Emma

Uhg...

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:50:44 GMT

Thanks for your sweet words after last night, that was one of those I need to write it of, because I can talk to my mom about it because when I-came-home-so-upset-I-got-a-"I say stuff I have no clue about him but makes him look really bad..."-after-a-while-about-him-thing. And I don't have a dairy so this is what I have to do.

Today is better, although not good but it will come. I done it before and I will do it again. But as I said last night to a sweet sweet friend of mine I'm putting guys on ice for a while. I don't want to look for one, I don't feel the need. Ok I want someone to hold me, and to cuddle up next to, but I'm just so done with it right now. And I also know that it comes when you least expect it.

Sorry I lost track, I'm watching AFV (Americas funniest homevidoes) and I just a really fun thing:)

I went to the gym today, and he wasn't there thank God. But I didn't do well either. Maybe 1.3 miles and nothing more. So bad. Last time I run I did 3 miles so...But at least I went there and that's the importnat. I hasn't been working out for weeks so I need to get a good routine again.

In less then...14 hours I need to get up and make myself ready to go to the airport. Maybe I should start packing...oooor I could make a list of all the things I need. Why pack now when I can do it tonight? And probably forget half of it...

I can't wait to go now. Although I wish I could have someone with me. We actually talked about it before...

Dollar Store has open here now. They actually had more then I thought they have.

Oh sweetheart kids in a clothes commercial...

I don't know, but people say I'm easily distracted. And kinda restless...

Don't know if I told you about my plans this autumn? Ok I try to get a truck-driving job at two places. If that fails I want to go a welding- or mechanic-course and take the truck-card. That is expensive but profitable. I also hope to get a job so I can by a car. I found one I'd like. So yes...that's it.

And oh, I want a baby...I hope it'll pass O.o

You know...

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 22:04:32 GMT

When it feels like all your tears has run out and all that's left is this heavy pounding ache? It's really grounding, sore ache. I hate it. I though I had enough of it this year, I thought my luck was changed I thought I met my guy. Sorry Jae but your glue only hold it together but it doesn't stop the hurting. It feels like I'm going insane. Just like in Rihanna's Disturbia. Yes I'm a Rihanna fan. All my thought revolves around him, things he said pops up in my head all the time, and it's not just things he said about me, us, him. Just things we talked about. Things we did. I'm affraid to go to the gym, because there is a possibility that he is there. And to think about that I in the beginning of the summer was there all the time because I wanted to see him. He actually asked me to go with him, that week when he started to show me he like me. Oh, how I wish I could go back. I guess it was too good to be true. At least to good to be true for me. I'm so glad I got those weeks with him. But my heart is hurting so bad right now. I can't wait to go to Stockholm to get something else to think about. I hope.

I was wrong, the tears had not run out...

Aouch!

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:40:14 GMT

They say beauty has a price and they are so right...who ever they are. Well I'm not talking about extreme beauty, just an everyday "beauty" I love to be everyday-nice. I like to put on a nice shirt and put some time in my daily looks. Even though I have my sweatpants-days like everyone else, especially when I work:) Anyway I have a really nice pair of yellow pumps I love, even-though I barely use them. I maybe used them 4 times since I bought them. So I put together an outfit that looked some what alike one I saw on Cameron Diaz in a magazine. I was going to have coffee with my friend A in the town, otherwise I hadn't put down any time in it. We don't have shoes inside here, I know some in America do. Ok, the first hour was fine, because we sat down. But after the coffee we where going to find some jeans for her. You few who know me, knows that I walk kinda fast and not with the smallest steps. Even the workguy asked me to slow down when we walked. And he is at least 20 cm longer then me, hence longer legs. Where were I? Hm....I'm watching tv too so...Anyway now my feet are so sore.

I'm so bored as usual. The highlight today is...reruns of Top Model 3 and mom doing my eyebrows. Not that I can't do them myself, I just feel like being pampered.

Ok now I see that my picture doesn't show, please tell me if you see it.

Right now I can't wait to go away to Stockholm! I feel the shopping-urge is creeping up on me. I want to buy some jeans, from Miss Sixty, it may sound so bitchy but that brand love my ass! I need some nice autumn-shoes, maybe a new pair of sneakers, some new shirts and maybe some bling-bling:) And yes, oh-oh! Pearls! Lots of pearrrrrrl! I do my own jewelleries so I need more pearls. Lets see if I update once more today, maybe I come up with something more silly to say.

My yellow shoes

Boring day

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 19:53:27 GMT

I had a boring day. The most exhiting thing I had to look forward to was a doctors appointment but I missed it. I was misstaken on the date. Yay...

I had a miserable day. I only had one thing on my mind...guess what. Or maybe I should say who?

I saw a show earlier, I don't know if you heard about it, Most Haunted. It's a british show anyway and it's sooo silly! I believe in ghost and that kinds of stuff, but please! If anything give skeptics water on their mill this is it! They only trigger each other like teenages in a deseerted house! My God! They always turn the lights off, or are there during the night. What says that ghosts are limited to the dark? Phee-leeaase!

Stockholm soon. I can't wait! I need to get out of here and think of something else.

I had an entire roll of this in a very short period of time. Something strongly recomend you not to do! Heh, sorry for the bad pun...

Mm me likes

Where should I begin?

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 19:23:25 GMT

From the beginning maybe? Ok first, sorry for the long off-period but things happened and...yes. If I just have to stop writing today, please be patience. I don't have the best of times right now.

So, I dated this guy from the club for like a week. The same week I realize that the workguy was interested in me. So I stoped dating clubguy and start dating workguy. And it was great. He really liked me, and we were perfect for each other, so alike, so much in common and most important of all: he is the first guy I have been myself with from the beginning. I have never in my life felt like that, not even with my first boyfriend. So we dated for almost a month. And then he felt...not all good about the whole thing. Let's just stay at that, no details, I don't want to tell you and I don't have the power too. I'm truly heartbroken. I fell for him. Hard. So...yeah....I think that will do for now. I'm going to Stockholm this weekend and I will try to update more often now. I had a great summer, and I hope you did too. The best summer in years thanks to workguy.

Things I didn't do this summer:

1. Visit a beach wearing a bikini.
2.Kissed less the 2 guys:)
3.Slept with this guy again.
4.Left town more then a day

Tell me about one thing you didn't do this summer!

Ok, so this was my last night:

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 20:29:10 GMT

I have been begging people to go out with me all week long, because I knew that this jobguy probably was going out. But no one wanted to go, or couldn't. So after given up all hope, I whent to my cousin, who turned 20, and had some cake and celebrated him. When he was about to leave he said that he was having a party and it was just for me to come if I wanted to. Guess if I wanted to! Not much og a party though, just me and my three guy cousins and a friend of theirs. Anyway, after drinking a drink and some beer we had of the the club. Not much people at first, we just saw some of their friends, one who stayed talking. My oldest cous's is kinda of and pretty protecting and it's great to have one of those with you as a girl:) Anyway, he meat up with a friend and after introducing me he said: "See, I told you last weekend that I had a good looking cousin!" Well that's me:) So this guy like laughed a bit and said that he was wrong not believing my cous last week. He was kinda sweet this guy, not the type I usually go for but not bad at all:) So he sat with us, and talked to me alot all night, until he had to go home. But then he asked for my number! Yay! Well after seeing this guy from work too, too shy to flirt I'm sorry but I did my best!, we head home to my cousin again, just to play guitarheros and drink. But then someone send a message that he had a party at his home so we whent there. Big mistake! Just little kids, like 16-17! But then we already had payed the taxi so it was just to stay. The thing was, this guy that wanted my number lived there too, so after trying to sleep with a party going on down stairs he came down and spend the rest of the morning with me:) So nice.

Around 12 he texted me and we have been texting on and off all day and now we're going to a night open cafe at our local mountain. But my cous warned me for him, that I might be a rebound-girl. So I will be careful....

Oh MY FREAKIN' GOD!!!

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:25:33 GMT

My ex is in this writing moment telling me how much he miss me, and that he gave up on us to fast! I can't believe this, even though I was expecting it. I can't take this, what ever I say I will hurt him! Oh my God, and my friend G isn't answering so I can't ask for help!

Today the sun was shining, and after running 1.7 miles (good me:) ), we whent swiming. Me, my friend G and after a while my bigsis and little Felipe. So now I'm a bit sunburned even though I had SPF, I guess I missed some on the back. Heading home I saw the jobguy and my heart flipped. I'm kind of surprised of that:)

Nothing much has happend today, just a calm nice warm day. Keep your fingers crossed for me bumping in to the jobguy and to me not hurting my ex too much.

Sigh Uuuuuh, Fine I do this!

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:58:30 GMT

I can't believe myself sometimes, I was a good girl, updating here almost everyday. I guess I have a life now:)

Ok for the last two weeks I have been working and working out. I had the early morning shift two weeks ago and was so tired at the afternoons that it was a struggle to keep me awake. So then I just didn't have the power to update. I got up at 3.50am! My shift starts at 5.00 am and then I have to be changed and ready to go down under. Some mornings it was really true this saying, Working hard or hardly working? I LOVE my team I have never laugh as much as I do with them. This last week has been even better. The, not so clean, jokes come often and every day is so much fun! Aaaand for some reason I'm starting to get attracted to a guy in my shift. I know that he is single so...I think I will make a move. Or try at least. If it goes forward I will tell you more about him.

....and speaking of guys, this guy I'm seeing or was, is on vacation so I haven't seen him for a little bit more then a week and at first it was hard but now I feel better about it. I don't know how it will be when he gets back in three weeks, but when he is gone I feel good. I don't have to worry about when we will see each other again, if he will call etc etc. It was a bigger pressure then I thought. So we will see what happens....

Right now my bigsis and her son is here visiting, so it's full speed ahead as usual. It's great I have so much fun with him. My sweetheart:) It's also great to have my sis here, because she is the only one that I've told about this guy at work. Or told it all. Talked about him with her, it was such a relief to tell someone, because this is kind of a new feeling about him.

I'm still working out at least three times a week, I lost a size in pants and feel so much better about me. I've started to run again, which I haven't for at least 1,5 years. My dear friend G took me out running and I warned him that I wasn't able to run far but he was nice anyway and walked with me when I needed. But we were almost eaten alive by mosquitoes and was hunted by two horse-flies the whole way.

Tomorrow I will hit the gym twice. First at the morning, to run and see if I maybe bump in to the guy from work and then at the afternoon with my sis, working my arms and back.

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 21:58:08 GMT

Sorry for not updating, don't have time and strenght now but I will soon! I promise

To get the routine you need to force your self

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 21:31:51 GMT

I guess it's the same with work out and with this thing sometimes. I have nothing much to say, I don't feel like I want to update it but at the same time I do. Weird huh?

So my week hasn't been all that exciting. It was NOT going the right way with this guy, it was almost like he read my mind. He told me that it's not going to be anything more than that is now between us. So...I feel sad about it but at the same time I have been feeling that I don't want to be a stepmom not. I'm only twenty. And, today I was at a wedding, it was lovely she looked great and I had alot of fun, anyway, I saw how her, now husband, looked at her they have been together for 8 years already and he still look at her with all this love. And I want that. I want a guy that likes me as much as I like him, someone who can't wait to spend time with me. Someone who want to do more stuff with me then only stupid things:) So I will keep sleeping with this guy as long as I feel that it feels good. But he is hot. God damn it...

First week

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 10:54:33 GMT

I'm so sorry I haven't been updating for a whole week! I have been working afternoon all week and has gone of at midnight, and been home around 12.15-12.30 all week and just have been too tired to update and the days have been full with other stuff. So here is my week:

Sunday night: I spend sunday night at this guy and it was a great night! But now I'm more confused then ever because he is acting really double, if you know what I mean. He sends out mixed signals. The best thing about the whole night was right after when I got there, he said that he had to go to his son's and leave some stuff he had forgotten. Oh great....I thought, great start at the evening that's how much he cares about having me there. So I took a seat in front of the tv while he was gone and when he got inside of the door he went straight from the hallway, without taking of his jacket, in to the livingroom and gave me a big kiss. And it wasn't even a starter on a forplay. Just a kiss. I was so shocked. So I laughed and said that he should go away more often when it's so much fun when he comes back. After that we just got cozy in the sofa, as soon as he came back, after hanging away his jacket he pulled me close and just held me. He putted his arms around me and held my hand. This kinds of things are for me more intimate then kissing and sex. And he hasn't done this kind of things before. Not like this. And the whole evening was the same, alot of kissing, and closeness. And I got my sleepover! It was his idea!

Monday: After waking up in heaven:) I went home and fell asleep in the sofa. And yes, it was snowing. Like 10 cm. I know. Then it was of to my job! First day, and so nervous. Guess what happen! I missed the bus down! OR they went down early and missed to pick me up. I felt so bad! After that incident it went well. All day. The same with tuesday, wednesday, where I had a flying visit at this guy again, so nice!

Thursday: FIRE! Or not really. But someone where warming loose something, which developed poisonous smoke and a awful smell so we had to escape up above ground again for 2 hours.

Friday, Saturday: It all went well, nothing much happened.

And today is my last day before my week of. I spend my week in great friends company. Next week this guy has his son, but we might see each other and watch a movie. He said, lets see and that almost always means yes. Because if he doesn't want to he always says no. So that is great:)

And I have a new favorite song, Burning inside with Takida

Ssschhh!

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 15:31:46 GMT

Don' t tell my mom but I'm going of to this guy tonight. I felt really bad when my sis asked me if I was doing anything later and I said don't know yet, because she wanted to buy some candy and maybe rent a movie. But I don't know if she wanted to do it with me or just wanted to do it. If it was with me, I have to swallow my bad conscience and say no I'm sorry. Oh God. I hope it wasn't with me she wanted to rent a movie. But I guess I can tell her that I'm going there as soon my parents are out of the house. Because to them I'm going to do a "I'm going to this guy, see you later, bye!" Just to avoid an other lecture...

Ok my weekend then...Friday :What did I do friday? Nothing much I guess. No one was home, so I just watched tv and took it easy.

Saturday: I went shopping with my mom and my sister. I bought new jeans and a new shirt. Bright yellow:) I love it, it's so nice. I'm wearing it now and I hope this guy likes it too:) After dinner I headed up to Elin and spend the night with her and her brother and his girl. A nice night, nice company:) Around midnight I took a car ride with my family.

Sunday: Ok today me, Elin, her brother and his girl had coffee at a café. Very nice and I think we spend almost two hours there. After that we went back to Elin and talked away the rest of the day. It's so nice to be with her, you can talk about anything and everything. And so we did.

Just had dinner and the butterflies in my stomach did not calm down. I don't know what I'm nervous about. I think what mom might say. I'm so sick of being, not scared, but maybe...I don't know. I'm just so sick of hearing her telling me what she thinks. I'm hoping for an over night stay at this guy and I will tell her that I don't want to hear about it again when I'm text them about me staying away. You can't imagine how sick and tired I am about her nagging about it. And don't tell me to talk with her, because she WILL NOT listen. I said the last time "Mom I wont have this discussion with you because you don't listen to what I say anyway." Do you think she stopped there? No. No no she didn't. So if it will be a sleepover I will tell it to my dad and ask him to stop mom if she wants to text me or anything. If she goes on I will soon burst out "mom we are just sleeping together!" And I guess that maybe would be better:) I know she cares about me, but she is at the point when she calling me stupid. Not out loud but like; "I didn't think you were stupid enough to fall for it" So yes, I'm stupid. Oh god how angry I got.
Tomorrow I start at my job and I'm nervous!

Well I'm going to pack my bag now when they are out of the house. Whish me luck for getting a sleepover and not getting an other lecture from mom!

"It's just my character that's not brain-dead."

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 20:05:22 GMT

I'm a huge Friends fan (read dork) and Joey has the best lines. I love this one:)

Lets see Thursday. We have great weather today, warm and sunny. And so it has been for the last three days. Of which I have been sitting inside. I thought that maybe my cough will disappear if I stayed inside not putting myself in the sun. But no. So today I gave up and enjoyed the sun. With spf 20 of course:) I have very sensitive skin, as my doctor said: "Skin like a Briton." Yay. Very pale and very sensitive. And a lot of birthmarks too so I'm kinda scared of skincancer. So today I got a little bit darker shade of beige:)

I got may hair cut today. It's a bit shorter then I wanted but I have to wait like 8 weeks before my hairdresser comes back from vacation so it's ok. It looks good anyway.

After that, I had an early appointment, I called and woke up my friend G. So I took him home and we took a walk at first then I forced him to lay on the backside of our house and just get tanned. It was nice. I think he liked it too:)

Went to after-work thai-buffet with my family and some friends of ours. It was good food and great company.

I'm going to do stupid on sunday. Or for those who thinks it sounds silly, I'm going to have sex with this guy. Well, we are going to watch a movie and just hang out and get cozy and enjoy each others company too. And for the record, gonna keep saying do stupid. I can't wait till sunday and as it looks, he can't either. Or at least he look forward to it.

This weekend Elin is coming home thank god! So I have something to do. I hate just sitting home waiting for sunday. But I can't wait to see her again, because the week after I work afternoon shift and she daytime. And I also have to take some time and see Sandra and other friend who's up now. But she is only here till next weekend. That sucks. But as I said, I have Elin to look forward to at first, no summer without Lampa!

What's more to say? Nothing I think. I still cough, even though it's a bit better today. My hands and feet are really cold even though it's really warm.

Oh God can't wait till sunday!!!

So long ago again

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 10:58:56 GMT

But our inet have been down for a couple of days, we're trying to fix the big computer. So there is the answer to why I haven't been here at all. When did I last update? Thursday? I just have to read what I said then, one mom please....Ok now I'm updated. Let's see then...

Thursday: Well I worked, as I said then. Hm...what more? Oh yes I did stupid:) It was great I had a great time. My mom wasn't glad at all though. She don't know that I was at this guy's place at tuesday, I said I was at a friend just because I didn't have the power to take her being sulky and bitchy to me. Well tuesday I got home around 1, 1,30 am. At 0.30 I got an textmessage from her: "You have work tomorrow" It got me boiling. I'm 20 fucking years old! I know I have work and it was no problem when she thought I was at my friend's house. No no. *Counting to ten* Pweeuh! Ok I'm over that. Anyway I had a great night. The only thing is I don't know what he want from this. Is it really just sex, or is it something he want to call it to not feel panic? Don't know because sometime he says the strangest things.

Friday: What did I do at friday? Whatta heck did I? I can't remember! OMG....I need to think...I guess I was home...I worked I know that...but I think I was home all night. Or was I? I honestly can't remember! Scary!

Saturday: This day I know what I did! Nothing the whole day. But I saw some friends I haven't seen for a long time at the night. Linnea I haven't seen since Easter and her boyfriend. We just ate candy and hung out all night. It was great. After I drove Chrille home, L's boyfriend, I got this feel that I only wanted to drive around, listen to music and think. Have you ever gotten that feeling? I just wanted to hit the road and don't do anything but drive? Unfortunately our town is small so I couldn't drive far. I just drove around for a bit.

Sunday: I got an textmessage at 2.00am from this guy, asking if I was awake, wich I weren't. But I answered at the morning and asked what he wanted. He had been out and wanted to do...stupid:) So I got up and got dressed and unfortunately, UNFORTUNATELY, mom got up before I got outside the door and gave me a lecture about he is using me, she though I wasn't so dumb that I was falling for it, if I only stopped and think I would see it too, bla bla bla bla bla!!!! I couldn't get out fast enough. Well this guy laughed and said I should tell mom that he actually was the victim here because it's I that using him:) Anyways he had trouble getting out of the bed, and I see that as a good sign. And no he wasn't hangover he doesn't get hangovers. So...maybe it was me?;)

Well after spending a day with a really sulky mom my little church choir had the big break-up for this year and we played and stuff. After I went home to my friend Elin who joined us in the old folk club:) Great evening:)

Monday: I did nothing! Or yes I did! I enjoyed me new underwears I ordered. And I hope that some one else will enjoy them this sunday night too:)

Tuesday: I was on an introduction-day at LKAB, the mine. I start work at monday, I work the afternoonshift which means I CAN GO TO MY FRIENDS WEDDING! Yay! Or my friend, my choir leader/friend. Yay yay yay! That also means that maybe I get an all nighter with this guy:)

So updated again, I hope I can do it again soon. Never know with our inet:)

I'm gonna do stupid again big stupid grin

Thu, 29 May 2008 16:50:21 GMT

Oh yes I will:) So happy today. And the knowledge of this made my day barrable. God what a boring day! I was ready to leave this morning. First one of the woman who work at the flower-shop said to me, "Ok Emma, we're going to get the fridge ready for the new flowers." With We she means You. The thing is, that witch cleaned out the fridge yesterday and couldn't she, while doing it, move the old flowers and put up som buckets so we just could fill them today? No, she couldn't. So I had to do it. It's cold, it takes a long time and I hate starting my morning with it. It means that my hands will be cold the rest of the day, and now I have a sore throath. Again. I'm so glad I'm doing stupid tonight.

I had lunch with my friend G today, it was nice to get out of the shop for a while.

Have to go and get ready:)

"You're like a ghost, just wosch! and you dissapear without a word"

Wed, 28 May 2008 20:28:27 GMT

Just a little something a guy said about me. Kinda cute;)

Ok lets see what day is it? Hmm Wednesday... Tuesday me and my little sis went shopping. I bought two tank tops, and two t-shirts. Because I don't like to work at the flowershop I decided to do something fun with the money I get there. Just shop or what ever. Just to get a little comfort. After that I just hung out at home, watched some tv and so. At the evening I send of a little textmessage to this guy, asking if he wanted to see me. He did:) Mom and dad doesn't know. They think I was at a friend's house. And I don't even feel guilty for lying. Well I got home around 1 and I had the best time. I don't know about him. Again he says stuff that...makes me think that he maybe....no I don't know. Don't want to get my hopes up again.

And I think that's about it. I had to work today and tomorrow and friday. Blah

And yes I almost forgot: Thank you God! ;)

I did stupid...

Tue, 27 May 2008 23:35:11 GMT

And it feels gooooooood:) So goooood. Better then last time:)

Sorry about yesterday

Mon, 26 May 2008 18:09:23 GMT

I just had a really really bad day. But now, a new week and new mind. Positive things happens to positive people. So I will try that.

I had to work today too. Oh wait I haven't even told you about my weekend. Lets see...

Thursday: We had a spring concert with our big choir and it was so much fun. It didn't feel like we were waiting for almost three hours. We had fun and it feels a bit sad that this might have been the last thing I did with this choir.

Friday: I had to work extra at the flower-shop. I don't like it but I'm to nice to say no. Badly enough. After work I went to my friend Elin, who was home over the weekend, celebrating her birthday. Soon she will join the old folks club. Well we hung out all night, she listened to me talking about how I feel about this guy, we talked about everything between heaven and earth, and just caught up like we never been apart, as usual. It's so great with friends like that. It's always the same with me, her and our friend Elin. We don't see each other for months, I last saw Elin (the one who was here this weekend) at Easter, and we just keep on going like always. I love it, it's so simple and so great. And something that was also fun was that her siblings were so company-sick, all three of them that they spend time with us too.

Saturday: I worked, again. It's because of mothers day, and I do hope you remembered your moms. after work I went straight to church, were my small choir practiced for the service on sunday. I didn't have the time to sing with them, so I just spend some time with them, talking and laughing. After singing we head of to the local chinese-restaurant to have dinner together. I also got invited to our choir-leader Monica's wedding this summer, and it seems like it's me and no other girl from the choir, so I feel really honored to be invited and it feels good to know that she wants me there. After dinner it was of to Elin again to have some cake. There I talked her over to go out clubbing, she has never been out before! She wasn't hard to persuade, not as hard as I thought she would be. I thought that she even wouldn't consider it when I suggested it, I just said that if, a big if, she felt for it it would be a lot of people out clubbing tonight because it was salary-weekend. So we went out! And I had a great time and she had fun too! I'm so glad she had a good time, because I was worried she would hate it. It was great.

Sunday: After a few hours of sleep I got up and got working. Again. Mothers day you know. After work I went to grandma on my dad's side with my parents and then we dropped of some chocolate at my grandma's house (she doesn't want to be celebrated on Mothers day) then we bbqed and I slept a bit I was so tired, some dumb-ass called on my phone and woke me up earlier then I wanted to. Stupid guy didn't understand that he had the wrong number even though I said so.

Monday: I thought I was off work but no. The boss called me this morning and asked if I could work some hours. So I did. I didn't want to but didn't have any good excuse to say no. I realized today that I have a special work voice. Especially when I answer the phone. It gets softer, a bit mellow. I don't know if I should be embarrassed or what.

Tomorrow: I will go shopping with my little sis, we need some makeup both of us and I want a shirt.

Hope all of you had a great weekend, I had.

I don't even know where to begin...

Sun, 25 May 2008 22:31:42 GMT

I just feel really bad right now, and I don't even have a freakin' dairy to write it off in and I don't like to throw out all my feelings for a public display but I don't know what else to do, I have to write it of somewhere where I know I at least have two friends listening. I'm just...having the worst year ever so far. I'm just so sick of my sister right now, I didn't even know it could be this bad, she don't respect me at all. She is just too good for boring, stupid me. I honestly think she sees me like that. She didn't even apologize for being really bitchy to me, when I just tried to talk about something. She never listen to me.

I know that me feeling bad about this guy is self-inflicted. So I guess that means I have no right feeling bad for my self. The worst thing is, I could do it again. I'm that stupid. But isn't pleasure worth some pain? Could you even feel pleasure if you couldn't feel bad? Id you couldn't get hurt? I rater feel pleasure then getting hurt then don't feel anything. Don't take it wrong, I'm not someone that take this in a circle. I'm just saying.

Everything is wrong right now. Too bad God doesn't seem to want me feel good. Or have happyness. He doesn't even want me to be with this guy I like. Well I guess I'm not worth it, what else can it be?

Yuck

Wed, 21 May 2008 12:28:31 GMT

I got a cold. At least he gave me something...Irony, the swedish favorite kind of humor...Sorry, I'm in a really bad mood today. I'm having a headache, my one nostril is sealed like a cow in a rainpipe and believe it or not, I feel worse after doing that stupid thing I did, which btw I'm so glad I did, I don't regret it at all! And it's something wrong with the big computer and my parents don't fix it and it affects my laptop and I hate it because now I can't download a new antivirus! AAAAAaaarrrgh! It drives me crazy! Ah and now my teeth hurts because I guess I have a lot of snot in my sinus!

I could go on and on about a certain guy but what's the point? God doesn't seem to want me to be with him, even though I think I would be happy. But no no. Why should I be happy? Whats the point with that? I mean I just had an awful autumn, my exboyfriend broke up with me two days before my birthday, all my friends have moved out of here, I had no job the whole spring and the one guy I meet that not was drunk, nor disgusting, and really really hot don't want me as his girlfriend. What the hell have I don't do deserve some happiness? Nothing, as it seems...

Here on request

Tue, 20 May 2008 14:09:57 GMT

Yes, I see that my fans get sour if I don't update this thing more often:) No just kidding. Too bad my life is too empty to fill this:)

Ok when did I last update? Lets seeeeee.....saturday. Ok what's happened since saturday? Me and my friend G rented a movie saturday night. It sucked. Don't watch it. Now I can't spell it but it was something like the Darjeeehblablalba Limited with Owen Wilson. So bad. Well we ate candy and sat up talking until 1.30 am! It was so nice, just doing nothing and just talk to him. We talked about a lot of stuff, and we did a pretty good job staying away from heavy topics like politics. Good job!

Sunday it was finally time for the Gospelconcert, and time for me doing something stupid. I got up early to get ready and was done and goodlooking at time in church. In baggy jeans and a t-shirt, but I didn't see any reason to put on my concertclothes at 12.30 pm when the concert starts at 6. It's a long time ago since I last sang for a whole day. Anyways, the concert rocked and I had so much fun. I just love to perform like that. Have you got the applause once, you will fall in love with them. I did:) Well after a quick change of clothes again, back to baggy jeans and the t-shirt (on request from...a friend:)) I stayed and chatted with Tomas for a little while and then I whent and did something stupid. I did something stupid all night and the morning after that. And I don't regret it! But it was not good for me getting over this guy. BUT I still don't regret it. I had the best time. *sigh* OMG he is so sweet. Damn it!

Yesterday I worked out and it was great! I finally had the strength to finish and do it good. So I hope my downturn is over.

So that's it. This weekend I have to work at the flowershop, and I don't want to but I didn't have any good reason to say no. But I also know when my carrier in truckdriving starts the 9th of june.Yay.

So slow

Sat, 17 May 2008 13:16:49 GMT

Once again, sorry for the late update but nothing much happens. OR, this week has been really really long, and a lot of stuff has happened. But not all things should be spoken about here. Ok so, this was my week:

Monday: cake(!!!) at my cousin, who turned 30. A lot of people, and a lot of loud children. I like kids, but not more then one at the time:)

Tuesday: I worked out, but it didn't go well once again. I couldn't even finish one set! I still had the worst heartbeat and was sweating like crazy when I got out to the car. So I just took a walk.

Wednesday: I had a massage, and not a spa soft thing. It hurts but it's so good for my back. What more? I saw a reality show that is called Frozen men searching love. It's about three guys for here were I live(!) and they are well looking for love. You know the concept. I had to send a textmessage to this guy because he is so alike them, I get so full of laughter:) Well one thing led to an other aaaand...I'm gonna do something stupid but I don't care, because right now I live for the moment. I always do things with the thoughts on the future. I need to do something now, for me now.

Thursday: Chiropractor visit, and nothing much.

Yesterday: Nothing much again. I watched Indiana Jones on tv.

Today: I had coffee with a friend. I bought hrmhahmm5 pair of panties...I'm sorry but I'm a pantieholic! I love to by panties of some reason. And now I have five pair of mixed white and pink ones.

Tomorrow: Gospelconsert!!! Yay! I missed it last year because I got food poison ofr something, I threw up anyway and didn't eat anything for 2 and a half day. I love gospelconsert! I love to sing gospel, it's so much fun! I can't wait. And after that I'm gonna meet...a friend:)

You can't imagine

Fri, 09 May 2008 22:00:19 GMT

How beautiful it is here. I'm sorry for the bad quality, I couldn't find a cam-stand. This is my view from my room, and it isn't entirely dark outside yet, as you might know our summer nights a light all trough. And now it's coming after the winter. Night sky

The story about how I bought my new bicyklehelmet

Fri, 09 May 2008 15:30:10 GMT

Oh my God, what a ordeal! I couldn't never guess that it would go like this. Although, it's typical my luck. Ok this is it: Once apon a time there was me, realizing that I don't want to ride my bike at the roads I was thinking of with a helmet. Talk about collecting grown up-points! The thing is there is a lot a lot of heavy traffic after all roads that leads out of my little town, and mature and all...old as I am I felt that I need a helmet, I haven't been using one for...maybe 5 years. Anyway, I'm getting in to sidetrack. So I head in to town with my friend I lured in with promise of a coffee and cake. But then I decided that I didn't feel like buying a helmet today, I was lazy. Ok so I drove my friend home, picked up my sister and drove her and her friends in to town. She was in such a bad mood, btw and so not kind to me. Anyway then I decided to buy a helmet after all, the weather was getting better and I was feeling for a ride anyway. So I went back to the store and found a helmet but didn't know what color I should pick. So I took a grey one. But went I came home I regretted taking a grey I wanted the red. (This is me) So I met up with my mom in town and after buying a birthday gift to my cousin we went back, again to the store were I bought the helmet. But, lucky me, it wasn't the same salesman, it was an other, a young, cute guy instead. So, home again I discover that a part was missing, just two small things that was going to attach an other thing, so I had to go back. Again. But there was a new salesman again, lucky lucky me. So it takes four times to a store to get me a helmet.

I'm so the best

Wed, 07 May 2008 11:04:05 GMT

I totaly fixed my layout by my self! And I know it isn't a hard thing to do for you guys, but I have no clue about layou test and html and stuff. So proud:)