Current mood:	content
Current music:	my chemical romance

i don't use this anymore. i don't even read other journals. but i just thought of something and i kinda found an answer to what i never really had an answer to.


my whole life, i've been able to relate to boys more than girls. i've always had more fun with boys. i've always been like that, even if i've had best friends who were girls.

why? idk, i just kinda thought about why i was having so much fun hanging out with anthony and his 2 friends. and even moreso why i wasn't so self conscious like i usually am in front of people. and i realized, why be self conscious when no one around you is judging you? and that's why. i have such low self esteem, i can't handle that bullshit. even if i am tough enough to put up with it.

before this, at ccx, there was some ugly girl who like, greeted anthony at the door, totally hitting on him. i'm guessing it showed, but i had like the force of pure hatred like burning through me. she like looked at me like ah when she saw me walk up close next to him and kinda walked away. lol swt. i guess the other reason why i like boys better is because of the way girls are. like that, i don't trust girls. every girl i see hits on anthony. i have no trust in girls.

although i will admit ofcourse, yes, i am friends with a good group of girls. this is different because i've known them for so long, what i am is what i am and there is no judgement or anything. i'm accepted for what i am because it's what i've always been. and there's nothing to not trust when you've been with them through so much for so long.

don't know how to close this entry, but i might want to add that i am happy right now. things are as i'd like them to be, i suppose. anyone can infinitely ask for more, but that's ignored. i'm alright. it's also really cute how happy my mom is tonight, she just came back from a concert with my aunt. she had so much fun. and my dad came home tonight and now my little sister will stop missing him and crying every 2 seconds.

love.