i just want to say that it is good to know that so many of you are still around. i stopped writing regularly when i felt like panda was getting to an age where i didn't feel so comfortable making her life so public. that will be up to her someday. when i started to feel like all i was doing was being her mama, so i didn't have much else to write about. we just weaned right before her 4th birthday! zoinks! now i have all this other stuff going on and i have been using the twitter but if you guys know me you know that i am not the shortest winded of ladies. so yeah.
i have a four year old.
by wednesday my new album, thunder thighs, will be done. totally recorded mixed, DONE. then i just need to do the cover art and it will be out on K Records early summer! i am super proud of it. soooo many of my bestest peeps are all over it. it is insane. it starts with a song i wrote 8 1/2 months pregnant. slow and steady you know? i am really excited for you all to hear it.
i also have this new insane duo with Aesop Rock called Precious Bros! we are working on an album and have 6 songs that boggle my mind. i have this berkeley show on sunday and then next month i am doing a west coast tour with defiance ohio!!! in march i am going to do a tour with paleface and pablo das.
i feel like doing shit!!! i want to make musics and play and be out and about. i want to go on waterslides and swim in the sea.
all you mamas know about the cloud right? i think the sky is clearing and i feel less crazy. i feel more like myself. i am inspired and excited about things. it is a shame they don't tell mamas about the cloud. and a lot of us don't even know what is happening until it starts to clear.
and it isn't even necessarily post partum depression, but just a cloud. a difference. i didn't even notice what it was until panda was past 3.
i feel good though. getting there at least.
better. little bit of sunshine.
been off sugar and wheat again. this time since early july. it makes a big difference. been dipping my toes back into multiple 12 step programs and dabbling with mindfulness meditation and taking swimming lessons. I am actually getting the hang of butterfly. by the time i am 50 i want to be swim team ready. swimming is so good for my soul. swim to save my soul, right?
i "read" the audiobook of Codependent No More and realized how much of a rescuer i have been my whole life. i have been trying to focus more on my own self care and less on saving everyone else.
i still love you all and care about you but i had been neglecting me. so now i am trying to be good to me and do what i need to do to be healthy. in and out.
slow and steady.
so i will start coming around more. on this LJ and hopefully in person. i want to draw you a shirt. i want to play in your backyard. i want some galldarned hugs.
you will hug me won't you?
i have missed all you sexy losers. a lot.
so i am back.