The coldest blood runs through my veins...

I managed to find a Googlewhack.

I realise that it won't be in future, but... http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=ned+flanders+is+offering+cutsies&btnG=Google+Search&meta=

This just in.... peterb and hayleyk are the SAME PERSON!

( Read more... )

... you go away for a business trip and over 50% of your luggage is food :D

... Be a 6'3", 215lb man who stands in the kitchen and quotes Little Sisters in a high pitched voice whilst colleagues walk in and out.

"Get him Mr. Bubbles!"

"I can see Angels!"

:D

I finished training this morning and whilst I was showering and dressing I got chatting to a guy in the changing rooms. He was telling me about a back injury he'd picked up, and I was telling him about how I'd had a back injury about a year ago from an unstable bench resulting in me having pretty severe sciatica. At the time I'd visited a remedial sports masseuse and it cleared up within about three or four sessions.

I began to tell him about this, and half way through the conversation three guys walked in to the changing rooms. So, they didn't see or hear the preceding conversation, and only heard and saw the following...

*I'm wearing a pair of white boxer shorts and nothing else, I also have some moisturiser under each eye which I haven't gotten around to rubbing in yet*

Me: "Yeah, it really hurt to begin with but then it actually began to feel very pleasant after the first 45 minutes or so."

Him: "Where was it that it hurt?"

*I turned around and pointed to the lowest point of my back, just above my arse*

Me: "Right here. As I said, it really hurt to begin with, but after about 45 minutes I really started to loosen up and it began to feel really pleasant."

Him: "Ah, that sounds great. Just what I need. Was it expensive?"

Me: "About £40 an hour from what I remember."

Him: "That's very reasonable, usually these things are a lot more expensive."

Me: "Yeah I know. Bear in mind though that you'll feel really tired afterwards. In fact, I usually have it on a Sunday morning and then sleep for pretty much the whole afternoon."

Him: "I see. So you think it could help loosen me up a bit?"

Me: "Definitely."

Him: "So, can I have the number then?"

*I read out the masseuse's number to him*

Him: "Thanks for that. Listen, have a good weekend and I'll see you next week."

Me: "You too mate, have a good one."

*Cue strange looks and very worried shuffling from the three guys who just walked in, clearly all asking themselves what the fuck we were discussing*

... but NEEDWANT!

C4 Picasso.

I drove past the Citroen dealership in Banbury a few days back and saw one parked outside in jet black. I nearly crashed in to oncoming traffic the thing looked so awesome.

Having said all of this, I can't see myself dropping £20k on one since I could get far more car for the money elsewhere. Still, I'm impressed by it :)

Those of you who have peterb added to your Friend List will probably already have seen this.

Bitchslap game - You even get to evade and counter :D

LOLCODE

Example 1

HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
I HAS A VAR
IM IN YR LOOP
	UP VAR!!1
	VISIBLE VAR
	IZ VAR BIGGER THAN 10? KTHXBYE
IM OUTTA YR LOOP
KTHXBYE

Example 2

HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
PLZ OPEN FILE "LOLCATS.TXT"?
	AWSUM THX
		VISIBLE FILE
	O NOES
		INVISIBLE "ERROR!"
KTHXBYE

Epic.

There are literally hundreds of ways that I can express my anger, disdain, fury and general lack of appreciation of other road users*. However, there isn't a single, universally accepted method of apologising for making a mistake whilst driving and thus defusing any potential ill feeling**.

Sure there are certain situations where you can mouth the word "sorry" to someone, such as when someone closed the gap at a junction I was attempting to pulling out of whilst they were queuing at a red light. I was trying to go right, they were heading the other way and the red light meant that I could have moved on without having to merge in to passing traffic. When they realised what they'd done, they looked at me apologetically and said "Sorry".

However, there isn't a single way to do it without being close enough and properly oriented to be able to say it face to face and positioning like this, after just having done something worthy of apologising for seldom occurs. Sure you can flash your hazard lights a few times which more recently seems to have become more of a "thank you", but other than that it's not possible.

It says quite a lot about our society, don't you think?

* Not that I do. I learned a long time ago to just leave people to it, so now I don't utter a word.

** Not that I need to of course, you understand. I never make mistakes whilst driving so anything I do is exactly what I intended to do ;)

How do I become an hero?

Although, really perhaps it should be "How do I became an hero?" don't you think peterb?

There's a couple of guys who train at the gym I use who frequently ask me for advice about losing weight. I've seen them use "questionable" methods to try and elicit greater weight loss including the following:

• Wearing a home-made binliner suit(!) under their training clothes under the mistaken belief that they'll "sweat out more fat"(!) - I explained how at best it'd result in additional sweat and water loss (not to mention electrolyte loss) which is weight they instantly regain when they had a drink but it didn't mean a thing to them.
• Weighing themselves after using each piece of equipment, and after every set with resistance exercise(!)
• Not drinking water whilst training in the mistaken belief that it'll aid fat loss.
• Excessive use of the sauna.
• Excessive use of the sauna along with their binliner man suits(!)

There's a pretty straight-forward approach that I take when someone asks me about losing bodyfat. The key here really is diet, so the first thing I do is ask about what they eat, how much they eat and when they eat it. Secondly I'll ask them about their training routine and history. Thirdly I'll find out about any supplements or drugs they might be using.

These guys have asked me probably five or six times, and I've told them the same thing every time. In summary, drop the excessive low intensity long duration cardio, start doing some compound movements (various types of squats, benching, various types of deadlifts, shoulder pressing etc.) along with moderate cardio and I offer them dietary adjustments (smaller more frequently consumed meals, moderate complex carbs, good fats, good quality protein etc).

Today we went through the advice again. Both swore blind to me that they eat well, although I had a suspicion that they weren't honest since on the diet they were describing they couldn't have failed to have lost weight. I specifically asked them if they eat junk food very frequently, and they both said that they don't. I explained that in moderation a bit of junk isn't too bad and in fact occassional overeating can be anabolic. Still, they swore blind that they never eat junk. No chips, no pizzas, no burgers, no kebabs etc. Salad and chicken breasts all the way*.

So I ran through the usual advice, including dietary adjustments and changes to training. Now, these guys are fucking huge. Morbidly obese. I'm not saying that in a "haha, hey fatty-boom-boom lol" way, they really are the kind of guys that as they walk in to the gym, you think to yourself "Fuck me, I can't believe they haven't had a heart attack yet!".

Fast-forward to 7:30pm. I'm at home, sitting in the lounge watching a TV show about rich people buying tanks and I see the guys who asked for my advice walking past my house. I shit you not, they each had an open bag of chip shop chips (fries for you US residents) under each arm, and were somehow managing to produce the closest thing I've ever seen to perpetual motion as they shovelled scooped handful after scooped handful in to their gaping, cavernous gobs.

Something tells me that this isn't an isolated incident. How anyone could possibly claim to follow the diet they're alluding to following without drastic weight loss given their condition has always made me dubious. Next time these motherfuckers ask for my advice, it's going to be amusing :D

* I didn't recommend this. It was just their "must lose weight, salads are good!" approach.

I know this because I've spent the last two days walking around carrying one of these...



... and randomly holding it up to people and saying "THIS. IS. SATAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

:D

A game for broomster I feel ;)

I'd been meaning to get a video clip or two of me training for a while, and finally remembered to get one a few days back. Unfortunately the gym was more or less empty whilst I was in there so I had to try to wedge my phone on a platform which hasn't proved to be very effective. The angle's poor, and unfortunately about a third of the shot is obscured by my log book which I was using to wedge my phone in place. It'd be much better taken from a front or corner angle as opposed to side on.

Still, I managed to get a clip of me deadlifting 220kg (485 lbs) for one rep. 220Kg isn't close to my personal best which is 270kg (594lbs) for three reps but to be fair I was weighing in at 17 stone (238lbs) when I did that. At the moment I'm dieting down so I'm tipping the scales to 14.5 stone (201lbs). I'm also presently using fairly short rest periods between sets compared to when I was training for strength. In terms of power to weight ratio on a single lift, I've gone from 2.5 to 2.41 so it's not all that bad :)

Carbed up and actually attempting a strength lift I reckon I could hit 250Kg no problem.

( Deadlift video... )