more motivation
My waist is 38 1/2". Sooo... I need to work on that.
A little breakfast
I've been starting to do this again. Sometimes I'll slip up and have a bit too much, but I usually purge. Except for yesterday. Fucking Taco Bell. Ugh, god.
I had my breakfast today. So I just need to figure out what I should eat for lunch and bring it to work with me. Leave my money at home so I don't get tempted.
Yep, that's what I'll do.
Ok, so it's been another long while since I've updated here. I've only made it as far as a size 10 so far. I have been putting half-assed effort into trying to lose lately. At least I think so. Need to drink a ton more water, and leave my debit card at home so I don't eat when I go to work. So I will totally do that.
I've been purging, but that's about it, and that's not gonna cut it. So... for tomorrow, I will have a bottle of water, and I'll bring some crackers to work. Which is fine and dandy, but when I get home it's a little tougher. I can't cave in though. I just know I will, but hopefully I can fight it, and at most I'll try to just eat a few more crackers. And TONS of water.
I wanna shoot for a size 6. My sister was bragging a while back about being an 8 now. It's like we have this silent competition with our weight. She knows that I've lost a lot and now that my weight loss has come to a stand still she kind of throws it in my face what size she is or how she lost a couple pounds... what she's eating. So on. So I need to really crack down. I wanna be a size 6. By... my birthday. If I start now and stick with it, I can totally do it.
I'll start off at 500 calories a day and see if I can stick with that. If I do well with that then I'll lower it.
I don't know if I'll actually keep up with this plan or the updating, but I guess we'll see.
A bunch of thinspo to get me motivated.
Me: "I'm pudgy."
Him: "I'm pudgy."
Me: "I'm pudgier than you!"
Him: "Does it bother you?"
Him: "Why don't you do something about it???...."
Directly after that last line he said "blah blah blah...I think you're beautiful the way you are." But it doesn't matter because all I heard was that last line. Not really what I wanted to hear, but then I'm foolish for starting the conversation in the first place.
I don't know... I guess I asked for it. And that's fine, because it gives me something to think about. More motivation. Not nearly as bad as last time though.
Ok, I haven't exactly been doing as good as I should be. But we're starting to run out of food in the house, and I don't really have money to buy lunch. So hopefully I can use all that to my advantage. I'm gonna leave my debit card at home so I don't get any ideas during lunch today. I have to save anyway. I'll bring a bottle of water with me, and that's it.
I don't get a day off for a week. At least I'll be out of the house. I didn't go anywhere or do much of anything the past two days. Just stayed in.
I guess that's about it for now.
Someone needs to slap me. Yesterday after my yogurt I wasn't supposed to have anything else for the day. But then my boyfriend was hungry so I said I'd make hamburgers. I ate fuckin hamburgers. Way to go. So of course I felt like a total failure because here I said I was going to be good for the rest of the evening and then I went and ate.
So I purged again. I know I didn't get it all up (I was using the sink this time, "brushing my teeth"... so it was a little trickier). I really hate to purge more than once a day. I don't even want to have to purge every day. It's only something I do when I know I've totally messed up.
I'm hoping today I can do a lot better. So I'll have a little something for breakfast, keep drinking tons of water, and then hopefully I can stay occupied with work and going out tonight so that I won't eat.
Here's my thinspo for the day to keep me on track.
Ok, like I said yesterday, I'm gonna try and keep up with this as much as I can. So I'm gonna try to post each day, or every other day,
Today I didn't have to work so I was at home all day. I drank water all day and I did great until about 3 when I ate two hot dogs and a bunch of pringles. I decided to purge since I had to take a shower anyway.
After that I felt a little too empty. And since I'm just getting back into this I know I had to have *something* in my stomach so I ate some yogurt and drank more water. And now I should be good for the rest of the evening.