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i'm tired of this smile

that even I don't reconize

Created on 2003-08-20 18:17:07 (#1269549), last updated 2003-08-23

30 comments received, 0 comments posted

Basic Info
Name:kayla
Birthdate:05-19
Bio
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<font . face="arial" ptsize="9">
<div align="justify"> <center><b>(</b>( MUCH LiKE SUFFiCATiNG )<b>)</b>
<b>/</b>/ THiS <b>iS</b> ME WITH THE WORDS ON THE TiP OF MY TONGUE ..//<b><font color=FF66CC></b><font color=000000><b></b> </center>

<left> well, let me start by saying my name is <font color=FF66CC><b>kayla</b><font color=000000> regina. my candles are blown out on may 19, 1988. which makes me <i>fifteen</i> at the moment. i was born, raised and still reside in upstate <b><font color=FF66CC>new york</b><font color=000000> in a small town. i live with my step mom <b>[</b>dina<b>]</b>, my dad, <b>[</b>john<b>]</b>, my two step sisters <b>[</b>amanda; 9<b>]</b>, <b>[</b>shannon; 13<b>]</b> and one step brother <b>[</b>johnathan; 8<b>]</b>. we're moving on june 30, 25 minutes away from where we are now, that i also means i have to switch <b><font color=FF66CC>schools</b><font color=000000>. i have 3 natural sisters <b>[</b>angela; 23<b>]</b>, <b>[</b>erica; 21<b>]</b> <b>[</b>missy; 21<b>]</b> who live in their own apartmant with my oldest sisters boyfriend <b>[</b>josh<b>]</b> whom is like my brother. i just finished my freshman year, which means in my new school, i'll be a <b><font color=FF66CC>sophmore</b><font color=000000>. i have brown hair, that i dye very often i've dyed it red, blonde, light blonde, pink, blue, light brown <b>[</b>more lighter then my <i>ORiGiNAL</i> color<b>]</b> and black. right now, it's black. i'm very short. i weigh 95 pounds, before you ask, <b>no</b>, i do <i>not</i> have an eating disorder. i have a <b><font color=FF66CC>disability</b><font color=000000>. when i was born, i had a bleed on the <b>brain</b> and some extra tissue which caused me to not be able to walk on my own. i can walk with quad canes and a walker and i'm just as <i>normal</i> as any other fifteen year old girl in this world. as of now, i'm <font color=FF66CC><b>not</b><font color=000000> concentrating on my walking as much as i should be. truthfully, i'm <b>lazy</b>. i'm putting my education, family, music <b>[</b>i'll talk more about that later<b>]</b> and friends before walking on my own. i'm fine with the way i am, it's <b>me</b>. i would love to go to college at syracuse university for <font color=>FF66CC<b>graphic</b> <font color=000000> design, but my <b>REAL</B> passion is singing and songwriting. when i was about 1O, i started writing song lyrics and <font color=FF66CC><b>poetry</b><font color=000000>. then, when britney came out, i wanted to be <i>just</i> like her. that's <b>ALL</b> i ever wanted. up until i was fourteen and my family wasn't even <font color=FF66CC><b>supportive</b><font color=000000> of what i wanted to do, only giving <strike>negative</strike> comments when i used to sing for them. i kind of just <b>gave</b> up on trying to be a <font color=FF66CC><b>star</b><font color=000000>. i knew that i had to get a real job eventually and that stardom only happens when you're super pretty, or you have a super <b>beautiful</b> voice, so, i got into graphic design, even though i can't do it well, it's one of my biggest intrests and i would <font color=FF66CC><b>love</b><font color=000000> to go to college with it. don't get me wrong. i'll <b>ALWAYS</b> love singing, but, i just don't feel like i have the talent, i still write and i also sing <b>A LOT</B>. <b>[</b>all the time.. lol<b>]</b> i'm not a high <font color=FF66CC><b>achiever</b><font color=000000>, but i do care about school, i don't give my all, but i do give a lot of effort. </left>

<center> <b>(</b>iN OUR FAMiLY PORTRAiT, WE LOOK PRETTY <b>HAPPY</b> WE LOOK <i>PRETTY</i> NORMAL .. <b>)</b>
<b>/</b>/ DEFiNATELY THE DEFiNiTiON OF <b><font color=FF66CC>DiSFUNCTiONAL</b><font color=000000> /<b>/</b> </center>

<left> my mom and my dad <u>never</u> <b>divorced</b> as many of you may think due to the fact that i have a step mom. she <b><font color=FF66CC>passed</b><font color=000000> away in 2OOO of a four year battle of <strike>lung cancer</strike>. before she had to deal with this battle, she had to <i>deal</i> with alcoholism and <b><font color=FF66CC>depression</b><font color=000000>. she never got along with any of her sisters nor her mother. my dad stood by her side <b>every</b> inch of the way. my mother was my <b><font color=FF66CC>best</b><font color=000000> friend. she was an <i>amazing</i> person, everyone knew her as someone <b><font color=FF66CC>special</b><font color=000000> and that will never change. my mom is one in a <b>million</b>. we all took her death <b>hard</b>. it was a <b>HUGE</B> slap in the face. my dad definately got lonely and needed to find someone <b>new</b>. <b>[</b>not that he would ever forget my mom, she <i>always</i> wanted him to get remarried. she wanted him to be happy<b>]</B> he ended up finding dina, my new <b><font color=FF66CC>step</b><font color=000000> mom. after two months of living with us, they ended up getting married. my sisters don't really <b>care</b> for dina and at times either do i, but i <b>try</b> to make the best of what i have. i am very <font color=FF66CC><b>close</b><font color=000000> with my dad's side of the family, but, not my mom's. we haven't talked to them since my mom's <i>funeral</i>. as bitchy as this sounds. i <b><font color=FF66CC>don't</b><font color=000000> want to. i don't get along with my step syblings, besides shannon. they're <i>liars</i> and <b>cry babies</b>. i guess every little kid is. when i was born, my mom had a very close friend and he was there for me since the day i was <b><font color=FF66CC>born</b><font color=000000>. he's not my uncle really, but, he was my mom's best friend and he's taken care of me all my life <b>[</b>money, emotional and physically wise.. he's very wealthy<b>]</b> i battle depression. people think that i do it for attention, but, i don't. i cry <b>A LOT</b>. i often think of <b><font color=FF66CC>suicide</b><font color=000000> so i write a lot to vent and prevent it. i take anti depressants. <b>[</b>thank god<b>]</b>. </left>

<center><b>(</b>(POSSE<b>?</b>)<b>)</b>
// LiE about it, CRY about it, lean on ME, i'll lean on YOU and we'll be OKAY .. //</center>
<left> my <b><font color=FF66CC>friends</b><font color=000000> mean the <i>world</i> to me. i have many friends. i don't label people as my <b>'</b>best friend<b>'</b> because i just don't. it's <font color=FF66CC><b>wrong</b><font color=000000>, in my <i>opinion</i>. i tend to hang out with <b>more</b> <u> guys </u> then girls, guys are <b><font color=FF66CC>fun</b><font color=000000> and girls cause way to much <b>drama</b> for my liking.</left>

<center> <b>(</b>(R<b>O</b>CK <b>O</b>N)<b>)</b>
// i'm SiCK of WRiTiNG every song about YOU .. // </center>
<left> <b><font color=FF66CC>avril lavigne</b><font color=000000>; ashanti; <b>5O cent</b>; jayz; missy elliot; <b>eminem</b>; obie trice; alanis morrisette; <i>2pac</i>; lil kim; <b>trina</b>; all american rejects; <b><font color=FF66CC>finch</b><font color=000000>; the used; graystar; <b>fabolous</b>; matchbox 2O; box car racer; <i>blink 182</i>; busta; <b><font color=FF66CC>mariah carey</b><font color=000000>; aaron carter; lindsay pagano; <b>usher</b>; dave matthews band; <b>counting crows</b>; john mayer; justin timberlake; <i>michelle branch</i>; jessica harp; <b><font color=FF66CC>faith hill</b><font color=0Ȱ0000>; dixie chicks; bon jovi; hanson; <b>frankie j</b>; alicia keys; pdiddy; notorious big; <font color=FF66CC><b>kelly osbourne</b><font color=000000>; ozzy; <i>christina aguilera</i>; something corporate; <b>nelly</b>; acdc; allman brothers; slipknot; korn; thursday; <b><font color=FF66CC>better than ezra</b><font color=000000>; dashboard confessional; <b>good charlotte</b>; new found glory; christina christian; <b>kelly clarkson</b>; switchfoot; mandy moore; ja rule; lil mo; vita; seether; from autumn to ashes; <b><font color=FF66CC>taking back sunday</b><font color=000000>; clay aiken; jessica harp;<b>jennifer lopez</b>

<center><b>(</b>(L<b>i</b>VEJ<i>O</i>URNAL)<b>)</b></center>
<left> my old livejournal user name was <b>trapp3d</b> given to me by kristal. i got quite <b><font color=FF66CC>sick</b><font color=000000> of it and decided to make a <i>new</i> username <b>[</b>holla_<b>]</b> it is currently friends only and will <b><font color=FF66CC>definately</b><font color=000000> stay that way. please <b><font color=FF66CC>don't</b><font color=000000> add me first. comment and <i>then</i> add me. i make <b> ssome </b> entries public, but most are friends oonly. i do read your journals, i just don't like to comment, i think it's <u> overrated </u>. i talk about <b> drug </b> use and sex, don't like it? don't read it. i recently got my webcam hooked up, i do post a lot of pictures, don't like it? see, that little x ion the top? yeah, click that. i'm not a bitch, just sick of being walked all over.</left>

<center> <b>(</b>(<b><3</b>)<b>)</b> </center>
<left> 50 cent, a walk to remember, <font color=FF66CC><b>abercrombie</b><font color=000000>, almost famous, american eagle, <b>american idol</b>, angels, aol, ashanti, avril lavigne, bacon, <b><font color=FF66CC>bad boys</b><font color=000000>, beaches, <b>boardwalks</b>, boys, broadway, <b>bubble baths</b>, bubbles, bush, cameras, candles, candy, <b><font color=FF66CC>carson daly</b><font color=000000>, cds, cell phone covers, <b>cell phones</b>, cherry, chips, <b><font color=FF66CC>christina aguilera</b><font color=000000>, christina christian, christmas, <i>clubbing</i>, comfy, computers, concerts, cuddling, <i>dances</i>, dancing, <b><font color=FF66CC>dashboard confessional</b><font color=000000>, dave matthews band, <b>dawsons creek</b>, daydreaming, de lucia estate, <b>dreams</b>, drummers, <b>dylan alexander</b>, eminem, emo, <b><font.color=FF66CC>florida</b><font color=000000>, french, french toast, full house, gap, <b>getting high</b>, giving, <i>glitter</i>, glitz, goo goo dolls, graphics, hanson, <b><font color=FF66CC>hersheys</b><font color=000000>, hot choclate, hot showers, hotness, <b>hugs</b>, ice cream, <b>islands</b>, italy, jacob tyler, jaime, james vanderbeek, jessica harp, <b>john mayer</b>, joshua david, <b><font color=FF66CC>joshua jackson</b><font color=000000>, julia stiles, <i>katie holmes</i>, kiss fm, kisses, laptops, layouts, <b>legally blonde</b>, leonardo dicaprio, <b>lighthouses</b>, long drives, mac makeup, maine, matchbox 20, michelle branch, <b>milk</b>, mp3s, music, <b><font color=FF66CC>my bed</b><font color=000000>, my family, my friends, my name, new york city, <i>no doubt</i>, norah jones, <b><font color=>oceans</b><font color=000000>, orange juice, pancakes, paris, partying, pasta, phones, poop, popsicles, <b>poptarts</b>, powerpuff girls, real world, rent, road rules, rob thomas, <b><font color=FF66CC>rockstars</b><font color=000000>, salsa, <b>sand</b>, sandals, santana, sexiness, shane west, <i>singing</i>, skittles, sleeping, slow dances, slushies, <b>spongebob sqaurepants</b>, steve madden, <b><font color=FF66CC>strawberry daquris</b><font color=000000>, sugar cult, <b>summer</b>, summer nights, swearing, swimming, <b><font color=FF66CC>swinging</b><font color=000000>, switchfoot, the get up kids, the mall, t<i>itanic</i>, triple x, vin desil, virginia, waffles, <i>warm towels</i>, water, weed, <b>whipped cream</b> </left>

<center> <s> <3 </s> </center>
<left><strike>hoes</strike>, liars, haters, <b><font color=FF66CC>racism</b><font color=000000>, school, waking up early, going to bed early, <b>alarm clocks</b>, some country music, players, <b><font color=FF66CC>cleaning</b><font color=000000>, doing school work, being yelled at, <b>crying</b>, people who think they're tough, the future, <b>posers</b>, wannabes, copiers, crying, her math + global teacher, <b>shaker cheerleaders</b>, <i>tough,</i> guys, pricks, people who wear <b>TOO</b> much make up, <b><font color=FF66CC>homework</b><font color=000000>, people who <b>TRY</b> to sing the words to songs they <b><font color=FF66CC>don't</b><font color=000000> know, <i>cooked carrots</i>, fighting with my family, my mom's side of the family, labels, <b>backstreet boys</b>, being cold, waiting outside for the bus, having to get up at <b>5:45</b>, having my batteries <b>run out</b> in my cd player, how my dad <b><font color=FF66CC>locks</b><font color=000000> his door when he <b>doesn't</b> need to</left>

<center> <b>(</b>(SHE <b>i</b>S)<b>)</b> </center>
<left> depressed; <b>sad</b>; spoiled; <b><font color=FF66CC>bitchy</b><font color=000000>; insecure; <b>funny</b>; talkative; <b>special</b>; different; kind; <b><font color=FF66CC>understanding</b><font color=000000>; generous; <b>flirty</b>; hurt; <b>negative</b> ; loveable; lazy; stupid; opinionated; <b><font color=FF66CC>crazy</b><font color=000000>; suicidal; dramatic; <b>hopeful</b>, obsessive </left>

<img src="http://www.boomspeed.com/slimshadyx1/jen143.jpg" alt="i love you, jen!" />

<center> (<b>(FAVORiTES)</b>) </center>
<left> <b> numbers: </b> 7, 1
<font color=FF66CC> <b> colors: </b> pink, red, black
<font color=000000> <b> food: </b> steak, chicken, cheeseburgers, bagels, pizza, junk food, fries
<font color=FF66CC> <b> candy: </b> sour skittles, skittles, lollipops, nerds, hersheys, lifesavers
<font color=000000> <b> drinks: </b> pepsi, wild cherry pepsi, dr pepper, root beer, cherry coke, shirley temples, snapple(kiwi strawberry or lemon iced tea), ice tea
<font color=FF66CC> <b> stores: </b> hollister, abercrombie, american eagle, delias, hot topic, macys, rampage, the limited, alloy
<font color=000000> <b> sports: </b> baseball, cheerleading + dance
<font color=FF66CC> <b> movies: </b> xXx, 8 mile, crossroads, cruel intentions, grease, clueless, almost famous, a walk to remember, the fast + the furious, romeo + juliet, pretty woman, big daddy, fear, leagally blonde, save the last dance, swim fan, mr. deeds, what a girl wants
<font color=000000> <b> shows: </b> dismissed, lizzy mcguire, anything on mtv, even stevens,boy meets world saved by the bell, beverly hills 90210, seventh heaven
<font color=FF66CC><b> actresses: </b> brittany murphy, julia stiles, reese witherspoon, katie holmes
<font color=000000> <b> actors: </b> shane west, jimmy fallon, hayden christensen, brad pitt, adam sandler, ryan phillipe, vin diesel, joshua jackson, james vanderbeek

<center><font color=000000> (( MY iNSPiRATiON <3 )) </center> <left> my inspiration is christina aguilera. she has an amazing voice, she's a great dancer and she's been through a lot of shit. if you're just going to add me because you wanna start shit about xstina, <b> DON'T DO IT </b> i won't stand for it. it's just so childish to have someone make fun of someone mostly because of jealousy.

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Interests (150):

106 & park, 3am, 50 cent, 6 packs, 8 mile, 90210, 96.3, a walk to remember, abercrombie, accoustic guitars, aim, american eagle, angels, avril lavigne, away messages, bad boys, beaches, bootlegs, brittany murphy, bubble baths, burnt hills, candles, cell phones, chanel, chocolate, christina aguilera, christmas, cigerettes, clothes, clubbing, computers, concerts, cuddling, dancing, dave matthews band, dawson's creek, dr. dre, drummers, dylan alexander, eclipse, eminem, emo, fabulous, finch, fire works, fleece blankets, florida, fridays, from autumn to ashes, full house, gina jordan leigh, giving, glitz, good charlotte, graphic design, guys in bands, hanson, hilary duff, hoodies, hudson river, ice cream, iced tea, icons, italy, jacob tyler, jaxx, jay-z, jennifer lopez, jessica harp, joshua david, julia stiles, july 4, justin timberlake, kelly clarkson, kelly osbourne, kisses, kissing in the rain, krispy kreme, late nights, laughing, layouts, letters, lighthouses, lil kim, linkin park, liqour, ll cool j, long drives, lost boyz, mary kate and ashley, matchbox 20, michelle branch, missy elliot, money, mp3s, mtv, music, my bed, my birthday, my family, my friends, my name, my room, my sisters, new york city, nike, northern lights, nsync, pepsi, phish, pictures, piercings, pimpin, pink, posters, presents, pretty in pink, punk, real world, road rules, rob thomas, save the last dance, sixteen candles, sleeping, slow dances, smoothies, snapple, sparkley.net, steve madden, summer, summer nights, sunglasses, swearing, sweeping bangs, swimming, taco bell, taking back sunday, tanning, tattos, the breakfastclub, the mall, the osbournes, thursday, tlc, virginia, webcams, weed, wine coolers, woodlakes, zac hanson

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