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[11 Jun 2035|12:35pm] |
CMNT IF YOU READ
i may want to add you back.
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[05 Mar 2006|01:00am] |
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my chemical romance |
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i don't use this anymore. i don't even read other journals. but i just thought of something and i kinda found an answer to what i never really had an answer to.
my whole life, i've been able to relate to boys more than girls. i've always had more fun with boys. i've always been like that, even if i've had best friends who were girls.
why? idk, i just kinda thought about why i was having so much fun hanging out with anthony and his 2 friends. and even moreso why i wasn't so self conscious like i usually am in front of people. and i realized, why be self conscious when no one around you is judging you? and that's why. i have such low self esteem, i can't handle that bullshit. even if i am tough enough to put up with it.
before this, at ccx, there was some ugly girl who like, greeted anthony at the door, totally hitting on him. i'm guessing it showed, but i had like the force of pure hatred like burning through me. she like looked at me like ah when she saw me walk up close next to him and kinda walked away. lol swt. i guess the other reason why i like boys better is because of the way girls are. like that, i don't trust girls. every girl i see hits on anthony. i have no trust in girls.
although i will admit ofcourse, yes, i am friends with a good group of girls. this is different because i've known them for so long, what i am is what i am and there is no judgement or anything. i'm accepted for what i am because it's what i've always been. and there's nothing to not trust when you've been with them through so much for so long.
don't know how to close this entry, but i might want to add that i am happy right now. things are as i'd like them to be, i suppose. anyone can infinitely ask for more, but that's ignored. i'm alright. it's also really cute how happy my mom is tonight, she just came back from a concert with my aunt. she had so much fun. and my dad came home tonight and now my little sister will stop missing him and crying every 2 seconds.
love.
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| June // bored. |
[02 Jan 2006|01:48pm] |
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fall out boy -__- |
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1. Pick your birth month.
2. Italicize out anything that doesn't apply to you.
3. Bold the shit that most applies to you.
4. Put your month in an entry.
5. Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a journal cut.
JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
( your month? )
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[19 Dec 2005|07:50pm] |
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 amazing |
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music |
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aqualung - brighter than sunshine |
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next year, i want to be a flapper for halloween =)
btw, still dating anthony.
4 months as of saturday(17th).
lauren's party rocked soo much ^__^
i lost 2 pounds today as of around 5:00 i think.
which is not the end of the day.
like damn, i biked 5.6 miles in the wellness center today at school.
came home and played ddr for an hour.
working on my history position paper due wednesday.
anthony's band concert tomorrow 7:30 at hills.
talking to anthony. i love him.
buh bye.
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[20 Oct 2005|04:22pm] |
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mood |
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pretty cool. |
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music |
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uhhhhh sex. well, not really. |
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hellooo.
jackie is pretty happy at the moment.
today started out shitty because i got in a fight with my mom
but i'm better now. and i'm having my super duper party tomorrow
and yay, excited.
umm i get to see anthony tomorrowww.
and yesterday he told me he's convinced i have ADD. rofl
like, not joking with me.
anyway, i just finished writing my thank you cards for my confirmation
and like. idk, i guess i'm bored.
i never do anything on school days when i can't see anthony.
i just finished downloading degrassi episode 505 today=)
i get to go watch it now.
oh yeah and i've been on my college search recently.
it's very relieving to know it's going pretty good.
there are so many colleges nearby, i'm so happy i don't have to leave everything behind going too far away.
doin' good, doin' good. sup sup.
Love, Jackie
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| hey |
[19 Oct 2005|11:07pm] |
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 a little tired |
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smashing pumpkins |
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( do you find this artistic? )
♥♥♥
remember, party friday.
and another on halloween.
trick or treating festivities will take place.
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[18 Oct 2005|05:56pm] |
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mood |
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niggaz \m/ |
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music |
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the number twelve looks like you |
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HALLOWEEN PARTY @ JACKIE'S HOUSE ON HALLOWEEN THIS YEAR. YEAH, YOU'RE INVITED.
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[15 Oct 2005|01:30pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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mcr - drowning lessons |
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i apologize for writing such a depressing journal recently. my life's been pretty uneventful, but to have everyone know i really am happy.
just, i usually need anthony or else i don't always have much to do.
but i see him a lot, he's my best friend. so i'm happy. yesterday, i waited for marching band to be over and i went over his house at like 7.
we watched a movie he picked out from blockbuster and his whole family fell asleep. lmao today i anticipate not having plans. i think i'll play the sims or do homework.
tomorrow me and ant will be celebrating our 2 month anniversary<3
even though it's on monday. we're not 100% sure we'll see each other. looks like i'm making 10 or 15 bucks on monday after school.
my neighbor wants to pay me to print stuff out on his computer again cause he's a n00b.
i'm so tired. waking up at 6 was so gayy.
my mom wants me to clean my room, let's see how long i can go without doing it. i'm sorry, i'm not doing bad, it's just i've only been posting sad entries.
believe meeeee.
Love, Jackie
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[15 Oct 2005|01:09pm] |
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 sad |
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btbam - all bodies |
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i don't want to bitch and whine and beg for attention or something
but i guess not letting anyone know how i feel is probably unhealthy and worse.
well, if you care to know why i've been a little upset recently, go ahead and read this: ( Read more... ) i'm sorry i didn't mention anything sooner.
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| a new law! |
[06 Oct 2005|09:02pm] |
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 cranky |
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shitty chorus music |
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in her dark eyez: when i grow up
in her dark eyez: i'm gonna make a law
in her dark eyez: stating that all women during the week of their period
in her dark eyez: must hibernate
amputatedhoriz0n: oh i don't get bitchy
amputatedhoriz0n: any more than usual
in her dark eyez: haha well most do.
in her dark eyez: laws are laws.
amputatedhoriz0n: i anxiously await the day that you have so much power!
in her dark eyez: anyway, i think that'd solve world peace.
in her dark eyez: lmao
amputatedhoriz0n: hahahahhaa
in her dark eyez: behind every stupid politician is their angry bitching menstrual wife
in her dark eyez: pushing them to do something
in her dark eyez: and then they're like ahh and fuck up the country
in her dark eyez: yay, i'm a hibernationist
in her dark eyez: haha
amputatedhoriz0n: hahahahahaha
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[06 Oct 2005|12:01am] |
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tired |
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btbam - backwards marathon |
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holy crap i fucking love between the buried and me.
no, i totally started to before thsoe other kids did. srsly.
today, anthony came over
we finally worked on my epic story for english
i don't know what kind of a story i would have came up with
if it weren't for that boy.
anyway, then we went over his house for dinner
because his mom thinks he eats at my house too much, lmao
and then we just kinda hung out there.
oh yeah, he tried on one of his collared shirts his mom bought him that he never wears. lmao
i came home around 8:15.
i got in and wrote the story the whole time.
like jeese, it really came out awesome.
right now i'm waiting for a picture to print that goes along with my story.
yo, so it's called "prince pheelp's treasure and the well of the gods"
haha i chose that name.
pheelp is such a n00b in the story, srsly.
sorry if i dissed anyone in my other entry
i wasn't aiming to hurt feelings, i just wanted to express my own.
holy crap, i need to sleep.
my confirmation is on saturday.
you can come over for the partyif you want, it's at 3. my house.
night kidzzzzz.
♥Jackie
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[05 Oct 2005|02:58am] |
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hot hot heat-aveda |
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TRY THIS: write ten statements intended towards 10 different people. write about something you would never say to his/her face or something that you wish you would have said, but didn't. there is no need to tell the person it was about him/her, but if the courage is there, do it.
1. I wish you would dump your fucking deadbeat boyfriend and start taking so much better care of your life.
2. We've only hung out twice but I think you are t3h awesome and I don't know why we don't hang out more.
3. I'm sorry we're not really close like we used to be.
4. Even though we haven't really hung out in a really long time, I've always felt a closeness with you and like I could always trust you and go to you when I'm sad.
5. I really don't think I know you anymore, actually.
6. If you ever need any space at all, please tell me because I know I can trust you enough to be able to ask the same of you.
7. I really miss lunch with you last year, I don't see you anymore now and it's a little sad.
8. You'z a fattie. You best be losin' mad weight, bitch.
9. Wow, we used to hang out all the time. I wish it weren't so awkward to talk to each other these days, I miss you.
10.God, your journal would be so boring right now without my help.
( KEY )
g'night.
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[05 Oct 2005|02:19am] |
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accomplished |
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ima robot-alive |
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hm, good morning, as it seems to be.
i haven't written in like, forever but i made some modifications to my journal.
it's so cute..
um, i don't really hang out with the people i used to over the summer.
i'm definitely way happier.
my classes this year are great except for english class.
i have the most loving boyfriend to exist.
sex is great. LOL.. get a sense of humor, srsly.
tomorrow ant is coming over and we're going to write an epic story for my english class haha
i wouldn't have any time for it unless he helped me.
i feel my life really like, being in order right now.
i love my friends, they're not as cold as my old ones.
i did not get skinnier since my last entry, rofl
but i am really accepting myself.
i cut my bangs, in case no one knew.
( Read more... )
maybe i will join that new community.
russo wants me to join
i will think about it, i probably will do it actually.
♥Jackie
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[05 Sep 2005|11:00pm] |
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happy |
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cursive |
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so, i know. second entry in a day, what the hell is that.
but i wanted to say that this routine stuff is a huge confidence boost.
i feel like i'm taking responsibility for myself, i'm taking care of myself
hopefully i will be in perfectly happy shape by the end of the month.
thought i'd add this into my journal while it's fresh in my mind
very important to me.
♥Jackie
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[05 Sep 2005|08:28pm] |
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 excited |
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selkies: the endless obsession |
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last week.. idk, i went shopping a lot
with my mom and with anthony and i picked out some of his school clothes haha
and stuff.
friday night i went out to preakness with raquel
i had fun
some fags were there, but i made the best of it
and we made some people paranoid haha
then kaitlin came later but then we left like a half hour after that
so then saturday was sage's sweet 16
it was, overall, a fun night
i was a bit depressed at first though
hung out with matt, sam, esteban and adam most of the night
random twin black fat ladies came in and started dancing. it was weird
the end
today and yesterday i was out with anthony at his family's houses
i got to meet everyone and i ate some food i didn't enjoy.
but most of it was good haha
anyway, his little cousins are adorable, i love kids.
and his older cousins snuck us alcohol.
we barely felt much though, i think it was like 80 proof and one shot ain't gonna do anything.
so anyway. school tomorrow.
i'm thinking a new schedule. play ddr around 9 for a half hour nonstop
take a shower, come back and sleep around 11 i suppose?
i won't stick to that. :(
i'll try my hardest though. i want to lose weight again.
love, Jackie
ps. i am so looking forward to school♥
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[31 Aug 2005|01:05pm] |
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hi, i hate all of my friends for being gay, insensitive bitches.
xcrewx, hi i hate you, bye.
don't talk to me, i don't want to be your friend
the only people i like are cecile lauren britt and anthony.
everyone else, go fuck yourselves. yep.
i've felt like shit being ignored or ditched or whatever for over a year now.
it's over, i'd rather have no friends than go through the shit you guys do.
THANKS.
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[30 Aug 2005|04:17pm] |
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 :[ |
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fell down the stairs |
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something terrible has happened, and now my entire journal layout is missing.
i'm sorta let down. that was so damn pretty.
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[26 Aug 2005|12:54am] |
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 shocked |
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between the buried and me |
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last night, i had a dream i woke up with four balls and a vagina.
yesterday, i also thought i cured my entire group of friends.
today i went to kristen's after picking up ursula and brad.
all innocence has been lost.
trust is not a word in my vocabulary anymore.
and um, i revised my myspace.
i'm not sure what else to do.
talk to me and i will not insult you or give you a guilt trip, but i will tell you exactly how i feel and how i think you should have handled it.
as for now, wow i just wanna know why i deserve this.
in other news, tonight on the phone with anthony. i took my plugs out
my ears have 2 giant holes and i can stick my pinky through them.
kinda sweet or something but idk. i think i want em to shrink.
but not gonna happen with a 00.. nice try though.
anthony comes home from band camp on saturday.
i've never found anyone i could trust the way i trust him.
what a week.
♥Jackie
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[17 Aug 2005|04:46pm] |
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hopeful |
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beloved - going through the motions |
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i usually don't post lyrics cause no one really gives a shit but i can't believe how like, how much i can relate to this.
not that i feel this anymore but i do remember.
( across five aprils - a year from now )
sup sup.
mall was fun yesterday.
me and lauren met kristen and brad later and before that we met jeff and i was like yay my buddy.
and i got lots of sale items haha i bought 3 things for under like, 25 bucks♥
tonight, i hang out with anthony.
probably preakness.
anxious/excited, yo.
♥Jackie
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[16 Aug 2005|02:45pm] |
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optimistic |
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cursive |
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niggaz, niggaz, niggaz.
yeah so, my waiting period is over. i've been so over that.. kid.
i'm trying to get out of the shell i put myself in somehow.
i'm doing the best i can to see all my friends again, i can't spend my life thinking they don't like me.
i guess i just never gave the chance. anyway
going to the mall with lauren today. my mom came home a lot earlier than i thought.
and i have 2 paychecks to go with.
and idk, i decided today i'm really going to try to open myself back up.
rofl i just made the analogy to an unpopped popcorn kernel. what a loser
anyway..
i started talking to my friend anthony a lot lately. i've known him since like, 8th grade too.
we're supposed to be hanging out tomorrow.
idk, i have no idea what it may turn out like, but he's definitely worth a try.
and he really brightens my mood. so, that's chill.
sup, looks like things are looking up.
and i'm totally not touching cigarettes anymore. it's too dangerous.
it was a bad habit to start, and i'm not using it as a crutch anymore.
quitting before i can't turn back.
feel happy for me.
♥Jackie
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jackielovesyou_'s journal