| I'm abandoning livejournal |
[06 Dec 2005|11:45pm] |
I think.
for myspace. I just like it better there. you can read there, if you really care. there's a link in my user info. I might still read stuff here. I don't know, probably not.
byeeee
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| where have I been??! |
[04 Dec 2005|01:16pm] |
I couldn't begin to remember all the things that've happened since I last updated, but I'll try to recall the important things.
~Trevor and I are still together, although we're having some problems (as always)
~I like a boy who is not Trevor but who is verrrry nice to me and I really don't know what to do about the situation
~Thanksgiving at my house was wonderful :: the fam is great and I got to see some old friends
~I've had some really stupid junior high drama coming from 25-28 year olds
~I saw a really awesome play about zombies (and had the time of my life)
~my kitty is here, her name is Lola (she was a showgirl), and she is adorable as fuck, but she has worms and I have to give her medicine (that I got from the bitchy vet lady who I hate - don't go to Animal Health Center in Broad Ripple!)
~I have not been going to class or doing work for any of my classes and I don't care
~still don't want to go back next semester, but I think I might have to for financial reasons
~work is still pretty great
~I don't know what else. ask if you're wondering about something in particular.
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| summary: |
[21 Nov 2005|01:49am] |
+I like Murder by Death (mostly because of the zombie/Salvador Dali films in the background and the cuuuuuuute cute cellist)
+I gained one admirer
+I broke up a relationship
+"the" relationship of my life is back on again (for now)
+probably not going back to school next semester
+WE'RE GETTING A KITTY! (Nietzsche, I think we'll call her)
+I'm extremely close to being a lesbian
+I'm very happy with my life right now
+I haven't been getting enough sleep by far
+can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving
+forgetting other things I should be putting here
+maybe I'll fix that later (but probably not)
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[16 Nov 2005|03:50am] |
crazy drama.
I maybe brought it on myself, a little. but it's still pretty crazy.
doing even less schoolwork than before. I'm going to fail out of life.
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[12 Nov 2005|01:51pm] |
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I no longer have any moral values whatsoever.
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[09 Nov 2005|11:26pm] |
I needed you today.
(2)
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| holy shit |
[08 Nov 2005|04:22pm] |
holy shit
holy shit
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!
this could be the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. EVER.
don't whine about your god damn friends page, either. obviously, I don't care or I wouldn't use such crazy big font.
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| Dear Diary, |
[07 Nov 2005|11:50pm] |
today I ate a lot of chocolate. I found out Mr. Ashley is 25. I might've failed my religion midterm. I realized I'd be a lot happier if I worked full time and went to school no-time. I convinced a kid she was going to turn into a hamster in her sleep tonight. I smiled a lot, for no reason really. I was quite bored. I read all about African American religions and Catholicism. I guess you could say I learned something. I dirtied some dishes that I'll have to wash tomorrow. I settled my schedule for next semester with my boss. I did half my assignment for English tomorrow (I'll do the rest in the morning). I remembered I should have written a philosophy essay so I don't have to do it all next week. I freaked out a little about being one paper behind in religion and still not feeling motivated to turn the others in on time. I resigned any feelings, fond or ill, toward school. I saw a trailer for a movie I desperately want to see with the one person on the planet who'd deny me of it. I made channel six come in wicked clear. I missed you. (1)
Love,
Ralee
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| I need... |
[07 Nov 2005|01:04am] |
all kinds of things.
-
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| God is an Empiricist. |
[03 Nov 2005|12:41am] |
I could talk about some really profound and important things that are going on in my life right now, but instead I'm going to tell you this:
I once saw an episode of Smallville where some chubby chick decides to start drinking these nasty veggie shake things in order to lose weight. she got the veggies from a field behind her house, which happened to be hit by meteors the day Clark Kent mysteriously arrived in town. needless to say, something was wrong with those veggies! the chick starts to lose weight rapidly. so rapidly, in fact, that she was wasting away to nothing. she needed to eat A LOT more and extremely often just to keep alive. she started eating animals from the woods, even. that's pretty gross, but not as gross as the time she tried to eat a person... anyway, my point is... I think I've gotten ahold of some of those veggies. I eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat (we could do this for awhile), and I'm still ALWAYS hungry. I'll eat a full meal and be staaaaaarving two hours later. every two hours, in fact. today, for instance, I had two pop-tarts and some gatorade before work. at work, I had some strawberries and two rolls. a little later on, I had a can of soup (veggie!). and even later, celery sticks and ranch dip. then some chips. I got home and made pasta, ate that. made a biiiiig sad, ate that. and I just now ate about 1/4 quart of ice cream and talking about all this food is making me hungry... I can't stop being hungry! and, I'm not gaining weight. actually, I'm wondering if I'm still losing weight. today might not sound all that bad to you, but this was a light day. usually, I get breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack, snack, snack. I can't conceive of being full; the times I manage to get there, I will, WITHOUT FAIL, be hungry in at least two hours.
also, I realized what a huge dork I am when I, along with the rest of my modern philosophy class, died laughing when my professor stated (that according to Hume) the title of this entry. and none of you people (actually, maybe ONE of you...) have (... has) the vaguest idea of why that would be even slightly funny (and really, even if you had the facts, it's not funny unless you're a complete and total loser like me and my geek classmates).
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[01 Nov 2005|06:28pm] |
I've said it about 57840580453047 billion times, but I think I mean it this time. I'm done. I'm fairly certain after an earlier conversation today that I've been barking up the wrong tree anyway. and now, I'm spent trying to 'go with the flow and see what happens.'
psh.
next time you call, I'll be busy. if you decide later that you want a chance, too bad. you had it. you blew it.
on another note:
our Halloween party was fabulous, of course. I've started going back to class and a couple of girls were all "we've missed you!," so I'm pretty sure I'm making new friends. Cute Neighbor Couple wants to cook us dinner and I'm overwhelmed with work [and I don't care].
also, today I had a breakdown.
I need a nap.
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| and my body, it leaks like a sieve |
[01 Nov 2005|12:19am] |
today, the kids (at the daycare where I work) dressed up as crayons and we took them trick-or-treating. maybe one day I'll get pictures up. you'll pretend not to care, but you'll die over how fucking adorable these kindergarteners are (I've fallen into the sick habit of referring to them as "my babies". if I can like a kid that much, you know it must be damn cute).
everything else, I'm completely unsure of.
{the current whereabouts of my flatmate, for example}
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| fuuuuuuuuuuuck me |
[31 Oct 2005|12:41am] |
just for the record, I do NOT like having to censor myself on my own damn LJ.
and just for the record, over a month of sleeping in my bed is long enough to take me out.
another one for the record, it won't happen again.
still on the record, anything you put zero effort into is something you deserve zero result from (and this time, by you I do mean everyone)
not off the record, it's weird to care about nothing.
say what you will; say what you mean.
you could never offend - your dirty words come out clean.
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[28 Oct 2005|01:26am] |
you're about to find yourself out of luck and alone, quite soon. you're running out of time and I'm running out of patience.
and I'm also very nervous that this party will not be anywhere near as awesome as we have advertised. we didn't really get on things like we promised we would and now we have 1.5 days to somehow throw it together. also, I'm worried we won't have enough refreshments.
good luck to us bitches.
and blah.
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| I could tell from the minute I woke up |
[27 Oct 2005|11:36am] |
it was going to be a lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely day.
just a bad day for emotions. each day, I move on just a little more and I see what he truly is a bit more clearly. but some days, his band will post a bulletin and I'll check it out because I've always liked their music. or maybe that's not why. they've posted new pictures, and thankfully, most of them left him out. but the ones where he was singing remind me of everything I'm trying to forget. I remember what it felt like before things got so bad; before he turned into whatever that thing is that's always drunk and coaxing some unsuspecting girl into bed. I realize that my connection to him isn't the time we spent together or even how we spent our time together. it's that, somewhere along the way, we became the same person. and I don't mean that we liked all the same things or had all the same friends, but that we literally were each other. when I'm with him, even when I'm angry, I feel most like myself. my whole body, my mind, and every aspect of life that makes up "me" is finally present when, and only when, we are together. I feel confused when I see pictures or hear stories - when I'm given information about his doings that I didn't previously have - because I'm wondering where I was while these things were happening. not in the way that you wonder why your lover didn't tell you about something, but in the way that people fill in your blackout moments from the crazy drunken night before - like you must have been there, but you don't remember doing a thing they're describing.
and I wonder if he feels the same way. part of me thinks, of course not. he's an asshole with no feelings, save the ones in his dick. he doesn't care about me, he doesn't miss me, and all his sex-hounding proves he's a whore. but when I see his picture or read something he wrote, I hear the voice of the guy I met two years ago. I know I was closer to him than anyone in his life and I believe the nicer things about him. I think, yes when he sees me his heart breaks too. he's checking regularly to make sure my status has remained "Single" and the endless line of girls is a sad and desperate attempt to fill the void I've left. he's trying to feel whole again, but just can't figure out right now how to be with me and keep the other good things in his life good.
maybe that's all bullshit. okay, probably that's all bullshit. but right now, my heart needs it. but just right now; just a few hours today.
after all, I do have a deer in my headlights and a steady flow of creativity.
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[24 Oct 2005|10:25pm] |
so I had a great weekend.
Friday I went to the Children's Museum with the daycare and it was soooooooooo much fun. the kids LOVED it and were very well-behaved. I got paid eight bucks an hour (and got in the museum free) just to play around all day. half the time I wasn't even with the kids, and when I was supposed to be supervising I was mostly acting just like one of them. then I went to Brooklyn to see a boy. we watched Fight Club because it's cool and then I came home.
Saturday I... don't know what I did during the day at all. but that night I went to a Halloween party with Cheryl, Allison, and Jen. we got pretty drunk and I'm pretty sure were dubbed "those drunk bitches up front." a lot can be said about that party. it was dressed up real nice and there was all kinds of good drinks. I got re-aquainted with all the band guys I was friends with back when Trevor and I were happy. they all remembered me and seemed glad to talk to me again. let's see... I met some really interesting people and had A LOT of laughs. I sang on stage, into the mic and everything, with EBK. word on the street it I was good, but I can't be sure because I couldn't hear myself. I peed on the side of the house... uhh.. got an invitation to do naked hot tub in the living room. turned down the invitation. became one of the wicked cool popular people, along with my lovely friends, by being wonderful enough to be beckoned on stage by the band to dance or something. eventually left to get yummy vegan macaroni and "cheese" at P. and Allison's, where we crashed for the night.
slept ALLLLLL day Sunday. had some great Mexican food, then went haunted housing with Melissa (finally!), Paul, Cheryl, and Allison. it was actually pretty scary. Allison and I led the way like the brave bitches we are (the brave bitches who screamed at everything and kicked our legs into the darkness to make sure nothing was there). she kicked me once and later I hit her in the face. thennn we came back here and Cheryl made AMAZING vegan chilli and Paul told great stories and P. came and was quiet.
that's it and you're jealous.
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