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Sunday, July 31st, 2005
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1:58p
i think i figured it out. i am not burnt out on touring. i think i really have gotten to the point where, by touring so much, i have become even more insecure than i have ever been about feeling like i am in the way and unwanted if i am anywhere other than in my own home for more than a couple of days. and it occured to me that that home that i am most comfortable in is REALLY going to be gone. and my sanity comes from not only travelling, but having a tight family and strong roots. and those roots are uprooting. and it REALLY is scary. i woke up super super sad. i feel like i am just fluttering around bumping into things. and the things i am bumping into are other people's lives. i am totally overwhelmed. i think i am going to cancel my flight and drive home. i think i will leave seattle as early as possible tomorrow. and just haul ass home. my car is all i fell like is totally mine sometimes and i kinda just wanna keep it with me. and besides flying scares the fucking shit out of me. stuff with my mom is so unpredictable. i just want my car. and my guitar. and my blankets. if you live between here and there and i can stay at your house if i end up at night in your town can you email me your number today at greatcrap@hotmail.com? i will be alone. and probably really tired, and a little sad. and kinda hungry. i haven't felt so out of control in awhile. when i drive i feel in total control of everything.
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4:46p
i am leaving seattle in a couple of hours. i am going to drive to portland tonight and then leave from there early in the morning. thanks for all the nice emails and phone calls.
here is a picture of me and ange and a bunch of nice kids at the rock quarry in bloomington....
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