[08 Sep 2008|12:08am] ninetyseven_inc This weekend has been pretty rad. My cover came out for Inside Fitness magazine, AND they published two of my babe shots, which is badass. My best friend Laurels mom cried when she saw the magazine. And gave me a huge hug when she saw me tonight. Aww she's so nice I love her, lol. Friday night I just kind of crashed. Saturday I ended up hauling my ass out to London to see Bella. I had nothing else to do and I've never been out there to visit her. It was really fun, we ended up at this little restaurant drinking fancy martinis and ranting about girly stuff. Good times. So many martinis. mmmmm. Went shopping at the mall in London this afternoon, bought some cool stuff at bootlegger. Went to Ajax, ate chili with Laurel and Jordon, then watched CSI and the MTV Video Awards the rest of the night. And I did not know that Slipknot had a new cd... so we went to Wal-Mart at 10:30pm to buy it... and the new Underoath cd. Badasssss! So excited. I love getting new cds. wooooot! Okay so go buy the new issue of Inside Fitness Magazine. Because I have photos in it and it is a pretty awesome mag. Work tomorrow.. set up a shoot for Tuesday. Hopefully it doesn't fall through. The model is pretty damn hot. Which means new sexy lady photos soon! lol. with a little more poise

im getting good at the awkward transition pictures. [07 Sep 2008|09:21pm] askheychris [ music | entourage. ] i dont mention this much, but i have two half brothers and a half sister from my fathers marriage before he was with my mother. i havent kept in touch with them for decades. last i saw any other them was my sister, tracy, at my auntie larrys funeral... a story you may had have read if you were unfortunate enough to read my very first, and totally out-of-print book, on the upswing of life, love and regret (although, a free download of the audiobook can be found here). my oldest brother lived with us for four years when i was younger. he was 10 years older than me and we didnt really say much to each other. understandable, with him uprooted from the rough chicago streets to come live in the weirdo suburbs, we simply didnt have much in common. eventually, moved out, left for college, got married and i think i saw him a handful of times since then. that was the 80s. recently, i received a message from him. he suggested we get together to catch up. initially, i was a bit leery. although we have the same father, we never really talked and we never really had much in common. or so i thought. sometimes i get worried the stories i tell unintentionally become romanticized over the years. that they begin to take on a life of their own. that they become more of a "story" then an accurate account of actual events. i was assured, they havent been. we spoke more in the first five minutes in that starbucks than we had our entire lives. i won lie, it was overwhelming. when i do my speakings or write books or post on here, i tend to get feedback. many of the emails i get are from people who say they identify with what i went through. dealing with loss, abuse, alcoholic parents, death, etc. i love those emails, because it makes me feel not so alone. but really, no one truly knows what ive seen, what ive been through. he does. at the funerals (see story: april, 1983) he carried the caskets. he has seen my father drunk, lying in his own urine. not only did he remember auntie larry but he remembered auntie larrys little gay crew of friends. it was overwhelming because, outside of my mother (whom i rarely ever discuss this with), he knows exactly what ive seen and has assured me that the stories, the feelings and the weight in the room was real. its an amazing feeling to know that now there is someone who is a text away and can look me in the eye and not only identify, but truly understand my words. so, thank you, mark for giving me that piece of mind. awkward transition. - if you ordered any books, dvds, necklaces or anything, they went out in the mail on wednesday. give it a couple weeks because our post office blows nuts. take advantage of my slightly responsible phase and order something from my store now, it will be in the mail by tuesday. wait, chris, are you being responsible like a real business? shh, lets not call attention to it. its like a deer in the woods. VMAs: - russell brand? really? does anyone find him even slightly entertaining? oh, brits, you were doing so well... your food, your smokin chicks, simon pegg. i was so close to living in london, but now, if this is what you're exporting, go back to the internet and and google: nick swardson and take notes. - hailey paramore... its called conditioner and a flatiron. - jonas brothers... menudo are waiting for their royalty check. - britney... i love you like its 2002. 41 gave up the ghost| with a little more poise

[06 Sep 2008|01:02pm] ninetyseven_inc I got a cool shirt at the playboy casting. I don't know if I will ever wear it, but it's pretty sweet. Had a lazy Friday night. I was a lot more tired than I thought I was. Hung out with my friend Jeff for about an hour, then decided to go home and almost fell asleep on the drive... at like 9:30pm. lol. I'm getting old apparently. Today I'm gunna get shit DONE. For real this time. Here is my shirt. 1 gave up the ghost| with a little more poise

my heart is as big as Liverpool now. [06 Sep 2008|09:54am] ruffians A selection of my favourite photos (from my personal collection) on my trip to England and France: ( Read more... ) I have uploaded 199 photos to my Flickr album. Does anyone know of another website I can use that is free? And is as good as Flickr? I know Picasa and Shutterfly but I just don't know how good they are. Also I need new music. Desperately. Someone help. I haven't found anything good for ages. 16 gave up the ghost| with a little more poise

lots of blue clicky thingys. [05 Sep 2008|02:29pm] askheychris [ music | john legend - take it slow. ] the people who thought my last post was about straight edge are probably the same people who thought fight club was about fighting. when writing and speaking to large groups of strangers, the one thing you learn about people is, they are a microcosm of the the rest of the world. if you're lucky, you meet people who not only completely understand what you're trying to convey, but actually identify with your words... then you meet people who understand but dont identify. then there are the people who not only do not WANT to understand or identify. then there are the others who simply dont understand your chain of thought. add into that mix people with no, or very little, sense of humor and complete lack of the understanding of sarcasm and you might get a glimpse into what i have to contend with. its like, i have this little platform and i want to do good. i genuinely do. sure, i have my flaws and plenty of them, but at the core, i really want to make some tiny difference in my little corner, be it on the internet or in my shitty apartment. cheezy as it is, its true. i want to tell stories that inspire character and strength and compassion and understanding. i tell it through my eyes and experiences. clumsy, maybe. but if we all waited around for the perfect delivery in art, we wouldnt have much. i want to show that its okay to laugh at ourselves. its okay to look stupid and play air drums. its okay to playfully talk shit and mock others. its okay to fart on our friends heads. its okay to be incomplete. its okay to not have everything figured out... and even if no one can give us a good reason, its okay to believe in ourselves. maybe sometimes i dont explain myself well enough, but ill tell you this... i refuse to continue to dumb down my writing because some kid who scored 'below average' on their comprehension skills test misinterprets my intent. blame your politically correct parents and a society that systematically attempts to erase humor and sarcasm from everything you read, watch and learn for making you feel bad for laughing at someone elses expense unless its americas funniest home video. i cant keep playing 'catch up' for the ding dongs who cant read between lines. its internet darwinism and im LOLing at you all. i am not a racist or a homophobe or a sexist or a straight edge elitist. i dont believe any of those things make me better than you... but the decisions i make, the manner in which i show compassion, my constant attempt to understand, the love i give and the hearts i hold... that is what defines my character, and i believe that our character is what shapes the world and the evolution of people around us. so if you are a racist fuck who goes out gay bashing motherfuckers while driving drunk, well then yes, i believe my character is better than yours, therefore, yes... i AM better than you. and i dont feel a twinge of guilt in saying that. - heres a picture of princess gianna to transition: wouldnt it be cool if this picture became like the 'spaghetti cat' of awkward transitions? - i saw john legend last night. he fucking killed it. i got goosebumps no less than five times. i almost threw my panties on the stage. i wish we were both gay so he could sing me to sleep. wait, is that gay that i said that? oh man. i wouldnt want to knock the dong around, i just want him to hold me and cuddle me. - if you listened to my radio show on tuesday, i would love to hear feedback. for those of you who didnt tune in, it was a totally different format, well, kind of. steve kane was my guest and we both picked 10 songs each to play, then we discussed their significance. i think we're going to continue it. if john destroy stays on my couch till tuesday, i think he might be my guest this week. but for those of you who wanted to know the songs that we played last tuesday, i compiled the list below, complete with little blue clicky links for easy access, since i know how you kids like to be spoon-fed. if you're wondering why theres no my chemical bromance or new found glory songs, while we love those bands, i can safely assume most of you have actually heard those bands before. hell, you can turn on the radio and listen to that all you like. we picked these songs because we think they are underrated yet important songs (to us, at least) that run the risk of being forgotten to time. if you would like to listen to the show, click this guy to stream it or download it for your little ipody thingamagig. 1. newcleus - jam on it ***my pick. 2. The Lemonheads - Bit Part **steves pick. 3. deadprez - hip hop ***my pick. 4. The Teardrop Explodes - Second Head **steves pick. 5. propagandhi - nation states ***my pick. 6. Harms Way - Repression **steves pick. 7. ink and dagger - cut throat tactics ***my pick. 8. Carry On - Rethinking **steves pick. 9. naked raygun - vanilla blue ***my pick. 10. No Age - Cappo **steves pick. 11. refused - rather be dead ***my pick. 12. Archers of Loaf - Web In Front **steves pick. 12. 88 fingers louie - i hate myself ***my pick. 30 gave up the ghost| with a little more poise

[05 Sep 2008|01:21am] ninetyseven_inc ohhhh what a day. The past two days have been really sweet. I worked at the Playboy Casting Call in Toronto. With Paul and Elle and Lori and other playboy models Anissa Holmes and Lana Tailor. I'm so happy I finally got to meet Anissa and Lana, they are awesome people. And getting to meet Jeff Cohen, the guy in charge of the Playboy Special Editions magazines, and show him my work, and chat about photography. Fantastic!! We all went out for dinner both nights, including the other photographer and his crew who are from Miami. It was so great to meet them too. Had some awesome conversations. Makes me want to go to Miami and hang out with them there too. Ahhhh good times. :D with a little more poise

"if i knew my words would change your mind, i would scream forever." [04 Sep 2008|04:41am] askheychris [ music | texas is the reason-back.. ] ive always been conflicted in my writing. i pride myself on sticking it out, fighting the good fight. when i was in high school, the heavy dudes would come up to me and mock my belief in straight edge. they would say, "pssh, wait til you're 21 or go to college, you're totally gonna start drinking." i didnt. i never have. not once have i ever come close. every so often i think of that moment... me, walking out of last period gym class surrounded by three dudes who wanted nothing more than the tiniest of reasons to punch me in the back of the head. i just kept walking forward saying, "watch and see. watch and see." and i havent. while the primary reason is simply because i dont feel its right for me, there is a certain satisfaction in knowing that i held on to that promise to myself since that day in 1990. that commitment. it is the feeling that i would describe as truly "punk". while i feel that word has lost so much of its meaning and has almost become a word to mock; deep within me, i still know what it is... it IS the fuck you. its that warm feeling i felt in the back of my watery eyes as put one foot in front of the other towards those gym doors. that clenched teeth, white-knuckled walk of conviction. i knew that day how absolute i was in those words. watch and see. that warm feeling is what drives me. it is the source of my fire and motivates me in every aspect of my life. in 1985, my aunt tina once told me with a scoff that my obsession with transformers was a phase. i wanted to scream fuck you so hard at her but instead, i did what all little kids do when they dont know how to express themselves... i pouted. but i remembered those words. and i held on. its 2008 and i have a very large collection of transformers prominently displayed no more than four feet from where im typing this. fuck you aunt tina. maybe thats why i do things, for the fuck you. is that a worthy reason to hold on? is that simply being childish? i dont know; sometimes, yes, sometimes, no. but i do see how it effects other aspects of my life. that warm feeling is what got me across that marathon finish line... ... it is what caused me to confront my father ... it is what kept my fists in my pocket that night ... it is what made me quit my job to write books ... it is what has kept an X on the back of my hand and that warm feeling is what keeps me fighting for people who dont believe in themselves. but when does the good fight become unhealthy? when are your efforts in vain. when it just best to stay down because you cant win? how many times does it take to have your extended hand slapped away until you refuse to stick it out one more time. one more time. thats what i say, over and over. that maybe this will be the time... the moment, when they realize it. when they see what i see. when i stick it out just long enough to make a fucking difference. just hold out. one more time. i think to myself, you cant lose if you dont quit. thomas edison failed 10,000 times before he invented the light bulb. most people would have quit after 3. the good fight is a heavy fight. the best fight is one that never ends. 40 gave up the ghost| with a little more poise

anais with a casablanca lily [03 Sep 2008|12:48pm] pepperminte 31 gave up the ghost| with a little more poise

new radio show tonight [02 Sep 2008|12:58pm] askheychris [ music | SSDecontrol - glue. ] - i was riding my bike down the street the other day when i looked over at this table of women eating outside at a table on the patio of a restaurant. they were looking at me and smiling, odd, considering i looked like a total hoodlum who hadnt showered yet that day. then they held up signs... i got a 7. yes, assuming its a 1-10 scale, i was rated by some middle-aged cougars, a 7. i guess it could have been worse, right? solid B life all around. i suppose thats karma for when i did that to girls at lunch when i was younger. - this morning (yes, actual morning, thank you very much), i woke up, propped 3 pillows behind me, grabbed my laptop and began checking the 4 sites i actually look at on the internets. i feel something on my arm and its a huge brown spider. i freaked the fuck out and killed it before it had a chance to bite me... of course, this happens right after i watched that new show i was bitten on discovery channel. - want to order something from me but you hate to wait? order anything by noon tomorrow and itll be in the mail tomorrow. crazy, right? - apologies for the replay on the radio show last week. something unexpected came up that had to be attended to. BUT... tonight, i have a new concept for the show: based off of the idea from listen up fanzine, steve kane and i have picked out a handful of songs each and will discuss their importance. this is the little blurb i wrote: The theme of this evenings show is 'A song and a story.' We will be playing a song for each other and discussing the importance and story that comes along with it. For two self-confessed music snobs who have found solace in music from an early age. It should prove to be one obnoxious episode. im pretty excited to see where this goes. feel free to call in and harass: fearlessradio.com (click 'listen live') you can IM or call LIVE during the show (7-10pm. central time) at: fearlessradio.com AIM or yahooIM: fearlessradio00 phone: 312.224.8273. the podcast is usually up almost immediately at: podcastfearless.com/dellife i may have dribbled in my underwear. 46 gave up the ghost| with a little more poise

[02 Sep 2008|05:30am] ninetyseven_inc So I'm standing in my room putting my makeup on, listening to the radio, and I hear the girl on the radio say "The Dean Blundell show is coming up next at 5:30".... Why am I up so early? BECAUSE MY ALARM CLOCK WAS AN HOUR FAST!!! Goddammit. I'm up an hour earlier than I need to be.. and it's an effing early start today. Oh well. Then I can upload these pictures from yesterdays shoot. lol Who knew I would be taking pictures of body builders one day. These are my favourites. And they're the first ones we did. Okay... I think a nap is in order. with a little more poise

SELF PORTRAIT [02 Sep 2008|11:42am] pepperminte have you ever drawn or painted or embroidered a self portrait? im doing some research for my textiles course, and im trying to look at artists who use self portraiture. if you could leave me a link or an image of your self portrait/s,(or any that you would reccomend by someone else,) then that would be a great help. x caitlin. 54 gave up the ghost| with a little more poise

early bedtime. [01 Sep 2008|04:10am] askheychris [ music | stand by me ] you know when you're laying there at night, wondering if you'll ever find that person who will allow you to feel comfortable in your own skin. to wake up feeling refreshed. to know when to hold you hand and know when to leave you to hang with your friends. its a kind of universal feeling i believe most of us encounter at least once in our lives, although, most of us feel this way daily. today, i was driving past a billboard that showed jennifer aniston laying on a dock just staring at the water. i thought about the magazine cover headlines i read in the convenient store today that spoke of her obsession to love and be loved. how desperate she was and how she was pining over lost love. as if she should be embarrassed. while i was waiting in traffic, i wondered if she felt that craving for a love like you or i do. i mean, despite the celebrity, she is a girl just like any other girl. maybe it all hit at the right time for me but it really put it into perspective that most of us are the in same boat. we just want to love and feel the same amount of love back. to feel that our love is appreciated. how we all think no one understands and that we're doomed to either die alone or in a relationship that we're "settling" for. whats ironic is that there are billions of people who feel what you're feeling right now. it just sucks that the odds of us colliding with another person who loves the same way we love are slim to none. - whatever. all i know is my little princess of a neice, gia, had her big 4th birthday party this weekend and i went and bowled and annoyed her to no end. total role reversal. when i see her and all i want to do is throw her up in the air or spin her til shes an inch from vomiting or put her on my shoulders and she couldnt be less impressed with her annoying ass uncle chrissy. either way, shes adorable and i love her to pieces: - if you order anything from my store, it will be in the mail on wednesday. 39 gave up the ghost| with a little more poise

[31 Aug 2008|04:57pm] ninetyseven_inc Going through body building magazines right now. There is an article on Lee Priest in Muscular Development. And I don't know what it is, but I think this guy is so cool. Maybe it's all the tattoos... and he looks so serious but without looking like a douchebag. He looks like he would "school" you. lol. He's just badass. with a little more poise

[31 Aug 2008|03:59pm] ninetyseven_inc Facebook deleted my "no-pants" picture. Fuckers. So I'm posting it here. Because that is my favourite picture of the day... possibly... well they're all pretty effing awesome. with a little more poise

awesome day [31 Aug 2008|12:46am] ninetyseven_inc Helloooooo! Today was awesome. Shot with Paul. And got soooo many good shots!! I already put a bunch on facebook. :) Then we finally finished my website. So I'm pretty excited about that too! http://www.jacquelinemegaw.com Go check it out!! There's lots to see. Now I just gotta get my business cards made and I'm good! Monday I'm doing a shoot at a gym with this guy Gary, who is a body builder. ooooh excited! And nervous. But I'm sure it will be great. I need to brainstorm. Tomorrow I'm spending my day reading Muscle & Fitness and MuscleMag and all those good mags. haha. In other news, fungi pizza is delicious and I ate a lot of it today. Seriously, couldn't stop. So tasty. Well my msn crashed in the middle of a convo and that makes me sad. I think it's about time for bed. Oh and go to my facebook and look at my pics. Because they rule because Paul rules. weeeeee! with a little more poise

[30 Aug 2008|11:06am] ninetyseven_inc This morning I determined that toast with butter and grape jam is the best food ever. Man... I was going to say I could eat it every day for the rest of my life but thats a lie. lol Still.. delicious. Went out for dinner with Paul last night. We went to Alice Fazoullis (sp?). It was pretty delicious. Chicken fetuccini with sundried tomatooooooes yumm. Haven't hung out with Paul pretty much ever and it was good to just talk. Today I'm going to his house to FINALLY do our shoot. FINALLY!!!! weee!! I have ideas.. I'm excited. Busy week ahead. Should be good! with a little more poise

[30 Aug 2008|10:54am] pepperminte i think i want to take a life drawing class every day for the rest of my life. 16 gave up the ghost| with a little more poise

but at least i got my tupac wallet... [29 Aug 2008|06:57pm] askheychris [ music | RIP snow fairy. ] you know, its not like im never online. i always am. see, i dont work so im always home, but im always DOING something. whether or not thats "productive" is debatable. this entire week has consisted of riding my bike, call of duty, serious hangs with the other "unemployed", aka: other friends that are not on tour: cronin, jim and now, jordan who just got home from tour. throw in some steve kane and fruity and there you go. mix in a hot ass apartment that only spits out air conditioning in 10 minute increments, starbucks runs twice daily, hot dougs lunches and my new obsession with fixing bikes and you have my life in a nutshell. but yes, i am online constantly. i have the ability to update 2...3...8 times a day. but i always feel inclined to update with something either: ridiculous, entertaining, funny, introspective or informative. when i dont have anything to say or tell, i usually dont, hence the days that pass sans update. i wont lie, i feel pressure to update you with the ongoings of my head and my life, but lately, nothing much has been going on in either of them. ive washed my hands 16 times in the past 24 hours yet i still have grease under my nails... but my bike looks fucking sick. jim walked in the apartment yesterday and said, "oh look, you're THAT guy. what, are you going to start growing an ironic mustache now or something?" i said, "no, im an OG." see, ive been riding bikes consistently since... well, since the city of chicago decided to boot then smash (aka: sell at auction) my car. i live in the city where everything you could possibly want is within a 4 mile radius. the only time i need a car is to go out to the burbs (see: krispy kremes, olive garden) or when i tour, and then i usually rent one. ah, now im just babbling. the real reason for this post though, is to tell you a depressing story: so in my quest to find lush 'snow fairy' body wash, i stumbled upon a unsuspecting woman in madison, wisconsin who had a large bottle for sale on craigslist for $10, which she could easily have gotten $30+ for on ebay. anywho, i told her i would paypal her $15 if she shipped it to me, which she promptly did. yesterday, i ran upstairs to greet my maillady who loves the shit out of me. seriously. i opened the package, and there it was, all pink and smelling of candy-like medicine. i rushed to the shower and for the rest of the day, kept smelling my arms like they were scratch and sniff stickers. this morning, i heard a crash in the bathroom. thinking it was probably fruity taking one of his mosh dumps, i went back to sleep. when i finally rolled out of bed today at an embarrassingly late hour, i walked into the bathroom to take my morning pee when i see it. my brand new, full bottle of snow fairy, BROKEN in the bottom of the tub. the little suction cup thingys that hold the shampoo caddy to the wall couldnt go their goddamn job and my $15 bottle of body wash (which was a DEAL, thank you very much) was all but down the drain. after all that searching and emailing and waiting... i wont lie to you and say that a small part of me didnt die. speaking of depressing, cronin showed me this awesome site called garfield minus garfield. nothing has been edited, all of the dialogue is from actual cartoons, only garfield has been taken out. makes you wonder how much the author is projecting his depression and self-loathing into his character, john. 36 gave up the ghost| with a little more poise

Entertaining conversation that sums up last night: [29 Aug 2008|01:45pm] em0tionisdead [ mood | amused ] .hø££µ. says: dear Kristen .hø££µ. says: did I pee on a church last night? Kristen says: hello Kristen says: yes .hø££µ. says: Sincerely, Holly Kristen says: yes you did .hø££µ. says: oh man .hø££µ. says: I'm going to hell Kristen says: quite possibly 1 gave up the ghost| with a little more poise

It's Not For Long [29 Aug 2008|02:32am] rahrahraina [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | Led Zeppelin - Black Dog ] You snapped back when we said good-bye, You held my hand quietly in the basement before I left, I'm everyone's dirty little secret And you're no exception. I am empty when I look at girls' faces. The cold handshake and toothy smile, With your woman I'm a crocodile- Calm and collected and ready to strike. Thank the LORD! for my ego- Or else I might never survive, Your arms around her waist, Your eyes around her eyes, I take my consolation In my strong and firm belief That I'm better in every way. I know I deserve every blow I get- The concussions and black eyes You gave me in our kindest moments, I keep a gallery of injuries To remember how you loved me once. Initials carved sweetly and swiftly Into skin and bone, Infections will follow: We never cleaned the knives. If you asked, I could bring you an apple A red delicious day in day out, Just seventy nine cents and two lungs full of air, Shined up perfect. Hell, I'd bring you an orchard If I had the upper body strength. (Sometimes I worry you'll read this And realize it's about you... But then I remember that you would never bother.) ... It was raining when we said good-bye While I rushed a cigarette and looked for cab lights, You let go of the lie and looked at me. I held onto you, Shed the crocodile skin And anyone who was watching knew Everything. with a little more poise

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