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Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
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5:55p - somersault to september...hope i last til november
i have to cancel the yardsale/bbq this weekend. i thought leaving this house with a party was the way to go, but i am genuinely not emotionally prepared to do that. i don't feel like cleaning up the yard. i don't feel like cooking all day. and i don't feel like being a good hostess. i am too sad.
i am really sorry if you were planning on coming and you were really psyched about it.
almost all of my closest new york friends and some good friends from france are playing a benefit show at the cake shop on saturday from 1-5pm and if i am not with them i will feel bad all day. so i am going to play a few songs at the benefit. and collect music donations. whatever is donated that day i will pay for the shipping of.
yesterday and today i have been packing up my room.
it is ridiculously sad. a part of me feels like i have no right to be sad when so many people just lost so much. but i can't help it.
the only thing worse than grief is grief mixed with guilt about grieving.
next summer i will have a bbq in seattle.
and you can all fly out for it.
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