i love you.

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 06:16:30 GMT

i don't use this anymore. i don't even read other journals. but i just thought of something and i kinda found an answer to what i never really had an answer to.

my whole life, i've been able to relate to boys more than girls. i've always had more fun with boys. i've always been like that, even if i've had best friends who were girls.

why? idk, i just kinda thought about why i was having so much fun hanging out with anthony and his 2 friends. and even moreso why i wasn't so self conscious like i usually am in front of people. and i realized, why be self conscious when no one around you is judging you? and that's why. i have such low self esteem, i can't handle that bullshit. even if i am tough enough to put up with it.

before this, at ccx, there was some ugly girl who like, greeted anthony at the door, totally hitting on him. i'm guessing it showed, but i had like the force of pure hatred like burning through me. she like looked at me like ah when she saw me walk up close next to him and kinda walked away. lol swt. i guess the other reason why i like boys better is because of the way girls are. like that, i don't trust girls. every girl i see hits on anthony. i have no trust in girls.

although i will admit ofcourse, yes, i am friends with a good group of girls. this is different because i've known them for so long, what i am is what i am and there is no judgement or anything. i'm accepted for what i am because it's what i've always been. and there's nothing to not trust when you've been with them through so much for so long.

don't know how to close this entry, but i might want to add that i am happy right now. things are as i'd like them to be, i suppose. anyone can infinitely ask for more, but that's ignored. i'm alright. it's also really cute how happy my mom is tonight, she just came back from a concert with my aunt. she had so much fun. and my dad came home tonight and now my little sister will stop missing him and crying every 2 seconds.

love.

June // bored.

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 18:52:31 GMT

1. Pick your birth month.
2. Italicize out anything that doesn't apply to you.
3. Bold the shit that most applies to you.
4. Put your month in an entry.
5. Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a journal cut.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JANUARY:

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but those not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 00:50:31 GMT

next year, i want to be a flapper for halloween =)

btw, still dating anthony.
4 months as of saturday(17th).

lauren's party rocked soo much ^__^

i lost 2 pounds today as of around 5:00 i think.
which is not the end of the day.
like damn, i biked 5.6 miles in the wellness center today at school.
came home and played ddr for an hour.

working on my history position paper due wednesday.
anthony's band concert tomorrow 7:30 at hills.
talking to anthony. i love him.

buh bye.

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 20:48:34 GMT

hellooo.
jackie is pretty happy at the moment.
today started out shitty because i got in a fight with my mom
but i'm better now. and i'm having my super duper party tomorrow
and yay, excited.
umm i get to see anthony tomorrowww.
and yesterday he told me he's convinced i have ADD. rofl
like, not joking with me.

anyway, i just finished writing my thank you cards for my confirmation
and like. idk, i guess i'm bored.
i never do anything on school days when i can't see anthony.

i just finished downloading degrassi episode 505 today=)
i get to go watch it now.

oh yeah and i've been on my college search recently.
it's very relieving to know it's going pretty good.
there are so many colleges nearby, i'm so happy i don't have to leave everything behind going too far away.

doin' good, doin' good. sup sup.

Love, Jackie

hey

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 03:13:10 GMT

i just made it today, it actually strikes me as something to think about.

♥♥♥

remember, party friday.
and another on halloween.
trick or treating festivities will take place.

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 21:57:20 GMT

HALLOWEEN PARTY @ JACKIE'S HOUSE ON HALLOWEEN THIS YEAR. YEAH, YOU'RE INVITED.

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 17:47:06 GMT

i apologize for writing such a depressing journal recently.

my life's been pretty uneventful, but to have everyone know i really am happy.
just, i usually need anthony or else i don't always have much to do.
but i see him a lot, he's my best friend. so i'm happy.

yesterday, i waited for marching band to be over and i went over his house at like 7.
we watched a movie he picked out from blockbuster and his whole family fell asleep. lmao

today i anticipate not having plans. i think i'll play the sims or do homework.
tomorrow me and ant will be celebrating our 2 month anniversary<3
even though it's on monday. we're not 100% sure we'll see each other.

looks like i'm making 10 or 15 bucks on monday after school.
my neighbor wants to pay me to print stuff out on his computer again cause he's a n00b.
i'm so tired. waking up at 6 was so gayy.
my mom wants me to clean my room, let's see how long i can go without doing it.

i'm sorry, i'm not doing bad, it's just i've only been posting sad entries.
believe meeeee.

Love, Jackie

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 17:14:08 GMT

i don't want to bitch and whine and beg for attention or something
but i guess not letting anyone know how i feel is probably unhealthy and worse.
well, if you care to know why i've been a little upset recently, go ahead and read this:

SwimKid690: did u make plans for todya?
in her dark eyez: not yet
SwimKid690: k
SwimKid690: u free 2moro?
in her dark eyez: idk if i will. everyone's always too busy
in her dark eyez: definitely
in her dark eyez: cause we probably won't see each other on monday
in her dark eyez: which is..
in her dark eyez: :-)
in her dark eyez: guess
SwimKid690: )
SwimKid690: i kno
SwimKid690: actualy
SwimKid690: i may be able to convince my mom to let me
in her dark eyez: :-) ok
in her dark eyez: but like
in her dark eyez: i kinda doubt i'd have any plans for tomorrow anyway
SwimKid690: tru
SwimKid690: but still
SwimKid690: monday
SwimKid690: is elet
SwimKid690: leet
in her dark eyez: i don't feel like trying
in her dark eyez: and then being sad
in her dark eyez: and disappointed
SwimKid690: trying at what
in her dark eyez: to make plans with anyone
SwimKid690: oo
SwimKid690: yea i hate wen that happens
in her dark eyez: it always happens to me
in her dark eyez: i never feel like i get enough attention unless i'm with you
SwimKid690: that sucks -.-
in her dark eyez: yeah i know.
in her dark eyez: and idk, i'm not really one to ask for it
SwimKid690: y. i dont understand
in her dark eyez: like, my friends will include me in things but i never feel like it makes a difference that i'm there, they're usually not talking to me
in her dark eyez: and it always seems like i talk and no one's listening
in her dark eyez: or like, sometimes i'll blatantly move near someone
in her dark eyez: and they just keep talking to whoever, without even acknowledging that i'm there
SwimKid690: thats really lame of them
in her dark eyez: i know
in her dark eyez: idk if they notice me though
in her dark eyez: but i'm not going to sit there forcing them to
SwimKid690: tru
in her dark eyez: so i always just kinda feel lonely
in her dark eyez: why tell them about it, it's basically just asking for attention
SwimKid690: =/
in her dark eyez: they don't realize they're even doing it. they don't do it on purpose
in her dark eyez: that's why they're still my friends. but i feel so ignored a lot
SwimKid690: but they still do it..
in her dark eyez: today at psat's
in her dark eyez: i was sitting next to sam
in her dark eyez: and we were fine talking until jenna came in
in her dark eyez: she sat on the other side of him
in her dark eyez: and he turned around to talk to her, which means he couldn't even hear me anymore
in her dark eyez: i mean, they're both my friends. why couldn't they include me.
in her dark eyez: but they didn't
in her dark eyez: and after i had to hand my test in
in her dark eyez: i was like hey guys should i wait for you
in her dark eyez: cause they had to wait to hand their tests in still
in her dark eyez: and they just kept talking
in her dark eyez: and i said it like 3 times
SwimKid690: thats so lame
in her dark eyez: then i like mumbled screw you guys and left
SwimKid690: u shuda said it louder
in her dark eyez: i did
SwimKid690: ah
SwimKid690: wut did they do
in her dark eyez: they didn't stop talking
in her dark eyez: so i just left

i'm sorry i didn't mention anything sooner.

a new law!

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 01:02:31 GMT

in her dark eyez: when i grow up
in her dark eyez: i'm gonna make a law
in her dark eyez: stating that all women during the week of their period
in her dark eyez: must hibernate
amputatedhoriz0n: oh i don't get bitchy
amputatedhoriz0n: any more than usual
in her dark eyez: haha well most do.
in her dark eyez: laws are laws.
amputatedhoriz0n: i anxiously await the day that you have so much power!
in her dark eyez: anyway, i think that'd solve world peace.
in her dark eyez: lmao
amputatedhoriz0n: hahahahhaa
in her dark eyez: behind every stupid politician is their angry bitching menstrual wife
in her dark eyez: pushing them to do something
in her dark eyez: and then they're like ahh and fuck up the country
in her dark eyez: yay, i'm a hibernationist
in her dark eyez: haha
amputatedhoriz0n: hahahahahaha

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 04:08:00 GMT

holy crap i fucking love between the buried and me.
no, i totally started to before thsoe other kids did. srsly.

today, anthony came over
we finally worked on my epic story for english
i don't know what kind of a story i would have came up with
if it weren't for that boy.

anyway, then we went over his house for dinner
because his mom thinks he eats at my house too much, lmao
and then we just kinda hung out there.
oh yeah, he tried on one of his collared shirts his mom bought him that he never wears. lmao

i came home around 8:15.
i got in and wrote the story the whole time.
like jeese, it really came out awesome.
right now i'm waiting for a picture to print that goes along with my story.
yo, so it's called "prince pheelp's treasure and the well of the gods"
haha i chose that name.
pheelp is such a n00b in the story, srsly.

sorry if i dissed anyone in my other entry
i wasn't aiming to hurt feelings, i just wanted to express my own.

holy crap, i need to sleep.
my confirmation is on saturday.
you can come over for the partyif you want, it's at 3. my house.
night kidzzzzz.

♥Jackie

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 07:12:25 GMT

TRY THIS: write ten statements intended towards 10 different people. write about something you would never say to his/her face or something that you wish you would have said, but didn't. there is no need to tell the person it was about him/her, but if the courage is there, do it.

1. I wish you would dump your fucking deadbeat boyfriend and start taking so much better care of your life.

2. We've only hung out twice but I think you are t3h awesome and I don't know why we don't hang out more.

3. I'm sorry we're not really close like we used to be.

4. Even though we haven't really hung out in a really long time, I've always felt a closeness with you and like I could always trust you and go to you when I'm sad.

5. I really don't think I know you anymore, actually.

6. If you ever need any space at all, please tell me because I know I can trust you enough to be able to ask the same of you.

7. I really miss lunch with you last year, I don't see you anymore now and it's a little sad.

8. You'z a fattie. You best be losin' mad weight, bitch.

9. Wow, we used to hang out all the time. I wish it weren't so awkward to talk to each other these days, I miss you.

10.God, your journal would be so boring right now without my help.

Key:
1. My sister, Sam
2. Raquel
3. Jenna
4. Cecile
5. Brad
6. Ant
7. Marc
8. Me, rofl
9. Shannon
10.Russo

g'night.

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 06:30:25 GMT

hm, good morning, as it seems to be.

i haven't written in like, forever but i made some modifications to my journal.
it's so cute..

um, i don't really hang out with the people i used to over the summer.
i'm definitely way happier.
my classes this year are great except for english class.
i have the most loving boyfriend to exist.
sex is great. LOL.. get a sense of humor, srsly.

tomorrow ant is coming over and we're going to write an epic story for my english class haha
i wouldn't have any time for it unless he helped me.

i feel my life really like, being in order right now.
i love my friends, they're not as cold as my old ones.
i did not get skinnier since my last entry, rofl
but i am really accepting myself.

i cut my bangs, in case no one knew.

lol but srsly ant is actually really hot..

see?

well..

see? ;) rofl.

maybe i will join that new community.
russo wants me to join
i will think about it, i probably will do it actually.

♥Jackie

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 03:02:16 GMT

so, i know. second entry in a day, what the hell is that.
but i wanted to say that this routine stuff is a huge confidence boost.
i feel like i'm taking responsibility for myself, i'm taking care of myself
hopefully i will be in perfectly happy shape by the end of the month.
thought i'd add this into my journal while it's fresh in my mind
very important to me.

♥Jackie

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 00:35:18 GMT

last week.. idk, i went shopping a lot
with my mom and with anthony and i picked out some of his school clothes haha
and stuff.

friday night i went out to preakness with raquel
i had fun
some fags were there, but i made the best of it
and we made some people paranoid haha
then kaitlin came later but then we left like a half hour after that

so then saturday was sage's sweet 16
it was, overall, a fun night
i was a bit depressed at first though
hung out with matt, sam, esteban and adam most of the night
random twin black fat ladies came in and started dancing. it was weird
the end

today and yesterday i was out with anthony at his family's houses
i got to meet everyone and i ate some food i didn't enjoy.
but most of it was good haha
anyway, his little cousins are adorable, i love kids.
and his older cousins snuck us alcohol.
we barely felt much though, i think it was like 80 proof and one shot ain't gonna do anything.

so anyway. school tomorrow.
i'm thinking a new schedule. play ddr around 9 for a half hour nonstop
take a shower, come back and sleep around 11 i suppose?
i won't stick to that. :(
i'll try my hardest though. i want to lose weight again.

love, Jackie

ps. i am so looking forward to school♥

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 17:08:49 GMT

hi, i hate all of my friends for being gay, insensitive bitches.
xcrewx, hi i hate you, bye.
don't talk to me, i don't want to be your friend
the only people i like are cecile lauren britt and anthony.
everyone else, go fuck yourselves. yep.
i've felt like shit being ignored or ditched or whatever for over a year now.
it's over, i'd rather have no friends than go through the shit you guys do.
THANKS.

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 20:18:40 GMT

something terrible has happened, and now my entire journal layout is missing.
i'm sorta let down. that was so damn pretty.

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 04:59:29 GMT

last night, i had a dream i woke up with four balls and a vagina.
yesterday, i also thought i cured my entire group of friends.

today i went to kristen's after picking up ursula and brad.
all innocence has been lost.
trust is not a word in my vocabulary anymore.
and um, i revised my myspace.

i'm not sure what else to do.
talk to me and i will not insult you or give you a guilt trip, but i will tell you exactly how i feel and how i think you should have handled it.
as for now, wow i just wanna know why i deserve this.

in other news, tonight on the phone with anthony. i took my plugs out
my ears have 2 giant holes and i can stick my pinky through them.
kinda sweet or something but idk. i think i want em to shrink.
but not gonna happen with a 00.. nice try though.

anthony comes home from band camp on saturday.
i've never found anyone i could trust the way i trust him.
what a week.

♥Jackie

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 20:50:20 GMT

i usually don't post lyrics cause no one really gives a shit but i can't believe how like, how much i can relate to this.
not that i feel this anymore but i do remember.

Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours,
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step that you took was the worst.
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark,
And I still have these memories,
But will never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember, Cause that's all you can do.
We'll never make another memory,
We'll never make another memory.
I wish i would have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real,
You said they were,
What happened?
You were a priority,
Was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm just sorry that it wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember these things i've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said is in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess i've learned from it.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause i'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?

sup sup.
mall was fun yesterday.
me and lauren met kristen and brad later and before that we met jeff and i was like yay my buddy.
and i got lots of sale items haha i bought 3 things for under like, 25 bucks♥

tonight, i hang out with anthony.
probably preakness.
anxious/excited, yo.

♥Jackie

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 18:53:17 GMT

niggaz, niggaz, niggaz.

yeah so, my waiting period is over. i've been so over that.. kid.
i'm trying to get out of the shell i put myself in somehow.
i'm doing the best i can to see all my friends again, i can't spend my life thinking they don't like me.
i guess i just never gave the chance. anyway

going to the mall with lauren today. my mom came home a lot earlier than i thought.
and i have 2 paychecks to go with.
and idk, i decided today i'm really going to try to open myself back up.
rofl i just made the analogy to an unpopped popcorn kernel. what a loser
anyway..

i started talking to my friend anthony a lot lately. i've known him since like, 8th grade too.
we're supposed to be hanging out tomorrow.
idk, i have no idea what it may turn out like, but he's definitely worth a try.
and he really brightens my mood. so, that's chill.

sup, looks like things are looking up.
and i'm totally not touching cigarettes anymore. it's too dangerous.
it was a bad habit to start, and i'm not using it as a crutch anymore.
quitting before i can't turn back.

feel happy for me.

♥Jackie

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 20:15:05 GMT

WHAAAAT. THE BOY WHO FUCKING STOOD ME UP FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT. KILL HIM. HE LIVES IN HALEDON.

xo geminii: ..hey
jebus109: yo wuttup?
xo geminii: what excuse you wanna give me about yesterday?
jebus109: i dont know
xo geminii: did you check your voicemail
jebus109: no i dont know the password to chek it on this fone
xo geminii: oh
xo geminii: well i just want to know what gave you the idea to lie to me for like, almost a weeek straight instead of just telling me straight out
jebus109: i really dont know
xo geminii: so tell me, you really had the right cell number didn't you
jebus109: no actually i dind't
xo geminii: when did the beefsteak end?
jebus109: about 10
jebus109: thats when i left
xo geminii: and yesterday.. you were so busy swimming? it was thundering and raining.
jebus109: i went before that
xo geminii: and then what
jebus109: i was at brians house helping him keep his pool from overflowing
xo geminii: did you really have any intentions of calling me
jebus109: not yesterday
xo geminii: then why would you tell me that the day before
jebus109: idk
xo geminii: i gave it to you, i said did you wanna hang out with your friends
xo geminii: but you said we'd hang out
xo geminii: i'm not stupid, i knew you'd been lying, you were not acting the way any person should have
xo geminii: did you feel bad to tell me straight out? you just wanted to make a fool out of me? why would you do that
jebus109: i felt bad
xo geminii: ha, because ditching me for two days is breaking it to me the easy way
xo geminii: so what made you so interested for two weeks that changed out of nowhere?
jebus109: i really have no clue
xo geminii: so you have no clue what caused any of this, you just decided ehh i don't feel like calling her anymore. i guess i'll just lie or something
xo geminii: if you weren't interested and you just told me, i wouldn't be pissed off and bothering you right now
jebus109: o well
xo geminii: but you've seriously been the biggest creep i know now.
jebus109: kk
xo geminii: no, seriously what the fuck is your problem
xo geminii: you do know why you don't like me, i would not ask if you had been honest with me
xo geminii: but now you better just say it.
xo geminii: you've already hurt my feelings yesterday, i'm pissed. so just come right out and say it cause it would be great closure to know.
jebus109: i really dont know, i just didn't feel like hanging out with you
xo geminii: well please, don't IM me until you think you actually have grown up.
xo geminii: i have, and i thought we both went through it that we had.
xo geminii: but you haven't, you're still the same jerk from last year
jebus109: kk
xo geminii: goodbye, you fucking creep.
jebus109: byez

KILL HIM. HE'S SUCH A CREEP.
HE CAN KEEP HIS UGLY MYSPACE PICTURES THEN.

♥Jackie

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 22:14:49 GMT

what have i done to myself, wishing and waiting.
he's not here, he hasn't been.
he hasn't called, and i'm guessing he won't.
this could very much be last year all over again.
but this year i thought it really was something.
i'm ridiculous
it was 2 days.
2 days and i'm heartbroken all over again.

i miss him, we were supposed to hang out all day.
where is he, why didn't he call.
why did he lie to me

[edit4:16.8/15/05]AND HERE'S HOW HE FINISHED THAT LIE FOR THE DAY.[/edit]

jebus109: hey i can't come tonite, im have to go to a beefsteak in clifton at my dads job, im sryy i called before but i just got ur answering machine again

Auto response from xo geminii: i need someone here right now, i'm not doing well, i'm really fucking upset. please help me.

xo geminii: hey
jebus109: wuddup/
xo geminii: what number did you call?
jebus109: 862 284 0357
xo geminii: ...
xo geminii: 862 684 0359 ****
jebus109: oOo lol
xo geminii: i knew you didn't have the right number.
jebus109: well that explains alot
xo geminii: did you get your phone yet?
jebus109: nope, it has to come in the mail
xo geminii: ohh
xo geminii: have you been busy all day>
jebus109: no i woke up at like 1, and then went to the cell fone store at about 3 and then i found out i have to go out to dinner
xo geminii: oh
jebus109: :'(
xo geminii: i really wish you'd have called my house phone
jebus109: i gotta get all dressed up too
xo geminii: when are you getting back from dinner?
jebus109: im going at like 7:30, i dont know when i get bak tho
jebus109: if i get out early enough ill stop by
xo geminii: oh come on, it can't possibly be til 12 haha
xo geminii: you can come as late as you need to
jebus109: ok that sounds kool
xo geminii: but srsly, i wish you'd have called my house phone
jebus109: im sowwy
xo geminii: yeah.. idk, i told you how i keep feeling like you're not interested and stuff
xo geminii: idk, you saw my away message..
jebus109: dont feel like that
xo geminii: yeah, i won't anymore
jebus109: good
jebus109: i have to go get dressed
xo geminii: ok
jebus109: lata babe

♥Jackie

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 03:05:55 GMT

fuck mark goldberg, aaron beltzer, and anyone who hangs out with the creeps.

i didn't go out today.
i saw everyone's away messages. i know my friends all hung out.
this is either day #2 or 3 that i let that happen.
idk why. i just let the day pass..
i feel unhealthy.
not fattie unhealthy. just.. mentally i suppose.

i haven't talked to dave in a few days, he hasn't called me since the day he took his phone into the pool and had to use his mom's spare.
i'm not like, omg how dare he not call me.
but.. last year, me and him were supposed to meet at preakness, once.
and he blew me off. i called his house line, and he just told me he just wasn't going.
and maybe i'm not waiting for him anywhere, but i am waiting.
i fell a lot harder than i did last year..
i'm afraid he might let me down. again.

maybe i'm waiting for nothing.
i need to get on with my life.
i feel so unhealthy right now...

♥Jackie

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 21:51:22 GMT

my little cousin just came up to me and said:
"Jackie... Somebody broke my heart again!"

and this is my cousin:

cutest thing in the world.

and so i am hanging out with kristen tonight cause she totally got home an hour ago.
idk who else is coming yet.

♥Jackie

[edit8:47PM]

what the FUCK, guys?!
i have no idea what's going on but i'm kinda pissed right now.
what the fuck.

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 03:05:42 GMT

uhuh so today my friend dave from haledon came and picked me up.
we kinda hung around preakness most of the night
and i got my first green tea frappuccino from starbucks.
it was amazing.

and hm. dave is like, gorgeous.
he's such a sweetheart too.
it's not like i fell for him or something but i like him.

i saw matt and a few kids at preakness too
it was funny cause i screamed his name so obnoxiously in the parking lot that i think it scared me twice as much as it scared him.

i didn't want dave to leave yet.. :/
i shouldn't really even like him so much, i just saw him for the first time in like 2 months and before then, it was like at least a year.

he's such a cute boy. i like him lots.
i guess i'm not much of the "single" type..
not that i'm committing.. but i want to see a lot more of him.

hm......♥

♥Jackie

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 03:22:15 GMT

yay i went to jenna's tea party today
it was really fun and we drank tea and had coffee ice cream cake
and some people played twister
and there were really pretty bathrooms.
and i love my dress!

rofl blood brothers.

ANYWAY.

the end :)

♥Jackie.