Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in jestr_'s LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
2:45 am	Ass-ventures in Los Angeles land!! So I woke up this morning in excruciating pain and covered in my own blood. No I'm not kidding. Turns out ths I had a fistulated, infected hemerrhoid that had ruptured. So, having no insurance I drove myself to USC medical. Incidentally I have learned never to drive yourself to the hospital when in that kind of condition. So let me say a few things about USC emergency, yes it's overcrowded and yes sometmes you wait 24 hours to be treated. These are all true and it sucks. But that's because it's the only place that people like me can go without going into massive debt, but I digress. Failings aside I was impressed with patience, professionalism, and empathy that these overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated individuals do. I didn't have to wait 24 hours however, I think the fact that I was bleeding all over their seats had something to do with that. And that's the thing, if you really need care, they give it too you. Yes it sucks to be on the lower priority status and have to wait for ten or even twenty plus hours, but it's good to know that a place like that is there and that care like that is available. This isn't a add for Socialized medicine, it's just an acknowledgement of these excellent people. Anyhow, they gave me a bunch of tests and there was entirly too much probing but in the end (teehee) I got the treatment I needed and the medication I needed all for $120. Of course follow up care could be waay expensive, but i think I should be fine. If not I should be getting my insurance through work in about a month anyhow so hopefully any problems going forward will be covered. Of course the irony in all this (other than the fact that I never want to fart again) is that I dodged the bullet for over 15 years and I finally have a problem less than a month before I'm eligible for insurance. Retarded!!!! Since there is no such thing as "too soon" in my vocabulary feel free to launch into the ass jokes if you like ;) Thanks again LAC/USC medical center! Posted via LiveJournal.app. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 28th, 2009
1:31 am	Poppin the Youtube Cherry Hehe, my first video. Thanks iPhone S camera!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQHxia6PykQ (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009
1:25 am	It's a Blue Moon!!! Well it's been a while!! My new job is pretty awesome, I basically get paid to play around with tech and learn new and interesting things about computers, the intardwebs, and other such cool stuff. I was rather pleased with myself today, I did a full tear-down on a iBook G4 and a Powerbook G4, got both back together and they ran perfectly!! Mac's are EPIC difficulty mode as far as repairs go, to get the HD out of the iBook literally required that I disassemble the entire thing!! They are quite beautiful in the interior, no space is wasted and everything is engineered with beautiful precision, but goddamn it's a pain to work on. Both tear-down/rebuilds took my a little over 2 hours apiece. As for gigs? Well it's a bit slow, but that's normal for summer. Some of my contracted gigs have cut back their seasons next year, but it's to be expected. The good news is that despite the cutbacks all the orchestra's I'm a member of are actually doing quite well considering and will probably be able to weather the current storm, barring unforeseen difficulties. Practicing has been a bit off lately, but that's ok. I've had to learn alot at this new job and it's going to take a few months to get to a point where I can feel a bit easier. Still, I AM practicing and improving, albeit slower than usual and that's a good sign considering how busy I've been. The new place ROCKS, the new job ROCKS, and life in general is pretty cool. Not sure how long it will last, but I'm enjoying it while it does. :) (Comment on this)
Monday, May 4th, 2009
12:11 am	JCVD (The Movie) For those of you that don't lurk the forums I thought I'd repost this here. Well color me surprised, the man can act. The actual plot of the film is very French, it's clever and idiosyncratic, sometimes to a fault. As a story I'd give it a B+. However, oddly, this plays well with the movies centerpiece, Jean Claude Van Damme. I had heard he did a great job acting. I kinda disagree, he wasn't acting the film....he was living it. I'm not sure what it says about his range as an actor, but I do know what it says about himself. It's surprisingly self-aware and heart wrenching, a very honest portrait of someone who's life has gone places he didn't want it to go, dreams that were fulfilled only to be found lacking or empty. Gritty stuff. There's not much in the way of action (except for the opening scene), and what action there is is portrayed in a very stark manner, purposefully distancing itself from the things that he is known for. Some might find it a bit ego-centric.....but with a name like JCVD how could it not be. The movie is a broken stars attempt to show that he is more than we thought and an attempt to reconnect with a career that was never really what he wanted it to be. For my part I wish him luck. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 5th, 2009
11:06 pm	Onward Well, things change and life moves on. I got a job, a good one and thusfar I've been able to balance my work and music life with little difficulty. This leaves out one critical piece of course, social life. Not sure how to balance that last one, going from an excess of time to a deficit is definitely a challenge for the old brain but I'm sure I'll figure it out as time goes on. I suppose at some point I'll need to reign in my hours as I'm doing about 50 or 60 hours a week at the new job not counting gigs. At some point (probably at my 90 day evaluation) I'll have to figure out how I'm going to balance my hours and income to make this work with everything else. Musically it's been challenging, and in a good way. Not having enough time to prepare things has forced me to become increasingly efficient, which has pushed me to make certain technical changes to my playing...things that I've been struggling with for a long time and never really gotten to. I guess necessity really is the mother of invention. I've also been looking at my health (diet, excersize, etc.). My biological Father (whom I just met a year ago) suffered a major heart attack in his mid 40's and I could see myself well on that path, especially if I've inherited that predilection. The problem is I don't like most diets, most of them seem to be based on "folksy" wisdom or psuedo-science. The only one that seems to hold up under the scrutiny of real research is the Ornish Diet. When I say diet what I really mean of course is a complete change in my eating habits, I'm still eating today roughly the same as I did in my early 20's, and that's contributed to some pretty extreme weight gain in the last decade. At first blush, though I don't consider myself a vegetarian, Ornish is the only solidly documented solution that seems to fit my particular mix of possible genetic disposition toward heart disease and my need for a break from my old eating habits. I think I'll combine a light version of that diet with some increased exercise, I'll probably start train/biking it to work and see how that works. All bullshit aside though I'm going to have to be pretty disciplined about this next phase in my life. It will be easy to allow my music to lag, so this means that my first priority after returning from work will be practicing, this is going to fundamentally change everything in my life, hopefully for the best. All the same I can't lose my focus on need for friends and family (I need to keep gaming too damnit!!). I suppose at some point I should try working on a girlfriend, but with everything else I'm working on it keeps getting pushed further and further back. Unfortunately that's the subject of another entire post that I'm not ready to do right now. Best to focus on what's in front of me for the time being. So to sum up this extremely long winded post, finally at age 36 I have to figure out how to deal with a 9 to 5 job.......I'm such a fucking loser ;) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 8th, 2009
5:32 am	Politics Recently we've been having some discussions on Politics on a friends forum, not so much about politics as what forms the basis for our (forum lurkers) individual politics.  It's focusing on our own perception rather than any kind of universal political philosophy.  Anyhow, the post I made ended up feeling somewhat bloggish so I figured I'd post it as time goes on for those of you who don't know that forum or (wisely) avoid the discussions thread.  The first of such forum lurkers post's was organized around the "Pillars" of his beliefs, which is what I'm referencing at the beginning of the post: "To be completely honest I don't have any set "Pillars" to my political thought (or any other thoughts actually).  Pillars smack of ideology, and ideology smacks of Dogma, and Ideologues make my anus itch (combined with my hemorrhoids that makes a nightmare combination).  The reasons for this are many, but suffice it to say I was raised by extreme ideologues.  I have since rid myself of that particular Ideology's pernicious grip, but I remain highly suspicious of anything resembling organized systematic belief systems, no matter how benign.   However, to understand my politics I suppose I should first talk about what defines my thought processes these days.   I don't really know how to define what I follow other than idealized pragmatism.  That sounds like complete bullshit and probably will change by the time I'm done writing this, but it works for now.  Basically I do think there is an sort of "ideal" that should be pursued in life, government, art, society, etc. but that the path to that ideal is constantly shifting and requires a great deal of flexibility to attain.  I cannot reach an ideal by being an idealist, idealists are inflexible and choose to filter all input and knowledge through a certain dogmatic set of ideas and beliefs which to me is antithetical to actually getting anything done.  As an aside I don't think anybody can ever actually reach any ideal, in my vocabulary an "ideal" is a pseudo-fantastical  perception of the where we want ourselves, or the world in general to be.     Because it's pseudo-fantastical it can never truly be attained, so I must be pragmatic in it's pursuit and also in it's conception.  In other words it can't be so completely fantastical that it cannot be attained in any way, i.e. finding a Unicorn or appealing to a Neo-Con's sense of decency and it's attainment should not be attempted by relying on fantastical things such as prayer or crystals or the Church of Reality.  It requires an equal blend of discipline and improvisation, of acerbic reason and emotional intelligence.   Even the process of attaining in part any of an ideal changes the ideal, moving it outwards beyond my reach again as I perceive that what I have attained isn't ideal at all but simply a waypoint in a longer road.  It's basically a mental carrot on a stick, something which I realize is a kind of trick, but seems to me to simply to be a practical way of progressing.   As I said bullshit.....however, this shifting Zeitgeist is the closest I can come to a central pillar(s) in my beliefs.  How does this influence my politics?  Well, I'll try to post something to that end over the coming days/weeks." We'll see if any following posts on the forum are worthwhile to post here. (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 5th, 2009
11:00 am	Qtask Well, I was offered and took a job with Qtask.  I'm still concertising as much as possible, but things have slowed down to the point that it's either get a job or lose my place, not much of a choice really.  Plus being offered a job in the midst of and economic downturn is pretty amazing, I'd be stupid not to take it.  Still, working during the day and rehersing at night (and concerts on the weekend) is pretty insane.  We'll see how this goes over the next couple of months, but thusfar I feel pretty good about it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 17th, 2009
2:46 pm	Interesting.....ran across another great one that I must share.  "It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt (Comment on this)
Monday, February 9th, 2009
9:26 am	I just watched a show called "Root of all Evil?".  It was a BBC production and hosted by Richard Dawkins, it's a good show and brings up some pretty chilling problems with the current Abrahamic religions.  However, he said something at the end that I found quite affecting, whether I agreed with everything that came before or not. Some might find it preachy, but for me you can't find something like this anywhere else.  Nowhere else but atheist/humanist philosophy (and a limited number of minor religions) can you find such a brutally honest appraisal of our fate combined with such a compelling conviction of our current and future self-worth. "People sometimes say, "There must be more than just this world, than just this life."  But how much more do you want?   We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones.  Most people are never going to die, because they're never going to be born.     The number of people who could be here in my place outnumber the sand grains of Sahara.  If you think about all the different ways in which our genes could be permuted, you and I are quite grotesquely lucky to be here.  [If you think of] The number of events that had to happen, in order for you to exist, in order for me to exist.   We are privileged to be alive, and we should make the most of our time on this world."   -Richard Dawkins (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 15th, 2009
1:19 am	Secretary of the Arts I'm not one to send on "chain" emails so I'll just post this here. There's a petition for Obama to create a "Secretary of the Arts". There are similar positions in most other countries, we could really use one here (or my profession could really use one :) If ur interested sign the petition and pass it on if you have the mind. www.petitiononline.com/esnyc/petition.html I think it's pretty important........  (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
9:12 pm	Cat's out of the bag..... Well, it's finally happened...my highly religious family officially knows I'm an Athiest.  This should be interesting....... I suppose it's ultimately a good thing.  I tried about 3 years ago with my brother and his reaction was pretty extreme, so, through a very tactful retreat and some rephrasing of what I'd just told him (and his need to believe I wasn't going to hell) I managed to partway convince him that I was simply a "marginal" Xhristian.   For a long time I've felt that this was the best course for things.....but I realize now that it's a very cynical way to live your life.  I had some kind of conviction that my family wouldn't be able to "handle" it and it would be alot better for them to go on in their illusion.  However, I now realize that's bad all the way around. Ironically it is once more my brother that has brought on the need to pronounce my atheism, and in many ways it's directly due to Prop 8.  He brought it up, and I tried my normal routine of taking a "moderate" Christian view on it, and then realized that I was making myself look quite ridiculous and was at the same time having a very disingenuous with my brother...which forced me to drop the farce. He handled it somewhat better this time....and I suppose this means I'll have to make a round of calls tomorrow to prevent the inevitable "telephone" syndrome in which I end up a Satanist that eats babies and sodomizes goats by the time it reaches the end of the line. In the end it will be better for me to be honest in my dealings with them.  I don't like lying or obfuscating, it's emotionally unhealthy and creates more problems than it solves. (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 11th, 2008
7:58 pm	Cruddy Holidays.... I have a like/hate relationship with this time of year.  On one hand there's all the gigs, sure it's alot of work, but at least it means I'll have enough money to appease my creditors for a couple of months and maybe even chip away at the debt I aquired in my college years. However, it's also that time of year where you're supposed to reflect on things.....of course it's just a social meme, like everything else, but I'm no more immune to social memes than I am the ebola virus..... Of course my birthday is also around this time of year, so it's like a double reflective time....WHEEE!!!!! I hate this time of year because it always brings back the old ghosts.  Stuff I don't like to think about, and people I'd rather not talk to....just a huge laundry list of things and people that I can ignore the rest of the year are suddenly paraded before my mind and person like some kind of evil nativity scene. The worst part however is the inner reflections that come as a result of all of this are not helped by the fact that my own inner dialogue is so often disingenuous.  My mother raised me in a wonderfully fantastical world, that even after everything I've gone through I still subconciously believe in.  When I try to reflect on how I might help myself or improve my life I have to sift through a whole load of unrealistic idealistic crap before I can actually get anywhere useful.  Long story short, my inner voice is a passive-agressive, wildly unrealistic, narcissistic, idealist bitch and I can't really stand him/her/it.  If that last bit sounded insane, well, it makes sense to me, which is probably a bad sign. But I think I've gotten to the bottom of one of my biggest current problems, not that I know what to do about it.  Basically I lack the courage of my convictions. Music is pretty much the most important thing in my life, in a kind of unhealthy co-dependant kind of way.  It's like that chick that you first meet in college, and you're both pretty fucked up but you find that little spark of chemistry so you shack up togehter and before you know it you wake up and have 2.5 kids and a dead end job, and the business end of a .45 caliber handgun in your mouth.  Only of course there's no sex or kids, just the dead end job and the handgun...... What I'm saying is in alot of ways I shouldn't have been a professional musician.  Thats a big statement, and the why is pretty complicated, but here it goes. Music is crutch for me.  It was a good way to escape from my family when I was younger, I could say all the things I wanted to say in music and not get in trouble for it!!  When I got into college and my Bi-Polar started to really assert itself the only thing that really made any sense on any kind of level was music.  No matter what mood or frame of mind I was in I could always find some kind of meaning in it.  From the above statement one might  take away the idea that music has pretty much been the great refuge of my life, and that would be true. However, as a way of life it's been hell.  Rather than go into a million minutiae I'll just skip to the big problem, I can't think objectively about this (or at least not in any meaningful long term way).  One might think that that isn't a problem, music isnt' necesarily about objectivity...and that would be true, the actual act of creating music isn't.  But the skill and the craft of it is, and that's where the problem comes in. As a violinist, I was rather mediocre as a child.  All thumbs as one teacher put it, so it was only through sheer determination that I got anywhere at all.  Still, determination can only get you so far and I started running into huge walls in my technique, fortunately I found a teacher that could help me overcome many of those walls and as a result my college years saw a huge increase in the quality of my playing. In my post college years things have been not as good, this is where the problem of Objectivity comes in.  As a student, you simply absorb, lack of clear objectivity on the part of the student can be overcome in a number of ways if a teacher is good enough (and fortunately mine was), and on many levels I just absorbed much of my knowledge and skill from watching and listening to my peers. Now however, I've hit a wall again....and this one is much more dire.  Just listening and watching, or being told what to do no longer suffices.  At some point, you reach a level where if you are not able to look at what you are doing and figure it out for yourself you won't progress, basically I've learned all that I can from other people and now I have to learn from myself.  This takes a certain objectivity in looking at what I'm doing, how I'm doing it, and a huge amount of sensitivity to the feedback that my body and ears are giving me.  Unfortunately emotionally I have a HUGE blowback in this area. Music has always been my refuge, it is to me what, religion, chocolate shakes, and crappy movies are to others.  So when I go in to try and objectively pull apart a problem to fix it, well....let's just say it doesn't go well.  That would be fine if this was just a hobby, I could just pick a level of music I'm comfortable playing and fiddle away till they lay me in a pine box.  Unfortunately it's VERY bad as a professional.  A couple of weeks ago I posted on some of the things I think I need to do to further my career....well hold the presses, cause if I can't get past this I might as well throw in the towel. This might not be such a big deal if it were a new revelation, but on some levels I've known this was a problem for a few years now.  My inner voice being what it is though, I allowed myself any number of other excuses or possibilities and dodged the problem in any number of artful ways.  I've been trying one way or another to deal with it and had no success whatsoever.  Based on my past experience in the area of "working out my problems" I realize that awareness of a problem in no way equates to any chance of actually overcoming said problem. So basically I've  come to realize the greatest challenge of my entire professional (and personal) life, and I don't know that I can fix it.  Part of me feels that doing so will fundamentally change part of my relationship with music, which, being one of the few things keeping my psyche together is a daunting prospect. I'll be honest, I have no idea how I'm going to tackle this.  I say I'm a professional violinist, I say I'm an artist, but I'm afraid or incapable of doing what I need to do to be that person.  Because what, I'll hurt my own feelings?   /rant on For fucks sake man, have the courage of your convictions and just do it!  I didnt' spend the last 28 years of your life pursuing this for you to bitch out now!!  God you're so fucking Emo!!! /rant off At least that's how I'd normaly snap myself out of these things, only it isn't working this time and I'm not sure what will.  I'm tired, I think I'll take a nap. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 21st, 2008
3:43 am	Happy JEstr!! Google Documents has made me very very happy, I'm going to be traveling alot here at the end of the year, inevitably this leads me to fear losing my computer. What will I do if it's stolen, or lost or if it crashes? Well, now I have less to worry about thanks to Google Documents. My job is pretty document intensive so the ability to upload all the crap I need to Google Docs is kewl. I checked into it a few months ago, but was disjointedness at their crappy support for excel. Well, that has been addressed, so now I can do 95% of my work from any computer on the planet. That's a real load off......oh, and Foxmarks is also a new friend of mine.  I'm constantly reloading the OS on my PC because I'm a crackhead and my first reaction to most problems is a complete windows re-install (What?  There are CHICKENS in my living room?!!  I must reinstall XP immediately!!).  Having all of my bookmarks saved in a central location is great.  I'm still debating the password thing though...it seems secure but that may be a very bad idea. Oh, if you need to upload a gigaton of documents to GoogleDocs, here's a nifty app.  All this technology, I love it! Guess that's it...I should probably go to sleep now........... Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 18th, 2008
3:42 am	As Promised more posts.... This comes as more of a game review. I recently purchased Dead Space for PS3, here's a nice Not Safe for Sanity link to edjucate the uninitiated (the choice of music is fucking BRILLIANT). http://www.gametrailers.com/player/36332.html Well, I just finished it. I must say, at no time in recent memory do I quite remember a game so absolutely nailing a genre on the head. The game perfectly emulates the greats, Alien, The Thing, Hellraiser..and even some of the not-so-greats like Event Horizon. The good thing about this game is that the developers are quite obviously aware of this, and go to great lengths to make sure that while the game evokes the feel, (and sometimes even direct scenes) from these movies, it never feels derivative. I'm not easily scared by games, as a matter of fact the ONLY game that bears the distinction of scaring the absolute shit out of me was Silent Hill 2, I still tremble when I think about playing through that game. So straight up, this game isn't Silent Hill. I was not terrified out of my skull, but I will say that the game was able to create a sense of crawling dread, of some deep seated horror, that while not fully at the center of my experience was still effective enough to cause me a few "moments" during the game....you know, those moments where you have to take a break to get some water, and when you come back into the room you make sure to leave the lights on when you get back into the game. So in summary, if you're not easily scared by games, you'll be fine but still scared....if you're anything below that get ready for pants shitting terror. It's not a perfect game, to be frank I wasn't particularly invested in the characters or the main story...however, I really REALLY wanted to find out what was actually going on, and that's mainly what kept me going through the game narrative wise (the final reveal was worth it). I'm not saying that the story was bad, or that the characters were bad, but Dead Space suffers from one of the more common sins of it's genre, they fail to adequately humanize the story. There were actually a couple of moments where I felt bad for a couple of characters but that was about it. It's too bad, because that's what could have turned this from a good horror story into a great one. Visually the game is breathtaking, the developers must have looked at Doom 3 and said to themselves, "Let's not do that!!" Obviously there's alot of corridor crawling, but unlike Doom 3, each area manages to have it's own feel and flavor, it breaks things up nicely, plus they do manage to get you into some large open spaces (and even outside the ship) and then you really get to see what this new engine that EA has developed is capable of. It's pretty goddamned stunning, I'm looking forward to more games in this engine. Gameplay is really really good, gunplay is well balanced and fluid while simultaneously reminding you that you're not an action hero, you're a mechanic, and a horror movie protagonist. You don't get to roll around and dodge or in general behave like something from a John Woo film. But it all feels right, you don't feel artificially constrained or limited. It all feels very natural and correct, and that's a hard thing to pull off, especially in a 3rd person shooter. The game can get pretty hard at times, especially until you figure out how to deal with large groups and constant waves of baddies (and believe you me you'll have to figure that out). It doesn't feel cheap like Call of Duty however. There's never a point at which you have the "endless respawn" problem that CoD does, and oftentimes you can simply charge a room and run through the door an skip combat entirely if you like. However, there will be moments when you have no choice but to stand and fight...and let me tell you the bodies will pile up. It's great though, arms and heads and legs all flying off and vital fluids spewing everywhere......it's really a delightfully bloody, gory, gut-wrenching game. The weapon/armor upgrade system is pretty cool and allows you to choose how you play since weapons have a wide variety of effects. Ammo drops are based on what you have equipped rather than a random spread, and that's good cause there's like 8 weapons in the game, but you can only carry 4. I will give a couple of non-spoiler hints, if you do not have your Suit fully upgraded and your Stasis upgraded by about 3/4ths of the way through the game you may be in for some frustration. Oxygen storage and Stasis duration become very important....I'm sure with the proper assortment of weapons and vacuum skillz you could ignore these upgrades...but really, why punish yourself? Also, don't' spend a dime on buying supplies, buy only new weapons/armor (and then only the ones you want unless ur an achievement whore like me) and Power Nodes. Power Nodes are key (they're what you use to upgrade stuff), forget ammo.....a big hint here, the Ripper is a great ammo conserver (though it requires some practice to use effectively). I actually purchased the DL content upgrade for the LVL 5 armor so that I could save spending money on armor in the game and just focus on Nodes. Anyhow, get this game (or borrow it from me if you have a PS3). You can afford to be console agnostic on this one, from what I've read, there's absolutely no difference between the two console versions. I got this for PS3 mostly cause my 360 was in the shop, and partly because I like the feel of the PS3 sticks better. Their softer touch and higher bitrate (10 vs 8) outweigh the 360's greater comfort factor in my book. In summary, this game is deeply fucked up, it's gory, it's suspenseful and it's gameplay is brilliant, only occasionally becoming aggravating in very limited segments. The story is cool (although the characters are weak) and it's absolutely gorgeous to look at. I didn't even touch on the music which is brilliant. I LOVED THIS GAME!!! (Comment on this)
Monday, November 17th, 2008
4:23 am	....a couple random things.... Obviously it's 4:30 am and I'm bored. I've been running an Exalted game lately that I've been inordinately pleased with. Normally most games that I run end up dying out after a few sessions, either because I hate it or that the player pool dries up. This one is different however, it's got staying power!! I've got great players and lots of interesting things to explore in characters and storylines. I'm very happy with it. Another thing I'm quite pleased with is my Xbox 360. I just got it back from repairs the other day and there's a few interesting things I note. First, the front loading mechanism for the DVD seems to be quite a bit more "aggressive". I was always annoyed with how sluggish the response on the eject button was, now it damn near shoots the disk into my chest!! Interestingly, they seem to have changed the cooling fans. It's much quieter now, but even more fascinating is that the fans stay on for several minutes after powering off the system. I can only imagine this is to help cool the machine down in an effort to avoid the red rings problem. For some reason I'm also giddily looking forward to the new Xbox experience. Seems kinda silly, but I can't wait for the launch. :) (Comment on this)
1:12 am	I'm baaack!!! Whooo, it's been a while. I think I'd like to be more regular with updates, we'll see how I feel next week :) Well let's see, I've been performing quite a bit lately. The "Holiday" season starts around mid October for most musicians, and I've been working pretty consistently since then. Actually this holiday season is the best on record, I'm looking to make a decent amount of cashola. It will all be eaten up by bills (of course) but at least I can catch up on all the delinquent stuff left over from Summer. Speaking of music, I've been thinking alot about where my career is going. I've been freelancing around LA for quite some time now, I'd officially say since about '98, which puts me at about 10 years or so. Of course I've been taking gigs in the area since '93, but didn't get serious till I left college. Anyhow, I'm pretty proud of myself...I've managed to build a halfway-decent considering many of the things that have stood in my way. However, I think I'm done with Freelancing, this last year has been pretty draining and I'm coming to the realization that I'm kinda tired of it now. It's been great, but it's time to move on......of course now I have to figure out what that means. The way I see it is I have 3 options. 1) I could refocus my work and put music on the back burner. There's a slight possibility that I may be offered a better position at the software publishing company I do contract work for right now. I'm making about 12 o 13 grand a year with them (or about 50% of my income), but if they were to offer me something, I'm assuming that it would be a good deal more than that. It's an interesting company and there's the possibility of them making some good money, especially if some of thier current projects take off. The upside is that I would be able to continue my contracted positions with Redlands Symphony, and with San Bernardino Symphony. Plus having Benefits would be a big help (I haven't had a physical in well over 15yrs). The downside is that it would cut into my current gigs, most of the stuff I do I don't particular y care about, but if something big came down the pipes, well....that would suck. Also, I'm uncertain if I would be able to continue progressing. Practicing by myself is great, but performance and competition are key to improving, and I wouldn't' be getting as much of that. Plus the danger of just becoming stuck in that world. If I give up alot of my contacts by taking a regular job, that could be it for any future attempt at a better music career. 2) Auditions!! Seeing as how Freelance work really isn't a viable long term career, the other option is to start up the audition process. That's a hard one, as it can be exorbitantly expensive to do so, especially if you're going overseas. The only plan I have for that one, is to prepare a great deal ahead of time, put together an audition CD, and then send out some recordings and a resume to see if I can get any invites. US orchestra's don't generally operate that way, so the only real option on that level is Europe. Most European orchestra's operate on the consensus of the group, so if you're invited to play for them, it's the players that decide, not the board, conductor or section leaders. Also, audtions can and often do happen without any schedule. European Orchestra's will advertise for auditions from time to time, but in reality they will accept auditions at any time they feel the need, advertised or not. There's a number of advantages here, if they like my recording and invite me to come audition then that means there's already interest, my playing is very much in a European aesthetic, so that is another advantage. The downsides are pretty obvious though, I'm poor, and such an effort would constitute a massive time and monetary investment. Not that I have a problem with that. 3) Or I could go back to school. It's something I've been considering. There's a couple of schools I'm relatively sure I could get a good scholarship to attend (even though I'm 35) and I never did finish my bachelors. Having a degree could open up a number of doors, plus I'd probably double major, as I really don't feel the need to focus exclusively on Violin. So it would possibly be in some technical field (although I'm really tempted to study composition). Anyhow, my ultimate future plan will probably incorporate 2 or more of these paths. If I go to work full time, I'd cut back hugely on Gigs so I could focus most of my off time on practicing and I would probably spend most of my money paying off debts. Hopefully that would allow me to emerge after 4 or 5 years debt free with a little money to start a heavy audtion schedule. If I were to go back to school, I'd use alot of that time to prepare, probably give a few recitals and hopefully get a decent number of polished recordings done so I could have something to send out whenever I finish school. The next couple of months should be interesting. Current Mood: blah (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 10th, 2008
12:25 am	Carlsbad and the Desert So here I am, posting again!! Had a great time last night going out to gay bars with my hosts....yeah I know, straight guy going to gay bars doesn't sound very straight, but it was fun so fuck it......and no I didn't touch any male penis that night nor engage in any even MILDLY homoerotic behaviour. It was mostly just getting hammered and hanging out with cool people, although I did ask my hosts opinions of the 3 male dancers they had there at one point which was, and I quote, "Bad, worse, and fucking tragic!!" Oh and we ended up at a great little place afterwards called Chico's Tacos. The food there the exact OPPOSITE of fresh. Govt meat, govt cheese, flour etc. But it's fucking amazing drunk food....apparently everybody in El Paso goes there after clubbing. :) But that's not the most fun I've had on this trip because on Friday I went to Carlsbad Caverns. I must say, for those of you that have not been there...make it a point to get there at some point in your life. Preferably when you are still healthy enough to enjoy it. I got up at 5:30 am, because it was a 3 hour drive and I wanted to get there early and avoid the crowds. The drive was awesome, I love the open desert. I think I drove for at least 20 minutes at a stretch without seeing another car. The Desert is one of the few places that I feel some kind of spiritual connection to. As if all the old forgotten gods are out there, whispering to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to walk off into the midst of some salt flat never to be heard from again, I know that place could kill me in less time than it takes to tell. But for me there's something in the harshness and the silence of the desert that a forest just cannot match. On the way I stopped at the Guadalupe mountains to stretch my legs. That was a rewarding experience, I even took a short nature hike. As for the caverns themselves, I went in the Natural Entrance. It's the best way to enter the caves, the elevator is too tame and you end up missing a huge chunk of what there is too see. There are sections of the natural entrance, when the cave just drops vertically and you've got a switch back that drops you 10 or more stories in less than 5 minutes of walking. The cave decorations are impressive, but the thing that really got to me was the immense age and size of of the place. In some sections of the big room, you can see across for more than a quarter of amile, the entire expanse dotted with one amazing sculpture after another. It really is mind boggling. I wish that I'd had the chance to take one of the more difficult ranger guided tours, but alas my planning was poor and I did not make reservations. The main paths are amazing, but it's a bit disheartening to see the damage that over 50 years of visitors has caused. The other tours are through sections of the caverns rarely visited by people, many of them without lighting or any kind of maintained path. I guess I"ll have to try that another time, when I invariably returen....because I will. I've been fascinated by caves since I was a child, and they really are the final terrestrial frontier. They're the closet thing to an alien environment we're every likely to see in our lifetime. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, I haven't had that much fun in many years. Probably not since my last trip to Disneyland or some other such mystical place as a child. Great stuff, I think I need that kind of experience more often. Not sure if or how that can be achieved, but this is good enough for now. Current Music: Dvorak Sym #8 (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 7th, 2008
11:38 pm	Wow!! 33 weeks!!! How time flies.....I guess I don't really take this too seriously, otherwise I'd post more. But its my blog dammit and I'll post how I want!! Wait...who am I arguing with? So....uhhhh....yeah, lotsa gigs, lotsa new stuff, oh...and DINGLEBERRIES!!! Got a new/old roomate in my good friend Auden, got a new/old job doing contract tech support and started working a couple of new orchestras. All around I can't complain......well actually I CAN, but I have less to complain about now :) Anyhoo, I'm in El Paso right now. I'm working with the El Paso Opera and I must say I'm pleasantly surprised. There's some good players here and everybody seems to be really cool. I'll chalk this up as the second cool city I've visited in Texas. Thusfar Texas' reputation has failed to manifest, and I suspect it will continue to be that way. I'm staying with and adorable gay couple. They're really cool guys and their house is an absolute inspiration, rarely have I ever seen a domicile so tastefully furnished and kept, all without feeling antiseptic or museum like. The music is somewhat difficult, I'll actually have to practice for this one rather than rely solely on my sight-reading skillz. It's an all Puccini program of three, one act operetta's. Cant remember off the top of my head...but they're nice, but not much fun to play as is often the case with Opera, unfortunately. I splurged and purchased a PSP for this trip and thusfar I am extremely happy with it. As a game playing machine it works quite well...I'm quite happy to relive my memories of the PS2 with GTA Liberty City Stories...Daxter is cool (I got the Daxter pack) and the media playing capabilities are really fun. I've been enjoying streaming media from my PS3 back home, watching MST3K, Family Guy etc. all from my central unit back in sunny SoCal. The streaming works absolutely perfectly thusfar. Text entry is a pain, but oh well....I knew that going into it. I got alot of cool complimentary food coupons from the Opera company, some of them are supposedly to some really nice place. I'm going to start looking into these on the morrow. Anyhow I'm going to end this post here, I hope to summon the interest to post my adventures at Carlsbad Caverns today, but that'll have to wait. Hopefully for not too long...... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 16th, 2007
4:29 pm	Stolen from ZQ Goddamn it!! Do I have to get chumped? Cause I would totally use transfiguration to make one of the gargoyles on that tower look like me and then continue influencing events from the shadows since everyone thinks I'm dead...... Find out your Harry Potter personality at LiquidGeneration! (Comment on this)
Friday, July 13th, 2007
1:34 am	Yes, I'm still alive!!! It has been many moons since I have posted here. As always there are interesting things going on, but I only occasionally feel inspired to write about it. Since my last post, things went from bad to worse, to OMGwhattheFUCKisthis, and then back to sorta ok. I've played several concerts, decided I'm leaving LA, then decided I'm staying, run over a cat with my brother's car, and in general have been playing far too much Xbox 360. HOWEVER, during all of this I've been working towards a number of long term recording projects and auditions, so at this point things are looking a little up again. So I'm alive and kicking and I'm trying some stuff I've never done before. Things are allways turning in this business. I'm hoping I'll have some good news to post here within the next couple of weeks. We'll see, I'm not counting my chickens yet...... (5 Comments |Comment on this)