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Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
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8:16 pm - Case Clothesed
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I live in a city of five million people. Why is it impossible, then, to find shoes, sunglasses, or in fact anything that fits properly? Surely somewhere in this city there is a market for men taller than six feet.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
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11:07 am - You Just Lost The Name
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If you own a male dog, please do not name it any of the following: Reilley, Bailey, Charlie, Max.
If you own a female, please do not name it any of these: Roxy, Daisy, Sadie, Belle, Sasha, Maddie.
These names are frightfully uncreative. In a group of a couple hundred dogs, perhaps a third of them share names from those lists. (For the record, I've only met one Lorelei and one Arlo.)
However, I've also met a dog named Salmon, a dog named Tuna, and two named Catfish. Now I want to get an aquarium, fill it with fish, and name them all after dog breeds. The little bastard-fish who nips at the other fish when they get too close, hogs all the fish food, swims around until it gets dizzy, and is generally unpleasant in every way? That one can be "Pomeranian".
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009
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11:09 am - Twice Shy
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Thus far at work I've been bitten badly enough to break the skin by a wheaton terrier, a dachshund, and a pomeranian. I've been snapped at by collies, jack russels, and countless shih tzus. I've been nibbled on by weimaraners, labradors, and golden retrievers. Earlier this week a corgi sent two of my coworkers to the hospital for stitches.
So to all those people who keep warning me to watch out for rottweilers, dobermans, and (fuck if I know why) boxers? To the people who keep giving me withering looks for owning a pit bull?
Fuck your theory.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
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11:28 am - Wall-op
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We move in three days. So naturally, I fell out of bed thanks to the efforts of an enthusiastic pit bull and knocked a giant hole in the wall with my rump. I got a patch kit and some spackling paste to fix it, which is preferable to the alternative. I don't want anybody putting caulk in my ass hole.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 30th, 2009
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12:43 pm - Stuff Happens.
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My new job is at a dog daycare/boarding facility. Yes, I earn my living cleaning up poop. But there's something cathartic about putting a dozen dogs down to bed for the night and mopping floors for an hour. I'm constantly tired and sore but job satisfaction is actually way up from my days writing about video games. However, earplugs turned out to be an important job investment. When one dog barks, others chime in for moral support.
I take Lorelei and Arlo to the vet tomorrow for their annual checkup and vaccination update. Once they've had their shots, I can take them to work with me and let them play all day.
I've not yet been bitten, peed on, or otherwise abused by my canine wards, but it's bound to happen eventually. I keep a change of clothes in my car in case it's something messy.
I'm told a friend-of-a-friend applied to work at the same facility. This person is cynophobic. I'm not sure what he was thinking.
The Girlfriend-Once-Again and I signed a lease on a house, so we're moving in a couple of weeks. She got a raise at her job, and I'm working again, so things look good there.
I'm in the initial stages of starting my own business. Now that I have an income some of the pressure is off, but it's still something I want to do.
Um.
I guess that's all.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
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4:33 pm - So That's All Right
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It's a little frustrating that, after all the effort I put into scanning Classifieds, stomping the pavement, and browsing the Department of Labor guides, I found a job through a personal contact.
But that doesn't actually matter because I have a job.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 6th, 2009
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11:27 am - Quchulainn?
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I posted about the Zodiac beasts, Lucavi, espers, or whatever you want to call them from the Final Fantasy series before.
Today I am going to talk about Cuchulainn, the Scorpio beast and absolutely not a Celtic folk hero in the slightest, no sir.
Normally I'd grab an image from somewhere and post it here, but I'm at the library and FTP access is restricted. So I'll link to someone else's image instead. That's Cuchulainn. Big roly-poly fat guy, beady eyes, jovial grin, some graphic effect over his skin that gives him the sheen of an oil slick.
Cuchulainn was originally created by the gods to purify the world. To do this, he would take any corruption into his own body. But not surprisingly this strategy corrupted Cuchulainn himself, and before long he rebelled against the very gods that created him blah blah blah.
See, I've worked out what he looked like before he got all nasty. He, as alluded in my previous post, has appeared in previous Final Fantasy games, indicating more forethought than anyone gave Squaresoft the credit for.
What did he look like? What character had the girth, the grin, and the ability to consume absolutely anything no matter how vile?
This guy.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 16th, 2009
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5:38 pm - Well, That Was Creepy
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Hi guys! I'm at the library, mostly looking for work and catching up on news.
Today while I was waiting for a computer to open up, a man dropped a half-dozen heavy books on the table and announced to no one in particular, "I like to do a lot of reference." I didn't look up from my Sudoku puzzle -- I know from three years of taking public transit into downtown that it's generally best to just pretend the crazy people aren't there.
A few minutes of leafing through a book later, he mumbled something I didn't quite catch, but I made out the words "hydrochloric acid". After a few minutes I looked up to check how long it would be before my ticket number came up, and glanced at the books he was browsing -- a medical reference of some sort, a book on chemistry, something about toxicology.
He kept mumbling to himself for nearly half an hour, finishing with "You know what I love about my job?" and when I still didn't answer, "People who don't pay any attention to me get it." He looked up from his book and straight at me.
After about thirty seconds of his withering stare, I looked up from my puzzle. "Hear me now, eh?"
I gave him a blank look and waved at him in sign language. I'm sure it was gibberish to anyone who could actually understand ASL, but he stormed off once I convinced him I hadn't heard anything he'd said. I can only guess what he was trying to accomplish, but if it was just to deeply unnerve a stranger in public, he did it.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 21st, 2009
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6:06 pm - It Was A Blue-Ribbon Evening. You Know, Pabst.
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Last night I found myself sipping a beer at a local pub when The Jameson Girls came a-callin'. Apparently Jameson Irish Whiskey hires women to wear skimpy outfits and troll around alcohol-serving establishments hawking their wares.
The two worked their way around the dining area giving away prizes for people who bought a shot of whiskey at their behest. They eventually worked their way around to me, and I found myself accosted by 130 pounds of makeup in a miniskirt and a shirt open down to her navel.
I made eye contact while she asked if I'd ever tried Jameson. I maintained eye contact when I replied I had. I looked into her eyes when she asked if I wanted a shot of it right now. I hoisted my glass and politely said "No, thank you."
The saleswoman's associate, standing nearby, turned and made a pouty face when I respectfully declined. "Are you sure? We have all sorts of gifts and everything."
"No, I'm all right. Thanks though." Eye contact, eye contact.
Pouty-face exaggerated her hurt expression. The first pulled her on to the next customer, confiding, "I think h-- I don't think the sadface is going to work on him."
And about fifteen minutes later, another patron asked, "Hey, did you talk to the Jameson girls?"
"Yep," I replied, "They think I'm gay."
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
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6:31 pm - Generally Feeling Optimistic
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For those readers waiting with bated breath (or baited breath, I don't know your eating habits) for an update on my life situation...
I'm in Atlanta. I made it. I had a job interview on Monday, and I'll know on Friday whether they're offering me a position. I haven't stopped looking for a job elsewhere. If I get the job, great, I'm working! If I don't, well, that's okay -- it's only part-time to start, and it's a forty-five minute commute by car, before factoring in Atlanta's hellish traffic.
I'm moving back in with The Ex tomorrow after we go out and look for new jobs for both of us. She doesn't have Internet access and I'm not going to sign up for service until I have a job, so that "updates will be sparse from here on out" thing starts now.
I got the results back from the FAFSA I filled out before I left Nashville. They basically said, "LOL".
I guess that's it. I'd say I'll keep you posted, but unless I feel a whim to head into a library to update my LiveJournal, I probably won't.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 7th, 2009
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1:54 pm - Hey, I Remember That
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You'd think, having moved three times in the past year, I'd have shed my excess belongings and would be carrying only the necessities with me. But I keep getting gifts and hand-me-downs for when I eventually get my own place to live, so I think I have more stuff now than I did at this time last year.
Unfortunately, space is at a premium for a while, so most of my belongings will be sitting in an attic until such a day comes as I have somewhere to put them.
But while I was (re-re-)packing, I went through an old box of documents and keepsakes I've been slowly adding to for years. Mixed in with old tax forms and official records are such sentiments as a couple of "Thanks for hosting Thanksgiving" cards, a Japanese postcard wishing me "lots of beer for Christmas", and an old handmade piece of marker-art that claims, unabashedly, that "Richard is groovy as a turnip!"
I don't really know what it means either, but it was sweet at the time.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, February 5th, 2009
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12:34 pm - For All The Well-Wishers
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An amazing thing just happened! I have a job interview in Atlanta lined up already. It's a job I feel confident doing, the pay is sufficient, and it's not like the industry's going to dry up anytime soon -- I'm helping people who are facing layoffs write out a resumé to land a job elsewhere.
This is the first job interview in Atlanta I've had since... well, since I interviewed with GameTap in February of aught-five. Suddenly the idea of going back to Atlanta is less scary than it was before.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, February 4th, 2009
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4:25 pm - And That's All, Really
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So, I'm moving back to Atlanta. Next week. Probably Thursday.
Part of the move is an attempt to break the Internet's stranglehold on me, so I won't be around much. I'm not even taking my computer with me initially. So it'll be a while before I get around to checking email, and while this probably isn't the final LiveJournal post forever updates will be even more scarce from here on out.
This is easily one of the most monumental decisions of my life. Whether it's monumentally good or the worst decision I've ever made remains to be seen.
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(12 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, January 30th, 2009
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1:46 pm - Four Oh No One Kay
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Turner had a great 401k matching plan. Unfortunately -- and input from my financial planner confirmed this -- the funds weren't so great to begin with. Throw in the market meltdown and I didn't expect to have more than a couple hundred bucks in my retirement fund when I got the year-end documentation.
Said documentation came in the mail today. I lost a whopping 42% of my retirement investments last year.
Ouch.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, January 11th, 2009
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1:16 am - Leftover synras
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"Just a... personal idiosyncrasy of his, eh?"
"Personal idiocy."
"Well, you can't spell 'idiosyncrasy' without 'idiocy'... sort of."
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, January 7th, 2009
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6:32 pm - It Stopped Raining For The First Time In Like A Week
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| Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
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11:30 am - Of Scorpions and Frogs
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There is a story, an old fable, about a scorpion and a frog. The scorpion seeks to cross a river, but of course, scorpions can't swim, so he asks a frog to ferry him across. The frog is afraid of being stung, but the scorpion reassures him that if it stung the frog, the frog would sink and the scorpion would drown as well. The frog then agrees; nevertheless, in mid-river, the scorpion stings him, dooming them both. When asked why, the scorpion replies, "You knew my nature when you agreed to carry me."
Not to put too fine a point on it, my stepmother got a bug up her ass and I'm homeless again.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, December 27th, 2008
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2:09 pm
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After last night's rock-bottom post (it's friendslocked for those who missed it, my emo bullshit tends to be), I woke up this morning feeling... surprisingly good.
A depression spell takes a few weeks to run its course, generally. That's about how long it takes to identify the problem and come up with some plan to fix it. How long I keep myself from being depressed depends on that plan and how well it works.
Have I always based my self-worth on the opinions of others? Well, yes. But usually I have a few other supports in place so that even when I'm feeling lonely or rejected I can take some comfort elsewhere. But being unemployed, unproductive, and leeching off of the charity of others had kicked those supports out from under me, too.
One theory I found while looking into self-worth issues in general is the "Contingencies of Self-Worth Model". The model describes sources of self-esteem, and notes that people who stick to one domain tend to be more vulnerable when setbacks in that domain occur. I guess that makes sense. As I've grown I've discarded things I used to take pride in, like my religious beliefs, leaving me only a few emotional supports left.
I'm not exactly sure how to apply that theory to improve my emotional instability, but I suppose a decent first step would be to branch out and find other things about myself to be proud of.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
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9:38 pm - Good Enough For Me
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| Monday, December 22nd, 2008
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8:35 am - Time Well Spent
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I suppose it's no surprise that the recent hat trick of being unemployed, single, and homeless has gotten me wondering about my direction in life. I'd like to go back to college, but before I do I need to figure out my area of study, and before I do that I need to figure out what my career is going to be.
While I was at the Department of Labor last week, one of the videos playing in the lobby described the virtues of an employment assessment test. (I got to watch it twice, the video is only a two-and-a-half hour loop.) It's like one of those web-based personality tests, only instead of telling you which Harry Potter character or Pokemon or color of the rainbow you are, it suggests careers that match your natural proclivities. All right, sure, I'm game.
So I found one online. 500 questions later it suggests to me:
- Hazardous Materials Removal Worker: STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM.
- Tailor, Dressmaker or Custom Sewer: I'm going back to college and majoring in Embroidery.
- Medical Laboratory Technician: Specifically, grinding lenses for glasses or crafting dentures to fit.
I think I need a second opinion.
Edit: Oh. It also gives a rating for how apt you are for any of the careers it suggests. Nothing I was given scored over 60% aptitude, so even the jobs that are supposedly ideal for me actually aren't.
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