##

There is a huge difference between being fierce, and being rude. its funny how people can mix up the 2 entirely different concepts.

Goodie goodies are so annoying. Like o-kay, go away.

"Welcome to the real world", she said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white

So the good boys and girls take the so called right track
Faded white hats
Grabbing credits
Maybe transfers
They read all the books but they can't find the answers

And all of our parents
They're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories,

Tiny tragedies

Im staring at my prof right now and listening. but everything is going in one ear and out the other. retention = 0. its kinda sounds like, buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Need. to. retain. information.

I'm interning with Prudential right now and i'm ending in 2 days after my 3 week stint. it was supposed to be a 4 week stint but i couldnt take it and had to leave early. my nice boss makes me feel bad about "leaving this unfinished" but seriously, this is not. for. me.

My job is to cold-call.

More specifically, my job is to ask people down for interviews to be "Financial consultants". Haha im so sorry if youre reading this and thinking "SO IT WAS YOU!". Just today i called up a guy called Wang Liang Ming and asked if he was looking for a job or for "other career opportunities". he replied

"Um, no, actually I'm already working at UOB corporate finance."

As some of you might know my dad has been working at uob corp finance for the past 2013971230891 years until he retired this year and the department is only about 30 people strong. so yes anyway, cos its my job to keep people on the line as long as possible til i die of shame, i went on to say

"Oh, okay. thats interesting. so can i ask you, are you happy at your job?" (Cant believe im attempting to steal this person away from this department)

Talk talk talk on went the cheesy conversation and the rising annoyance on his side... AND THEN IT STRUCK ME.

"Omg i know who you are!!! youre jac's friend!!! IM SO SORRY."

"..."

"JOCE? CHAN?"

Sigh. i hate my job. hahaha. i have grown an extra 1000 layers of skin after 3 weeks. ive called the same girl 3 times and got a straight NOT INTERESTED right after i introduced myself.

Its not my fault that they fill up survey forms 3 times under 3 different names right wah lao. i told my boss and he said "they deserve it! they cheated me!" haha

But on a more positive side of things (my boss teaches me to be very positive and not to sigh so much) ive actually learnt pretty useful things that id probably never have learnt if i had actually CLARIFIED my job scope during the interview or asked when the "do you have any questions?" question came up. (ive learnt to ask about job scope too now)

I guess my biggest take away is more of a confirmation of something ive been discovering recently. as i get older and start being less oblivious about everything.. ive realized... i get alot further by being genuine and nice.

My boss always tells me not to be nervous, cos people can immediately pick it up over the phone. in my first week i wanted to die cos im actually a very nervous girl who looks confident but really isnt everytime shes put on stage/presenting/public speaking (working on it). so that was translated into me using the "be scared of me i am HR" tone. which really didnt work. after calling 7 hours a day and getting used to people getting pissed off at me, i realized the best and most effective way of talking to ANYBODY, is to just be nice. after i started talking to them in my "sweeter" voice those who already had jobs or werent looking would actually politely tell me they werent interested instead of just slamming the phone down! every single time! quite impressive. and because people werent being rude anymore, i was a lot happier and time passed a lot faster, and, i got more results!

Anyway, why im talking about this and why i said its a confirmation is cos i noticed something about friendships awhile ago that has become one of my guiding principles. i realized that whoever it is youre hanging out with.. be it the people who are popular, the people who are so much smarter, cuter, more fun, less fun, whatever- people like you so much more if youre just genuine, and nice.

When i meet new people i can instantly tell when someone is putting up a front. almost anyone can. the strange thing is that so many of us still put up fronts when we're in awkward situations. whats funny is that we try so hard to impress people but we forget to realize that if we were just that honest genuine geek who likes to stay home and play chess (or whatever)... people would like you.

Its only when you try to be something youre not, when you try so hard to be cool, or pretty, or popular... that people notice and really start to think youre a loser.

Ive tried it with all my groups of friends, and i feel so much more at peace now that ive recognized who i am and stop trying to be something im not.

Why do we try so hard to fit in? k im definitely not the most innocent, but im working on it- as with a lot of other things. i actually really find myself a lot happier when im nicer to people. the fruit uncle at the kopitiam across school tells me ive made his day cos i bought an apple from him, and the aunty at newton looks forward to seeing me after trainings on tuesdays. if i had never made an effort to smile and say hello i would just be a regular customer who walks away and never establishes a relationship that can really cheer you up when youre having a shitty day.

On a more objective note, i really have to strike a balance and not become a pushover. im still figuring out where to draw the line with certain people.

Anyway

Its jared birthday today! Happy 21st again baby :)

Haha. jared just skyed me with a half shaven mohawk cos his friends ganged up on him a gave him a "birthday haircut".

Im a bit traumatized by the result of his BABE... DONT BE SHOCKED WHEN THE VIDEO COMES ON...

K, will blog about this more another time. gonna continue talking to jared. night!

When big boys try to do cute things.



Aww, i got an awkward heart :)

I suddenly feel like being on an airplane. doesnt matter to where, as long as im in a plane seat with that dim light. i think im having one of those pms spells which make me weird, and moody. i think the plane ride is part of my escapism mode i enter when im pmsing. hahaha. pms manifests in strange ways.

Today i stayed at home the whole day. another part of pmsing is the fact that i get extremely tired and feel like doing nothing. so i stayed home, only to witness household drama. my sister has a friend whos staying at our place. she doesnt get along with wulan. im the middleman, as always. end product is me being bombarded by complaints and ending up very annoyed by the same complaints being told to me a thousand times. that, plus pms, makes me very annoyed.

ARG IM SO ANNOYED. AND I CANT BELIEVE I JUST SPENT MY WHOLE SATURDAY AT HOME. Im a loser and i miss jared.

Ive been meaning to blog more often about things that irk me, cos i realize that its when im irked that i learn new things about being human. i guess thats why in some strange way i like it when things arent going perfectly as planned. for me i really only reflect and change when i personally feel pissed off/extra happy/irritated/some other strong emotion. its really the best way to learn, cos when you hate what other people are doing so much you never want to be like that so you vow not to do likewise. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE WHINE.

I also hate it when people borrow stuff and not return it.

I also hate it when singaporeans are so freaking rude and ungracious. this society is really turning out bloody screwed up. (excuse me im pmsing.)

I was thinking of blogging about the borrowing (and not returning) bit another time but since im at it already ill do it now.

I was talking to lish and my sister about this notion of giving. how much should you give? its easy to say unconditionally, until you get so pissed off by the fact that people keep taking and rarely give back.

I dont know if its because of our schooling background, or the fact that we're blessed to have enough, but its always been such that if its a few extra dollars, i'll get it for you, or you'll get it for me, and in the end it all cancels and works out. lish taught me this the best, cos im always broke (haha) and she always has money from her kitchen drawer (haha). whenever we go out for suppers shes always generous enough to pay for me.

Heres where the difference comes in.

Usually when people get things for you, youll naturally feel like you should give back. right? so if lish keeps buying me suppers, eventually i will feel like she deserves to be treated back, because her generosity shouldnt be taken for granted. even if i know she doesnt expect anything in return.

BUT

PEOPLE HERE DONT DO THAT. WHY?

I find it so strange and annoying that whenever i buy friends lunches, or suppers, or drinks, or give NUMEROUS rides home, they dont reciprocate!!!!! its really not that i do it in expectation of getting something back, but really, sometimes you just end up feeling so used. whats worse is when people borrow money from you, and then 'forget' to pay you back. how can you forget 3 times in a row! this is joce! im not a bank that you withdraw from! if you dont pay me back i dont get to eat.

Ok its not that bad but seriously eating in town everyday is not very economical and after youve minused offering, transport, petrol, and trainings, you really dont have alot left. and i dont have magic kitchen drawers like lish. sux.

Yeah so anyway, as i was saying, my sister came home and was very annoyed at the fact that she had treated her friend to a drink yet again, driven a group of friends to sentosa and home, and still was asked to chip in $5 for cupcake dessert. i mean, shouldnt the natural thing to do be to say "hey, its okay, we'll get this for you because you picked me up and brought me a drink just now, so its alright this ones on me:)"

Am i expecting to much?

This has always been my dilemma. i try to be nice. i really do. but sometimes you just need people to acknowledge your efforts. maybe a possible reason for this is that they dont realize youve been giving in the first place? more than the reason being that theyre ungenerous? and if thats the case, that in itself makes it frustrating/tiring.

Jared suffers from this alot. he always pays first, and ends up getting 50% less in the end. hahaha. k la i exaggerate, but hes always short changed. i scold him for it alot. i would applaud his generosity in a normal and PROPER societal context, but in singapore, i scold him. because people know theyre short changing him but they dont take any active effort to correct it! i really dont get it. i would think that if youre paying for a combined bill, the natural thing would be to give more so that youll definitely cover your own cost, rather than to give less? i get very annoyed when i watch people chip in to a combined bill and conveniently forget to add in their gst. what. is. up. with. you!?

Will 2 more dollars rob you of your next meal!?

This seriously irks me im getting more annoyed blogging about it.

Anyway, i should shut up before i go on to blogging more about people pissing me off. jared and i walked into macs to get a drink and as he was about to put his bag down, and man rushed to the table and sat down quickly. then proceeded to look up at jared as if to say "mine!". so jared fumed a bit and i told him to calm down cos it wasnt worth it. then as i was queueing up to pay for a coffee a new counter opened next to me and the lady behind me dashed infront and shouted out her order. i turned around to jared, gave the "omg!?" face, went back to the table and exclaimed loudly

"I DONT CARE IM MIGRATINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG"

HELLOOOOOOOOOO

.....

I was just in the mood to blog but im not anymore. maybe because im hungry.

okay

think ill go eat now

bye

Hello world:)

Guess i cant post the pictures about the weekend, cos i cant find a working card reader! i have 3 card readers on my desk right now, but none of them work. anyhow, cant sleep and there are no new emails to reply so i shall update again.

Highlight of today: training!!!! haha. ah i missed you so much. felt very good to be running again. except after the break, as predicted, i wanted to die during the 1.5 hours. instead of doing my 10 x 400 sets i could only last 7 x 400 and literally collapsed and became immobile for 10 minutes. nevermind, taking comfort that i still have 3 weeks before bintan.


Went down to CJ to grab lunch with jared this afternoon/morning. caught up with a few teachers, said hi to a few others, and smiled at the ones i never liked but must pretend to:) after that i headed to town to meet ze for shooooping and waffles:) quite happy with my buys today. not very happy about the aldo shoes on sale which were printed in my size but obviously not made in my size. guess thats why they were on sale. they were really nice though.

Met jared and weilien for supper after training at spize, had some yummy tumtum satisfying food and stayed up for one more of those good heart to hearts with jared, over apple juice. im gonna be a sad girl when he leaves :( will miss the good talks and cutesy face.

Hmm still not any sleepier. tomorrow..... will just be a day of finishing the outliers read and preparing TFF stuff. after that ill be swimming in school with ze and finally going for the track AGM.

Oooookay off to attempt #2 at sleeping.

Nightos

<33

I just realized that Bintan tri is in less than a month!!! :o oops, i was always under the impression that it was a long time away.

The exams took their usual toll on me and i am currently soft and slow haha. we havent officially trained for 4 weeks now. went to the gym with jared the other day and i could only last on normal speed for 6 minutes. after the 6th minute i just walked for 34 more minutes to make myself feel like i exercised. haha. nevermind, tmrw, training re starts! im glad i joined track, i feel the happy feeling of training again that i only felt in primary school with gym. natal and i would constantly be devising ways to quit gym in secondary school, then in jc i didnt have much of a choice. so tracks been nice:)

Anyhow, attempted to play tennis with benjy yesterday. im still... pretty sucky. hahaha and now my forearm is aching. we played nearby at RTC though and the good thing about playing there is that they have a roof above head, which means that all my balls come back down!:) in the end most of the game was played between ben and his brother tim with most of the game looking like... smash, smash, fast, zoom, smash, oops joce is not playing, gentle stroke, joce misses, restart.

NEVERMIND, i will play more and get less sucky soon!

This is also the period of getting back our grades.... still have one more grade to receive so im crossing my fingers about that one. as for the rest, theyve been better this sem, so im gonna use that as a bargaining position to ask my dad about hk with jared pinks and bren later tonight! im staying home tonight to wait for him but hes not home!!! really hope he'll say yes:( staying at home is depressing. i havent done anything today.

Ogay, if i can get my card reader to work ill upload pictures soon to illustrate the weekend. til then, <3!

Hi kim. if youre reading this, i am in the library. and im staying because i am well behaved and the guards like me. (read: guards like me kim)

The library is almost empty. out of everyone (less D who has ethics with me on monday) im the only one who has 2 exams in week 16:( no:( this is just prolonging my library confinement:(

In any case, TFF is heading to zouk's shining shimmering splendid tonight. i love their theme. its shining and shimmering because "the future looks too bright". how cute. we're also invited to gareth pughs post show party (!!!!) heres some of his more famous works:





Things to do after the exams:
1. Fianlly finally see christian lacroix's costumes at the museum!
2. Throw a slow mo party with the girls with SATC and rubbishy food
3. Learn how to oil paint with sister
4. Design Business processes headings which i agreed to do for my prof. (when i was consulting him he saw my notes and asked if he could have when i finished my exam haha. but i realized i shouldnt give them to him cos he'd see that their designed nicely but not so nice content wise.... and therefore i made a promise to come up with decorated titles for the notes)
5. Plan daddy's retirement party!!!

The near future looks bright!!! i shall fast forward it just a little and start early tonight!:)

Im sitting outside settlers with D, ze ash and tim while we all try to cram in the last bits of prep for our papers next week. its so sad that we're sad that we got chased out of the library. All i can say is that im looking forward to the taohui which will come in 1 and a half hours!

Cant wait for exams to be over.

Waiting for ze to finish her CAT exam so im crashing pinks' FTB meeting in the SA room (woo acronyms)anyway, exams are over! and adulthood is approaching! i just got back from shopping with daddy and im happy:) as i was walking from the concourse to the SA room my lips were upturned at the corners. you know the feeling when youre really happy inside? i guess thats what they mean by you cant "contain your emotions", its just too much to keep inside so you cant help but show it:) he really spoils me.

Somehow im especially happy because i went to get it with my dad. initially he told me to pick out something i like and he'd just credit my account, but i didnt want that. it was so much nicer to have him make a decision with me. it wasnt just a present anymore, it felt like he was part of it. thats what i want. i want the people who matter to me to be with me as i cross over to my next phase in life. im a very lucky girl. i really have alot to be thankful for because i have such a great dad who always tells me how much i mean to him. it really means alot when i hear it, even if i already know it.

Tomorrow will be especially special. its a significant date, isnt it? dont mind me if i seem overly reflective/dramatic, ive decided to blog about it so i can remember it in the future and look back to see what exactly was going through my mind as i passed from kid to adult.

Turning 21, to me, feels like im closing a chapter of my life and opening a new one. if you asked me how i felt when i turned 20, i would tell you that i hated it. i hated the fact that my 1 was replaced by a 2, i was no longer a teenager, and i had to get ready for all the responsibilities that i hadnt worried about so much when i was 19. i couldnt really explain it to anyone, and no one really understood, but i didnt like being 20.

A few weeks ago it suddenly struck me that i am ready to take on my life. im actually excited to start work. somehow work doesnt seem so far away, marriage doesnt seem like such an abstract/far away idea, and old friendships mean more than ever now. when i look back on my secondary school days, it seems so far away and in the past. when i think about JC... JC is quite a blur to me. i dont know how to explain it, but i feel like everything before uni is has been packed into a box and stored away. and now a new, empty, huge one is going to be opened.

This is how it feels.

I know that the number 21 is just a man-made definition of adulthood, and that maturity is not supposed to be a function of your age but of your experiences, but they mustve had a reason for setting adulthood at 21 and not 20. i suppose 20 was the preparation year. im thankful they put preparation into consideration. im quite ready now.

Anyway, me aside and importantly, its D's birthday today! one thing i really like about school is how theres so many amazingly nice and selfles people around. im serious, the people never fail to amaze me with their nice-ness. its quite impressive. D if you happen to see this, thanks for being such a great girl and friend:) the world is so much nicer cos of people like you! happy 21st hun youre a gem:)

Okay then, ze is about done, and vivo is waiting:) tonight will be spent with nice friends at vshawns house too so thats something else to look forward to:) ill update again soon.

Til then:)

Nice. i just finished REwriting my comms research essay. after spending a week writing it once already!!!

Yesterday morning i was doing my last read-through when i decided to look at the guidelines. To my horror but not so much to my surprise (i have a tendency to be an idiot when it comes to school) i realized i didnt cover half of what i needed to. hahaha i dont know why i keep doing this to myselffff.

I was supposed to analyze the "myth" the beijing olympics opening ceremony communicated to the world and whether this was accurate. it needed to be in terms of recent political social and economic developments.

I just happily did an analysis on the ceremony.

Anyway, my prof was really awesome about it and gave me an extension to noon today. i sent natal off with clare yesterday and amazingly still managed to finish my essay after freaking out a bit and rushing it.

Thats tal clare and me holding my supposed-to-be-completed essay.


We'll be missing you natal :)

Yay completion:)

Ps i realised ive been updating alot

Hello i am a bit seh. the bash was okay we were put on a spot for a while. anyway, i love jo rach and huiyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. i am also munching on plain crackers and my mother just came into my room sigh why am i home so early sorry jo

Lurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbz

The first day of CNY came and went. but not without the annual love of jabchai (!!! 3<3<3) and goodies. i could live on jabchai. its the best thing thats ever happened to chinese new year celebrations. besides the reuniting of course. oh and the good hongpows. oh yes and the loh hays. its awesome being chinese:)

Had our usual tea ceremony in the morning (where my sister and i got scolded for using oranges for inappropriately in the pictures) and then headed to my uncles house for reunion!

Tea ceremony.




jac brought her friend from the states to introduce her to the whole cny experience and i introduced her to jab chai. oh jabchai:) i dont even know how to spell it properly. i would spell it as zha chai. but its got that b sound in it. zha-b chai. its that vegetable dish with like 20 vegetables that everyone eats. anyway, its really yummy:)

Every year the family grows bigger. these are all the kiddies.


Sophie and han:)


Visited my grandma after that, took lots of photos, watched a bit of chinese tv, and went home to sleep. my brothers not in this one cos he was taking the photo.



Woke up in a shock to lots of "HURRY UP"s and headed back to my uncles place for more jab chai. hahaha. i was really grumpy and quiet the whole way though cos i was still half asleep.

Tomorrow will be another slack day. only program is dinner with jareds family in the evening! thinking of waking up for a run, but that means i have to wake up at 630 before the sun comes up. dont really think thats gonna happen...... we'll see:)

K, thats all for now. goodnightos & happy new year!

Here darl! thank you, now i can return you your memory card.

You need to scroll down.

Hello. I HAVE RETURNED! after a very long time.

Holidays have been fun:D my hands still smell strongly of the 3 cloves of garlic i chopped last night. i chopped them for our FISH! which we caught at pasir ris pay pond during our fishing outing:D

Fishing was funnnn we sat there for 3/4 (?) hours and caught nothing so the experienced old man and his friend gave us 3 big fish:) shortly after i caught my own!!!! yay and then i tried again and the fish bit my prawn away and left the shell on the hook >:( we headed back to jared's for xiao an style sambal fish, jared style soya sauce/garlic fish and brendan's CRAZY SPICY kang kong. ahh glorious chinese food:) i love being chinese. haha (smiles with my small eyes!)

This is a fishy weekend im heading to greenwood for fish and chips with jared, li and her boyfriend nick in 3 hours. fishing, eat fish, smell like fish, eat fish. fish fish fish.

I always get this. when i spell a word out multiple times i look at it and think its spelt wrongly. or that it looks weird. i think im weird. maybe thats why my family keeps rearranging the letters in words. my dad and sister both say "Rejunavate" and my dad spelt my sister's name as "Jacyln". so now she has an unpronouncable name. jacy-lawn. hi jacylawn.

Anyway, side tracking as usual. coming back to blogging again feels nice:) i start blogging when i start reading blogs again. i guess now that exams are over i have time to use the computer for reasons other than school work and quick face book checks.

Speaking of school, I AM... extremely irriiiiitatedddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddDDDDdddddddDDDdddfddfsfiohodh with the dumb bell curve system!!! this semester i do not have a single A range grade, even though i studied the hardest any of you would imagine me to have studied. i swear i studied very hard. and contrary to what people say that my studying hard is not really studying hard THIS TIME IT WAS I STUDIED VERY HARD. the grading system is just screwed up. if a paper is set to be tough, and students can score 85 percent for that tough paper, why should they not be given their A? if the paper was tough, but students all studied very hard and attained exceptional grades, an 85 % scorer would be awarded a B. is that fair? i dont think so. if SMU wants to maintain academic standards, i think they should set difficult papers, and set benchmark grades. if a students scores a 70 on a tough paper, give them a B. fine. If they score 85, give them an A. Dont give them a shitty B just because 10 other people got 85.5!!!!

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG very annoyed. "Why is SMU losing its "unique advantage"? "How come all students do now is study???"

If you make A's so uncertain then students have to study the whole day because they know that if they dont their going to get a B. so they're restrained from pursing other things because for most students, their primary reason for being in university is to doing well!

oihfsoiashfiohasfhok.

Sigh. SMU makes me feel extremely dumb.

Ohwell i better not ranting. a happy blog entry just became an angsty one. in any case, and on a lighter note, today was a proud day for me:) i attended another POP parade which jared got invited back for since he was the 2nd in charge for the passing out batch. The recruits thanked him in their speeches and kept making references to "Sir Jared". haha im a very proud girlfriend:) im so glad im blessed with a talented boyfriend who puts in his best for everything he does.

Proud of you sweetie:)

Okay, enough said for now then. hopefully ill update again soon! jared and i will be off to Hokkaido and then Tokyo for skiing and touring/shopping! we'll be leaving on wednesday. its going to be a blasstttttttttttttttt! ill take nice pictures!

Yay:) haha alrighty,

<3

Til then!:)

Hullo jelloh:) SUMMER SCHOOL HAS OFFICIALLY ENDED AND I AM FINALLY FREE:D not really free for real, but relatively free-er. yesterday i met up with lish after a gazillion years, bought 1 for 1 kettle chips and yakult and went to east coach beach to lie on a picnic mat and talk til 4am. this is the kind of girl rubbish i miss doing.

The past few days have been super fun though:) went for the cj dance concert on saturday and bumped into rox and jav! then we went to newton to pig out with lot of yummy rubbish. omg but this stupid man got me so pissed off! first he refused to back off when i was parking he just STARED AT ME. then HE TOOK OUR TABLE. I WANTED TO SMACK HIS BLACK FACE! what a...........! for the first time i was the violent one and jared was telling me to calm down (haha just kidding babe).

On sunday jared and i joined ze and ash for a very yummy jap buffet which we all overate at. i went home and fell asleep until 8 (sigh) woke up to meet jared and then met lish for coffee and beach time.

Good times good times. tmrw i really need to do some form of exercise. im turning into a slug. mmm once i get back my mpw summer term results i can be free without a nagging feelinggggg. as usual i was an exam idiot and didnt read my instructions again. "please identify, explain and give examples of xxx" I just identifed, found out at the end of the paper that i didnt explain or give examples and felt that familiar AURRRRRGHHHHHHHH feeling.

Ohwell im over it. such an idiot!!!! hahaha its so not funny when you first find out i promise. anyway, the holidays look fun!:) going to vietnam+bangkok at the end of this month with the smu people for 10 days:) quite a random mix of people but i have a feeling itll be quite super!!!

Okay, will be off then. i want my hair to grow faster. roar. hope everybodys enjoying their holssss!