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[04 Aug 2008|01:46am] |
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mood |
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 peaceful |
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music |
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water braids- honey rivers |
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i really like where things are going. i'm not really sure where it is, but all sources are indicating a future of days different than those past. some other things i really like at this time and place, in no particular order:
1. waltzes
2. brotherhood 2.0 video blog (even though i'm a year and a half late!)
3. shoes for 3.74! what a steal
4. pandora radio- the extraordinaires station, since they have been stuck in my head and this is a wonderful way to find new tunes, which i haven't done in a while.
5. finishing a book that took a while and starting a recently purchased one
6. making names when you bowl
7. asking my boyfriend if i'm allowed to take a ten minute break at work, because my boyfriend is also my manager (not that this is new news, but it is still a thrill to see our names on break at the same time for the same shift)
8. i have 53 best picture films to go and i've found some really beautiful treasures i wish i discovered sooner
9. being tattooed and further thinking of ideas
10. christine and sean's wedding invitations!
i could really go on much longer but 10 seems like a reasonable place to put an end. especially since the headphones i am using are much too short, requiring me to hunch over to type. hm.
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[18 Jul 2008|01:45am] |
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i hope i'm done being sick for the rest of the summer. my body has had enough.
while i am on my feet, i've done more than last summer and i am truly happy.
i reread a part of an entry from december, about acting, and felt good because i was looking for an experience to awake me from insecurities and every other doubt and i had that this past april and i thought you should know that.
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[19 Jun 2008|06:29pm] |
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alrighty, a month into summer update:
successful scene nights and 3.7 for the spring semester and the banquet was a tremendous amount of fun. second 'militia' shoot and we're almost wrapped up. saw kaitydavie rather regularly at work and tony surprised me at work (by jumping out from behind the cooking section and making me scream). oh, and by the way, tony, kd, and jordan, that position is possible. cast in twelfth night with my love and a bunch of good actors. finished kavalier and clay and it was incredible, you need to read this. and it is a sweet deal having a pen pal. SUNDAY in the park with george was beautiful!! hey danana
then i got to experience my first ride in an ambulance, oh no! bad reaction to 2 diff meds and then they found a hernia? 2 weeks later, i'm still limping and i had to go on medical leave from work, and quit the show (ugh $$$) and after another e.r. visit, a pediatrician, surgeon and radiologist later, i found out it's actually a ruptured ovarian cyst! and that's not all folks, but the rest is kinda gross :/
my dad is due for surgery as well. michael graduates tomorrow. and i'm working my way through the academy award best picture films slowly but surely. it was nice to see the gang at pitter & lisa's bbq for .5 seconds.
nothing is more beautiful than reading this book (only revolutions) with you, my darling.
so here's hoping for the next two months! i have a feist concert, a kurt halsey exhibition, my sister's bridal shower, batman and the opening of twelfth night to look forward to. if i'm better in time, i will be the asm and female understudy. no money, but i'll be glad to be back.
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[29 Apr 2008|03:05pm] |
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mood |
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 refreshed |
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music |
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a minha menina- os mutantes |
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so many ideas and good vibes! not enough money! but there is fun
catch summary:
the tempest +
feist concert tickets +
not getting enough hours at borders, thusly no money -
major papers/tests done +
robbie torres +
orange daisies +
joint injections -
twelfth night call backs +
tattoos for me and lou +
loving and being loved +
graduating suffolk with an acting a.s. next semester +
pros vastly outweigh the cons. keep it up keep it up
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[30 Jan 2008|02:13am] |
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music |
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the dirty projectors |
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i haven't taken a picture (non-polaroid) since the second weekend of into the woods, which was mid-to-late november. how utterly disappointing. in conclusion, i need to bring my camera around more.
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[23 Jan 2008|10:46pm] |
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it's ironic that whenever my schedule is overloaded, all i crave is time to do whatever i want with my loves, but when i get that time, i have a lot of idle time. well, it's also due to the fact that work is slow, i suppose, but largely, that's been the norm of my life.. for as long as i can remember? yes. whenever things have all come together and i can collect myself- things are better than alright- i get stuck in a rut and need a serious change of pace. i don't know why i can't just be happy with being content. i'm in a weird place right now.
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[16 Dec 2007|01:35am] |
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music |
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moment's notice- coltrane |
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it's been a while. it's not even like i keep a written journal either. once in a while, it's good to sit and see everything going on right in front of me. i've really just been so caught up lately for reflection that i sincerely feel any moment i have to myself that i could reflect, it's more like a mental breakdown. i'm doing well, though. i'm back on track even though things have hardly calmed down this entire semester.
i hope i didn't actually hurt my sister's feelings tonight. lately (and by lately, i mean the past three years), i've been very caught up in myself and everything i do that will take me somewhere else, that i'm not entirely aware of the gravity of what i say until after. it's not even so much of a think before you speak kind of thing so much as it's the things that come out during arguments because it's the brutal truth, or something like that, i don't know if that even makes sense.
i'm going to pittsburgh with lou and my closest friends from school the first week of january. it's all expenses paid this year, which is supreme and because of that it's pretty much just the competitors and partners +++ a few swells.
i have auditions for tempest and proof next week and by next week i mean tuesday, well, really monday, but i'll be working because it's retail the week before christmas mmm
steven thinks that i should complete three full years, opposed to the five semesters then transfer thing i was doing. because he thinks i should audition for my top school that following fall. my top school, my never gonna happen school. i'd only be so lucky school! any time i do anything lately (again, past 3 years), i revert to this timer i have on myself and i don't know why or how it got there, but there's this deadline i feel i have to make or else i'm going to reach a certain age and just go- i don't want to try anymore. it won't happen now. i want to finish school as quick as i can. everyone does, i know, this isn't a new thing. i just really want to do it right and believe that i can. i don't know where people get it from, but i really have to find confidence in myself and what i'm trying to do, and it's not being said so i can hear praise or reassurance because i don't process it and i never really did. not completely. every performance i watch, i compare myself to others and their capability with mine and i think of all the things i could do or never would have thought of and i think of how this person is better than me. because there will always be someone better than you. but i feel that i have this standard of everyone and then one for myself and before i even see their work, they start at the top and by the end of the night, run, semester, i can bring the level lower to where i am, the middle. because i know i'm good and smart, it's just a matter of i've never felt i'm good enough or smart enough. i know i think all this because i just think too much and i can't cut it out but i really wish i could figure out something, if something could happen to me where i lose a bit of my awareness i guess, and do it. do it like i don't have to work up to it a few times and then i can have the head for it or do it like i don't have to be told where my hands should go. i know i'm learning and that's what school is for and beginner training so i lose my bad actor habits but i don't feel comfortable in my own skin and i feel like i'll always be so very much aware of what i'll never be content with.
i'm glad that i work in a book store because that is the first thing i knew i had to do in my life, before anything else.
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[17 Aug 2007|01:24am] |
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music |
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pictures of me- e.s. |
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անկախություն
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[09 Jun 2007|12:56am] |
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ya know, i have a job and i'm in a show but i still feel like this summer is going to take too long. i really hate summer.
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[20 Apr 2007|02:00am] |
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music |
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love today- mika |
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so today i was asked to be the fourth member of an ensemble for a reader's theatre performance called 'elements' that is going to compete in LA the first weekend of may through suffolk and it's all expenses paid and i think that tops anything i had on my summer list that i didn't get to accomplish.
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[18 Apr 2007|06:39pm] |
step 1: open your mp3 player.
step 2: put all of your music on random.
step 3: write down the first ten songs it plays, no matter how embarrassing
1. sweet transvestite- rocky horror picture show
2. share the darkness- the saw doctors
3. we have a map of the piano- múm
4. you're gonna make me lonesome- madeleine peyroux
5. you know you're right- nirvana
6. a comet appears- the shins
7. first orgasm- the dresden dolls
8. irish blood, english heart- morrissey
9. electrified- dressy bessy
10. disseminated- soul coughing
i really love new books and mail and soup and the prospect of wonderful weather to have picnics with my love and my friends and to have as many adventures as possible.
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[04 Apr 2007|02:30am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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what a great friend.
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[01 Mar 2007|11:04pm] |
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music |
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sloop john b- the beach boys |
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Arabian Nights soon. Recovering from tonsilitis. No more job. Dyed black hair. Mom had surgery. Car battery died. I love love. Fencing tournement soon. Overcome contact removal. Spray tan tomorrow. Desperately need money. Laundry and Bourbon. Midterm projects due. Miss my friends. Not enough time.
Hey Lou! (:
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[02 Feb 2007|12:57am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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kate- ben folds five |
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Alana tagged me and these are some rules
"Rules: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks."
1) There are fews things that I would go as far as saying "I feel naked without..." but something I can never feel comfortable leaving my house without is black liquid eyeliner. Other then that, whenever I don't have my digital camera on me, I feel like today is going to be the day something spectacular will happen and I won't have my camy to help me capture it.
2) When I am home, most usually when I'm alone in any circumstance, I talk to myself a lot. No, I don't mean I rock back and forth, but I almost feel as if it's like a movie voice over and in order for the viewers to really know what I'm thinking, I have to say it out loud. I also sing a lot of things that don't have a real tune or purpose, it's just because I have so much going on in my head that that sometimes just releases some thoughts out of my system.
3) By default, whenever I burp, I say 'bless me' or 'bless you' to someone else who does. I don't know when I started doing that or why. Two other compulsive nonsense habits are constantly making wishes on every pattern I catch on a digital clock and popping bubbles on fountain drink covers.
4) If I'm wearing sneakers, I have to really take my time tying my laces or else I could do it for a good half hour just trying to make each shoe have equal tightness. Because of this, I don't wear shoes with laces.
5) Whenever I become completely winded from climbing a flight of stairs in public, I think about giving a person passing by the same feeling i feel and see what they have to say because I don't really know what normal feels like. I want to know if what I feel is really as much as I think it is or if I just have a weak body. I get agrivated with people who complain about pain from doing things I wish I could do and try to do and can never completely achieve.
6) If I can hear, see or smell you eating cereal, I have to leave the room because my gag reflex is severely kicking in.
7) I am such a very fidgety person and if I'm in person, I will move around, use my hands and redirect attention a lot. It's not really because I constantly want attention so much as I can't stand still and have no problem with doing whatever need be to just be. Especially when I have a lot going on and my emotions are flying, I can't contain myself at all.
8) Yessss when I get a chill, I make these sounds- syllables, rather- and I don't quite know where they come from. I think my brother Michael somehow influenced me in my sleep, or something. Cause it's pretty weird.
9) The only difference about every day Jessika and PMSing Jessika, is that I have to wear underwear. True story.
10) I really take pride in the fact that if someone asks me if I know such and such, I'll tell them honestly yes or no because I know all kinds of folk who would much rather impress (I guess?) the other person by saying yes and then when they continue talking to you, you really have no idea what they're talking about. I don't really know why you'd lie about ever hearing of this band or seeing this movie.
If you don't even wanna make an entry, just comment it. I'd like to see!
sigh_at_me, takeour_carsnow, masterlyopinion, acidxlxlxburn, next10minutes, loufeldown, suddenchange, nnayttap, life_is_beaut, kristalou
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[25 Jan 2007|02:06am] |
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mood |
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peanut butter |
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music |
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strawberry- paul baribeau |
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promise to self: i will go to every class unless i'm sick or some other emergency magically appears. mreh. prob won't happen? but i really wanna do well this semester. yeah yeah yeah
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[12 Jan 2007|12:04pm] |
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music |
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when i was a young girl- feist |
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okay tell me that baby pandas aren't the cutest. i dare ya
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[04 Jan 2007|03:06am] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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broken wings- sage francis |
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(the last entry contained a montage.) i felt like i needed to clarify because i just didn't feel sure.
so many thoughts are running rampid in my head right now and some things i really dig these days are:
my wonderful, lou
magnetic poetry (a revisited pastime)
nellie mckay, devotchka, madeiline peyroux, beirut
holbrook diner's chicken noodle soup, minus the chicken
naked by david sedaris
drawings for my sister
more gigabites on my ipod, reasonably named columbia
i just found 25$ in my coat pocket!
hey jordan, go listen to lucky trumble by nancy wilson. my affinity with dictionary.com grows daily. what's in store for the first thursday of 2007; debit card via commerce, lunch date with lauren cody, actf rehearsal, no work! tomorrow should be a good day.
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