the treehouse

the last of lazareth

2006-10-07T06:13:36Z

It's time that lazareth_ be put aside. A rebirth can only last so long, and I've lingered quite enough. Perhaps it's silly to you, but names have heavy meaning to me, even something as small as an lj username. I'm relocating. If you are still interested, feel free to follow me and add me again. If you don't, that's all right, too. This is a chance for a reverse friends cut, if you like. I'd like to see you again, but there's no obliation.

You may find me here:

rosivan

Either I've become more poetic than I've recently been willing to be, or I've finally gone emo. I fear it's the latter of the two, however, as you can see by my new haircut. The hairdresser guy had some fun. I showed him a picture, we had a misunderstanding, he fixed it with layers... Yeah.

This was what he did. I love it. I can't really duplicate it. ;_;

And since I can't duplicate it, this is what it looks like when I do it. Oh well.

So good bye, lazareth.

lazareth_ @ 2006-09-23T13:38:00

2006-09-23T18:57:57Z

The bus started moving and she swung into a seat near the back.
He sat down beside her and she laughed in responce to something he said.
She leaned her head on his shoulder and asked, "Is this all right?"
"No."
Stung, she pulled away. He moved in the same moment, pulling his arm from between them and putting it around her shoulder.
"This is better," he said.
She leaned her head on his chest, and he leaned his head on the top of hers.

---

"You walk too slow," he complained with a smile. "I don't see how you get anywhere."

She laughed and continued at her current pace.

"I know you can go faster than this." He was walking backwards in front of her, still at a quicker speed. "C'mon."

She smiled mysteriously and shook her head. "I have my reasons. Leave me be."

"And what are these reasons, pray tell?"

She stopped, causing him to stop. He zipped his coat up further and waited, as she looked around her.

"The quiet shifting whisper of grass
and leaves
and birds in their trees
are a soft sigh in 'hello'.
The water pools
in jellybean-circles
and shimmering ripples
easing along cracks
that cause broken backs
and further dividing in shadows.
The weather's caress is crisp
but patient, sheltering me from impending snow,
and I walk
and walk
and walk and walk
with careless ease and comforted knowing
that to go quickly through here
would make it transparent
and blurr it together."

There was a pause.

She continued to walk, and still at her slow pace. He fell in beside her, reaching to take her hand, and not moving any faster than she.

"You've abandoned prose?" He asked, amused.

She favoured him with an amused glance. "Autumn deserves better than sentence structure."

lazareth_ @ 2006-09-20T23:20:00

2006-09-21T05:06:44Z

"Please..." He said, trying to keep the pleading out of his voice and failing, "What do you think?"

"I think that you make other things beautiful because you cannot make yourself beautiful."

"...Well, at least you're honest."

"I'm honest to you because I can't be honest to myself."

"I think you just defied your reasoning."

"Let's save time and just say it's a paradox."

"All right."

Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

2006-09-20T03:22:03Z

Arr, since tha' bae ahl aye wahnted to sae on th' mattarr, aye don't knoh whaat else to sae. Parhaps tis best, because aye insist on typin' ouht how aye would spaek lahk ah pyrate. Yeearrr. An' it's quayet difficault to do. Ehspechally since ahlmost nothin' is spelled rayet.

^__\ Arrrr.

lazareth_ @ 2006-09-10T18:56:00

2006-09-11T00:00:05Z

My Personality


Neuroticism	84
Extraversion	22
Openness To Experience	95
Agreeableness	36
Conscientiousness	37

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report

MySpace Codes, MySpace Layouts and hi5 by Pulseware Survey Software

Personality Report

Neuroticism	84
Extraversion	22
Openness To Experience	95
Agreeableness	36
Conscientiousness	37

You are introverted, reserved, and quiet with a preference for solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends. You can be very easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be extremely sensitive and emotional. Novelty, variety, and change spice up your life and make you a curious, imaginative, and creative person. You have some concern with others' needs, and are generally pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative. You are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

Neuroticism

explanation | back to top

Overall Score	84
Anxiety	75
Anger	40
Depression	87
Self-Consciousness	83
Immoderation	66
Vulnerability	91

You can be very easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be extremely sensitive and emotional. You feel tense, jittery, and nervous and often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. You may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. You don't usually get angry too easily but some things can annoy you. You tend to lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. You are sensitive about what others think of you. Your concern about rejection and ridicule cause you to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. You are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Your fears that others will criticize or make fun of you are exaggerated and unrealistic, but your awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. You often resist any cravings or urges that you have, but sometimes you give in. You experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress.

Extraversion

explanation | back to top

Overall Score	22
Friendliness	26
Gregariousness	2
Assertiveness	49
Activity Level	84
Excitement-Seeking	23
Cheerfulness	17

You are introverted, reserved, and quiet with a preference for solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends. People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You are an active group participant but usually prefer to let someone else be the group leader. You lead a fast-paced and busy life. You move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously and are involved in many activities. You get overwhelmed by too much noise and commotion and do not like thrill-seeking activities. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits.

Openness To Experience

explanation | back to top

Overall Score	95
Imagination	85
Artistic Interests	87
Emotionality	73
Adventurousness	61
Intellect	92
Liberalism	89

Novelty, variety, and change spice up your life and make you a curious, imaginative, and creative person. Often you find the real world is too plain and ordinary for your liking, and you use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world for yourself. You love beauty, both in art and in nature. Sometimes you become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. You have good access to and awareness of your own feelings. Familiar routines are good, but sometimes you like to spice up your life with a bit of adventure or activity. As a person who is open-minded to new and unusual ideas, you love to play with and think about ideas. You also like to debate intellectual issues and often enjoy riddles, puzzles and brain teasers. Often you exhibit a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. Sometimes you feel a certain degree of hostility toward rules and perhaps even enjoy ambiguity.

Agreeableness

explanation | back to top

Overall Score	36
Trust	73
Morality	25
Altruism	41
Cooperation	35
Modesty	38
Sympathy	29

You have some concern with others' needs, and are generally pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative. You naturally assume that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. You believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You will help others if they are in need. If people ask for too much of your time you feel that they are imposing on you. You do not enjoy confrontation, but you will stand up for yourself or push your point if you feel it is important. You are willing to take credit for good things that you do but you don't often talk yourself up much. You are not affected strongly by human suffering, priding yourself on making objective judgments based on reason. You are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy.

Conscientiousness

explanation | back to top

Overall Score	37
Self-Efficacy	59
Orderliness	40
Dutifulness	54
Achievement-Striving	42
Self-Discipline	21
Cautiousness	34

You are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled. You are moderately confident that you can achieve the goals you set yourself. You are a reasonably organized person and like to have a certain amount of routine in your life. You sense of duty and obligation is average and although you are mostly responsible you can sometimes be unreliable. Mostly you work towards achieving your best, although in some areas you are content just to get the job done. You find yourself procrastinating and show poor follow-through on tasks. Often you fail to complete tasks - even tasks that you want very much to complete. You are not an overly cautious person. You will think about alternatives and consequences but make up your mind fairly quickly.

lazareth_ @ 2006-09-09T10:16:00

2006-09-09T16:18:57Z

Wow, I definetely tried to get into someone else's car this morning whilst on the way home. It was this green chev and it was way too early for me to be out and about...

Me: *yawn* Why the hell isn't the key opening the door. ...Maybe it's upside down.
Guy: Ahem.
Me: Morning.
Guy: ...I need to get in there.
Me: ...ah. Sorry about that. *shuffles away*
Guy: *gets in car and drives away*
Me: *knew that she parked farther away than that*

*runs into the LJ* Just thought you ought to know. *faints*

lazareth_ @ 2006-08-30T23:07:00

2006-08-31T04:09:14Z

what am I to say to you?
I don't even know what to say to myself.
We can't do anything.
But I want you to be part of everything.
But it's the over-exposure that is the key;
you would grow terribly tired of me.

these words that push against my teeth
the pressure felt in nightmarish dreams
echo in my throat, saturate my sighs
fog and mist that is intention
a breath of not-quite-regret
that I cannot, for all my words, articulate
exactly what it is I mean to say.

lazareth_ @ 2006-08-30T23:02:00

2006-08-31T04:04:26Z

It's funny
how one can be content in isolation
annoyed and angered by forced association
and then suddenly
and with much silence
miss the consistency
of familiar voices
words
and smiling laughter.

lazareth_ @ 2006-08-28T22:26:00

2006-08-29T04:29:37Z

"So, what the fuck is the point," She demanded of him. Her hands that she had placed on her hips were soon in the air, guesturing to accent her irritation. "Why even bother?"

He sighed, resting his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees as he sat down. "How the hell should I know. I thought you had all the answers. Why don't you have all the answers?"

"Why should I?" She said, her voice going up another level. "I was under the impression that you didn't need my answers! I thought that you didn't want to burden me, or bother me with these 'pointless trivial matters' that are of no consenquence! So what does it matter if I have the answers or not?"

"Because," he burst out, as if he had been holding the words upon his breath, "Sometimes I need to hear the answers that I don't want to admit to! Sometimes I need to know that someone believes that everything will be all right! Is that too much to ask?"

"No," She said, arms dropping and her voice going deadly soft. "But you don't seem to want to ask for it."

"Do I have to?" He replied, softer than she.

"Stop that," she muttered, turning away from him. "If you need my help, you have my help. If you need my advice, you have my advice. Fuck, if you need my love, you've always had my love, but be completely honest with yourself or don't be honest at all!" She walked a bit further away from him, idly chewing her nail. "Emotion compells us," she mused, gaze distant. "We cry and love, and have joy and sorrow... But because of their intensity and their strength, we often forget that there are other people who will go through it with us. We often think that we push people away and that we make them worse for knowing us, but we don't have such a power."

"You can't just expect to pass off blame like that," he said, watching her start to pace. He leaned back, drawing into his coat as if he were trying to tuck away inside its folds. "We are responsible for our actions and the results of those actions."

"Not if the results are based on the reaction of another person," she replied. "I could make your life a living hell; destroy your dreams, abandon our friendship, ruin your family and separate you from your friends. But you could either respond in kind, become bitter and angry and hating, or you could continue on and make due with what you are left with."

He scoffed. "Such a submissive action would only leave grounds for further such antagination. What would be the point in that? Why would you not fight back? Or unite with those that were hurt? Why would you give in when the circumstances were beyond your control?"

"Why indeed," she said softly, turning to look at him. "Why would you crumble when it became too much? Because it is too much? Because you cannot bear it, or because you cannot stand being alone in such an isolated place?

"Or perhaps, why would you hate what you have created, when you did not create it at all? Why would you feel guilty that the things you have done have lead someone else - someone with their own knowledge of their actions and their own influences and their own history of relationships with other people - to become something that you are sickened or hurt to have 'made'?"

"Because," he said, "I was the sourse of the influence on a person, and that would equal it to being my fault."

"Fault and emotion have no real reason to be connected," she murmured. "Fault cannot be righted, just as guilt cannot be righted, just as cruelty cannot be righted."

"You speak against laws and justice," he observed, slightly annoyed.

"Laws and justice are manmade to judge and punish or pardon," she said, "but do we have the right to judge?"

"I don't want to get into theology with you."

"I don't want to get into law with you."

"Then where does that leave us, theology and law aside?"

"If you can't change what has happened, and you know that something needs to change, what can you do?"

"Change the present?"

"Yes. But what if you can't change the future. What if you have no control of what needs to be changed?"

"Make the most of it, I suppose."

"Then you become worn down and miserable. Then what?"

"Change how you look at it."

"It looks the same from every angle - all angles are ruined. Then what?"

"Then just abandon it."

"There's no where else to go. Then what?"

Tired and feeling cornered by her sudden change of though, he stood and went to her, spinning her around. "What are you doing?" He was going to say more, but the wet sheen over her eyes stopped him.

"See how pointless the questions and the answers are?" She said, "We overthink and overblame and overguilt everything - with all those words and feelings running in our system, how can we expect to just live?"

"It's hard..."

"If anything worth doing was easy," she said, "it wouldn't be worth doing."

"Spare me your quotable wisdom," he muttered, letting go of her.

"You once liked my quotable wisdom," she said.

"I was a different person once," he replied bitingly. "Meet the bastard who took his place."

"I don't see the difference," she said.

He flinched. "Oh. So I was always a bastard. Good to know."

"That's not what I mean and you know it. You're as good as you ever where, and you are a very good person."

"Good. That's a discriptor as effective as 'nice'. I've always wanted to be 'good' and 'nice'."

"I don't care for your tone."

"I never asked you to care for me at all."

She stared at him, eyes brimming over. "You're just doing this to prove to yourself that you are a horrible person and that all you do is cause negitive change in people."

"I'm glad I'm so transparent and that you're finally getting this."

"Just stop it."

"Do you think I WANT to be this way? Fuck - this isn't how I imagined I'd be!"

"Then be something else!"

"Haven't you always said to just be who I am and not what I want to be?"

"This isn't who you are!"

"Oh, so now you're dictating who I am? That's lovely."

"Oh, stop it." She snapped. "Do you honestly think that any person is entirely sunshines and rainbows?"

"I like to think that the Lucky Charms Leprechan is, but that's just me."

She ignored him. "Everyone has their good and their bad, and we all have our tendency to focus on our bad - especially when we think we are lower or worse than we are."

"So now I have low self-esteem and poor self-image?"

"Yes."

The answer stopped him for a moment. "Well, add that to my list of short-comings."

"Do you think I'm any different than you?"

"Individuality is always something that you valued, my dear."

She ignored him again. "And even if I were different, do you think that I'd abandon you? That I'm going to leave you alone in this?"

"What if I don't want you here?"

A pause.

"Then you wouldn't let me know that you're hurting, and you wouldn't waste your time on me."

"You brought this up. I didn't say anything."

"Are you trying to make me insecure?"

"Is it working? Am I proving that I'm an ass and that I hate it?"

"Humans have a strange preoccupation with being though a worse person than they are."

He turned away from her, sighing. "Another one of your fortune cookie quotes."

"I'm tired of this," she said wearily.

"Then leave. I didn't ask for your theories and preachy lessons."

"Maybe I need you." She said.

"I'm not in a giving place right now."

"I'm not wanting to be alone."

"Don't turn this into fluff."

"I like fluff."

"It's pathetic."

"At least I admit it."

"You're a better person than me."

"I hate myself and I hate the trap that is my life, but I'm doing something about it."

"I can't." He sat down and crawled back into the fabric of his coat. "I'm trapped."

"When a door is closed, another is opened."

"When a door is closed, a window is opened - to jump out of."

"At least you'd be out of there."

"..."

"..."

"...You don't have all the answers, you know," frustrated, he stood.

"You never asked me a question."

"I'll ask you this again, since I can sence our reasonings are about to go in a circle - why are you here?"

"Because I want to help."

"You can't."

"I'll try."

"I don't want you here."

"Nothing's stopping you from leaving."

"I shouldn't have to."

"If you don't want me to be here, then that desire should overrule."

They faced each other and then looked at the door.

Random

2006-08-14T06:58:55Z

The world stood still and I watched it pass by.
Veins of time and strain caused fractured lies.
Impassive. Expressive. Delayed and reclined.
As stones dropping from river grapevines,
Empty death and aching breath, endless cups of sweat.
I left cryptic messages for you in my eyes,
A hidden meaning in a lonely sigh,
And nothing but love behind bitten-off smiles.
Distortion and compulsion. Consumption.
Discovery of obsession, sped up through fulminated twine.

lazareth_ @ 2006-08-02T00:28:00

2006-08-02T05:35:27Z

I have not babysat for a kid younger than...nine...in a long long long time. Sweet J. And I've never taken care of a two year old before... Or his mother.

Rachel threw out a thigh muscle or something and I couldn't just leave her with the terrorizors. Hell, she couldn't even walk. I'm tired. Tomorrow is Wednesday. I was supposed to go to the Ex, but I don't think I'm up to the excitement and whatnot.

I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Good night, all.

Minus ten points for fandom abuse.

2006-08-01T02:31:57Z

Doctor: What is the nature of your medical emergency?
Me: Melodramatics
Doctor: I'm sorry, but I'm a doctor, not a drama major.
Me: Oh. Okay.
Doctor: Now if you'll excuse me, I have an opretta to perform.
Me: ... Okay.

I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
"His Eye is on the Sparrow" -from Sister Act 2

lazareth_ @ 2006-07-21T20:15:00

2006-07-22T01:15:20Z

I'M OFF UNTIL THE 31ST!!!

lazareth_ @ 2006-07-09T02:25:00

2006-07-09T08:25:53Z

http://community.livejournal.com/grrliz_icons/51070.html#cutid1

Just because I liked them.

lazareth_ @ 2006-07-01T00:22:00

2006-07-01T05:30:03Z

Oh, Ken... :

I had to save it to show you. Oh my.

In other news...four day weekend for moi. HAPPY CANADA DAY!!! ...in like..little over a half hour. ...Eh well...

HAPPY CANADA DAY! WHEEE!

I don't know if I'm going to go and see the fireworks and whatnot...but seeing as I never have, I think I should. Stuart's gone camping, though...Nathan's out at Regina Beach...the lasses are out at Megan's cabin, I believe...Chey's just not here... Geezus, you people. Maybe Madeline's around...I should phone her.

Ah well. Tales of Symphonia time... Genis, oh Genis.

PS - Fabien arrives on Sunday! 'o' *gasp* I'm excited. I hope he's weird, because otherwise we aren't going to get along at all...

lazareth_ @ 2006-06-29T02:31:00

2006-06-29T07:41:06Z

My contacts aren't in, so bear with me. I just have to say stuff about tonight before the words leave me. Shawn is adorable. Dominic is crazy cute. I got Colan to dance. Colan. To dance. Colan. ... He's also really coolcool too.(I lack better expressions right now, mostly because I don't eel like putting in the effort to extremely try and hit the right keys.. ) I hate walkie talkies. But I do like the headsets. Dallas got ditched, which is rwar worthy, but it seemed like he ad fun anyway, so yay!

I also got to have a long talk with Devon, which was awesome. I really really miss that boy. I wish I lived close enough o just pop in every now and again. Le sigh. So tonight I hung out mainly with Devon, Colan, Jared and Nathan. Odd combination.

"We take care of each other." Yes, my dear Devon, yes we do.

I remember when we were out at Sherwood Forest adn we were climbing down that golf hill in the darkdark of night. I was lagging behind because I couldn't see anything, and I'm terrified of falling. Then Devon went back for me, "I thought we were missing someone." "I'm afraid I'll fall," I said quietly. Then he took my hand and guided me down the hill.

Oh, nostolgia.

Because I'm picky this way...

2006-06-28T18:01:08Z

Ah, because I do not doublecheck answer selections, I must now award "Quiz Your Friends" points. *sigh*

3) Do I RP?

Given Correct Answer: d) No, but I hear it's fun.
Actual Correct Answer: b) Yes, but only in obsessive bursts

Sooo...

Stef - 60
Ken - 90

And since he guessed 130 as opposed to 1130 for the lunch hour question (correct answer=200), he has the first ranking 90...sorry Megan...

That is all.

lazareth_ @ 2006-06-26T18:55:00

2006-06-26T23:56:01Z

"Those who live by the sword will get shot by those who don't."

Oh Stuart. How perfectly this explains my aggravation with impure hack n slash games. ;p

[1] NAME: Alex
[2] BIRTHDAY: 10 November
[3] HEIGHT: 5'5"
[4] SHOE SIZE: 8
[5] EYE COLOR: Brown
[6] HAIR COLOR: Black w/ red
[7] ALCOHOL: no
[8] BEEN ON STAGE: hells yeah
[9] HAD SEX: no
[10] BEEN DUMPED: no
[11] GOTTEN INTO AN ACCIDENT: not of the car sort
[12] EATEN AN ENTIRE BOX OF SWEETS: yes
[13] DYED YOUR HAIR: hilighted it
[14] CHOKED INFRONT OF SOMEONE: yes
[15] WENT TO SCHOOL IN YOUR PJ'S: no
[16] GOTTEN DETENTION: yes
[17] LIKED SOMEONE SO MUCH THAT IT MADE YOU CRY: no
[18] DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW: yes
[19] DO THEY KNOW? maybe...?
[20] WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN THE OPPOSITE SEX: sence of humour, understanding of some sort of art, weirdness
[22] COLD / HOT: hot
[23] BLACK / WHITE: white
[24] RAIN / SNOW: rain
[25] GIVE / RECEIVE: give
[26] WOOL / COTTON: wool
[27] ROSE / DAISY: daisy
[28] PRIVATE / PUBLIC SCHOOL: public
[29] PLAIN / CHOCOLATE MILK: plain
[30] HISTORY / SCIENCE: history!
[31] MATH / ENGLISH: English!
[32] SPRING / FALL: fall
[33] ROCK / COUNTRY: country
[34] PEPSI / COKE: coke
[35] LOVE / LUST: love
[36] EAT / SLEEP: sleep

--------------------------------FRIENDS-------------------------------------

(37) WHO DO YOU SEE THE MOST? Nathan
[38] WHO DO YOU WISH TO SEE MORE OFTEN: Devon
[39] WHO DO YOU E-MAIL THE MOST: Ken
[40] WHO'S THE LOUDEST: Megan
[41] WHO'S THE SHYEST: Stuart
[42] WHO ARE YOU JEALOUS OF: ?
[43] WHO HAS THE BEST ROOM: Stef
[44] WHO'S THE HORNYEST: Tony :P
[45] WHO DO YOU TRUST THE MOST: Megan
[46] WHO KNOWS YOU THE BEST: Nathan
[47] WHO'S YOUR BEST FRIEND(s): Nathan
[48] WHO DO YOU HAVE SERIOUS TALKS WITH: Nathan & Megan.
[49] WHO GETS ALONG W/ YOUR PARENTS: Well, the real question, who has talked to my parents for that long?
[50] WHO HUGGED YOU THE MOST: In a short amount of time, Ken. Regularly, Megan.
[51] WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST: Missing is quite equal all around
[52] FOUGHT W/ YOU THE MOST: Megan was the closest to a real fight, actually.
[53] WHO ARGUES W/ YOU THE MOST: TIE between MEGAN/TONY/NATHAN/STUART
[54] FAVORITE FRIENDS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: I have...what...four friends of the same sex, and all the rest are lads...
[55] IS MOST LIKELY TO BECOME A MODEL: Um... Maine. >.> <.<
[56] HAVE KNOWN YOU THE LONGEST: Ann
[57] DO YOU KNOW MOST ABOUT? Urgh, I dunno.

----------------------DO YOU LIKE TO:---------------------------------------

[58] GIVE HUGS: yes
[59] GIVE BACK RUBS: yes, but I don't know if I'm very good at it...I don't do it very often.
[60] TAKE WALKS IN THE RAIN: only if there is warm blankets and dry clothes for after.
[61] WATCH TV? not especially
[62] GO TO THE BEACH: yes!
[63] DO HOMEWORK: no
[64] PLAY IN THE SNOW: no
[65] WORK OUT: no
[66] TALK ON THE PHONE: only if I don't have to carry the conversation
[67] STAY UP ALL NIGHT TALKIN TO A FRIEND: yes
[68] GO ONLINE: yes
[69] BE KISSED: wouldn't know
[70] DO WEIRD / FREAKY THINGS?: it's not that I like/don't like it...I just do...
[71] BE WILD: not really

--------------------HAVE YOU EVER:----------------------------------

[72] BEEN TO A CONCERT: not the kind you're asking about
[73] BEEN OUT OF THE PROVINCE?: yes
[74] GONE SKINNY DIPPING? once
[75] RAN ROUND NAKED: yes
[76] BROKEN A BONE: no
[77] CHEATED ON A TEST: no
[78] RAN A MARATHON: no
[79] MET A FAMOUS PERSON: no
[80] BOUGHT SOMETHING AND SOLD IT: no
[81] STOLE FROM SOMEWHERE: yes
[82] STALKED SOMEONE: not seriously. and I think that Fate is making me stalk Dominic, because I see him around waaay too often for it to be chance.

---------------------------YOUR LOVE LIFE:----------------------------------

[83] SINGLE OR TAKEN: single
[84] IF YOU WERE TO GO OUT WITH ANYONE, WHO: Someone I like. (HO - got you there!)
[85] HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN ONLINE RELATIONSHIP: not of that sort
[87] LAST PERSON YOU KISSED: Megan, but not that way.

---------------------------EXTRA EXTRA:---------------------------------------

[88] BAD HABITS: over analyzing, obsessing, being extreme, being picky
[89] MAKES YOU MAD: people speaking for me without asking, people summing up what I'm saying, plagirism, stupid drivers
[90] SCARIEST MOMENTS: Driving in NY like I would here...not a bright idea..., every time that Tony drops me
[91] WHERE ARE YOU: downstairs
[92] ARE YOU WEARIN ANY JEWLERIES: just earrings and a necklace
[93] LAST TIME YOU SHOWERED? this morning
[94] WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR PANTS: blue
[95] WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENIN TO RIGHT NOW: "We Aren't Gonna Pay Rent" -Rent
[96] LAST THING YOU SAID: "Thank you"
[97] COMPUTER DESK IS MADE OF: Don't have one
[98] LAST THING YOU ATE: hot dogs over Justin's fire
[99] WHAT YOU REALLY WANNA DO RIGHT NOW: sleep through the next three days. God. It's only Monday..
[100] WHAT COLOR OF CRAYON WOULD YOU WANA BE: That shade of green that no one else likes, but i do.

lazareth_ @ 2006-06-25T21:33:00

2006-06-26T02:33:58Z

God, do I love musicals.

I'm watching Hair at the moment.

^____^ It's so random, good god. Dad saw it on Broadway with the original cast. Just...wow.

lazareth_ @ 2006-06-25T05:37:00

2006-06-25T10:55:27Z

1. What is your full name? Alexandria CM G.
2. Do you wish on stars? Why, yes I do.
3. What's your favorite color(s)? Green. ...and orange.
4. Do you like your handwriting? Yessum, yes I do.
5. Who are you jealous of? No one in particular.
6. What do you look for out of life? Love, honesty and peace
7. Who is your favorite family member? Ack, what a question. VOID.
8. Why are you filling out this survey? Because it is almost five am and I have to be up in two hours.
9. What is your favorite season? Winter, which is odd.
10. If you were another person would you be friends with you? Depends on what other person I was.
11. Pepsi/Coke? Coke.
12. Do you find yourself attractive? Nope.
13. Have you ever told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? Once.
14. What would the perfect guy be like? Like himself, but with me. :P
15. Do looks matter? No.
16. What is the sexiest thing a guy can wear? Black shirts. *guh*
17. Person you respect the most? Er...Shawn?
18. Have you ever met anyone famous? I don't think so.
19. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? It could happen.
20. Whats your favorite song? Toooo many.
21. What do you do to prevent anger? Prevent?
22. Are you passive or aggressive? Passive with bursts of aggression.
23. Who is your idol? Don't have one.
24. Do you trust others? I try to.
25. What was your favorite toy as a child? I really didn't care about possessions.
26. What class in school do you think is totally useless? CCMH
27. What class is the BEST? DRAMA and Psych
28. Do you like sappy love songs? Unfortunately, yes.
29. Have you ever been on radio or television? Yes
30. Have you ever intentionally hurt another person? I thinks so. I'm spiteful that way.
31. Do you like sarcasm? *eyebrow raise*
32. Do you believe in God? Yes.
33. Do you feel understood most of the time? A little bit.
34. Are you afraid of anything? Yes
35. What is your favorite movie(s)? The Adventures of Robin Hood + lots others
36. Have you thought seriously about committing suicide? Yeah well...
37. What is your nickname? Which one, and from who?
38. How much money would it take before you kissed a member of the SAME sex on the lips? Depends on why, but how much are you going to give me? Because it doesn't bother me, here...
39. What are you worried about right now? Am I going to lose a finger because of an airsander in three hours?
40. Do you ever wear overalls? Never have.
41. Do you think you are strong (emotionally)? In some ways, yes.
42. Been so drunk you blacked out? Fuck no.
43. Gone out in public in your pajamas? Only to the hospital.
44. Missed school b/c it was raining? No. Honestly...
45. Set any body part on fire for amusement? Nope.
46. Had an imaginary friend? Yeah.
47. Almost got raped by someone? Wow, what a question. But no.
48. Cried during a Flick? *sigh* Yeaaah.
49. Had a crush on a teacher? Nope.
50. Found a cartoon character attractive? Probably
51. Ever at anytime owned a New Kids on the Block tape? Nope.
52. Planned your week based on the TV Guide? God, no.
53. Been on stage? YAAAAAY! STAGE!
54. Gotten in a car accident? No.
55. Who's the loudest friend? Justin
56. Who knows all your secrets? All? No one. Most? Nathan.
57. Who was the last person you cried with? Rachel, actually. It was over something stupid.

in the last 24 hours

58. Cried: No
59. Cut your hair: No.
60. Worn a skirt: No
61. Been mean: Yes
62. Been sarcastic: Yep
63. Talked to someone you love: Yes
64. Missed someone: Yes
65. Fought with your parents/sister/brother: No, but I did freak out a bit.
66. Wished upon a star: No
67. Played Truth or Dare: No.
68. Watched a sunrise/sunset: No.
69. Went to the beach: No.

70. How old are you? 18
71. When's your birthday? 10 November
72. Do you sleep with any stuffed animals? Sometimes
73. Who is the last person you talked to On-Line? Stuart
74. What is your favorite TV show? Don't have one.
75. Do you have a cell/beeper? Cellophone
76. What is your favorite clothing store? I unno?
77. What is the last movie you saw? Charlie's Angels
78. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?: Once

79. Do you have a crush...if so how do you feel about them? ...That's an odd sort of add on...
80. Do you have a boyfriend? No
81. What do you think of the person who sent this to you: Wasn't sent, darlin'
82. (If of the opposite sex) Would you consider going out with him/her?: VOID
83. Do you consider him/her a good friend?: VOID
84. What would you consider to be the perfect gift? Depends on who it's from and what it's for.
85. Do you consider Valentine's Day to be a mean holiday? Mean? ...no, it's not.
86. If you had to choose one person in the world right now to spend the rest of your life with, who would it be? Just that one person? ...I don't know if I would wish that on anyone...
87. Have you ever been hurt by someone you liked? Yes
89. Are you a virgin? Rude much?

90. Do you like eggs? Yumyum
91. what grade are you going into this fall? Still technically a first year
92. do you get along with your parents? Most of the time.
93. fav. band? TOOO many
94. how long have you and your best friend known each other? I don't have one, really.
95. you must be really bored right now because you do realize this is question 95 right? Yeah. I can count.
96. do you sleep with socks on? Never
97. do eat the schools food? Yes, it's rather good.
98. ever sang in a public place? Lots of public places. I have no shame with people I don't know.
99 red balloons.... go by?
100. what are you going to do now that you're done with this shit? Finally go to bed. Up in an hour and a half... Oh god.

lazareth_ @ 2006-06-24T13:37:00

2006-06-24T18:44:34Z

Bear pit was cool - got to hang out with Dominic, with is uber unusual. ( I <3 Dominic so much. ^_^ ) Then we all went to Rachel's afterwards for more hangage and miscellaneous junk. Nathan ditched early because he works on Saturdays, but I got to see Shawn (yaaay) and Jared (yaaay), and it was tres frais. Par-tay, yo. Stuart and I ended up singing songs from musicals, but he seemed quite content to stick with Rent and Avenue Q. I chose Wicked, Cats, Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat and Rent. His Rent knowledge is superior to mine, though.

Today is a laze-about day, and tomorrow is farm-day in which we go to the farm to finish building/painting the lifeguard chair for Wednesday. I don't know we're gonna get it into the city with mum's little chev, but we shall try. We shall try.

Have a good day everyone - tis bright and sunshiney out.

lazareth_ @ 2006-06-22T23:32:00

2006-06-23T04:39:20Z

It is a test.
A what?
A test.
A what?
...A test, you fucktard.
Oh. I see. A test.
Yes, a test.
...Did I pass?
I don't know. I suppose.
What am I being marked on?
Loyalty, I guess. Maybe even interest.
Interest?
Yes. I'm insecure that way.
It is none of your business.
It's what?
None of your business.
...What?
None of your business. This doesn't even concern you.
Oh. None of my business... Well, it is because of me.
It's because you've made it a test.
A what?
A test. We went through this.
Yes, I know. I just like the game.
Maybe this shouldn't be a game. Or a test.
But it needs to be. You know how she is.
You're just biased in this sort of situation with her.
With good reason.
If you trust me, then you shouldn't have to worry about it.
I trust you. I just don't trust that I'm enough.
This is trust.
...what?
Trust.
What?
Trust.
Yes...trust.

EDIT:
I have a theory, that it's a demon. A dancing demon? Eh - something can't be right there...

And now that that is out of the way, here it is. To be simplistic, out with the old and in with the new. What can you say when there's nothing to say? Or when saying something will only make it worse? You say nothing, that's what you say. Nothing. Just... * *

I think that God has made me bring people together. It seems to be what I do. I meet people so that I can introduce them to other people and then I can leave them on their merry paths and whatnots. It's the pattern of my life.

I want to rest somewhere. With the people I love and adore and enjoy. But that's selfish because they have people that they love and adore and enjoy.

This is why I'm going to end up either alone and crazy or in a convent.

Old. Alone. Done for.

It's like my nerves are humming inside me, but I'm not moving with it and it hurts. Ever had that feeling where your body aches because of muscle tension? Yeah. That right there is me a lot of the time. Ivan once told me that it was because I didn't have enough physical conact as a child. It makes sence. Maybe that's why I'm so socially awkward. I'm trying, really. Casual things are just harder for me to deal with because I never had a lot of it. Or much of it, even. I don't know what's appropriate and what's a little too much... Impulses suck, and then I supress them and then I find out that I could have gone with them, and maybe it would have been even better to do so...

So here's my theory: when people get all they are interested in knowing from me, then we fade apart. Flutter away. "All bases covered? Okay, done with you." Simple as that.

Dancing demon? Eh. Something isn't right, there.

EDITEDIT:
Dear god, I'm becoming one of those people that you just don't want to hear bitch and emo and complain anymore... If I am, either help me stop or defriend me. Please. Don't put up with me because you think I'd do myself in if you didn't. I have no intentions of joining the wailing wall.

Edit x 3:
Nevermind. Just...nevermind. I'm batso. I think I've been slipped a bit of JekylNHyde lately...

Edit x 4:
I can't seem to leave this alone. I think I'm having an anxiety fit or something. Odd. Crazy odd.

Edit x 5:
If I bore you and I'm not what you though, then I'm sorry. But to be fair, I have found you a prettier replacement for me. So...yeah. Don't worry - haven't met anyone who couldn't resist her. Resistance is futile. You shall be mash potatoed. You shall serve. Us. The bored. (I mean boring, but 'bored' sounds more like 'borg.' {God, even distressed, I'm completely wierd. [No wonder I weird even the wierd ones out and have to pull back]}) Okay, enough of this. I'm going to go and try and sleep this random anxiety away. Good night.

EDIT x 6 - Okay, so I lied - here I am again. And have come to the conclusion that this is either anxiety, or the night insanity has made a comeback. Okay. Done. Goodnight.

lazareth_ @ 2006-06-19T18:50:00

2006-06-20T00:09:21Z

Well, I'm finally home. Apparently no one knew that I was off today, which is a lie, because I know that Bernice knew. And I have the same EDO as Loretta, because we're off after every pay day, so...it's a load of crock. I was called in for OT, but I was just leaving to go out to the farm and make a lifeguard's chair for the dance... At first Justin and I thought that Nathan had stood us up because I wouldn't write his final speech for him, but it turns out (like I found more likely) that he had been kept in his final for the leeway half hour. We went and got food and then headed out to the farm. Then we collected wood and made plans/measurements. We also discovered that I'm decent with a saw and Nathan's rubbish at it. Woot for me. A bit of quad-ing and then off to pick up my mother. There's Justin's drama final tonight, so I'm off in a little bit to go watch. It's open to the public, apparently, so...woot. I loooove theatre. Hwazah. As if we didn't know that, but yeah.

Cheers.

EDIT:
Ah, I just found out that I get July 22-30 off of work. Hurrah! ^___^

EDIT 2:
Almost lost the gas cap to mum's car tonight. Luckily enough a really nice hot guy was kind enough to tell me that I had.
The drama final was, as a whole, depressing. Justin was exceptionally good, though, and I thought that Carrie did well. GAH - I got to see that guy who played Plato in Rebel Without A Cause last year...goodness, he wears glasses. (-^_^-) He acted amazingly as well. Wootness. Sat with Justin's family and Nicole. Saw Melissa, too.

lazareth_ @ 2006-06-18T00:32:00

2006-06-18T06:51:22Z

A - Available: Yes
A - Age: 18
A - Annoyance: bullying/ridicule, double standards

B - Best Friend: Nathan
B - Bar: Balance
B - Birthday: 10 November

C - Crush: Two
C - Car: A green chev cavalier
C - Cat: Kermit

D - Dead Pets Name: Ginger (Dog)
D - Diet or reglular: Diet, if it's Coke. Regular if anything else
D - Dog: Sirius

E - Easiest person to talk to: Megan
E - Email: noirhowl@hotmail.com

F - Favorite color: Green
F - Food: Sandwiches
F - Foreign Slang: Shiza, bloody hell

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: worms
G - God: Yes.
G - Good Time: 1130

H - Hair Color: Black with red
H - Height: 5'5
H - Happy: Generally

I - Ice Cream: vanilla
I - Instrument: viola
I - Idol: -don't have one-

J - Jewelry: just the usuals
J - Job: it sucks ass
J - Joke: ...I don't seem to know any...

K - Kids: Not yet, thank you. Though, Henri is convinced that I'd make a good mother, as based on how I act with Zachary and with the youth group kids.
K - Karate: KYA!
K - Kung Fu: Pssht.

L - Longest Car Ride: In one go, nine hours to Calgary/Banff
L - Longest movie you watched: Gladiator seemed like the longest, but I think that the actual longest movie has to be either the Ten Commandments or Cleopatra.
L - Last person you talked to: Sean

M - Milk Flavor: just the regular
M - Mothers Name: Joyce
M - Movie Last Watched: Cleopatra

N - Number of Siblings: 1
N - Name: Hephistion

O - ONE WISH: To have it turn out right.
O - One Phobia: Broken Glass/fingers/hands
O - Otter Pop: Eh?

P - Parents, are they married or divorced: Married
P - Part of your appearence you like best: Eyes
P - Part of your Personality you like best: the accepting part

Q - Quote: "Shall I, too, be afraid?" -Julius Caesar, Cleopatra
Q - Question for the next person: Why do you do that thing you do?
Q - Quick or Slow?: Slow at first, then quick.

R - Reason to smile: Happy thoughts
R - Reality TV Show: Survivor
R - Right or Left: Right

S - Song Last Heard: "Baba Yetu" -Christopher Tin
S - Season: Fall
S - Sex: Later, maybe.

T - Time you woke: 700am
T - Time Now: 1247 am
T - Time for bed: When I finish some letters.

U - Unknown Fact about me: I like old movies and not new ones
U - Unicorns?: No, thank you.
U - you are: Sexy

V - Vegetable you hate: Lettuce
V - Vegetable you love: Bok Choi
V - View on Politics: Haven't been involved with it recently

W- Worst Habbit: being extreme/procrastinating
W- Where are you going to travel next?: depends on whoever is my company, no?

X - X-Rays: Medical Technique? Or Voyeuristic super power?
X - X-xtra special someone: *shrug*

Y - Year it is now: 2006
Y - Yellow: Bumblebees

Z - Zoo Animal: penguins
Z - Zodiac: Scorpio

lazareth_ @ 2006-06-16T00:24:00

2006-06-16T05:40:41Z

My brother got back from Dallas Valley today and he looks like a baked clam... Heehee. He always takes sunscreen, but he never wears it..and it's pretty bad, considering he's pale and needs SPF 75 or higher... Bwaha.

I'm so jazzed...coffee with the choir lads - nine of us (minus Shawn ;_;) stuffed into a booth at Brewsters. Woot. Lotsa fries. And cheese. Mmm. Cheese. No leg space. Lots of innuendo. I had fun, all in all. ^_^ It was such an energy boost - I've been looking forward to choir all week. God, I love Thursdays. I didn't see Shawn tonight, but I will on Saturday...apparently we sing Saturday morning. It's a baptism, but who the hell sings on Saturday morning?? Rwar!

Tomorrow: Improv Dessert Theatre
Saturday: Choir sing at 930am, St. Peter's Dinner from 2-late
Sunday: BBQ for improv, possibly? I unno.
Monday: ...something...
Tuesday: Chattychatty
Wednesday: Parking Lot Dance (WOOT)
Thursday: Sean's Graduation
Friday: Dominic/Jared/Julie/Colan 's Birthday Bash @ Dominic's.

At this point, before I forget.... GOOD LUCK KEN & ALEXIS & KEN ON BELT TESTING THIS WEEKEND!