okay. i feel a little better. i am in portland at jake's house. before i left seattle rebecca loaned me her extra super 8 camera. in the morning me and jake will go find film for it. when i was at my aunt's house packing up i got a phone call from paul baribeau asking if i would still be in seattle in 2 days, because he will be in seattle in 2 days. i will not be in seattle, but it's okay because he is in portland! and after film shopping and breakfast eating i will call him and me him and jake will record some more of my songs. and i will leave for new york on tuesday morning. if i don't record now i won't record until winter. i don't want to wait that long. i hope paul baribeau will sing with me on the part of my new song that is about me singing with him. that would be nice.

i still feel sad and overwhelmed, but i feel productive and super duper loved and that helps.