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seize life
   and watch for tomorrow

Angel (See: Ino, Katana, Sasuke, Mello) Who am I? That is a good question to ask. Who really knows who they truly are? I can tell you this, I know what I like and that should be the question you're asking. If you hadn't already figured out from my profile I'm a bit of an anime fan. What anime do I prefer the most? Shounen Ai is my passion.

I am who I am and that's all I can ever be. So if you're willing to take the chance and add me, well then you better be ready to like who I am.

by and by;
   enjoyment of the time
anime
Death Note
Code Geass
Ouran HS Host Club
xxxHolic
Naruto.

DISLIKES | homophobia, idiots, bigots, posers, people who think they are so much better than everyone else, snobs.
LIKES | ♥, anime, writing, singing, music, art.
MANGA | mars, fruits basket, pita ten, kare kano, xxxholic, love hina, card captor sakura: master of the clow, alice 19th, tramps like us, eerie queerie, imadoki, death note.

current obsessions DEATH NOTE

in her ears
   good beats
Rihanna « Umbrella [acoustic version]
Paramore « Crush Crush Crush
Britney Spears « Circus
The Veronica's « Untouched
Kanye West « Heartless
Akon « Trouble
MIA « Paper Planes
Shontelle « T-Shirt
Miranda Cosgrove « About you now
Katie Perry « Hot n Cold

current
   layout
version 8.0
uploaded 7.16.08
best viewed Firefox, 1280x1024
top image Matt&Mello
song "Umbrella" by Rihanna
program Adobe Photoshop 7
made by karasu-neechan


BACK//FORWARD
[ go | earlier ]
FRIENDS ONLY [Apr6,20 10:44PM]
[ mood | numb ]

Recruiting

My journal is friends only, if you would like to be added please comment below and wait for me to add you back.
Thank you very much,
Angel.

168 comments | I will stay

INTRODUCTIONS ARE NEEDED [Apr5,20 7:46PM]
[ mood | creative ]

Into postCollapse )

9 comments | I will stay

[ Muse List ] [Apr5,20 7:40PM]
[ mood | apathetic ]

JOURNALSCollapse )

16 comments | I will stay

[Jan4,11 6:12PM]
[ mood | numb ]

Very short details, because it fucking hurts to talk about it.

Rebeka's cat lived in her room, she doesn't let people in her room.

Her cat looked sick last time I saw her. Then I saw her with fleas, both times Bek told me she wasn't sick and she didn't have fleas.

She's been neglecting her for months.

I finally got worried enough to go in her room and check on Ella.

She was so infested with fleas.. I have never seen someone so infested. She was stiff, her mouth was chewed shut. She lost so much weight.. she couldn't move. Her meow broke my heart, I ripped the bed away from the wall and grabbed Ella as gently as possible.

I called Kiara and Alison. Me, Aysha, Corinne, and them rushed her to the ER, I held her the entire time... she was barely breathing. We paid nearly $2000 dollars to keep her alive till Bek got there. The vet said she was the worst case of infestation he had ever seen, she had tape worms, she had BARELY ANY BLOOD in her. If she wasn't euthanized she never would have had a normal life again. She would have had to had dialysis every month.

Bek got there and she was put down.

She neglected her cat to death. We even tried to talk to her mom about it, and her mom doesn't give two shits. Bek acts like she doesn't understand what happened, or doesn't care. SHE EVEN TRIED TO BLAME US.

I want her out of my house. She killed her cat. I can't handle this.

25 comments | I will stay

[Sep13,10 12:22AM]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Not to name names, but my roommate Bek is suck a fucking dick.

I want to strangle her, and send her back to the main-land on a crazed shark.

I am so furious, that this post is epic long.

In short, I got her a job at my work place, she's acting a fool and showing her ass. She won't pull her weight, listen to anyone, learn anything, and smarts off to everyone including the manager.

I... it's one thing to be a total douche bag at HOME, but at my place of work? Really?

We are not on talking terms.

Bitch acts oblivious to the fact that NO ONE LIKES HER RIGHT NOW.

Not me.
Not Aysha.
Not Corinne.
Not Alison.
Not Stacy.
Not Helen.
Not Laura.
Not Jacob.
Not Sean.
Not Kelly.

NOT ANYONE ELSE AT WORK.
NOT EVEN MY PETS LIKE HER.

WHY CAN'T SHE TELL THAT WE ALL FUCKING HATE HER RIGHT NOW?! THAT HER COLLECTIVE DOUCHE BAGGERY IS KILLING ALL OF THE FRIENDSHIPS SHE MIGHT HAVE HAD, OR DID HAVE AT ONE TIME.

She washed her dishes, acted like they weren't hers and wanted people to be thankful. Clogged the sink with nasty water... left it. When I took care of it, bitched about a clean brand new plunger in the sink.

She will leave food and drinks everywhere for weeks. Her stuff is everywhere. She laughs like a fucking hyena till all hours of the night, then asks me to be quiet when I laugh once. She eats ALL THE EGGS, but she only eats the whites, so she THROWS THE YOKE IN THE TRASH. She won't TAKE OUT THE TRASH. She leaves all her bathroom stuff on the counter and refuses to share. She bitches about us using the main bathroom because we have a small one in our room, though this is the only shower. She bitched about us not being home cause she didn't have a key, cause she NEVER MADE ONE. She bitched about Alison having two things in our fridge, even though she pays just as much as she does. She runs her AC when it ISN'T HOT when we all agreed we wouldn't use the AC unless it was balls hot and only for a bit. She eats everything, including food that ISN'T HERS, then she lies to my face about stealing my food. She's mean and sarcastic and pretends like she's just witty and unique. She once told Corinne that we weren't getting along because, 'were both Alpha personalities well work it out' when she isn't, and it's cause she's a cunt. She tries to correct everything I say and do at every turn. She won't share. She won't be considerate. She WASTES ALL THE FOOD SHE DOESN'T EAT, including shit other people would eat if she saved. She owes Alison $300 bucks, me $50, and Corinne $100 because as much as I warned her and begged her to get a job forever ago, she waited till last minute when her money ran out. She's acting a FOOL at my work place. She treats Aysha like a lap dog. She makes Corinne drive her around like a taxi and doesn't give her gas money. She bitches if Corinne needs to be somewhere or can't pick her up. She ripped flowers out of Alison's hands. When she baby sat some kittens, she never cleaned the litter and asked Alison to do it. She won't wash her dishes, but when she does she acts like she's a saint. If you try to tell her anything she doesn't want to hear, she'll close herself in her room then the next day pretend it didn't happen. She acts like she's perfect and so mature when she's so immature that a two year old would have more common sense than her. She isn't funny, yet she feels inclined to believe she is, and that everything she says or does or likes should be equally funny to us as it is to her. AND SHE WILL TELL YOU TO LAUGH. She's been buying shit when she owes us money. Her obnoxious ringtone makes me want to strangle her. She acts like her pain is a million times worse than yours. When I agreed to babysit the kittens she volunteered to keep them in her room, so when the woman left a gift card for all of us, she kept it and spent it on herself instead of replacing the toilet paper or the EGGS SHE DEVOURED. She claims shes OCD but she's messier and nastier than anyone else I have ever met in my entire life. She seems to believe the Serial Killer book she's writing gives her the right to judge other people who write. She also thinks everything she writes is hilarious, and will tell you about it. She leaves her balled up notes everywhere and will flip if you touch them. She will be writing and will snap at you if you talk to her at all, even if you're on your break at work and she's in the cafe, and you wanted to spend time with your so-called friend. She bitches about her family and stuff, but then turns around and does what she bitches about. She also brags about her 6'9, German, Mello cosplaying, Make-up artist ex-boyfriend, that doesn't exist. The only known picture of him is actually a Brazilian cosplayer who doesn't even speak English, yet she has a million stories about him and will judge your relationship because of it. She pretends shes on the phone with him, then has a hissy fit. She is also a compulsive liar, we have caught her in a million DIFFERENT lies. Including the time she went to a Nail salon that turned out to be verbatim a Angelina Johnson skit. Pretend to be a vegetarian when she really eats meat and lies about it. Also, she will judge you on the fact that you eat meat, every time you cook it.

This, is just a taste of shit I CAN remember. There is a longer list, I assure you.

You know. I could forgive ALL OF THIS BULLSHIT, if she hadn't lied straight to my face about stealing food from me. I don't even remember if I wrote this down but, Corinne and I had went halfs on a bucket from KFC. We both ate some and counted how much we had left so we could split it up for lunch tomorrow. That night Bek told me she was going to stop being a vegetarian because it was 'too expensive'. I told her, 'Cool, just don't touch my chicken.' Honestly, I said DO NOT not, please do.

So that night Alison had a Big mac, she couldn't finish it so she put it in the fridge. The next day, I go to get my chicken out.......

And someone ate like two of the pieces, and ripped skin off of all of the other pieces.

I asked Corinne if she ate it, she said no. I asked Alison, she said no cause one, wasn't hers, two, she had a Big mac to finish.

I turn to Bek, I ask her if she ate it.

She told me no.

Okay. So Corinne looks in the trash to make sure we weren't just short changed. No. She finds the bones stripped clean and hidden in a Ross bag that hadn't been there before.

I turn to her and say again, did you eat the chicken?

I would have forgave her if she had said yeah, she was just really hungry. You know, like she was sorry.

But she said no, over and over again.

Later we had a text war, she kept saying no she didn't eat it, but if I wanted to blame her she'd take the heat. I told her no burglar broke in to steal my chicken, and the math didn't add up. If she thought I was a moron, since she had to think I was if I believed her story. She told me if I had said I hadn't ate it, she would have believed me... which is a bold face lie btw.

So we had this huge argument which ended with me telling her that because she lied, things would never be the same. She had FUCKED our friendship. Because if I can't trust her to tell the truth over stupid chicken, I can't trust her for jack.

And everything went down hill from there.

But seeing as I'm not the only one who feels this way, then I must not be insane. She expects people to cater to her, to pick up after her, to allow her to do whatever she wants, when she wants.

I sorta miss my issues with Kiara at this point, because Kiara looks like Mother TERESA at this point. Bunny poo on the carpet is nothing compared to lying and stealing.

I am at a loss. We have ALL tried to talk to her, but she won't listen.

I'm about two seconds from popping off over here. The sad thing is, SHE KNOWS I WANNA KICK HER ASS RIGHT NOW. And she acts all innocent and oblivious. She keeps pushing me and pushing me.

Sean said today, "I could see you cutting a bitch." And you know what?

I would.

32 comments | I will stay

[Aug10,10 6:28PM]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Do you ever just want to express yourself, but sometimes find that you can't for one reason or another. Either be it the words simply won't flow the way you want them to, or you're being repressed by society? Hell, you don't have to be repressed from society as a whole, but maybe the people in your direct life?


Are you ever in a spot, where you feel if you say one thing, another person might react in a negative way? So you edit your thought, or simply don't say it at all?

I like to think of myself as a very vocal person. Very liberal, leaning toward Democratic, open minded, fair, non-judgmental, compromising, so why is it that I can give these things to the world, but all I get back is the exact opposite? Why is my opinion any less important than hers, or his? Why is YOUR way better than mine? Who's to say either way is better? Why do they HAVE to be better? Can't we come to a happy compromise that will satisfy both parties?

When I open my mouth, I feel as if sometimes I don't have a filter. Once in a while I will be in such a state that I'll speak before I think. Half of the time when this occurs, nothing drastic is said or nothing negative. Just an opinion. But about 30% of that half turns out to be received negativity from the other person. So I'm lead to believe either I'm saying something wrong, or they're not as open as me. Or perhaps, a third option, neither one of us is right.

The most frustrating part happens to be when people claim you can tell them anything. Because let's be honest, no, you can't. If it's about them, if it's anything critical toward them, even in a positive way, they'll take it wrong. I'm a very honest person, but honesty is not an excuse to be rude, mean, or disrespectful. Even if you wish to say something to someone, and you end it with, 'I'm just being honest' it doesn't make it okay. So in that same light, why do people say that they can handle it, when they can't?

Say you're being totally respectful, totally nice about it- constructive criticism- yet the person becomes defensive and angry the moment you tell them. Did they not claim they could handle it? It's just a weird world we live in. Where a lesbian has to hide who she is because some people can't handle what they don't understand. Where a girl can't speak her mind because the men in the room won't take her serious. Where a minority can't even make a comment without the majority taking it wrong.

Why can't people be more open, honest, and respectful of each other. Why must everyone be so passive aggressive and hateful, letting little things bother them so much, build up, until they finally snap or do something distasteful. When it all could have simply been handled by a little open honesty. Kind, open discussion, can fix so much. A little honesty can go a long way to repair or re-kindle a relationship. Why must we all forget that we all have feelings, that we all have thoughts and fears. That we all should be able to share these things, find common ground, and agree to disagree when we don't understand, or see eye to eye on a subject.

Why are people as a whole, so difficult? So destructive? Why must we fear what we say in a group of people who are supposed to be our peers, our friends. If you don't feel comfortable with people, find out why, and talk about it. Don't hide away, don't pretend they don't exist, don't ignore it, and certainly don't talk about them behind their backs. In my personal experience, I find that people would rather hear it from you, and be angry for a little while, than to hear it third person. Third person festers something terrible, it replaces a small amount of annoyance with hatred. It breeds fear, paranoia, it fosters disturbing thoughts and feelings, negativity that could have simply been avoided.

We should never let petty differences evolve in to hatred and fear. Fear grips us, fear holds on till there's nothing left but a void of sadness. It doesn't only hurt you, but hurts everyone around you. It sucks you in like a black hole, till there is simply nothing left. It also breeds violence. Violence against something you fear, you don't understand, it turns in to something more then it could have been.

People lash out in to the darkness when there is no light. Afraid someone is there to hurt them, there to take away something of them. A part of them they fear could breed in the darkness, causing paranoia. This leads to homophobia, racism, sexism, and any other type of fear based hatred. People hating people for their beliefs, where they live, the color of their skin, who they love, what they worship. Instead of sitting down and understanding, they fear and lash out.

They're children with rocks and stones tossing them at the boogie man.

If you think you aren't hurting someone, you're wrong. If you think it's funny to cause pain, you're really hurting yourself as well. To be able to know between what's okay, and what isn't okay, is part of life. It's part of this cycle. It's part of why we can't vocalize who we fully are, who we want to be. Because we fear what others will say or do, or we fear what the loved ones around us want us to do, or not to do. Cause and effect, if you say something, it might not bother people you care about, but what about the person you care about? If you knock a domino down, the others come tumbling down. If you talk to one person about an other, sooner or later they will find out, and your dominoes will come crashing down.

I want to live in a world where I can speak my mind, and not be afraid of the repercussion. I want to be able to be myself without hurting people. I have filters, I'm respectful, but sometimes I hold back my own opinions and statements to benefit others. I am selfish, I want to be able to say how I feel without being punished. I'm selfish for wanting to get along with everyone. To be able to smile and say hello, and receive the same instant kindness.

I do say hi to strangers, I do smile at people I don't know. I hold doors open for people, I give money to charity when I can.

But I also judge when I shouldn't, think thoughts that are rude and uncalled for, I sometimes feel racist, and I don't like everyone.

But I don't express negative things that I understand are not proper. I won't say I don't say negative things sometimes, but I know the difference between acceptable and not. I wonder if it's an age thing, or if it's how I was raised. I sometimes wonder if I'm wrong and the way everyone else is acting is right. I judge myself worse then you could ever judge me. I find myself repulsive at times, in the way I think and act, and other times, I'm proud of myself.

But I find the more I want to express myself, the more I learn. The more I open myself to possibilities the more I understand the people around me. I think we should all be open to understanding our differences, and work hard to listen to the other side of a story. To not jump to conclusions, to not block all other routes to an answer. We need to coincide with one an other, because this is our lives, this is our Earth. There is only one life to live, so you should live it, and remember everyone else is living this life on this rock with you. So why waste your time hating and being afraid, when you could be happy and understanding?

I want to feel secure. I want to be able to understand. I want to reach my hand out and hold yours. I want very much, to be able to speak my mind, and have people listen with the same ears I listen with.

I want to be a better person, and I want you to join me in my evolution.
5 comments | I will stay