lanrete_

and point it home.

Because I feel like it;


Pretty words.


I think I went on vacation and left a shell behind:


School's like this:


Love life's like this (hahah):


but in sum! This is one of the best advice I've ever heard too:

There are various reasons as to why I write, ocassionally it's an attempt to preserve a fleeting memory, sometimes it is to get rid of angry thoughts in my mind.

"Now that I've written it down & stored it somewhere, I can give myself permission to forget them." Something to that effect, at least that's how I reason things out.

Gratitude. I hope that is the reason why I write from now on; trivial things that add up to so much more.

This blog has been a myriad of memories, mostly bittersweet.
In my own way, I am letting go, university awaits.

So goodbye to the last two years then. <3

"Enough. We don't want any more skinny lattes, we want an old-fashioned cup of tea."

I've been reading all sorts of random lately, what's new right?
Warren Buffet & how to invest, Anne Frank's diary entries & this majorly unconventional book entitled:

The 7 Bad Habits of Highly Ineffective People.

which happens to be darn funny. Antithesis of the modern world I guess.

Tuition has been really fulfilling as of now. Boy sends me lolipops made of cookies (I wished I took pictures but I was so hungry). A giant cookie equivalent of those found in Subway outlets, insert a satay stick & decorate with m&ms. It was darn cute.

Which is why although I think I will go a little crazy trying to juggle 4-5 part time jobs, at least for Semester 1, I really don't want to give anything up. Insane streak of luck really, every single one of the past three interviews I went for offered me a job.

They mean more to me than just income & I've come to appreciate the beauty of their innocence. In a way, they remind me of what I've lost & I've found these qualities in them again. Kids. When they don't annoy you = <3

The dust is finally settling, with regards to university choices & such. I'm glad. Not a very patient person in particular & the uncertainty of the entire ordeal tires me out. Was glad to crash food fair at Expo with Nat and have her drive me around Singapore. Hanging out with Kaili while trying to explore the various nooks and crannies of NUS was fun. Coach's farewell party, class marathon, NP squad dinner and the like. Chilling out in Cel's room tonight with much teasing and odd music mix. The holiday has been fantastic for catching up with important people.
That said though, I can't wait for school to start.

I'm running out of things to say hmm.

Random musings ahead.

At my funeral I would like the following to happen:

1) Apple juice in champagne glasses for everyone.
2) New york cheese cake as food.
3) Screening of a monochrome film (I haven't decided which yet, any suggestions?)
4) Humour me by bringing a stalk of white tulip each as a present please.

Personal experience from attending a funeral lately;
I think I would rather others celebrate my life than mourn the loss of it.

So now you guys know what to do :D

Thank you VJSG; DOUBLE CHAMPIONS, BATCH OF 0809
& these are the things dreams are made of.

Perhaps it was the electrifying atmosphere at the stadium, or how I would literally feel chills down my spine with every superb pass and tackle, or maybe it's simply my heart beating in tandem with the fast paced movements of their feet; Juniors, we are so freaking proud of you guys.

That was beautiful football today, Jogabonito indeed. Defending and attacking as one, getting back up (Grace Ling damn funny) after multiple slides, cramps, having faith in each other. <3

Moments I cherish:

1) Lorena crying for quite a bit after you guys won. She was super touched and happy okay : D That girl is damn cute.

2) Never thought I would hear this but Jiemin said simply: "We missed you all."
Though I had to tiptoe to hug my mentor, did so most happily and conveniently interrupted her conversation with Sneha. Then afterwards in an attempt to hug Bethany, almost fell over. Damn tall ah these chopstick sisters.

She has opened up so much & I'm really so happy and proud for her. (My vocabulary fails me now.)

3) The classic prayer circle. It is a perfect symbol of peace and gratitude to me. To do it together as five generations was awfully special and I hope the wish I made comes true. Seeing Tano's tears linger on the pavement and Ren crying on the other side, I'm so grateful to be part of this entire journey.

4)Hugging mentee and having her say: "For you."
Can't quite say how much these two words mean to me.
One of the best presents I'll ever receive.

5) Waxing LaoDa aka Yi Xiu, in an attempt to get rid of the tape around her ankles. Although it's quite mean, watching her cringe in pain is super hilarious.

6) Watching Ren run on the other side in her red shirt, holding a communication device, like Mr Cheong did for our batch. Your presence really helps, that I can say from experience.

7) Getting teased by the J1 next to me, this closeness that I could rarely find in NPCC is everywhere in VJSG.

8) Watching Xin kneel and pray before she was substituted in, the epitome of faith and humility.

9) I panicked because Coach asked for Jiemin's inhaler. You should have seen my face.

10) Sherlyn complaining cause I looked emo (WHAT TO DO, I WAS SO TOUCHED I CRY ALSO OKAY) at the end of the match & laughing at me.

11) Kissing Aline's medal (they are darn pretty) and grinning away when she declared proudly that she could slide now. I've competition now hahah.

12) Seeing the two (Jolyn/ Jolene)s as photographers, clad in their black jerseys, it's fantastic that they still ended up on the pitch during finals.

13) Though we don't expect anything when we go down and support you guys, because seeing you guys play is reward itself, it still feels amazing when you do thank us personally. So thank you Year Twos and in particular Wanxin, Grace Su, Lisa. <3

14) Mr Seet and his interesting honking device, talking to Miss Chia and grinning madly away at Mr Wong and Mr Teo. The teachers were there in full force.

15) Potz struggling with two coconuts, me carrying two bottles and a slightly leaky cup of starfruit juice and both of us laughing as we brought back drinks. Semi-disastrous trip as we had to fight the crowd on the way back.

16) Sam removing her SAJC tie as a sign of neutrality, love my mentee man. It's already been one year and a half, thank you for standing by our side. June date, I promise.

17) A year ago, Nat cried and bit on her gold medal and asked: "Is it real?" and today she's filming and running about and serving once again as a coach. MUCH LOVE NAT.

18) I bet no one knows this, but soccer is a great studying motivation. I used to lock myself up in the VJ library and study till I went numb from the cold; with every study break I would look at you guys (batch 0809!) training on the pitch and feel rejuvenated, you guys gave me the energy to continue for hours on end. We were working together on reaching our goals.

19) Coach having us sit down together outside Jalan Besar where we caught up as a epic huge family spanning five generations. Soaking up the atmosphere of general joy and relief, you get refreshed just by watching these people enjoy the victory they so rightfully earned.

20) Batch dinner was damn fun. Shall not say too much hahah for fear of being politically incorrect. : D

Randomly, YICHI this is why you should watch BoF:
Major eyecandy, be it the actors, the clothes or the set.

This year, I can do no more than don yellow braces for you guys.
All the best juniors, batch of 0809, no regrets.
GOOD LUCK MUCH LOVE!!!<3

Can't quite believe I wrote this a year ago, feels like just yesterday:

I’m at quite a loss for words honestly.
As the mentee puts it adequately, “too much things happened this week.”
How it honestly feels like winning the Championship:
Reflective.

Joy yes, pure undiluted joy came the moment Wanxin struck the penalty shot.
Think Jolyn’s photograph captured the team in its insane heart stopping moment well.
Can’t stop staring at it actually. The black white counterpart dons my phone’s screensaver.
I look as if I was going to clap, I can’t remember.
Peiqi’s arm is raised up in a “Yes!” Bethany and Azlin are jumping so high up together.
Jiemin and Graceling are both moving forward, almost swept into a whirlwind of their emotion.
Sneha’s back is turned, Nat and Kuan Ren were out of the screen.
The Victorian crowd behind, was insane.
They were insane from the very beginning when we were doing our warm-ups on the pitch, right in the damn middle circle, as in your face was we could get.
Its strange how much one feels like crying when one is so happy.
For every single aching hour one has spent on the pitch, for every quiet moment at night that you’ve spent thinking of the past and pondering about the future. For all the sweat blood and tears.

Thank you girls (:
Thank you not for the gold medals around our necks. Thank you for the countless moments of joy and laughter, where we retardedly played mini golf, where the bathing gang had to chase peiqi out of the toilet on a every other night basis, for clearing up & food factory people hahah :D For the J2s who watched me fall, crash and helped me back up on to my feet. The times where my wretched self had no clue how to play football, who screwed up so badly that I was reduced my mere tears on the sidelines, inadequate and helpless.

I’m not nor will ever be the most talented of players. It takes me many lightyears to learn what others easily master (hahah honestly.) and I guess what kept me going was how much the Coach never ever gave up on you. The more inspiring movies he lets us watch, the more I realise how much he has changed in order to make us change. Last year, as a substitute, even before the Saints scored the goal we were already crying, an inevitable sense of doom on the bench. This year, we somehow knew we were going to get it back. Even with an early goal from the Saints, we were cool on the bench, relaxed during half-time. True enough, we equalised. I think that belief made all the difference, you know?

I have a bad feeling that Chinese characters will turn out funny on LJ.
The singer happens to be eyecandy too :D



HAHA WHY DOES ONLY JON UNDERSTAND MY FASCINATION WITH THIS?

歌曲：乌云然
歌手：胡歌
专辑：出发

英雄剑起了风尘
在一望无垠的荒漠
心若重生

梦不断地延伸
谁遥望着故土中原
用一生不停地追问
情归何方曲为谁唱

轻纱随风难解思念的伤
英雄伤心为谁几度情长
琴声不断与谁今生共赏
音未觉纵马置身疆场

这一生为谁刻下伤痕
千年的武功豪情划破长空
梦不断英雄侠义柔肠
伊人终相伴对酒笑谈江山




这一生为谁刻下伤痕?

Oh it seemed forever stopped today
All the lonely hearts in London
Caught a plane and flew away.

While we were doing a problem sum where the protagonist spent two-fifths of her money on an evening gown, he asks:

"What is an evening gown?"
"Is it what the nurses and doctors wear to work?"

Primary kids are so darn cute.
Mcfly songs make me happy.

& as mentee and I concluded:
'There's a difference in being alone and being lonely.'

I fail to understand how one could want to win so badly that injuring opponents intentionally as a strategy is justified. What if that player can't play sports ever again? How do you make up for something like that? Where is your morality?

I shall quote Kant (although he is rather out of my league.)
Fiat justitia, pereat mundus
("Let justice be done, though the world perish")

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
'Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
It's the better thing to do

On opening a cafe:
Chan: "I can cook, and Yici can bake. Tristan will be your front man, Dan's so cute, she can be the waitress. You can do the... accounts."

On pool:
The white ball skipped over the minefield of his striped ones, landed neatly next to my blue one and pocketed it into the corner hole. After we both blinked incredulously at the pool table and collapsed into laughter:

Me: Beginner's luck : D
Chan: WTF.

On army:
jonathan:
but my bunk nice la

jonathan;
got sea view

jonathan;
can see sunset

jonathan;
can hav sea breeze

jonathan;
night time stars damn nice

A falling star, lest I fall alone.
haha LIKE CONDO :D

A falling star, lest I fall alone.
NATURAL AIR : DD

jonathan;
basket

jonathan;
wednesday night like hurricane

jonathan;
i lost my socks and singlet

jonathan;
blow dno go where

A falling star, lest I fall alone.
SEW YOUR NAME :D

I like being submerged in your contradictions dear.

A11 sends off the april army boys, tristan, chan, jon.
Hahah look at how we changed in the three pictures.
Like jon said, I really used to have short spiky hair didn't I?
I made pudding for you guys! But it wouldn't set on time. Hahah and I think all three of you would panic if I fed you something I made (Tristan: Apprehensive look, Jon: Incredulous look, Chan: ?!?!?) so I'll just upload pictures.


Class barbeque at Cheryl's condo, 2007.


Astons, post A levels' 2008.


Post prom (:

I will be missing the two closest guy friends I have.
Okay I don't know if you two visit this site, I think you all do, so here goes:

Chan:
Study partner, work partner, only guy to endure my PMS so much (moodswing like a see saw.) so far. Bubble tea treats & pink post its & msn late night buddy, my older brother (!) figure that I never had, egging me on to break all resolutions, hahah gym buddy with epic fail, pool mentor, Chill-out-at-level-5 partner, The Xiao Di to my Xiao Mei, teaching me in emotional lessons, hahah facebook slacking, guy who TRIED to get me to start shopping, who's more pro in shopping than me, 'Pieces don't fit anymore' (fantastic song, on replay), the dude that is always emo (therefore can emo with me.), drinking as much caffeine as I do, watching me grow ridiculously thin and tall(?), not Panic on results day company, Gelare w Yich, thank you. (:


Only picture I have with you! Unglamness galore.

Jon:
Both you and Chan never give me a break about Arsenal (!!!), sucks to be the only fan in class, teaching me how to play street soccer & how to use it for field, for random soccer practice, for soccer/ youtube videos all the time (where do you get them from???), showing me how to chill out (yes you can be a deity of sorts, you are zen 24/7), who inspired me with his suddenly cheem messages (all in chinese.) after his floorball match which I still keep, who threw the following lyrics at me (while I was wallowing in self pity):

Time is a teacher
Oh, and it’s taught me well
The loser is the one who cries
And you’ve hurt like hell

who listened to me whine at strange hours at night over the silliest of things, hahah who replies "XIANGGGGGGG" when I go "JONNNNNNNNNN" and hahah being a old school gentleman who would wait with a girl till her bus came, who made me laugh a lot a lot (lol FOTY), when I needed it.
Don't have a picture with you, but I have a ton of memories.


[edit:] PUDDING! (: hahah. Actually, it tastes pretty decent.
I had nothing to make it with so I stored it in a bowl, so the caramel sauce doesn't cascade as nicely as it normally would. [/edit]

Love you guys. Don't disappear in tekong chalet.

Louder, I'll like to hear you
Turn up the volume of your love.

There's this super classic photo of VJSG,
of Lorena & Azlin standing tall, making fun of how short Jiemin, Bethany & Amelia are.
(when the last three people average about 1.7m...)
It's on the other computer and it never ever fails to crack me up.

I'll post it here some other day -grin.

VJSG Gauntlet 2009:
I'm very sorry for the NLB screw up.
I sincerely hope that it didn't spoil anyone's day, mhmm yeah.
I'm also most annoyed at myself. Attempts at explanation sounded like mere excuses.
SORRY GIRLS. ):

It's funny how things work.
Two years ago, as OIC, I probably would have noticed this.
I was so paranoid about every single thing going according to plan that I almost never had fun, only fervently praying that nothing would go wrong. Turning up an hour early (because I was afraid I would be late), triple checking all my materials, double checking with my manpower...
Not so much for perfectionist ideals but because the seniors would give me hell otherwise.
Perhaps I've been idle for too long, have I moved on or have I moved backwards?

I love what I'm doing now.
HAHA, composing bad poetry for clues (test trying them on bchan, who gave me'???' in return.) and making strange food that the juniors strangely liked. (Maybe my weird taste is rubbing off.)

On tom yum papapya, served with coleslaw and chilli sauces:
"They said it tasted like salsa."

On mocha tuna (coffee, chocolate & later throwing in chicken stock.):
"Even Kuan Ren said it tasted quite nice..."

On lemons dyed red & green:
"My group kept asking for more!"

On strange vegetable juices w enhanced wheat grass thimgmajigs:
".......... They liked it eh."

3 hour dinner with batchmates, home with Perb : D, where we found out that Lorena was secretly an awesome film critic & Peiqi/ Azlin: I appreciate you guys taking the blame off me, honest. <3

Although now we've grown longer hair & became two tones fairer:


This made my day:
"Few people end up being US Senators by accident; at a minimum, it requires a certain megalomania, a belief that of all the gifted people in your state, you are somehow uniquely qualified to speak on their behalf; a belief sufficiently strong that you are willing to endure the sometimes uplifting, occasionally harrowing, but always slightly ridiculous process we call campaigns."

I'm sorry I've been so stoned lately ahhh.
Guess my working hours have finally taken a toll on me.
That and the not sleeping & not eating due to much worry for A levels results.
Treated Chan to Slumdog Movie, hahah this guy has to take all my moodswings at work, which could be best described as interacting with a see-saw. I liked the movie, it was awesome pretty and it reminded me of things that I need to keep my faith in.
Hahah I must be the few who almost started crying at the sight of the slums.
& I just realised that there was no board this year!

I have to quote Yici on this, because I don't think I can phrase it any better than she did.
"To say I am happy would be overstating it.
It is more like a quiet and simple contentment. Knowing that my sleep deprived 2 years, the endless essays, the 3am mugging stints have paid off at least."

Save, I slept more (think 9pm-3am) and worked less than she did.

She's an academic inspiration, nothing less.
Hahaha, omg, next to the Impossible is Nothing adidas poster on my wall, her photo will be up there somewhere : D (Yes, the earlier said wall of regrets has been torn down.)
For those who don't know, I studied for A's facing a wall of all my regrets, inked in threats and painful memories.
I have moved on I guess, hahahahhaha although there are no promises that won't be a new wall in its place.

& I'm just really grateful? AAAAC for the curious, cos there are quite a few of you non-victorians on the friends list. My KI teacher deadpanned: "You broke my heart."
..... I really did try my best.

Very very happy for those who did well: batchmates, classmates (wah lau, our class is crazy, at least half of us have 4As and above ._.), 4 diligence, council sisterhood, squadmates. Almost every results day, there will be someone unfortunate who doesn't deserve to screw up but does. Pardon incoherence, sleep deprived, food deprived person speaking.

I'm sorry I didn't have enough jelly beans or money or didn't know what to say ):
Had my hands full with people over the phone crying, whom I love very much. ):
Coach's advice still stands:
"Grades are but the entrance ticket. Once you're through the door, all the chips are on the table." & the grace with which some people carried themselves for the day, you guys are really darn strong. I have nothing but respect for you <3.

[edit]: There is a mysterious extra $250 in my bank account. Dear whoever is above: Is this a not so subtle hint to go shopping? Does my fashion sense scare you so much???? ._.
PS: Could anyone explain this strange phenomenon if possible ? [/edit]

So, here comes the rest of our lives:
D) It is written.

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Point form, I don't feel like saying much.

1) VJSG 08/09: You guys are awesome. I don't know how many of you guys will see this but heck, to see you guys leading the pack, to clinch 11 out of the top 20 positions, to go faster with our cheering, to win TEAM CHAMPIONS which has eluded us since forever. It's a great way to start and like all my batchmates have said, we are damn proud of you. Jiemin is so cute piggybacking everyone all the way since Jasmin Chu's batch : D

2) VJSG 07/08: HAHAH. I love our emails so much. To have about four-five everyday all random and all hilarious, you guys are so much missed. The highlight of JC life was always you lot. Starting with Lorena giving out calender pieces, cheering out for Potz, listening to Ren & Nat actually recommend a cute guy :DD

3) Chan & Yich, who have taken me out on several occasions, made me laugh all the time (disastrous pool for the win) and actually went around drinking strange things with me. Peppermint milk anyone? Dandan is sugar sweet on msn.

4)Victorian teachers are amazing, those who have heard of their replies for class barbeque would agree. Mr Harris, Mr Wong, Mr Lum (who was so nice!!), Miss Chia, Mr Teo (who laughed at me and me at him for cross country for no particular reason). Being on the other side of the teaching role is surprisingly tiring and my patience has now doubled itself on many many occasions. Primary kids do not deserve to suffer my wrath, I shall insist.

5) I got scolded by who I think may secretly be a pilot today. I'm not offended. He made sense, diplomacy is a skill I have yet to properly acquire. PILOT. Hmmm.

6) Results in a week. All I can say is, I did my best. I'm leaving the rest to God.

7) Blogs are dangerous, I'm leaving LJ, soon.

Work makes me anti-social & it's partially to blame for my current bad mood.
For the most part, mounting frustration has reached new height due to my inability to (debate?) express myself, given my typically non-confrontational manner.

Just because I don't show my anger doesn't mean it's not there.

Would people stop judging?
!!!!!!!!!!!!

Profanities are strictly off limits & heck blogs are dangerous so I would have to be intentionally vague again. Skirting around the issue, every darn time.

Stop stereotyping people, stop fitting them into your little neat boxes, labeled "Success" and "Failure" before you even know them. Stop denying dreams, stop this mindless categorization, stop pre-judging. Just as an Ivy League education won't guarantee you riches, coming from the lower strata of society doesn't mean you will stay there. If anything, life loves irony enough to always let the underdog come up on top, giving those who take things for granted a timely reminder that we are all subjected to the whims of fate.

Not everyone lives by the same standards.
It is our choices who define us, not our circumstances.

Get over yourself, thanks.

.......
I have never wanted to give up so badly in my life.

Federer was left speechless by the defeat and broke down sobbing as he tried to address the crowd. "God, it's killing me," said the Swiss, who was consoled by his hero, Australian great Rod Laver.


"In the first moment you're disappointed, you're shocked, you're sad, you know, then all of a sudden it overwhelms you," Federer said.

"The problem is you can't go in the locker room and just take it easy and take a cold shower. You can't.

"You know, you're stuck out there. It's the worst feeling. So, I don't know, it's rough."

Federer said the emotions were even stronger because he thought the match was his for the taking -- he had 19 break point opportunities but could only convert six.

Crucially he was not able to convert any of the six chances he had in the third set, which Nadal went on to win in a tie-break.

"It is, sure, one of the matches in my career where I feel like I could have, or should have, won you know," he said.

"But you can't go through your whole life as a tennis player taking every victory that's out there."

"You've got to live with those, but they hurt even more so like if you're that close, you know, like at Wimbledon or like here at the Australian Open.

"So that's what's tough about it, but I have no regrets, so it's all right."

<3.

Today I lost my keys.
Important work related, police case report required keys.
I re-traced my path once, despairing very much.
Got encouraged to do so again, receiving Kuan Ren's message on the way. : D
Found my key sitting on the table top, looking all shiny and pretty waiting for me.
Whoever is looking out for me up there is pretty awesome. <3

Leaky nose woes:
Ran out of medicine, stole a toilet roll to my cubicle.
Made my lovely colleagues laugh while I tried not to kill another forest.

Everyday, I'm learning.

Hey guys, more specifically A11.
Do you think I can go ahead and switch the camera to one with film available in Singapore?
Ie: I'll go down to the shop myself and see how... ): Pass me the address?
Also, is my camera supposed to work?

Will be very willing to see what I can do because it's currently sitting on my lap looking very sad. Importing film is crazy expensive, at least $25 for 20 photos. Perhaps these are the market rates? I'm not too sure.

Much thanks in advance.

Interview today, job results tomorrow.

I know I don't get much blog traffic but:
Hello, does anyone want to loan/ give their Wilfred Owen book away for a year?
Please reply, much thanks!

Today, my dress got eaten up by a very horrible escalator monster.
Kaili paused, then hit the emergency button.
I amused the tons of people stuck behind me wondering what was going on.
A kind soul volunteered to yank the rest out of its jaws.
Spent the night sewing.

Moral of the story:
Laughter is the best medicine.

Shopping, chocolate cake & embarrasing stories, dinner.
Tokyo shopping or Bali surfing, that is the question.
Cecilia, Kaili! <3

Tomorrow, my sister is going to attempt to bake pineapple tarts.
While the pot of pineapple simmers, I will sneak in butter so that the pan doesn't get so difficult to wash. When in doubt, I'll have the fire extinguisher in hand.

Wish us luck.